is it because something ~i~ did?

My kids are good sleepers. Scratch that. Other than Allison, my babies were good sleepers.

I'm tired tonight and I'm laying in bed listening to my little boy sing to himself, play with the crib gym and aquarium. And I think about how I just put them down to sleep and they'd go to sleep after some time or immediately. Even allie would go right to sleep, her problem was staying asleep.

So I wonder, CAN babies who co sleep or who are rocked to sleep or nursed asleep fall asleep without those things? I definitely not starting anything here, as I'm really just asking a basic question. Is it simply impossible for a baby who has any sort of routine given to them to go to sleep fall asleep in any other way?

Tomorrow morning is my big "what's next?" back appointment.

You may remember me calling my newest back doctor, "dr love", because I was in love with him - due to him knowing what was wrong with my back. At that time, he said there was a lot that could be done - all the way to surgery for fusing the vertebrae together to facet joint replacement.

Since then, he's sent me to Physical Therapy (which he's since stopped, knowing it's not going to help my problem) and to a Pain Management Dr who performed the series of three injections (which is the most I can get in an entire year). Last time I saw Dr Love, he simply discussed positions I can sleep in and how pillows can help, refilled my pain patches and sent me on my way. That was Jan 26th. Since then, I haven't gotten any relief and I'm in agony every single night without fail. So I made an appointment, which is tomorrow morning, to ask him "what's next?".

I'm a little nervous about what he'll say. I was so positive about seeing him at the beginning because he seemed to understand what I was going through, but just sending me on my way last time with pillow positions has gotten me worried. I'm going to bring up the surgical options. I don't want to just be set aside as a there's-nothing-more-to-do patient. I want help. I want to get better. I want to do everything possible to ~cure~ my back issue, not just deal with it.

I don't know why I'm so scared, but wish me luck.

The worst nickname ever.

Back in high school / college, I skateboarded. One day I feel hard and got some major road rash on my knee. All my skin was scraped off my knee and developed into a huge scab. Whenever I'd walk, it would crack and bleed. It was horrible.

Just days after, I went to a party. I had my plastic cup of beer and was sitting on the couch with my leg up on the coffee table, trying not to bend it. A friend of mine asked if I needed a refill and I took him up on his offer.

There was a sharpie on the keg so you could write your name on your cup to keep track of it. My friend took this opportunity to write my name on my cup. "Scabbie". He thought it was hilarious and apparently so did everyone else. And the nickname stuck. I was known as scabbie for months and months and months. Scabbie. Yeah.

My most used nickname though was "blondie" and in one group of friends, I was known as "bubbles".

Did you have a nickname growing up? Do you still have a nickname?

Lots of blogging and laundry.

I am trying to get back on track with blogging, so I am hereby declaring I will be blogging every day to every other day. There. I got it out there. Now I have to do it!

And my topic for today? Laundry. Mundane. Run of the mill. Everyday. Boring. Laundry. What a way to start out a big blogging kick!

I separate loads into:
~ whites (hot)
~ lights (warm)
~ heavy lights - as in sweatshirts, pants, etc. (warm)
~ darks (cold)
~ heavy darks (cold)
~ kid's lights (warm)
~ kid's darks (cold)
~ towels (see question below)
~ sheets (see question below)

You'd think I'd have too many categories, but rarely do I not have a full load to do in each and every catetgory.

I have a question. What water tempurature do you do your sheets and towels?

My knee is killing me.

oh. my. god. ~ouch~

I thought my cyst was going away, as it's smaller, but now the area under and behind my knee is killing me. It's about as big as the area of your hand and it constantly hurts. I've been icing it to try to help get the pain under control.

I wonder if this is in connection with the cyst. ~shrug~ All I care about is it gets better pronto. This sucks!

Sling Dangers ...

Did you just see the news about the 7 day old baby who was suffocated in a sling? ~tragic~

See, babies don't have the lung power to clear the carbon monoxide from small places. Blankets/materials don't have to be against the baby's face, even small clear spaces are so dangerous. This is why co-sleeping is a danger. You can be so careful to have blankets/pillows away from the babies face, but if the baby doesn't have a CLEAR and BIG opening to clear out the carbon monoxide from their breathing space, tragedy can strike.

So if you use a sling or co-sleep or use blankets or pillows, PLEASE remember they need NOTHING around their sleeping little mouths. Even leaning into mommy to breastfeed while laying down can be dangerous.

Please, please, please be careful with your little ones. Please. This is too tragic and happens more than you'd think.

What the hell is today? Tuesday?

I'm losing track of days. How terrible.

Anywho, thanks to Alina and Erica who diagnosed me correctly - the lump in my knee? it's a Baker Cyst. I guess it's pretty normal and will either go away on it's own, rupture, we can have it aspirated or surgically removed. It's still the same shape as it was before, maybe even smaller now, so my idea is to leave it alone and it'll just go away. I don't notice it hurting as bad as it was before. So we wait.

What am I going to do with my life? Is the question which has been going round and round in my head. 0........./020111111111111111111111111111111112. (karl says "hi") I know I want to go to nursing school with all my heart, but is that the best thing for our family? Urgh. Big life decisions suck.

What about until then? I have two options - get a job or just pull unemployment. I was thinking if I get a job, it'll have to make enough to put both kids in daycare and then I'd have the issue of getting out by 3:00 to get Ella by 3:30. And, it'll look better to get grant money next year if I don't make a lot this year. Or I can get a job and lose unemployment and work out the times. I think for now I'm going to stay on unemployment and get all accepted into school in the meantime. I gotta get on the boat with that one.

I had nightmares all last night about bugs and mold. No clue where that one came from but I dreamt about it ~all~ night. Yuck.

I found a lump.

There is a spot on the back of my knee (in the "knee-pit") which has been bothering me for a few weeks. I could feel something when I walked, but couldn't feel anything. As time went on, the spot had become more painful. My knee has become a tad weaker in stride. And I feel something in there popping back and forth along the tendon while I walk. Last night, I found it. The lump.

It's as big as an olive and can be pushed back and forth next to and between the left back tendon on my right knee. And it hurts. Not bad, but its bothersome. It's sore when not touched and is painful when pushed on.

No idea what it could be. I have an appointment tomorrow morning to have it checked out. I hope it's nothing.

The house is on fire.

I have been having some bad luck with fire in my house. First I almost burn the house down making a pop-tart, and last night, my light switch tries to do the same thing.

Last evening, I was doing laundry (washer/dryer is in the garage) and every time I went outside and flipped on the light, I heard a weird noise coming from the light switch. Hrm. I thought nothing of it and continued on my way. But last last night I smell something. It smells like burning plastic. What the hell?

And then I notice it. The wall surrounding the light switch is black with soot. I feel it to make sure it's not hot and I run to grab a screwdriver to open it up to see what it going on. The inside was a big piece of melted plastic. From what I could see, the only thing stopping it from catching fire was the metal housing. Whew!

So now I sit waiting for the electrician. I'm hoping he's able to replace it without having to rewire the entire thing.

Thank you to the powers that be for not allowing my house to burn down.