(In)Fertility statistics.

I was watching GWLBWLB tonight and I heard one girl say "25% of couples will get pregnant on their first try".

And after rolling my eyes, I tried to access my infertility stats section of my memory vault and realized that someone had broken in and stole everything of value.

There are a TON of general and very detailed statistics out there regarding fertility and infertility. Help me out and comment with any you happen to remember.

Please?

i like big butts and i cannot lie

and I know you other brothers can't deny.

quick blog post here. I'm on a vinyl kick and running through my collections. It's not a ~huge~ selection, but let's say is isn't a tiny bit either. I have a couple of hundred records - lp and 7".

My comment today is - there isn't really any great vinyl selection here in my town. It used to be stinkweeks and eastside records, but not anymore. (heh - I still have my Tower Records badge with my name filled out as "bubbles". All I now have to chose from is the locally owned record store which only carries one aisle of new records and only 2 tiny bins for their 7"s.

I know i can buy anything off the internet, but half the fun was going on my weekly mission to the record store and slowly flip through each record. On more than a few outtings I would buy a record that just looked good. Or maybe came from a label I was familiar with the types of bands they signed.

It makes me sad. Does anyone else out there shop for vinyl? Any recomendations on searching in the absence of a good record store? Or am I denstined to make trips to the big cities for a ~real~ record store?

11 years old. Whoa. And have you seen francis bean?

I've been playing some really old music lately, delving into a lot of things I grew up listening to. The violent femmes, as you can tell from my last post, is one of those bands. I was at a stop light, looking at the cd itself. And then I saw it. 1983. Holy shit. I was ELEVEN. That's a long time ago for me, I'm not a spring chicken. Although I didn't listen to them until I was 14. I distinctly remember sharing the headphones of Cindy's walkman (so cool!) in typing class. (yes, typing. i sucked at it at the time. I used to wait until someone was done with their assignment and then I'd take their paper to the library on a "bathroom break" and photocopy it, slap my name on top and turn it in.) Anywho - I was enthralled by "add it up". It was the very first time I heard the f bomb in music. It changed my life. I scraped together some money and went and bought the tape myself.

What I think is crazy is it is almost 28 years old and I don't think it sounds that old. Like it could still be played, as is, on any 'alternative' radio station. Or am I just getting old too? Does it sound like classic (punk)rock to a 20 year old today?

Nirvana too. Nevermind is fucking 20 years old. And it IS played on regular rotation by many of the rock radio stations. Are they just that immortal? (ouch.)

I'm a huge nirvana fan. Always was. I got bleach in 1989, not long after it was released. I saw them in a handful of shows - starting with a tiny bar in 91 when i had my fake id (the real reason i had one was to get into shows when my favorite bands were playing in bars) for $5. Saw them play at another very small bar when word leaked out they were showing up for a non advertised show when one of the bands they were friends with from the northwest was playing (the melvins? or mudhoney? I think the latter) the same night they were playing the arizona state fair. And then he killed himself. It broke my heart so much that I stopped listening to nirvana all together for years and years. It broke my heart to play anything. It still does.

Tangent here ... I finally got over my questions about why he killed himself. This is just my own conclusion, but it's one I can accept. Kurt Cobain was a tortured soul all of his life. And then he got ~everything~ the average artist could ever want handed to him on a platinum platter in the space of just a few years. Fame. Money. Adoration. A wife. A daughter. I think he tried to appreciated it and tried to be happy but his own mentality wouldn't join in. He was ~still~ tortured. Could you imagine how horrific it would be to you if you came to the conclusion that even after getting ~everything~ you could ever imagine to hope to get, your brain STILL kept you tortured? That realization would drive me to suicide. To find out no matter what you did, no matter what the world gave you in return, you would NEVER gain happiness? And then to fear your unhappiness would touch upon his beautiful daughter, frances bean? I understand how he must felt. And I understand his decision to go. Am I glad he did it? No. Have I made peace with the "why"? yes. yes i have.

Tangent 2 here ... Have you seen that recent photo session with francis bean cobain? Holy shit. She. is. gorgeous. She looks so much like her mom and so much like her dad at the same time. It's got to be hard to live your life under the shadow of her father's career and her mother's nuttiness. Which, by the way, I love courtney love. She'd fucking bat shit crazy - yes. But that's what I love about her.

Circling back to my music choices, just a few more things to say. I bought some old albums I was nosalgic over listening to in my formative years. One album was Public Image Limited. You know, Johnny Rotten's post sex pistols band? I used to LOVE this one album. So I listened to it. And I'll never listen to it ever again. It's just plain terrible. The next one was Pop Will Eat Itself. How do i even describe it? A electronic/techno/alternative/'rap' style? It's like nine inch nails and the beastie boys has a bastard son.

Vanity Plates

First off, I hate that customized plates are called vanity plates. I'm not wanting a plate that says "I'm awesome".

But I did just send in for a set. First request "punkroc", second is "overfed".

I love the first one, but the second one? oh man, it makes me laugh everytime I see it. Everytime there is a car behind me at a fast food drive thru line, they'll be all "great. this is giong to take forever".

i'm so easily amused.

You can just kiss off

I take one, one, one cause you left me and
Two, two, two for my family and
3, 3, 3 for my heartache and
4, 4, 4 for my headaches and
5, 5, 5 for my lonely and
6, 6, 6 for my sorrow and
7, 7, for no tomorrow and
8, 8, I forget what 8 was for and
9, 9, 9 for a lost god and
10, 10, 10, 10 for everything!

Oh yeah well don't get so distressed
Did I happen to mention that I'm impressed?

Yes, In fact I ~did~ order fries with my shake.

And give me a hot apple pie with my value meal ...



I downloaded fat booth and I can't stop laughing. These pictures are fucking awesome.

(I'm sorry if this is offensive to anyone. I know it's wrong, I willfully admit I have a character flaw.)


Just for proof, this is a pre-booth pic ...

No Purchase Necessary

Why do companies have to have a "no purchase necessary" clause in their contracts?

I'm sure there is some legal precedence here and I could simply look it up, but I'm like most americans and I'm lazy.

I'm sure someone sued because they declared not getting a "1 in 4 WINS!" game token from some fast food chain without buying something was unconsitutional or something. The place running the contest is trying to generate business by enticing customers to win! win! win!. Yet under some most like idiotic rule, they have to allow non customers to play.

This isn't true for the lotto/powerball. I can't just walking into a 7-11 and say "I'm not going to buy anything, but give me a lottery ticket." I guess that is different though since with the lottery, we are ~buying~ a chance to win with no other deliverable promise of any type of good or service. It's definitivly a gamble.

Hrm. So I get that reasoning for a lottery, if I'm correct of course. But why do we have to give non customers a chance to win a prize we are giving out in hopes of creating more customers.

Ugh. Now I'm curious but I don't want to google it in spite. (in spite of what? no idea.)


Another question. Why do coupons retain a value? (worth 1/27th of a cent). Does that actually mean I can collect coupons and turn them in somewhere for money? Where does the worth come from? Who would reimburse me?

If you can identify with any of the below ...

... you most likely have the ability to irritate the hell out of me. (welcome back miss schnarky.)


1. ~ I've mentioned it before, magicians. I loathe magicians. Not because I can't figure out how they did something. It's because their whole persona is acting like they really are, in fact, magical. If they would just say "hey, i got this fucking cool slight of hand thing to show you but I won't tell you how I did it", that would be fine. Instead they act all spooky about it. Case in point - that criss angel guy. (nevermind his annoying way he spells his name) Stop acting so "oooo - i'm MAGIC - look how serious I am. I can't smile because it would throw off my shtick". I actually think a lot of their tricks are cool as hell and I'd love to see them do it, but drop the attitude. We all know you are not a sorcerer. We know it's a trick, hence calling it a magic TRICK.

2. ~ Auctioneers. Really? Do you actually think talking like that is going to rile the crowd into a frenzy of bidding? Look. I'm going to pay up to x dollars on item y. How quickly the bidding goes up doesn't change the fact I'll spend how much I want to spend. Everytime I hear on of them calling out an auction, I actually get a little pissed off.

3. ~ The whole "I can't be bothered to put on pants or shoes when I need to venture out in public" thing. Is it really that difficult to slip on a pair of flip flops and some pants? Or are you trying to be a social deviant by not accepting society's rule about how you should dress in public and you show your uniqueness by doing the SAME THING that tens of thousands of other girl do? I'm generalizing this phenomena to woman, mostly teenage and the immature early twenties set. I can't recall ever seeing a boy take part in this fad. Or too many older women for that matter.

4. ~ Some types of hats worn by boys. Hats are hats and you either like them or you don't. I'm just going to mention my hated top three hat styles. One - The whole flat brimmed baseball hat. I wear my baseball hat with the brim rounded. There are different versions of this, as I have seen them rounded so much that the brim becomes a tube. But the opposite of that, the flat brimmed hat, um, I guess I just don't get it. The whole point of wearing a baseball hat is to protect your eyes from the sun. Keeping the brim completely flat, so much so it doesn't even fit to your head - there are big holes on either side in between your forehead and the hat - defeats the purpose of the hat almost entirely. The only time this style will shade your eyes is when the sun is directly above you. Even ~if~ you are just wearing it to be fashionable, it just looks like, to me, your hat is too big for your head. Two - knit hats in any season other than winter. I get it. It's part of the whole anorexic, skinny jeans, emo/punk boy, 80s neon plastic sunglasses look. I'm don't even going to go to the specifics of that look i find overwhelmingly ridiculous. But the winter knit cap? When it's 115 degrees outside? WHY? Can't they think of another hat option for summer? Maybe that's why the flat brimmed hat came from. Who knows. Oh - the other half of this bizarre trend is to wear the cap on the back of the head, leaving the top and sides of hair to frame the face (or completely cover it). Three - berets. Unless you are Jamie Hyneman, this look is ~not~ good. Hell, even the ARMY pulled the beret from their official uniform. I don't think I have to elaborate.

5. ~ The whole starbucks vibe. Hey, I ~puffy heart~ my daily quad venti skinny vanilla with 2 splendas. Besides it being more expensive than heroin, I'm totally down with their coffee. It's a sad state of affairs when I walk in and they greet me by name and ask "your usual?". There are still two things about the chain I do not get. One - The snooty attitude of the staff. This has gotten HUGELY better over the years, but I still run into the occasional cower-before-me-for-I-am-your-god type person. Back in the day before I knew exactly what my drink was or ~gasp~ I needed help with the menu, 99% of the employees would act exasperated and roll their eyes over the fact that they had to waste their time while taking an order. Like I said, this attitude as changed quite a bit, but there are still enough of them out there. Two - I honestly don't understand why so many people hang out there. Sure, meet some friends, drink coffee and talk. I get that. What I don't get is why there are so many people who hang out there alone to read, do homework or work on their computers. Sure, the "they have free wifi" is somewhat understandable, but really, who doesn't have internet service these days? The reasoning that they need a place to study/read without distraction doesn't really fly - I would think sitting in the middle of a busy as hell coffee shop would be pretty damned distracting. Maybe I'm just missing something.

6. ~ People who take their job way too seriously, ie - one of the security guards at my work. It's good to like your job. It's also good to feel important. Unfortunately, with the latter, some people go a little overboard when they put on their security uniform. At my work, you have to display your badge at all times. Okay, fine. A problem occurred when my badge was expired. A new one was issued and it would be sent to me. In the meantime, I had to sign in everyday with security to get a daily temporary badge. Pain in the ass, but okay. Well, one day I came in during the weekend to complete some work. I signed in and went off to do the work I had. When I was leaving, I passed the security station. When I went through the turnstile, my expired badge bleeped. The security guard was suddenly on high alert. "Ma'am, I need to see your badge immediately" he practically shoats at me. I pull my badge's zipline to let the guy see it. "Ma'am, I need for you to remove your badge from its holder" he demands. Okay, um, here it is. "THIS BADGE IS EXPIRED AND I MUST CONFISCATE IT. YOU ARE UNAUTHORIZED TO BE HERE." Whoa. This guy is really serious. Trying to hide my urge to laugh, I try to explain how I already went through security that morning and was granted access. He doesn't care. The only words I hear next through the laughter in my head was "SECURITY BREECH!" and I lost it. My laughter did ~not~ lighten his mood. He was furious. The only thing I could do was backup and head for the door. I'm surprised he didn't run after and tackle me before I made it out the door. I half expected it. I think he has watched a few too many episodes of Dog the Bounty Hunter.

7. ~ People who view my tattoos as a universal signal for complete strangers to talk to me. The occasional "nice ink" or "who does your work?" comments are fine. You do not need to know what it means to me. How much it cost. The location of my other tattoos. I don't really care what the tattoo you would get looks like. The description of your brother/sister/grandma's tattoo. The reason you would never get a tattoo. I don't need you to pull up your shirt to show me the tattoo your clothing is hiding for good reason. And for once and for all, Yes, some of them hurt while some of them did not. Yes - they ARE real. I quite literally get asked if my tattoos are real all the damned time. Who the fuck would color both of their arms with a sharpie everyday? Most tattoos are meant to be displayed and will spark conversation. But for goodness sake, think before you speak. Just because I see someone ahead of me in line is wearing jeans doesn't give me cart blanche to ask them what size they are.

8. ~ Drivers who are so scared of cops, they refuse to drive fast enough to pass one, even when the cop is driving WAY UNDER the speed limit. I actually think this would be fun if I was a cop. I can guarantee I would play this game with the general public.

This list goes to eight.

i just got back from skateboarding.

guess what? I'm no longer 18 years old. damn it.

You. Have. To. Be. Joking.

I haven't blogged in awhile because work, kids, leprosy, alien abduction . But I have something to be schnarky about. I doubt anyone will really care about this either, but oh well, I gotta start somehow right?

I work for a company that has about 45,000 union employees. This weekend, that union decided to strike until the company bends to their demands. Hrm. Isn't this really just a 'legal' extortion technique? I mean really, I don't get it.

Let me explain a little background.

Our Union employees 1) make a shit ton of money 2) they get an incredible benefits package. ie: they don't pay a dime for medical. 3) They get much more paid sick time that we do. 4) A great pension plan. 5) they are almost un-fire able.

The union's contract was up and my company decided to use the collective bargaining time to renegotiate the contract. My company offered a benefits package to these 45,000 workers that MATCHES what the other 135,000 employees receive. Seems fair, right?

Apparently it's not okay. These union employees think they deserve much much much more than their COWORKERS get. I haven't heard the union workers try to get the company to agree to offer US a better benefits package. No. No I haven't.

So

My company is fighting back. It started a couple months ago when a strike was on the horizon. A huge group of IT employees were tagged to get trained so we could do their job. The training was 2 weeks. (FIOS installation, climbing poles, etc etc.) Am I wrong to assume then that their positions are completely replaceable with ~only~ two weeks of training? My company already has the next two groups ready to be deployed so we can work in rotations. It's hilarious. Software engineers are being taught how to do their jobs in a measly two week training session.

Today was the first day the temporary workers had to cross the picket lines. And it's not been peachy from what my friends are reporting.I want to make a t-shirt for all of us that says on the front "Guess what? You're replaceable" and on the back, which picketers will see after the lines were crossed, "See?". Beautiful.

I say "fuck em". You don't want to have the exact same benefits package the company gives to the other 75% of the company? Leave. We don't need you. Last time I looked, we have an employment shortage here in the Unites States. I'm ~sure~ we can find another 45,000 workers. And hell, after only 2 weeks of training, they'll be ready to take over your job.

You're replaceable. Period.

(btw, i get why unions were first developed. Working conditions needed to be regulated. But in today's day and age? Not so much. You don't like the hours? Quit. You don't like the benefits package, leave. This is all about pure and simple greed. Stop thinking you are entitled. You're not.)