statistics of the last 6 years.

(children mentioned)

My "ttc anniversary" is coming up. The beginning of the next month marks the 6 year anniversary of when I first started ttc#1.

Ahhh, the innocence I had back then. Although I used OPKs from the very first month, so I never left a cycle up to chance, I had no idea "TTC" would entail so much.

Stats from 01/02 - 12/07:
~ 72 months
~ 34 cycles/months spent ttc
~ 18 1/2 months spent pregnant
~ 19 months spent ~not~ ttc and ~not~ pregnant.

I find it amazing almost half of my last 6 years were spent ttc! When I think of how much I've done in the last 6 years, I just didn't realize almost half of my time was spent charting cycles, peeing on sticks, hoping and 94% of my cycles ending in Big Fat Disappointments. I'm not going to ignore the other 6% though. That 6% accounts for 2 of 34 cycles which ended in the two little girls running around my living room at this very moment. Two little girls who woke up entirely too early, making me grumpy.

Then I think about my 32 cycles of disappointment. Although they all sucked, it's not as bad as many other IFers have it. I read plenty of blogs of girls who have surpassed my itty bitty mark of 32 failures. And in breaking it down more, I've never gone over 17 cycles without a success.

And that puts things into perspective for me. Fuck yes I still hate my BFNs. And I hate not getting a chance right now. And 34 cycles of ttc IS a lot of cycles. And I have every right in the world to be pissed off. But I have to think of the good things too - this is where that perspective comes in. I have 2 beautiful (in my eyes) little girls. I ~have~ succeeded. Twice. And while the disappointment of these cycles are just as horrible as the disappointment I had when I was trying for my first, I need to remember - perspective.

Bah. Who am I kidding? It's hard to live in anyone else's shoes but your own. It's hard to look at anything else but the daily life right in front of you. Perspective and comparisons would be great to have. But all I can think of is the crap of surgery #4 in the midst of C15. And I don't like it. Maybe I'll leave that "be a better person" stuff for another day.