What's that smell?

Sara had quite a funny post recently, in which I wanted to reply the following conversation I with my OB one day. It got to be too damned long for a comment, even for me, so I'm posting it here.

Scene - I was sitting in the exam room of my OBs office, waiting for my turn. Since I was naked from the waist down, the reading materials within arm's length were pretty limited. What I ended up with was a flip chart of gyno diseases. I had flipped to a particularly nasty looking picture and started to read to learn more about it. The description I read was ~"... distinguished by green frothy discharge ..." and at that exact moment, my ever smiling and wonderful OB walks in.

Dr looks at me questionably due to the look of horror and disgust I wore.
Me: "frothy?"
Dr: "Oh yes. It's quite smelly too."
Me: "Oh my god. And poor you, these rooms have very little ventilation!"
Dr: Laughing, "Comparatively speaking, the smell isn't too bad, but there are times I wish I could open a window."

I look at him with the "please continue" quizzical look on my face. He has known me for almost 4 years at this time and we always joke around, so he continues without me having to ask.

Dr: "There are two horrible smells in this world. Number one is a GI bleed."

This was kind of funny to me to begin with, as one of my best friends was a nurse in the GI (Gastrointestinal) lab at the time and she always told me the gross stories. These stories made another one of our friends literally gag each and every time. Well, just a day or so before this exchange between me and my OB, my nurse friend told me they go through cans and cans and cans of "fecal odor eliminator" whenever a patient had an "issue". She said if you woke up in the GI lab after a procedure with the smell of deodorizer all around, it meant you shit yourself, which I found hilarious.

Me: "Ah, I've actually heard this. And does the number two smell have anything to do with 'froth'?"
Dr: "Number two is the smell of a lost tampon."
Me: "Oh my."
Dr: "Yes. I have to hold my breath once I am about to pull it out. I wear two rubber gloves, folding it in the first glove as I remove it. Then I put it directly into a plastic bag and have a nurse take it out to put in the hazardous waste immediately. I have a third nurse in the room just so I can have it taken out right away. And the smell lingers."

I'm looking a bit shocked.

Me: "Gross. And this happens often?"
Dr: "More times that you'd think."
Me: "Really? Like more than once a year?"
Dr: "We usually get one a week."


Nice.