I've been lurking on all the blogs I normally go to and haven't have the courage to type anything myself. I don't want my flow of negativity to reach out and spoil anyone else, so to everyone who deserves a comment, I'm sorry.
I literally laughed out loud at Joe's last post about hairspray. But did I comment? Nope. I laughed and took that laughter without a thanks. i suck.
Mel got her book published!!! Oh my fucking god!!! (yeah, that's how i really talk. i'm so sorry for any of the religious persuasion who reads my horrible language and my using the name in vain stuff. sorry.) Did I stop and type her a congrats? Nope. The congrats happened in my head. I smiled from ear to ear, beaming with happiness for her. And then I swallowed up that taken happiness to use for myself and clicked away. i suck.
There's others. Chicklet is funny. PJ is being positive. Wordgirl is full of questions. Katie had a great IUI. So did Jen. Jenn is 11dpo with a great chart. Everything in the world I could be commenting to. And I'm not. i suck.
oh yeah - KatarinaJellyBeana is on her way to a brand new cycle and she's white knuckling it. Did I send her an "it'll be okay" note? Nope. i suck.
The list goes on and on. I read ~everyone's~ blog who comment here (and more) and I'm not giving the support back. i suck.
So forgive me dear commenters of support. You guys rule. I'm the one who sucks.
... Once (and still) Infertile, but still Schnarky as hell. This blog is dedicated to the daily ramblings from the mind of Nancy. It isn't about anything profound in the grand scheme of things, but it ~is~ about things in my life, schnarkiness always included. I have a second blog, listed in my profile, but the blogs will continue to remain separate.
"I'm aiming for heaven, but I'll probably wind up down in hell"
About Me
- nancy
- I am a 39 year old woman. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a handsome son. I am a career woman. As for my TTC world, it certainly doesn't seem like I am "infertile", but I fought for my pregnancies and my TTC/IF history is on the sidebar. I have two blogs, which are both listed in my profile. One focuses on my daily life - including IF, TTC, pregnancy, delivery and even some "children mentioned" posts. The second blog is ~soley~ posts directly about being the mother to my three children.
Belly Pics for #3 only.
Click stick figure to see the consecutive pictures from this pregnancy only.
My TTC History
- Jul 01 ~ married
- Jan 02 ~ First cycle off bcps and opk shows ovulation!
- Dec 02 ~ Went to pcp for RE referral
- Jan 03 ~ Testing commences. S/A perfect. HSG clear.
- Feb 03 ~ Lap #1. All clear.
- Apr 03 ~ Clomid cycle #1. BFN.
- May 03 ~ Clomid cycle #2. BFN.
- Jun 03 ~ Clomid cycle #3. BFN.
- Jul 03 ~ Supposed to be IUI#1, but we missed cd3 so natural cycle
- Aug 03 ~ BFP on C18.
- Apr 04 ~ Ella born.
- Oct 04 ~ decided to ttc #2 and went off minipill to see if I am ovulating. I am. Will start next month.
- Nov 04 ~ TTC#2 starts. BFP. Holy Crap. No freaking way. No way.
- Aug 05 ~ Allison born
- Oct 06 ~ IUD removed. TTC#3
- Jan 07 ~ Large cysts found.
- Feb 07 ~ Femara cyle #1
- Mar 07 ~ Started w/ RE. HSG #2 showed R tube blocked. S/A normal.
- Mar 07 ~ more cysts, up to 9cms.
- Apr 07 ~ more cysts, 3 @ 7-9cms.
- May 07 ~ IUI #1 cancelled due to more cysts
- Jun 07 ~ IUI #1 (take two) w/ Clomid. BFN.
- Jul 07 ~ HSS showed scar tissue in 70% of uterus. Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome. Uterine surgery #2
- Aug 07 ~ HSG #3 showed clear tubes.
- Aug 07 ~ IUI #2 w/ Femara. BFN.
- Sept 07 ~ Monitored w/ hCG trigger. BFN.
- Oct 07 ~ HSS #2 showed scar tissue in 30% of uterus. Uterine surgery #3.
- Dec 07 ~ HSS #3 showed tiny amount of scar tissue. Uterine surgery #4.
- Jan 08 ~ HSS #4 showed clear uterus.
- Jan 08 ~ IUI #3, C16. BFN.
- Mar 08 ~ IVF #1, Transfer Cancelled due to lining. Out of 15 eggs, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilized. I have named my 9 embryos "The Mod Squad" and they are in the freezer, waiting for mommy to be ready.
- Apr/May 08 ~ FET #1. C20. 4 embryos "The Fab Four" transferred on 5/05. BFP!!! Very Low Beta (15 at 11dp3dt) but the numers continued to double every 48 hours. Told it was "most likely not viable" and later "most likely ectopic" but we beat all the odds.
- May 16, 08 ~ 11dp3dt (4w0d), beta #1: 15
- May 19, 08 ~ 14dp3dt (4w3d), beta #2: 43
- May 23, 08 ~ 18dp3dt (5w0d), beta#3: 213
- May 27, 22dp3dt (5w4d), beta #4: 1,073
- Jun 08 - Ultrasound showed one heartbeat at 7 weeks.
- Jul 08 - Had CVS testing. Chromosomes are normal and it's a BOY!! EDD: 1/23
- Aug 08 - Jan 09 ~ High risk due to: 1) Velamentous Cord Insertion, deemed biggest risk 2) Previous Placenta Accreta 3) Previous rapid degraged placenta 4) IVF alone can create weak placenta 5) AMA - Advanced Maternal Age. -- All resulting in almost 30 u/s and lots of testing, which ended up saving my life.
- Jan 09 (38w0d) ~ Karl is born! -- Crazy 3 days in hospital. Manual version to flip baby from breech to head down, Labor, Delivery, Emergency surgery due to cord detaching from placenta, Scary heart issues from losing over 40% of my blood supply, and then a blood transfusion due to the extreme loss of blood. Whew!
Blog Archive
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2008
(515)
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January
(70)
- Does this progesterone make my boobs look big?
- We talked about our "next step"
- That answers that.
- No comments please.
- Questions & Answers, Part II
- Questions and Answers
- Girls (and guys), today is "help Nancy out" day.
- 10dpIUI updates (now with confession!)
- Word Verification.
- oh yes, my 9dpIUI poas update.
- Holy crap. I got tagged!
- Pineapple #3 is done.
- As I start to obsess...
- 7dpIUI
- A few quizzes stolen from another blog.
- I'm allergic to pineapple.
- HPTs.
- Quick note about "age difference in dating"
- 5dpIUI 'trigger' injection plus POAS party plans.
- "What is wrong with you?" (& poll)
- "I have never knowingly taken steroids"
- Infertility sucks.
- I can be very self involved.
- The Hepatitis Song from Arizona
- A sweet surprise.
- I have a new post
- Colorado Bloggers ...
- Added in my TTC History to sidebar
- Lining (what is good?), IUI stats & IVF success rates
- Operation Spermination. Take 3.
- How long does an egg "live"?
- An update to today's news ...
- I like my eggs sunny side up.
- I love to POAS.
- Chugga Chugga Choo Choo! (updated)
- Vitamin poll.
- Bouncing baby tickers on pregnancy blogs.
- Eggs-cellant
- an answer?
- A few random things in my head.
- can my belly hurt a little LESS please?
- and when things suck, ~i~ suck.
- still sobbing on and off
- Nope, hope gone now. Cycle Cancelled.
- cycle close to being cancelled.
- And for my 200th post ....
- No, it's not about you.
- I'll sandwich the bad w/ two "goods"
- Whew. Huge IF vent. HUGE.
- cd13 update & a "holy crap" advil/aleve warning!
- I'm high.
- Whoa. I'm totally banning the Tyra Banks show.
- Two small things. Okay, three.
- I'm a big fat liar!
- Righty is an over achiever.
- Well now, ~that~ is a new one.
- Should I? (updated)
- I got a fancy new scale.
- Oh good lord.
- To wrap up ... Canadian healthcare coverage vs mine.
- I'm inspired.
- I almost had to "bleed" a pregnant lady.
- Assvice RULES
- When did I become "that woman"?
- Want in on a weird secret?
- My RE is on TOP of things (financially)
- Anyone ever take Femara/Letrozole?
- Creme de la Creme 2007
- HSS? We don't need no stinkin' HSS.
- cd1 snuck up on me.
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January
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21 comments:
dear, I'm sure everyone understands. You've hit that infamous wall again and it sucks, I've been there...hell, I'm there now. The only thing we want you to do now is take care of yourself...you deserve it.
Oh, and yesterday's post on my blog, the last paragraph....yeah, ~you~ are that friend. ♥
Shut up.
Love,
KJB
Seriously....our thought similarity scares me sometimes. For example, I did a blog titled "Oh good lord" one day (it was the one about the crazy long appt. and drunk guy), but right after I posted it I went blog reading and you had done one that same day titled "Oh good lord" so I changed mine =P. Again, I just finished writing a post called "This is why I suck" talking about my MS program and IF, and low and behold I pop over here to check on you and you've got this one up. Craziness I tell you.
Oh, and as for the comment thing....I tend to have dry spells myself, usually when I'm sulking over something, so I think thats "normal".
I literally laughed - out loud - at KJB's comment. She's too funny!
On to my comment -
You DON'T suck! Your situation sucks! And you're doing what you have to do to get through it. I know I've been there, either not commenting at all, or being all pissy in comments (ie, yesterday's discussion on # of cycles). I can't speak for everyone, but I know I feel the Nancy love, even when you don't have it in you to comment.
{{{{{hugs}}}}} and take care of yourself right now hon. lord knows we'll all have things that deserve your input once you're ready to give it.
Geeze Nancy - you don't suck. I won't lie - I appreciate the comments, but I'll admit I was shocked you even read my blog. I appreciate that you stop by, knowing that it must be hard for you since I only have one thing to talk about.
As much as I appreciate it, I completely understand if you avoid me at times. And for those who don't understand, well then, do you really care if you hurt their feelings or piss them off?
What the hell are you talking about? You don't suck! It's hard to give support when you're handed a shit sandwich as it takes all your energy just to work through that. So no worries.
This absolutely has nothing to do with anything, im sorry...but how do you start a blog? its something ive been interested in
Morgan - just go to blogger.com and start an account!
kaci - why woulld you be surprised that I read your blog? I read parenting blogs! THIS particular blog is mostly about my "shit sandwich" (thanks jenn) of IF issues, but I'm still a mother and I still like to read about other mothers going through mother things :)
All my friends aren't ttcers :-)
morgan - you have a blog. click on your name in my comments and look at it. If you need access to it, click the little "B" on the top left hand side of any blog and it'll take you to login to your dashboard.
Give yourself a break Nancy - we all do.
You absolutely do NOT suck.
You are a funny, warm, witty woman You will get through this.
Wow. Thanks Nancy, I forgot all about that blog...I didn't even remember it! lol
I just meant I was surprised you would read it when the whole TTC thing is sucking, not that I'm surprised you read it in general. I didn't express that clearly earlier.
I second KJB. We love you Nancy- that means we totally understand & don't even think about it when you don't have it in you to comment when life is being such a fucking bastard to you right now.
I'll always be here when you need a hug, or someone to scream with, or cry with, or just sit & say nothing with. I know you are in a really tough place right now & I wouldn't want you to force a smile if you just can't it. I ~know~ how much you smile on the inside (or heck- really the outside right!) for everyone.
p.s.- my chart is scaring me. I just remember my last super duper fantastic pretty chart & how disappointing it was. But the boobs are new- sore & tender & kind of painful. if they mean nothing I will be pissed the eff off!
You do NOT suck. We all go through the feeling like we suck during this sucky IF ride.
I am hoping that you will have a non-sucky day tomorrow.
Oh Nancy.
You don't suck.
This fucking process sucks.
xo
Pam
Tis ok, I get it. I'm just glad to see what's up and that you are still around. Take the time you need - you're allowed!
Well you commented on my blog, so I feel super-duper special.
I also thank you, it meant a lot.
Even when you think you suck you are still pretty awesome. Hope tomorrow is a more managable, less-full-of-suckage kind of day.
you know what...sometimes you just don't feel like commenting. and that is okay! sometimes life sucks. not you!
Often we need to be *around* our friends, but not necessarily *talking* to them. I am sure all the lovely blogs you are reading and not commenting on understand what you are going through and understand. I truely hope that you feel better soon, and that #3 comes sooner than later.
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