We talked about our "next step"

Me and the hubby talked about the next step.

It really started out as him not knowing what to do with me this morning. I was obviously upset and he sat next to me, just to hold me. Which, of course, made me cry.

I sobbed "I'm sorry I can't give you another child. Your chance for a son." His reaction startled me. He told me that he will never be upset with me if I can't give him another child. He said that although he ~wants~ another one, if it doesn't happen, he won't be devastated. He'll be happy with what we have. And while I also will be (and I am happy with what we have), I will be devastated when we come to the end of our journey. How can you not be? How can you work so hard at something and have to quit, without being devastated? I know I can still have a great life with this as our ending in search of #3, but I'm not going to be happy with the ending itself.

Anyway, I talked about how the next step is going to be a big one. It's going to be even more emotionally draining on me. It's going to be expensive. It's also going to be tough on him with the lifestyle he'll have to abide by for those 6 weeks up until retrieval. He told me that if I am up for it, so is he. He'll do everything he has to do. But if I don't want to take the next step, he won't push me. While I'm happy he's so open, it does make me feel that he doesn't want this as much as I do. But I know that's not true and he's just being a good husband.

I called my RE's office and they are calling the insurance company today, for pre-approval. (And let me just say that I thank my lucky stars for this new insurance everyday. It fell into our laps when I never thought we'd have IF coverage in a million years.) I have to submit some documentation myself, as does my OB's office, to prove I was in "treatment" a full year ago. Easy enough to prove, I just have to jump through the hoops. Once all the information is with the insurance company, they will go to review and will give me a pre-approval letter and then I can start my first IVF cycle. I'm unsure how this timing will work, but I sure do hope it works out without too much of a wait. My time is running out and I need to start this sooner rather than later.

Wow. I'm going to do IVF.