Monday, June 20, 2011

Rest in Peace Ryan.

You were my favorite jackass. Of course the world would take you first although all of you tempted fate. (not that i wanted someone else to go first).

i will mis you ryan.

Monday, June 13, 2011

The "I'm a jackass" hand wave.

We have all had moments of being a jackass driver. We may accidentally cut someone off. Sometimes we try to change lanes without looking first and almost side swipe someone. Maybe we brake too hard when a turn comes sooner than we first expected, making the car behind us have to slam on their brakes. Of course, if you aren't a ridiculously stupid driver, these moments are far and few between of one another. All I'm trying to get at is it happens to all of us.

When I make a jackass move while driving, I immediately throw my arm up in the air or out the window, waving the "I'm a moron" international sign to the car I accidentally screwed over. When another driver makes a dumbass decision which affects me, all they have to do is show me their own "I'm a jackass" hand wave. If they do this, all is immediately forgiven. They did something stupid, they realized it and most importantly, they admitted it.

There is another hand gesture that should be given when you want to say "thank you" to another driver. If you slow down to let someone into traffic or in your lane. It should be given when you appreciate that a driver did something for you. It looks exactly like the "I'm a jackass" hand wave. Very simple and meaningful.

Do you use these gestures? It really bugs the hell out of me when others don't use them. Especially when it should be done because I went out of my way for another driver. It's common courtesy I say.

Thursday, June 9, 2011


Let me preface this that I'm not a howard hughes type of non functioning germ aphobics. But I do have my fair share of things that flip me out.

In no particular order...

1. using a public telephone. Who knows what kind of spittle came out on the receiver?

2. Elevator buttons. I mean, how often to you see someone clean them? And the tens of thoughsands of people who touch them each day.

3. Using smoeone elses head set to talk on the phone. How much wax do you think is saturated in the earpiece?

4. A keyboard on computer in a public place. This goes with and other office suplies you may be forced to use.

5. sink handles. I wash my hands with soap and water, but I dodn't want tp touch the faceut handle. I mean, hell - the reason people turn these on is because their hands are dirty after going to the bathroom.

6. Speaking of, watching someone walk out of the backroom without washing. I tend to say "missing something" as they walk out. That person will for always gross me out.

7. How could I forget?? The worst one for me is using the pen (or stylus) at the counter of the pharmacy. This people are actually sick and then we use the exact same pen they use in to pickup their perscriptions.

8. Toilet splashing. You are going #2 in a puclic place and whatever you drop out, makes a splash. NOW all of the toilet water sprays onto your butt. This may be one of the worst.

9. Don't touch ~my~ bathtowel. Please.

10. Nope, in my head, this triumphs over #7. Using earphones after anybody else. It's obviously worse if you didn't know this person, but uuuhhhgggg. It makes me shudder. Ear Wax is nasty.

Monday, June 6, 2011

And the survey says ...

It was a trick question, they all happened to me in the last month. I can't believe so many of you quessed it right!! Heh. And I thought I was being all sneaky too! You guys know me too well.

Friday, June 3, 2011

suck my jolly rancher.

Mmmmmm. Jolly ranchers. The guy who site next to me at work has a huge fishbowl full of them. And it made me realize I have no will power when it comes to free candy.

I want to conduct a little poll. Please give your answer in the comments...

What craptastic event in the following list has ~not~ happened to me in the past month or so?

A. I developed a case of infantigo, most common in children, or folliculitis (on my chin, cheek and upper lip) which then blossomed into a huge Staph A infection. I had to take 5 different antibiotics (including IV antis) until it finally started to respond after having to hide out from the public for two weeks, just so I wouldn't be mistaken for a leper. The blisters formed in each and every hair follicle in clusters of sores that were not only bright red, they were painful. The blisters were very unstable, just brushing up against them would make them seep with fluid, which didn't allow me to even try to cover them up with a little concealer. I was mortified and stayed in the house for almost two weeks, in which it finally began to heal.

B. I crashed my car because I swerved to avoid hitting a dog in the road. My tires caught the curb and launched my car up diagonally into a telephone pole. I went for a ride in an ambulance to the ER to take xrays of my neck, which was injured in the accident. I lost about 16 hours of my life due to a concussion. I don't remember leaving work that day, the scene of the aftermath of the accident, the police, the paramedics, the ambulance ride, the hospital, or coming home from hospital. To make matters worse, I got a ticket for careless driving.

C. While petting a stray cat who has been in my neighborhood for years, suddenly decided he had enough petting and bit me on the wrist. I thought nothing of it until a golf ball lump appeared. The penicillin I self prescribed didn't seem to be working. It progressed even further, the infection now taking over from below my wrist bone to the bottom of my thumb. It was hot to the touch and I lost all elasticity in my skin - if pushed down on it with my finger (and endure the massive pain that came with touching it), it reacted like playdough, leaving an actual indentation in the skin. I went to urgent care where I received 2 shots of antibiotics in the hip, a Rx for an oral med and an antibiotic topical cream. The infection calmed down and went away, but left me with nerve damage from tip of thumb to wrist.

D. I got kicked out of girl scouts (I was a leader) because I stuck up for my ~entire~ troop, instead of rewarding just a few girls. The bank account was in my name and I refused to spend most of the money on summer camp for only 4-5 girls. The moms wanted to use the money for ~their~ girls because on average, they sold the most girl scout cookies for the troop. The thing is, the money we get from that should benefit everyone, not just the top sellers. Well, the mothers of those girls flipped out and called the girl scout council to try to get me kicked out as a leader, which would give them access to the bank account to do what they wanted. Everything I did was to make it fair for ALL girls, and to not be bullied my a group of jr high acting mothers. They made up huge stories about me and the girl scout council forced me to resign.

Okay, take a guess as to which one did NOT happen to me. Good luck!

Try to guess! Good luck!