Friday, August 31, 2007

"Are you okay with the idea of multiples?"

I had my cd13 follicle check this morning and things look GOOD!

Here is what I have, all on the left:
~ 25.9 x 21.1
~ 20.9 x 16.6
~ 15 x 15

The first two will definitely be released. The third may still catchup from all the hormones, but most likely not.

Okay, I know that I've had no luck getting ANY eggs to catch the sperm, but just the idea that I have 2 (maybe 3) out there, freaks me out a bit.

My lining grew too. It's at a 5.1, which is "okay" before O, but they wanted to see a 7. So they put me on 1mg of estrace (estrogen) to help build it up over the next week in case there is an egg for it to catch. Gotta have a nice snuggly place for them to land right? Ack. Did I just type "them" without thinking? Good lord.

I was triggered today and have my insemination via frozen sperm Saturday. And then so far, they'll want me in again Sunday morning for a 2nd insemination - using a fresh sample since Tom will be home. But, that may change based on how quickly these eggs may be released.

So yup. I've got something to look forward to again.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

My future child could be frozen right now.

I dropped off Tom's sample this morning at the RE's office. As I pull the little baggy containing the cup out from under my sweatshirt (they say to keep it warm and this aspect messes with me. How warm? Do I need to put a little cup sweater on it? Or do I actually have to keep it body temp by keeping it tucked inside my own clothes? Which weirds me out even more, that I'm keeping a cup of sperm tucked inside the top of my jeans.) I think to myself, how weird that I'm delivering what I hope to be 1/2 of my future child in a cup.

Then I think how weird it is that the possible 1/2 of my future child is about to be frozen.

Then I think how weird it is that IF I end up getting the coveted BFP this cycle, how I'll get pregnant while my husband is out of town.

Science. Gotta love it.

Little update on my cycle. Today is cd12 and my monitor still showed "high" but not peak. Which is good, cause I didn't want to suddenly ovulate before I had my appointment. Having 2 follies at 18mm scared me. I'm still having quite a bit of tenderness though, so I know they are still in there growing. Tomorrow morning is my appointment and we'll see what the outcome will be. Will I need frozen spermscicles to be thawed out to try to do the job? Or will I need Tom to rush home from his trip in order to deliver a sample for a Sunday insemination? Or will we have a labor day insemination. Or even later? Who knows at this point. But I gotta tell you, I ~love~ monitored cycles. Some don't, but it makes me feel like I'm in control.

Not quite sure what to say about this

Your Score: The Porcupine

Here's your results! Your spirit animal has a Nobility ranking of 8 out of 18.

Your spirit animal is the porcupine. They are considered only slightly noble for their remakably defensive quills. Still, they are slow and uncuddly creatures. As a spirit animal, porcupines are pretty common, and typically are guardians of those with an average nobility and wisdom.

Link: The What is Your Spirit Animal Test

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I just spent the entire day at the hospital

Good lord.

So I get this headache Monday afternoon. Now, I don't normally get headaches. I get the average headache now and again, but nothing a few advil doesn't cure.

Actually, let me back up a month or two.

The month I took 100mg of clomid, back in June, I got a horrendous headache a day or so after the last clomid pill. That time was what I called "the worst headache of my life". I even went to my doctor about it. Once we figured out it coincided with the clomid, he determined it was a semi-migraine headache triggered by the hormones. It was pretty bad, but I was still able to function for the most part. It was with me a few days and finally went away. Cool. (he did send me in for a CT scan of my head, just to make sure, but finally decided on the hormone headache).

So Monday, which was 3 days after the Femara, I get another headache. I figure "hey - hormone related again" and called my doctor. He gave me an Rx for a migraine medication and we talked about the next cycle (if needed - think positively, right?) and the suspected headache I will get. He gave me a refill on the migraine meds so I can take them on the last day of my meds for 4 days - hopefully to "cut the headache off at the pass". He said to try it one time that way and if it doesn't work, to call him again and we'll figure out the next step.

Okay - back to today. So it's day 3 of the headache. Really just still in the 2nd day, as I got it late Monday. It's pretty constant and the migraine meds aren't doing anything (Doc said taking them so 'late' in a migraine sometimes doesn't help at all). So I also take 2 aleve, per Dr's orders. It's not really that bad, mind you. My best friend has migraines that shut her down completely. Like in bed. Lights out. No noise. Nothing. Can't look at TV. Can't read. She shuts down for a day or so until it passes. This is not like that. It's a bad headache, yes, but I can still do all those things. I can even do my job, which I am a computer programmer - so looking at a bright screens isn't that bad. True, I turn down the brightness, but that's about it.

I have my daily latte and about an hour later, WHAM. My headache explodes to enormous proportions. Horrible. Holy shit. I can't think. I can't look at anything. My temples and the back of my head, above my neck, are under so much sharp pressure, I think I'm going to have an aneurysm. I call the nurse and full on have a breakdown on the phone with her. I tell her I don't know what is happening and I don't know what to do. NEVER has my head hurt so bad without reason (I had a bad spinal tap once and got the headache to go along with it. THAT was bad, but there was a reason, you know?). She tells me to come right in. Since my vision was all blurry, I ask my coworker to drive me there. They get me straight in and after a quick initial once-over, I'm being sent directly to the ER for a cat scan.

I first try to protest, pointing out the last CT scan showed everything was normal, but Doc explained with the addition of the new symptom of blurred vision, we needed to be safe, rather than sorry. The doc goes out and talks to my coworker - asking him to watch me and to see if he was okay with driving me to the ER. He was cool.

10 minute drive. 2 minutes after arriving I'm in triage, with the nurse telling me that he thinks I'm in pain because my blood pressure is sky high. Yeah, no shit. I knew I was in pain. (note: bp was 160/95 when my normal bp is 115/65). I'm put immediately in a room and after a quick IV got on the second hit (yahoo! i'm a bad stick, so awesome on the quick hit) I'm already being pushed to my CT scan. (is it cat scan? or CT scan? They call it "cat", but is that just how they pronounce CT?). 30 minutes after that, my scan gives my brain the all clear. Doc comes in and says she's going to skip migraine meds, because when it gets this bad, it's like using a garden hose on a 5 alarm fire. heh. So she says she's going to "knock it out with some morphine". Wow. morphine. I've had that once when I broke my leg in half. All for a headache? Bring. It. On.

"2 of morphine" and nothing. Not even a smidgen of a difference. Oh wait. A bright red line from IV up my vein accompanied by some serious itching. Seems I'm a bit allergic to morphine. But it clears out in a few moments from the IV drip. 15 minutes later another push of "2 of morphine" and I feel a sudden wash of relief in my head. Still a headache, that's for sure, but that blinding pain was subdued. Amazing how much better a bad headache can feel when the killer pain is gone.

I ended up staying until they pushed an entire bag of IV fluids through me. 3 trips to the bathroom and 2 episodes of People's Court, Judge Joe Brown and COPS each, I'm released. My poor coworker stayed with me the ENTIRE time. How nice is that? I need to get him a present tomorrow to show my appreciation.

Before I go, I wanted to share the first episode of COPS that was on. It was a sting operation in where they were trying to arrest prostitutes. So for the setup, they dressed up one of the cops as a CLOWN and had the car wired for sound and video. Then he drove around the town picking up prostitutes. Please tell me, what in the hell does being dressed as a clown have anything to do with picking up hookers? It was so bizarre.

Oh. And wherever they were - it seemed it was $20 for a blow job and $36 for a "bj and straight sex". I always thought hookers made a little bit more than that. ~shrug~

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

cd10 follie check.

I had my cd10 follie check today ~and~ a follow up HSS this morning at Dr Frenchy's office.

Follie check was first.
~ Looks like lefty continues to be an over achiever. 3 large follicles! 2 were at ~18x13 and 1 was at 15x12mm. He said the third one won't likely make it to be one of the dominant ones, but it's still early. The other two seemed to be very happy and plump. They just need to be plump-er. There were also a "handul" of follies under 10mm.
~ Righty also has multiple follies under 10mm, but I know by the pain I'm having that they'll be a tad bit plumper for the next checkup. Maybe not dominant, but plumper.

HSS was next.
First, may I say how much I loathe speculums? HATE them. Yes yes. HATE them. Anywho. HSS showed "remarkable improvement". Still some bits of scar tissue, but probably from the recovery/healing process itself. HSS was a tad painful today, cause he thinks he broke apart some left over adhesions. Hrm, maybe that is why I've having right sided pain. Ah-ha.

So next appointment is cd13. They said to bring trigger shot as my insemination can definitely be on Saturday. Which will suck, since Tom is out of town Friday, Saturday and most of Sunday. Ouch. My eggies ~may~ hold out until then, but just in case, he's going in for a sample thursday morning at 7am to freeze - so we can use that on Saturday, if need be. Of course, since we are going to such lengths to freeze, I won't ovulate until after he gets back.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The Supersuckers ...

... are the greatest rock and roll band in the world. ~ever~.

It's just about 1am. And I'm drunk. So I'm not going to say much right now, as to not incriminate myself. Plus, anything I typed would take too long, as I'm pretty much typo-ing every other word.

Supersuckers. Bad. Ass.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Busy weekend.

My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this month, so I am throwing them a surprise party. The party is today and I am so excited to see their reaction. My mom will probably cry, while my dad will probably be pissed we made such a "fuss" over him.

It's going to be great. Since I am so good at writing the "gist" of things, here is a rundown. (Is it okay with you Glenn, that I continue to use this word?)

~ Out of a 34 guest list (which I had to be pretty sneaky to find everyone they are friends with!), 29 have RSVPd with a "yes".
~ I am holding the party at Guieseppe's Old Depot Restaurant, which is an old railroad station. It's rich with history - not some newly built place lacking character.
~ I'm holding a cocktail hour w/ complete bar (free for guests!) along with hors dourves of cheese, fruit and bread.
~ Dinner includes a plated salad, a choice of 4 entrees and chocolate mousse for dessert. (entrees are: lasagne, trout, chicken cordon blue & steak)
~ I had a mini wedding cake made for them. It's 3 rounds (8", 6" & 4") made to look exactly like a big fancy wedding cake.
~ I had some little mint tins w/ their names engraved on them as the party favors.

I think that's it. Now that I type it all out, surely doesn't seem like a lot. I gotta say that my wallet sure does feel like it was though! ;)

Okay, lots to do. Have a good weekend everyone!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

what an appointment!

I don't have much time to update with all the info and maybe I will later if there's more to tell, but let me give the quick rundown in bulleted points ...

~ IUI #2 is a go!
~ I'll be on femara this cycle.
~ My femera dosage schedule is wacky. cd3 - 1 pill, cd4 - 2 pills, cd5 - 3 pills, cd6 - 4 pills. Weird, eh? Anyone else have a dosage schedule like this?
~ Doc said he doesn't want me to take clomid ever again. "No clomid over age 35" is his rule. So he wants me to go femera and then injects if necessary.
~ Doc said that for IUI, he sees no difference in the response of femera to the response of injects (if woman responds to both) so he wouldn't suggest moving to inject if I respond normally to femera.
~ Doc diagnosed me w/ Endo due to post surgical report showing 4+ "patches" of endo removed.
~ Side effect of having endo is corpus luteum cysts!!! Mystery SOLVED! Explains the presence of my own corpus luteum cysts. Nice to have an answer.
~ On any natural cycles I have, he will allow me to go in for an ultrasound after +opk to make sure I have released egg. Triggering will still be an option. This is GOOD.
~ Under ultrasound today, we watched the blood flow through my once-blocked tube! yay!
~ HSS will be performed during my first follie check on cd10, to check for any adhesions.

I think that's the gist of things.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Hrm. IUI cycle will be cheaper this month?

My RE's office called me ~4~ times today. I must be a VIP there suddenly.

1st - nurse called to tell me she got the message it was cd2 today and wants me in first thing in the morning.
2nd - front desk called to tell me that if doc approves IUI, I'll need to pay tomorrow. (duh.)
3rd - nurse called again to see if I had a surgical report from my surgery. Nope. They'll get it from my OB who did the surgery.
4th - front desk called again to tell me that an IUI this cycle will be $572 instead of $650. No idea why.

I'm really nervous about what they are going to tell me.
~ Doc can suggest I take another month break before ttc again. This will break my heart.
~ Doc can suggest a non-med cycle to allow the best uterine conditions possible for another month.
~ Doc can suggest Femara IUI cycle due to lining isn't put at risk like it is w/ clomid.
~ Doc can suggest another 100mg round of clomid IUI cycle.

I'm really up for ANYTHING ~except~ TAB. The one thing I am worried about though is a non-monitored cycle.

As you may remember I have a history of follicular cyst. Everything looks great right up until actual ovulation. I get a mature follicle. I get an LH surge. And then, "leggo of my eggo" doesn't happen. Instead, the follicle freaks out and grows to amazing proportions in just 3-5 days. The largest measured cyst was 9.5 cms. The most were 3 at one time - (2) 7cms and (1) 9cm. THAT was really fun. So nice and comfortable.

Thankfully, these cysts go away within 3ish weeks. Which means they are still present on the next month's cd3 baseline. True, they always collapse and disappear in the first week or so of the next cycle, but no freaking RE will allow me to pursue a treatment plan with a big ole 9cm cyst in place. I have to say though, it's quite amazing how it can go from 9cm to literally zero in a span of a week. The first time my RE didn't even believe it.

Anywho, it's a vicious cycle (no pun intended). Each month I will have a left over cyst from the previous month. So to counteract this, once I get a cyst, I have to go on BCP for the next month, so I can get clean ovaries on the next cycle. Do you follow that? I would only get a chance at a cycle every other month. And "chance" is relative here, because with the cyst present, there was no ovulation, so no "chance" actually even existed in the first place.

Which leads me to my panic.

I would like to see if the 8 straight months of cysts have suddenly fixed itself. But if I wait, I'll screw myself for 2 months. But if I don't wait and just continue to be triggered by act of an IUI cycle's monitoring, I will be spending A LOT of money out of pocket for each month's monitoring. I don't mind having natural cycles really. As long as I have a chance. So I don't need IUIs. We'll be going to the big IVF next year if no pregnancy anyway, so I really don't want to spend $650/month until we get there (okay, $572 each month?).

I have a solution but I don't know how plausible it is. On a non-IUI cycle, allow me to do the opks. Once I get a positive, get an u/s 48 hours later. This should be over the 12-36 hours timeframe of ovulation. And if I just have a big ole massive follicle that STILL hasn't burst, trigger me then. Wouldn't that work? There may be more to it if it's already in the process of becoming a cyst. I know the cyst grows to enormous proportions very quickly, so adding in hcg to it may really trip it out and make it explode. Hell, I don't know. But I'm still going to ask.

The nice thing is, my appointment is in 8 hours from now. I get to be violated with the magic wand bright and early at 7am. Nice, eh?

Sunday, August 19, 2007

C11, cd1

Well, here we go again. cd1.

I'll be talking to my RE in the morning to see what they want me to do. No idea if this will be a natural cycle, a clomid cycle, a clomid+trigger cycle or even an IUI cycle. We'll see what the good ole doc says tomorrow. Actually, I'm sure it won't be tomorrow, as they'll probably just schedule me for a cd3 baseline. THEN I'll probably have some idea.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Best present ~ever~ for my birthday (children mentioned)

So I'm sitting here in the office in Boston. It's well after 5pm, closer to 6pm, and I'm still working. I'm in a conference room full of men working away on laptops and my cell phone rings. I pick up and it's my 3 year old, Ella. She sings "happy birthday" to me from beginning to end, with no mistakes. Then my 2 year old slurs out "happy birthday mommy" in her toddler-speak. Grandma takes the phone and says "happy birthday!" and hangs up.

Oh. My. God.

I'm sitting here with my eyes brimming with tears.

i. miss. them.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Off to Boston

I'm leaving for boston in the morning. I've got meetings starting monday morning, running through wednesday. I'll jump back on a plane thursday, only to get in the car as soon as I get home to drive up to denver to see the beastie boys. After that, we'll drive to salida to go pick up the girls and then it'll be allison's 2nd birthday on saturday. In all the travels I'll be turning 35 too. It's not a birthday I'm dealing well with.

I can't believe I have to leave in the morning. I can't believe I'll have to leave my girls for an entire week. At least my husband is flying in to meet me on tuesday night. Okay, he's not really coming to meet me. He's coming for the baseball games. In fact, we're meeting at Fenway on Tuesday night. Lucky me gets to bring all his stuff with me. I'm pretty excited about it. (can you hear the sarcasm through my typing?).

The girls will be at grandma and papa's house, so they'll be in good hands. Ugh. I can't even think about this anymore. As much as I do enjoy going to Boston, I am not looking forward to this trip. Not at all.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

It must be test week.

Click to view my Personality Profile page

Good lord. I am ~so~ freaking left sided compared to others I've seen lately. Now I have to go compare myself to everyone else.

Primary Function: Extraverted Thinking
Population: 11% (13.5% male, 8.5% female)

About ESTJs ... "They live in a world of facts and concrete needs. They go by experience and that is what counts, not speculation and experimentation, and certainly not fantasy.

Famous ESTJs ... Elliot Ness, John D Rockefeller, Tony Soprano (heh!)

ESTJ Career Matches ... Business Administrator (my degree), Business Analyst, Computer Specialist, Engineer, Manager (my career & job duties), Scientist (my dream job)

Here is another test on the same page, but they don't give too much information about it.

Click to view my Personality Profile page

It's the beginning of the end.

I took the first of the last week of estrogen today. 6 more doses left. I also took my first dose of the progesterone - 200mg today. Only 12 total of those to take.

Argh! I am waiting and waiting and waiting to get C11 started. I'm waiting and looking forward to AF getting here, but what's funny is once she finally does get here, I just have to start waiting again.

I really want to get C11's plan figured out though. I know I'll go in for a baseline on cd3 because the RE requested I come in to get checked out as soon as AF starts. But what I don't know is what the plan will be. My ~biggest~ worry is that I haven't proven to be able to ovulate on my own without triggering. I grow follicles fine & dandy, but I don't let go of them. My history shows that 4-5 days after the surge, the follicle has mutated into a cyst, growing quite large in a short amount of time. So what is going to happen this month? Am I just going to cross my fingers and hope for ovulation? Or will the RE just opt to trigger me? And if he does opt for trigger, I'll obviously have to be closely monitored. What kind of costs would this be for me? My insurance will cover it if it's related to the cysts, but won't cover it if it's related to a fertility treatment. And if I am monitored, it would be exactly like an IUI cycle, minus the IUI itself. So the cost would be quite comparable, I'm sure. So why not do the IUI? But I also don't want to spend $650 each month for IUIs either.

I just don't want to end up with a cyst that puts me out of the game again. I'd be out for another 6-8 weeks because I'd be put on birth control pills to supress the cysts. I can't play that game anymore.

Hopefully my doc will have a solution. Or maybe my follicles will start cooperating and they'll actually want to let GO of the egg. I still haven't found out why in the world I was growing these cysts to begin with. Why all of a sudden would I have cysts grow in place of successful ovulation? During the 6 months of monitoring when ttc for Ella, we never saw cysts. So what's the deal?

What do you suggest I do?

Monday, August 6, 2007

I know I'm not too popular in the IF blogging community

because I'm pretty new to it (well, I hope that's the only reason). I know I'm not stalked yet and the only reason anyone probably even comes here is in response to a comment I left, but I'm going to pretend like I have a lot of readers anyway.

A fellow IF blogger, Chicklet, got some bad news today and if anyone could go over and give her a little virtual hug, that would be cool. I was really hoping this cycle was going to be it for her and sadly, it didn't turn out the way she wanted it. I'm ~really~ bummed for her.

I know there is nothing any of us can do for anyone out there who receives bad news. But I think just knowing there are people out there who care enough just to give you a little reply to let you know they're there - makes some of the hurt easier to handle. It doesn't take the pain away, but to know you aren't alone, it's easier to carry the burden.

Ack. Spot is here.

Spot showed up all day yesterday. I freaked out a bit because I need this lining to stay to help heal me. I can't get her now, it's a week early! So I popped a progesterone pill 2 days early to try to keep her bags packed. So far so good. Another week of estrogen and 13 days of progesterone and bye~bye meds! Well, at least for now.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

I must be ~really~ bored.

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Friday, August 3, 2007

I'm sweden!

You're Sweden!

After years of trying to rule the world around you, you've
finally put aside violence in favor of advocating peaceful resolution.  There's
still a little Viking in you, but mostly you like Nobel Prize winners and long
nights by the fire.  And safe cars.  You always read the safety manual
in airplanes, and you're just a little cold.

Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

Thursday, August 2, 2007

All of these BFPs have me feeling anxious

Since I'm taking a break, seeing everyone finally succeed is doing a number to my heart and head. It's making me feel really anxious, instead of just relaxing since there is nothing in the world I can do about anything right now.

Man, I'm also feeling REALLY bad about the few failed cycles I've seen this month too. If I fell this weirded out about the wave of BFPs and I wasn't even ttc this month, could you imagine how it would feel to be the one who it didn't work? I want to give all of them double the attention, just to show them that their pain ~is~ important enough to focus on. That the BFPs haven't thrown their pain out the window. But if I give them more attention, well, I kinda look like a stalker.

Ahhhh. I hate taking breaks at this. I hate it. Nothing to do. Nothing to obsess about. Nothing to wait on. Just keep plugging along and hoping I get to start again in a couple of weeks. This sucks.