I'm like the boy who cried wolf.

Seriously.

Me: "It's over. I'm so sad. Support me!"
You all gave me huge support.

Me: "I got a bfp! Forget the tears, I'm happy now!"
You all gave me huge support.

Me: "I think it's ectopic"
You all gave me huge support.

Me: "The doctors now think it's ectopic"
You all gave me huge support.

And now, I have a growing baby ~inside~ my uterus. I'd like to introduce you to my little peapod:

Quality sucks since I don't have scanner here, but I didn't want to skip the photographic evidence! Something that caught my eye today too - my clinic has me at 6weeks, but I am only 5w4d. So that added onto them thinking ectopic because they calculated from LMP, but I calculated from "ovulation". That made the numbers a little worse than they were.

But who cares now, right?

Quick little story ... I was in stirrups, hubby wasn't there yet. They asked if I wanted to wait, but I was so nervous, I just said to go for it. The doc sticks the monkey wand in and says "I see a sac!" and I immediately ask "WHERE?". He points to the screen and says "It's right here. Can't you see this?" And I'm like "Yes, I see the sac, but where is it in my body???" He laughs and says "Oh! Yeah, this is your uterus. Congratulations, let's get a picture for mommy" and he printed out the image I pasted above.

I have made it past a lot of those hurdles and I couldn't be more thrilled. The next hurdle is the heartbeat appointment, which is scheduled for next Friday. Even though they had me at 6w today, they agreed we should wait a few more days to make sure it's late enough for a heartbeat due to the late implantation.

Girls, this is the biggie here ....

Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for cheering me on the ups and hugging me on the downs. I can't tell you how much your comments helped. I know you've all seen people thanking their readers, but I want to hit this one home to you all. Your comments got me through VERY bad days. You girls were my prozac. You girls are what gave me hope. See, I'm a "plan for the worst and if the best happens, it'll be a good surprise" which you already know about me. But when I'm planning for the worst, it's very hard to see that there can still be hope. You girls were my hope. And I appreciate that more than you could ever imagine.

Double Bubble.

I always liked double bubble bubble gum. Mmmmmm. But the thing I like most right now is ... DOUBLING BETA NUMBERS!!!!

My little lowly beta of 15 is now up to 43. I couldn't be happier right now.

I am pregnant. Holy crap. I never thought I'd be saying those words again.

The only thing I am bummed about right now is I'll be losing many of my readers. But hey that's okay if that is what they need to do. Even I admitted that I stopped reading (okay, I still read, I just stopped commenting) all of the pregnancy blogs while I was going around and around on this infertility merry go round. It's fucking hard to read about someone's pregnancy, especially when you are in the throws of treatment. I ~hope~ everyone continues to read me, but if you don't, I'll understand. I can't expect others to do something I couldn't do myself!

This is my 3rd pregnancy though. So this won't turn into an overflowing with pregnancy stuff. I will talk about things, sure. But I think I'm over the fact my boobs will get bigger. Or my shopping day for maternity clothes. It will probably be more of a bitch fest about getting fat, as I'm an early shower to begin with and I can only imagine with #3 will do to me. I'm still going to be sarcastic as all hell and I'll probably revert back into my musings of daily life. So if you want, stick with me, will ya?

~~~

I did want to take a moment to thank the hell out of you all. 80 comments on my BFP post? Holy shit. Really? And I'll tell you, it was thrilling! So thank you.

And thank you for supporting me when I jumped the gun and thought my cycle was over. Here I was, crying in my bowl of Capt'n Crunch and you girls couldn't of been nicer. You were all completely genuine - I knew that so many of you really cared about me. It wasn't fake - it was real. And I felt it from you girls. I felt this love through your words. Overwhelming I tell you. Overwhelming.

And then here I was, 2 days later, changing my story to get congratulations sent my way. What a big jerk I am! But really, I didn't know. I honestly thought it was over. (yeah yeah, all you anti poas-ers can give me all the "I told you so!!!" comments you want. ~wink~). So, I must eat my words. But I have to admit, this is the best plate of crow I've ever had in my life.

Thank you. Thank all of you for being so fucking awesome. (except those anons who are fucking bitches. ~smile~.)

I'm about to turn blue. - Updated w/ bfp progression

How long can someone hold their breath?

I read David Blaine held his breath for a total of 17 minutes and 4 seconds just last month. (of course this was with saturating his blood with pure O2, but details, details, right?)

I have been holding my breath since Friday. And even though this allows me to take a few cheater breaths ...

... I still don't get to exhale and take in a new breath until Monday's return call for the results of beta #2.

As you may be able to tell from the photo above, the line is getting darker. I just can't tell by how much (quantitatively. I can see qualitatively) - and that is what is driving me batty. It looks to coincide with an early pregnancy, or in my case, a late implantation. Low Beta = Light HPT Lines = Late Implantation, but yet, I fret about it.

~~~~

Also - I have a question. If this pregnancy is, in fact, viable, (omg, I'm pregnant) I want a baby widget thing. BUT, these things freak me out. I don't like these creepy bouncing baby thingies. But I also love the fact it shows what the baby is looking like during that week.

Does anyone know of baby widgets (not the tickers, a widget) that isn't so freaky-deaky?

~~~~

Yet another progression with the newest one added to the end.

What I think is so crazy is these tests are only, at most, 12 hours apart. And heck, the time between the two extremes (top and bottom) is only 30 hours. Quite a change for just a day's time, dontcha think?

Note - I am working very strange hours this week. For instance, I had to be in the office the morning at 1:45am - so that is why I have a pee stick at such a strange time. I am obsessive, yes, but I'm not overly so!

Small update on 12dp3dt

The FRER I took this morning was taken at 5am. Since I'm the poas addict that I am, I took another FRER at 5pm tonight - simply 12 hours later.

It's distinguishably darker. Not by leaps and bounds, they are all still light lines. But it is, in fact, darker.

This seems like a good thing.

Here is photographic evidence. I do not know how you girls take good pictures of your HPTs, so here's my lame attempt. It's hard to make out the second line here, but honestly, in person, it's easy.

I'm still here!

I took the two tests again this morning and both were BFPs.

~ I bought another box of the digitals, just because that is the only test that I can truly compare results. If that one goes negative, I know my levels have gone down. And we know it picked up only 15 yesterday, so I know today my levels are at least still 15.

~ I didn't have any of those extra sensitive medical strips my RE uses, so all I could do was pick up a box of FRER. The test this morning showed a very light second line, but a second line nonetheless. FRER is supposed to be sensitive as low as 25 - so either my numbers have gone up to 25 so FRER could pick it up, or it's picking up the 15 I had. Until I can compare tomorrow's test, I will have no idea. My levels may just be stagnant and not increasing. But at least I know they aren't DEcreasing. Which is promising.

This weekend is going to be FILLED with waiting. Ugh. But what else can I do? I want Monday to get here and show me doubling numbers and I want SO BADLY to eat my words of "this cycle failed". I want to shout out how wrong I was for counting myself out and I want to apologize to everyone who gave me support when I was simply jumping the gun. But, damn it, that's just going to have to wait until Monday.

~~~

In other "news" ...

Check out this comment I got from "anonymous" last night ...

"I guess God even has pity on people who spew as much venom as you do. Good luck to your third child. Lord knows the first two will need years of therapy after having a mother like you. Make sure you keep your butt on 1st tri on WebMD and stay off our boards. No one on 3rd tri is interested in you ruining or last few weeks of our wonderful pregnancies."

Pretty "good" person, don't you think? And this is the type of person to use God in her ramblings to me. Ridiculous. I must say my favorite part is the threat "keep your butt on 1st tri". Seriously entertaining. I love when girls get all drama. It's SO funny.

Could you imagine the type of person you would be to say something like this to someone else? I may speak my mind and discuss the hard topics, but I would NEVER say something like this to someone. I never have and I never will. It's just so sad. I pity her. Heh - and she says she's sorry for ~my~ children. Very ironic if you ask me.

(About the comment of 3rd tri ... Whenever I was pregnant and in my 3rd trimester, my due date always seemed so far away. I loved to lurk on 1st tri to see what the new due dates are. So last time, I simply posted a quick comment on 3rd tri to give them the "newest" due date out there - to make them feel better about how far they've come. And that's all I did yesterday. But apparently, what I did was "ruining or last few weeks of our wonderful pregnancies". I think that should be "our last few weeks", but as you all may already know, people who would type this kind of comment to someone isn't the smartest marble in the bag. It's not her fault, her IQ can only take her so far, right?)