What is Infertility?

I posted this on my "pregnancy after infertility" (PAIF) message board and got great responses. So I thought I would also pose that question here. Except I need to make it a little more broad, as I'm not asking a specific group this time.

My original question was really focused on those who have graduated from the ttc world and declared themselves pregnant "after infertility". There are so many different stories on our board, I was interested in each person's own definition.

What if you experienced IF with your first and you got pregnant 'easily' with your second? Are you still PAIF?

What if you had an issue which wouldn't allow you to become pregnant on your own (ie: annovulatory or lack of tubes) and you got pregnant in just a few months with a few treatments? Are you still PAIF?

What if it wasn't a year, you had a few failed treatments and then got pregnant on a 'natural' cycle? Are you still PAIF?

Those are the blurry spots for the classic definition of infertility. And for whomever is answering that question for themselves, I will accept it whole heartedly. Infertility is such a personal journey.

Some things were brought up that I wasn't going to focus on. The levels of infertility. But I don't really want to start comparing who has it worse. How could anyone begin to judge that? What if I had a child and then had 5 failed IVFs for #2? Would I be "more" infertile than someone who was ttc#1 and had 2 failed IVFs? What if I was someone who didn't have tubes and failed my very first IVF which was only my first ever month ttc? Would I be "less" infertile than someone who had been trying naturally for 12 months without success? What about someone with multiple miscarriages? Are they more fertile than someone who didn't get a positive in the same amount of time? I just don't think these are questions that could ever be answered.

For those ttc#1, what is the definition of IF to you?

Are you infertile only if you fall into the "ttc for 12 months without a successful pregnancy"?

What about if you don't ovulate or have tubes or some other issue, even MF? Are you deemed "infertile" off the bat? Or does there need to be a few failed medically intervening tries before you get the fabulous title of "infertile"?

There is obviously no right or wrong answers here. I was just super impressed with the caliber of answers I got on the PAIF board, I wanted to expand it here. I'll put my answer in the comments.

He's back.

I updated the "It's missing" post two posts down.

Just a little question ...

There are about a half a dozen of people in my reader who are pregnant and their posts lately have really been nothing more than just a cut/paste of "what is happening this week in your pregnancy".

And I understand it's their blog and they can post anything they want. I'm definitely not suggesting they shouldn't have this in their blog. But ... my question is ~why~ is it in their blog? Are they putting it out their for family members and friends to know what's happening with the pregnancy? Are they just stuck for lack of anything else to blog about?

I just don't know how or what to respond to these types of blogs. I feel rude when I just click away because I have absolutely nothing to say more than "Yup, that's what's going on."

So tell me - when you come across these blogs, what kinds of comments do you have? Do you actually read them? And if you are someone who does this in their blog, are you looking for certain comments?

I certainly sound rude no matter what right now because it's like I am dissing what some are blogging about. But as I've seen so many blog this way over the past 2 years, I'm simply getting up the balls to ask this to my readers. So please forgive me. I know I blog about things that other people could ask the same question to!

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Update ... I am NOT talking about blogging about baby updates. I'm talking about cutting and pasting the generic "ba.by c.enter" or "we.bm.d" emails about each week of pregnancy.

It's missing

(fyi ... this is a belly picture post. I usually don't post warning when I talk about the pregnancy, but words and pictures are two totally different things I think.)

I went to bed last night with a belly. It looked something like this:



And as I walk around today, I noticed I don't look pregnant at all anymore. Like AT ALL. I look like this now:



You can't really tell from the bare belly. Let me go take another picture with the pants on right and shirt over it ...



See?!? Seriously, What. The. Fuck.? Where did it go? I mean, come on!

I think the baby turned, as he was horizontal across my belly and now he's vertical because I'm feeling massive kicking right above my pubic bone. But even so, how can that change so much? Weird.

I bet I could go into a bar, order shots and no one would even think to give me a dirty look.

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~Updated~

I found him! And check it out, he was just where I left him. Silly boy.

Oy vey.

I have been sick this weekend and have watched entirely too much tv. But when you are saddled with a low grade fever, it makes anything else just seem like too much.

I have watched the worst tv this weekend. The worst. I'm not even going to admit what I've watched.

I did get a laugh out of one man yelling "recuperate now!" which just seemed like something the poor guy couldn't just do.

And I did get to watch a brand new Entourage and coming up next - "The Life of Tim". Gotta love HBO.

Until tomorrow ...

Daycare costs ...

I mentioned daycare costs a few down and wanted to explain something. This is totally ~not~ a daycare vs SAHM thing - for whatever you choose, it's your choice. I'm simply explaining why it's good for US. That's it.

Sure, my cost of $2,182.29/month is a lot for me to pay and it may be cheaper to hire someone to come into my home (although I know a nanny is more expensive!). But the reasons I will continue to pay this is:
~ It's temporary and as the girls get into kindergarten, it will go down.
~ I will be able to keep my place in my career without a reintroduction period. With three children, we need to be a two income family. And unfortunately, one of us don't have spectacularly paid careers that can support us all comfortably. So, we both must work.
~ Daycare centers are what I like better because of the checks and balances they provide over a single person taking care of my children.

I'm just hopeful that everyone out there who needs it, finds a solution that works for them.

My TTC Predictions

I'm actually writing this Friday night, but I'm gonig to schedule it to publish tomorrow so I don't look like such a freak posting ~four~ times in one day.

Before I wrote this blog, I had another blog for over a year. It was the exact same as this one, but I didn't handle the mean anonymous comments the right way and instead of ignoring them, I responded. I ended up with too many haters who simply would not leave me alone so in frustration, I simply deleted my blog one day. It still pisses me off to think about because I had nothing backed up. I lost an entire YEAR of posts.

One of those posts was an entry I kept updated. It was all the TTC predictions I had been gathering from when I started TTC.

Just tonight, I actually FOUND a link to my previous feed. And while the blog didn't exist, I still had the first few lines saved. (For the date prediction, it was either conception or delivery or find out date. Lots of options to get that one right!) Here they all are:

~ The Great Tammy Whammy said: "boy & date will start with an 'M'" --> It ~is~ a boy and the conception date did start with an M. Score: 2 out of 2.

~ Cheri said: "boy & November" --> It is a boy, but November had nothing to do with it. Score: 1 out of 2.

~ Angel said: "boy & March & 5" --> This one was pretty cool. She had first said she was fuzzy on "march" but said for certain the number 5 is in there. Well, as it turns out, it is a boy, the IVF cycle which brought me my frozen totsicle was in March and the ET was on 5/05, which brought me my pregnancy. Heh. So she was ~so~ completely right. Score: 3 out of 3.

~ JennyRenny said: "boy & January" --> She was right on. It's a boy and I'm due in January. Score: 2 out of 2.

~ MommyHopes said: "boy & August/September". --> Right on the boy, not so much on the dates. Score: 1 out of 2.

~ Shayna said: "boy & ____". (Shayna, do you remember the date you had associated with me? --> It is a boy and since I don't remember the date she said, I'll score this as only 1 possible. Score: 1 out of 1.

Well, it looks as if ~everyone~ thought I was having a boy! The final tallied results:

Total predictions: 6 gender and 6 dates.
Gender: 6 out of 6. - 100% accurate.
Dates: 4 out of 6. - 67% accurate.
Total: 10 out of 12. - 83% accurate.

Kinda cool after the fact, no?

Online shopping == a naughty Nancy.

Wow. The 3rd post from just today. I'm on a roll! (so if you are just stopping in to see today's post, you gotta read a full 3 posts!)

While I was sitting on hold with the Boston Red Sox to buy a set of Fenway seats (seriously, how can you pass up real Fenway seats?) I was clicking around for a few items I need want.

First off is a pair of jeans. I really, really, really do ~not~ like full panel jeans but I'm going to have to break down and buy a pair. The under belly jeans fit just fine while I'm standing up and walking, but good freaking lord - I sit down and I feel like I'm being cut in two by the band. And since I'm sitting down practically all the time at work, something needs to give.

First off, I wanted to get a pair of 7 for all mankind secret fit belly jeans. But for $225? Oy. Yeah, I can afford them, but I just couldn't rationalize it. I tried, yes I did, but my brain won the battle over my heart this time. Instead, I got a pair of Buffalo 5 pocket jeans with the same belly fit. The best part? Only $118! Yippee! So, since I felt like I was saving $100, I started to shop a bit more.

I ended up buying the jeans I already mentioned, a knit long sleeve black dress, a "day" printed wrap dress, a super cute pink cable knit sweater and a button down work shirt which has the cutest bow tying just under the boobies.

I couldn't believe I clicked "submit" on my order. $374. (shhhhh. don't tell hubby!). I rationalized this by the fact I have an "extra" paycheck this month. Sure, I should have spent it on our ever increasing credit card debt, but there is a lifetime ahead of me to pay that back! Instead, I added to it! (and then the red sox rep got on the phone and I bought two used seats for a mere $795.) Good lord.

Before kids we ~never~ carried a debt. EVER. And now I've got a good amount owed. If worse ever came to worse, I could always make a 401k withdrawal and pay it all off, simply taking the huge tax penalty up the arse, but hell, debt is the American way, right? ~wink~

But really. If I didn't have daycare costs, I could pay all this off in just a few months. And in 6 years from now, all my children will be in school and I'll suddenly feel like I'm RICH with all the extra cash laying around. Actually, in 2 years I will only be paying for one child in daycare, so I can pay all my debt off then. Right on. Thank goodness I have a fabulous credit card in which the interest is SUPER low (actually, I end up switching the same debt to card after card every 18 months or so, taking advantage of 0% APR for the most part).

Although I love daycare and would never change it for the world even if I didn't work, I hate paying so much for it. With the new baby, I'll be paying $26,175.50/year or $2,182.29/month or $1,006.75/paycheck or $503.38/week. Holy moly. I shouldn't do the math. It's way too scary. My point though is when I am not paying that, I'll be able to pay off our debt in just a few months. As long as I don't add to it too much, we'll be a-okay. (at least that's what I keep telling myself!)

Here is something bound to piss someone off.

I was just leaving this exact poll on one of the pregnancy message boards I go to, but I thought about leaving it here too.

My poll was about the "no-no" things I partake in while pregnant. And when I was putting it on the "pregnancy after infertility" board, I thought about how after IF, most women are even ~more~ careful because of all they went through. See, I'm not. Although I don't do anything I really believe to be dangerous, I'm by far not the perfect pregnant girl out there. And I thought if I put it out here, how many IFers will yell at me.

Let me preface this by saying I think Americans are way too stuffy about their rules. Many of the rules could really be said "this is okay in moderation" but No! Not for the US. We simply tell everyone "No! NEVER EVER Eat/Drink these things!" because as a nation, we obviously don't understand self control. So I get that. I understand it's not an all or nothing thing. There is an in between, and that's how I roll.

So, I pose a question and I will answer myself here and now ...

"For anyone who is/was pregnant, what no-no things did you do while pregnant?"


Me:
~ I eat raw sushi. (From the one very reputable sushi place I've been going to for 12 years. And I only get the full raw pieces so I can easily see the quality. I would never get sushi from anywhere else and eat it now.)

~ I drank a beer at my best friend's wedding 2 weeks ago. And I drank another one that same weekend. (oh, the horror!)

~ With my second pregnancy, I snowboarded my entire 1st trimester. (Because I know while the baby is so small, tucked behind the pelvic bone, it's actually quite safe. I do not do anything that I have the possibility of falling on my belly once the baby is out of it's safe place.)

~ I drink a grande black & white mocha every day. (my OB approved this.)

~ I eat deli meats and hot dogs and brie. (I just make sure they are all fresh.)

~ If I have a pain or if I'm sick, I do not think twice about taking medication. Only approved, of course, but I'll take it without a second thought. (I don't think this is a no-no, as all meds are approved for pregnancy, but I know many girls who won't even take a tylenol.)

I think that's about it. So - Feel like yelling at me? Feel free! Feel like answering these yourself? Do it! If you are still ttc#1 and want to answer how you think you'll do - be my guest!

7 ~more~ random things about me.

I've been tagged by both Sarah and Jewels.

It's the "seven random things" tag, so I will play and list mine, but I'm not going to go and tag anyone else cause I'm that much of a rebel. (heh. that was so cheesy.)

1. As Sarah mentioned about clean hands, I am like that with clean feet. I like to be barefoot, but after I come inside, I have to wash them. It's like I can almost feel the dirt. Ick.

2. Staying with the foot thing, women who don't exfoliate their heels totally gross me out. When I'm standing in a line and there is a woman in front of me with flip flops on, I will notice her heels. If they are covered with thick skin... puke. Seriously, I can actually gag a bit.

3. I used to play the violin in elementary school. For something like 3 years. I was in the advanced orchestra and had recitals all the time. Thing was, I couldn't play shit. In first year when we learned how to read music, something did not click in my head and I had no freaking idea. So for the remainder of the 3 years, I faked it. Yup, I got dressed up, my family came to watch and I wouldn't play a note of music. I would watch the person in front of my and follow along with their movements. My mom has all these keepsakes of mine from all the programs and I just recently told her I had no freaking clue how to play. Never did.

4. I don't like black shoes. Except black heels. I just think they don't look right on me. At all.

5. I can't stand not having my toenails painted. But I can't stand having my fingernails painted.

6. I have a heightened sense of road rage. I'll tell off anyone, anytime, anywhere. (Probably why one driver punched me in the face.)

7. I miss my old life (going to shows, being free, etc) like a lost love. I'm not saying I am not in love with my new life, because I am. But thinking about my old life makes me feel a bit heartbroken.