Wow.

Biopsy back and I'm "all clear", no sign of the severe dysplasia. Apparently the pap just diagnosed incorrectly. Now I'm just supposed to get a pap every 6 months for a few years. Crazy. How many lives do I have? Am I a cat?

In other news, has anyone else seen that the Shamwow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker? Good stuff.

biopsy results

have not come in yet. Dr just let me know they aren't back from the lab as of yet.

fuck.

hanging low.

I'm staying much out of the public eye right now, so just letting you all know I'm okay. No results yet, I'm still waiting.

holy shit.

I just accidentally marked ALL OF MY UNREAD BLOGS as READ. On accident.

Yeah, I had like 580 unread due to ICLW but I still get to the newest in everyone's blogs when I get that late. And I read the first one, clicked "mark all as read" and WHAM. All, I mean ALL, was marked as read. I even got the "are you sure?" and I was like "yes, you silly computer, I said to mark them, didn't I?". But I thought I was only telling igoogle to mark the one I was reading as all read, not all 580.

So, I must start anew. If I have missed something, I am so sorry! If there is anything you wanted ~me~ to know, please give me a poke, won't you???


p.s. - Sarah, I watched your video, went to comment and I only get errors when trying to comment on your blog. No idea why. I'm full of errors this week.

okay, now that I seem to be able to post ...

I did get the error, but "tried again" as those errors always tell you to do, and it worked.

Let's see ... today in bullets

~ Took a friend to the airport at 4am this morning. Awesome. Why do I say "yes" to these requests? Sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing when they ask, but a totally different thing when my alarm is waking me up at 3:40a.

~ Went to pedi and will blog about it on my other blog next.

~ Came home and got an email from live nation, telling me about upcoming shows. Promptly spent $597.95 on tickets.
- Punk Rocks festival at Red Rocks
- Pennywise at the fillmore
- Jane's Addiction at fiddler's green
- Ziggy Marley and 311 at Red Rocks.
- Comedian Joel McHale in Denver somewhere.
- Flight of the Conchords at Red Rocks (already purchased, so not part of this spending spree).

~ Still freaking out about results of my biopsy. I hope it comes in tomorrow. But if it's bad, it can wait until monday because my husband leaves to go out of town first thing in the morning.

~ Thanks for all the kind words on my videos! Many of you said I didn't sound like you thought I would. Well, how did you think I would?

~ I think I ran out of things to update you on. They'd just get more boring as I keep typing, so I'll stop.

Can I post now?

I have been getting errors for almost 2 days now as I try to publish to this blog. It's been pissing me off.

I'm laughing my ass off right now

I just watched the 2 "question and answer" videos I put up in the last post.

I am so embarrassed over how fucking dorky I am!!!

The question and answer videos!!!

Okay, the videos were too big so I hosted them elsewhere. To see them, just click HERE and you can see both videos. I broke them up in two.

Warning - they are boring. And I'm just not that interesting at all it seems. I can hide all I want behind typing, but you see the real me on a video.



~biopsy~

I got some preliminary information. And it's not that good. Let me try to explain by drawing what the doctor drew for me. Here is the spectrum of cervical results ...


Apparently most people who have an abnormal pap smear fall into this one little place on the sprectrum on the cervical results chart...



Now, to explain where I am, let me talk about cervical dysplasia. From the literature, "Cervical dysplasia is a term used to describe the appearance of abnormal cells on the surface of the cervix, the lowest part of the uterus. These changes in cervical tissue are classified as mild, moderate, or severe." ...


"Mild dysplasia is the most common form, and up to 70% of these cases regress on their own (i.e., the cervical tissue returns to normal without treatment). Moderate and severe dysplasia are less likely to self-resolve and have a higher rate of progression to cancer. The greater the abnormality, the higher the risk for developing cervical cancer." So, knowing my luck lately, guess where I am? Ding~ding~ding!!! If you guess this, you are correct! ...



Adding in the + hpv for the high risk cervical cancer strain, the lesions are more likely precancerous.

The next step was the Colposcopy. "Depending on the severity of the dysplasia, results of the HPV test, and other risk factors, colposcopy is the next step in the diagnostic process. Generally, a colposcopy is performed if the cervical cells are distinctly abnormal."

So we did that. And "if abnormal cells are seen, a biopsy is usually done." Guess what? Yeah. So a biopsy was done.

We are now waiting for the results to confirm the Stage III dyplasia and to see if the cells may already be cancerous or simply in their precancerous stage. The next steps will all be dependent on the results. These should come in Friday and I will let you all know my prognosis.

Another video

And forgive me. I recorded sideways and upside down. It's probably horrible to watch, but it's my morning message.

AND DAMN IT. I was going to wish Pam good luck on today's beta on this video. And that is what I forgot to say. So good luck Pam!!!

This isn't THE video, but a video.

It seems my video was too big. But this is the test one I used to check out my camera. So at least you can see me and hear what I sound like. I'm such a huge dork.

I'm not smart.

My video has been "uploading" for like an hour. And it's only 2 minutes long. I guess it's not going to work. Bummer.

Quick! Read this post!!!

Okay boys and girls. (who am I kidding? Girls. No boys read this blog.)

Since I am on a theft kick, first stealing Kym's ABC intro, I'm now going to steal Eden's video blogging idea. Except I won't have props.

Later today, I will video myself answering your questions. So leave me a question and I'll answer it LIVE. On Camera. heh. Well, not live. But on camera. It'll be live when I record it. Not a live feed. It just sounds cooler saying LIVE!

(eden, I love you so much!!)

Socks & ICLW introduction.

Socks first and then an ICLW introduction.

As you all know, I ~love~ socks. LOVE them. It's one of the reasons I even joined roller derby to begin with - where else can you wear OTK (over the knee) socks and a short school girl skirt and have it be a normal thing to wear?

I just clicked over to my favorite place to buy socks, which is a site called Sock Dreams, to buy a pair of socks for my sock buddy. My sock buddy does not read my blog (well, if she does, she doesn't comment) so I'm going to go ahead and show you what I purchased for her...

( pictures are directly from their website, so hoping I'm not breaking any rules!)

and

I didn't know which color would be the best for her, so I just got her both. My sock "thing" is definitely OTK and striped. So if you ever get a pair of socks from me, you'll be getting socks fitting those 2 descriptions. Of course there are TONS of different socks that meet these requirements, so because I am new to my sock buddy's blog myself, I went safe and got pretty normal socks fitting my two conditions. What do you think?

I had an issue though. After looking through all the socks, I decided I needed some too. And I spent $158. Not ~all~ for me, I got a pair for my husband too, but damn. I emailed Kym to let her know she owed me a check for my spending spree today, but I'm not too sure she'll comply with my demands. Damn.

~~

ICLW

Welcome to yet another kickoff of ICLW. As I linked to Kym's blog above, I saw she did a little introduction using the ABCs. Let me totally steal her idea.

Allison is the name of my middle child, now 3 1/2 years old.
Bella is the name of my newest kitty cat. I got her when my oldest kitty passed away, to keep my other kitty company. Too bad these 2 cats hate one another.
Chinese takeout is what I had for dinner last night. Chicken Lo Mien. Mmmm.
Double blogger - I have two blogs and I am participating in March ICLW for both of them. This means I'll be leaving double the comments and writing double the posts. I am doing the ABCs for both blogs and there will be some double information, but this will be the only post that won't be different from one another.
Ella is the name of my oldest daughter. She will be turning 5 years old next month.
Fuck is my favoritist word and I use it. A lot.
Garbage is my husband's duty. I never take it out.
Heaven is a nice concept, but I don't believe in it. I wish I did, as it would make dying a less scary thing, but it's just something I can't fit into my head.
Infertility is something I have dealt with, but was lucky enough to be able to put it in my past. Although it'll never be something I forget as it's definitely still a part of me, I count my blessings everyday as it's something no longer running my life as it had for so many years.
Jesus is not my co-pilot. But this does not mean I am not spiritual. I do believe in a higher power, but I just don't think anyone has, or even can, define it.
Karl is the name of my youngest child, who is 10 weeks old today.
Love. I think it's the most important thing to open your heart for. Don't be scared of it.
Marriage. I waited until I was 28 to get married. I was engaged at 21, but it was to a different boy. I'm really glad I agreed to a long engagement when I was too young to get married (in my opinion) because I was a different person back then.
Nancy is my name and I go through periods where I do not like it.
Opportunity doesn't only knock once. I believe life if what you make of it - and you can change it around whenever you choose.
Punk rock is my favorite type of music.
Quiet is something that my house is ~not~
Roller derby is the sport I am active in.
Surgery is something I just had this Thursday.
Tom is my hubby's name. We've been married for almost 8 years.
Ugh is a word I use a lot when I type. I use it when I'm a bit exasperated.
Vagina is a word I think is hilarious and I will use it in everyday speech a lot.
Wonderful is how I would describe my life. It's not perfect and there are problems all around, but the good definitely outweighs the bad.
Xray vision is something I do ~not~ possess.
Yellow doesn't look good on me. I'm naturally blonde and I'm very fair skinned so many of the shades of yellow just wash me out. Sometimes I can find a good shade I can wear though.
Zebra is an animal my friend Pete saw running down the side of the freeway. Apparently it had escaped from the circus.


I'm excited for this month of ICLW and plan to post everyday on each blog. And also leave my minimum of 10 comments and return 2 everyday. So here I go! Thanks for stopping by and reading today's post!

I feel lost when I have no internet

Ugh! I get home and got a dose of pain meds in me, so I was trying to sit upright and move around to get some of this air outta me and my internet connection was down! I called my ISP and at least they had a bulletin up letting us know there was a known problem in my area and it was being worked on.

It's up now so I'm going to see how long I can sit up in an upright position without just dying.

I have updated in little tidbits, but as a bigger and better explanation - I went in for surgery, expecting it to be easy peasy, but woke up in the most atrocious pain I've ever had in my entire life. Even before I could open my eyes or speak, I was writhing around in pain, making crying/grunting noises, trying to let me nurses know how bad it was. My lovely normal blood pressure of 118/72 was up to 190/160 or something like that, so they knew I was having hardcore pain. They pumped me full of narcotics and it wasn't helping. 30 minutes later, I was still in the same amount of pain, but now I was fully awake and able to speak. The nurses and docs couldn't believe how much meds I was getting and it not helping. I got 6 full doses of morphine and a bunch of something else (not darvocet, dilaudid or ativan, but I simply can't remember what it was). An anesthesiologist came over and asked me how much I had been taking at home lately, thinking I had built up a tolerance to it, but I hadn't been taking anything, except the trip to the ER on the past friday night, a full week before.

I guess that sometimes, some people have a hard time getting their pain under control. And my surgeon told me I had adhesions attaching my gall bladder to my stomach all the way to my small intestines. So he removed all that along with the gallbladder removal, so maybe I was just more damaged in their than I 'should' have been. Regardless of the reason, it was a very real reaction to me and I begged them to put me back under because I simply could not handle it. BUT ... four hours later, I felt WAY better and could have definitely made it at home, but I had already been admitted to the hospital. So I just hung out there as I was pretty much stuck. It would have been "nice", but they were checking my vitals every hour, so that doesn't make for good sleep.

When I first got in my room, I asked for a pump. It took 4 hours for them to get it to me! Seriously, how hard is it to go up to PEDS to get one? Grrrr. (and Eden, I had already gotten my gallbladder removed.) But thank goodness they got it to me. I was a good little girl and pumped every 3 hours and poured that liquid gold down the sink. I ~hate~ throwing milk away. Funny - I was pumping and had another gown on like a robe, so if anyone walked in, like they were all damned night and day, no one would be face to face with my nipples being pumped like a cow. Of course, someone did walk in and she didn't know what to do with herself. It was the financial services girl and she diverted her eyes, even though I told her I was all covered. She then asked if she should come back and I told her I had no problems, as long as she didn't mind listening to the hum of the breast pump motor. The girl acted like I was masterbating in front of her. Seriously, she didn't know what to do with herself. ~shrug~. No idea what her problem was.

So I am home and dealing with normal post op soreness and shoulder pain from the stupid air they pump you full of during the lap. Gosh I hate that - it's the worst.

Oh - a little bit of coincidence - Little miss FreezerBuns, Denise, got her gallbladder out today. She ended up in the ER with a gallbladder attack on Wed night and they removed it promptly. She is already home though, doing fine. No complications for her.

Next week I have a few more medical things going on and some other stuff, making for a full week. My biopsy is monday. My consultation with a new back doctor to see if I can continue the RFA's procedures on my spine is Tuesday. We have a family luncheon at the girl's school on Wednesday. Karl gets his "2 month old" shots on Thursday. Then Tom will be out of town early Friday through late Sunday on a work weekend in Dallas where I get to be a single mom of 3 kids yet again. Woohoo.

Okay, I need to go lay back down. Ouchies.

internet down

How annoying. Talked to surgeon: there were adhesions attaching gallbladder to stomach and small intestines. Ouch.

I'm free!

I have been discharged and im on my way home. I finally feel like a normal post-op patient.

cell dying

To those who need to call or text me, my phone number to my hospital room is 719-571-5414. My phone is almost dead.

Update

I think im feeling normal surgical site & shoulder pain now. First 5 hrs after surgery worst time/pain of my entire life.

word question

Is there a another word close to 'pavilion' like 'pavillon'?

ahhh!

they brought me a breast pump. These girls were full! 10 hours since last feeding session. Ouch.

admitted

im spending night in hospital due to some complications. Im okay, just in too much pain to go home. More later.

So long, Farewell.

Goodbye gallbladder.

It's coming out today. And I ~really~ should not have drank 3 glasses of wine last night. I'm parched and I am not allowed to drink anything. I'm dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb.

So. I can't believe I fucking missed it, but our lovely chicklet went and got herself pregnant from SEX! (i actually think home depot had something to do with it, but i digress...) Can you believe it? She sure couldn't. You have to go over and while wishing her congrats, read the past week's blogs. She's fucking hilarious. (and very deserving after going through mucho IF shitola.)



(okay pamalama. no pressure, okay? but how cool would it be for you and chicklet to go through this belly plumpin' together?)

This is my title.

I can't think of any clever little title this evening. I'm lame.

I just wrote all about my past 5 days on my other blog. (If you don't know about it, click on my profile on the right column and it's listed under "My Blogs") Not too exciting, but it shows my irritation in the moment.

It's St Patrick's Day. I was going to go out tonight, but I want to go out tomorrow night with some friends of mine and it's not fair of me to get to go out two nights in a row. Its a bummer too, since the people going out tonight are people I've really been trying to go out with, and I always have to cancel at the last minute. They are going to think I'm flaking out on them when I'm totally ~not~. The hubby wants to go out tonight too, so I can't very well tell him "no". Although, I ~could~ use the fact he's been able to go out Friday night, Sunday night and Monday night all he wanted since he's been here at home all alone. It's not my fault he didn't take advantage of it, right? I should drink a few Guinness tonight, regardless of going out.

Tomorrow night will definitely be a mellow night because I have surgery on Thursday. Yup, we're all set to remove my gallbladder at 1:30pm MT. I'm super bummed it's in the afternoon instead of the morning. I always try to schedule my surgeries/procedures in the morning due to the "no eating or drinking after midnight" rule. It's much easier not to eat or drink for a 730am surgery than one starting at 1:30pm. I had one hell of an attack Friday night while at my in laws. Tom wasn't with me and I had all the kids "alone", so I got all emotional and I started crying. Ugh. How embarrassing. It lasted until the wee hours of the morning, but I did get some relief by getting some IV pain medication at the ER. See, my father in law is the CEO of the hospital so he took me in that night (they made me go) and since he's the boss of oh, every single person in the ER, I was quickly taken care of. Wow - what service. From the time I walked in the front door to the time I was in a room of my own and being examined by a doctor was literally under 3 minutes. I felt so stupid to go in too, since there was absolutely nothing they could do for me. I already had surgery scheduled and everything. Oh well, at least I got the edge of the pain off.

Oh boy. I just looked at my google reader and have 585 posts to read. Looks like I'm only going to be able to scan the latest posts from everyone to get through them. Hopefully I can do that tonight and tomorrow so I can be back to commenting sooner rather than later. Oh, and thank you for all the emails checking on me. I ~lurve~ you girls!

Seriously.

I'm so fucking annoyed I'm going to have to be ~out~ for awhile. Forgive my absence.

xo

-n.

huh? what? when? where?

That's how I've been feeling. Totally out of sorts. I've had 3 gallbladder attacks this week. And since they mostly occur late at night, I've been a walking zombie during the day. Actually, not much of a walking zombie than a sit-on-my-ass-zombie.

Before I say more, is everyone watching Pam's first IVF cycle? I'm SO into watching it. And with so many bad luck IVF cycles lately, I'm hoping this one is the one to break the bad luck streak.

Hrm.

Not even much to talk about except I have surgery next week, either tuesday or friday. I was supposed to go back to roller derby this week, but I'll be out a few weeks recovering from the gallbladder removal. I have lost a bit more weight, standing at 141 lbs now. Um, yeah. That's about it. Oh - I got more of my tattoo done. I'll throw up an ink pic soon.

I've got to go pack to get ready to leave for Salida in the morning. I'll try to get back to type some more tonight.

Do you honestly believe in Karma?

Let me explain.

I believe if someone is generally bad natured and a truly mean person, that person is going to get "it" back to them because I do think you reap what you sow. (gosh, I had to look that last word up.) If you are a fucking terrible person to everyone else, you aren't going to get a lot of goodness back atcha. But if you are good towards everyone, people are going to be good back to you.

Do I think bad shit happens to good people? Sure. So I think good stuff happens to bad people? Sure. But in general, I think the more bad shit happens to bad people than good shit. And vice versa.

Do you think if a generally good person does something really shitty - will they get that shitty thing back to them automatically through Karma? Does all the bad stuff = bad doings and good stuff = good doings? Does karma mean it will all eventually add up?

~squeal~ Socks!!!

Kym has extended the SOCK IT TO ME sock exchange deadline until tomorrow!!!

SIGN UP TODAY!!! You just have to send an email!

Her website still says March 6th, but in the comments of my last post, she said it's been extended. So I updated her little cutie image to show it's the 8th. See? I'm talented:

I know, I know, I should be an artist. People tell me this ALL the time.

SIGN UP TODAY!!! Come on. You know you want to.

Seriously. Socks. Socks are so fucking cool. Well, cool socks are so fucking cool. I am weird about socks. I hate hate hate socks with holiday stuff on them. But a cool pair of pink argyle? ANY sock with a skull/crossbone are cool. Or striped socks that go over my knee? Over my knee pink argyle with skull and crossbones? ~gasp~. COOL. Over the knee are my favorite because if I get them long enough, I can wear them to derby practice (I have to be able to put my knee pads on over them). Socks. Yeah.

Three Days

Apparently, it takes 3 days of me being "missing" before I am threatened by someone on a different continent to come search for me. (but only 2 days to receive comments, emails and texts.) Sorry about that girls. No real reason why I wasn't around, I just didn't type up anything.

To celebrate my return - I'm throwing a bullet party.

~ First, a question about reading blogs through a reader. I'll be the first to admit I am a comment whore. I love to get comments. I think everyone likes to get comments though, so I'm sure you all understand. Anywho - if you read a blog through a reader, does it make it less likely that you will leave a comment? For me, if I have something to say - I'll click on the blog to leave a comment. But I will admit if I don't have something important to say, I don't take the extra time to click on the blog to leave a random comment. So, since I read all blogs through reader, I try to click on each blog and read the post from the blog itself, only using my reader to tell me there is something to read in the first place. When I am already at a blog, its easier to leave a quick comment. This is why I have my reader feed set to "short" so you can't read my entire posts from within reader - I'm basically forcing you to click on my blog just so there is a better chance you'll leave a comment. Do you think this works? Or do you think I get the opposite effect - that people just are skipping reading the rest of my blog entries because they can't be read through reader?

~ Has everyone seen that Jen is throwing Cali a baby shower? It's this Monday - so it's close. Yay!! I'm sure you all know Cali. And I'm sure you all know she was the recipient of funds from the first U.T.E.R.U.S. fundraising campaign. And I don't have to tell you why she is one of the most deserving girls out there. Simply put: She's got a heart made purely of love. You know how it's been said that some people are actually angels in disguise, here on earth? Cali is one of them.

~ Kym is hosting the 2nd annual sock-it-to-me sock exchange. I meant to do this sooner, but looks like I missed the boat in the advertising aspect because yesterday was the deadline to sign up. I did sign up myself, but I wanted more people to sign up too. Someone out there is going to get a badass pair of roller derby socks (striped, over the knee) from me and I can't wait. You remember the Coke campaign "I'd Like to Buy The World a Coke"? My own campaign would be "I'd like to buy a pair of bad ass socks for every IFer in our blogging community". So the sock exchange is a perfect thing for me to be a part of.

~ I went to a kegger last night. Heh. An honest to goodness keg party. I was, by far, the oldest person there. I didn't think I would actually end up staying, but I did. I wasn't out late, I was home by 1am, but it was much more fun than I expected. We all ended up in the hot tub too. My husband is super pissed off at me though. He's just the jealous time and if I ever go out without him and stay out later than I expected, I get in "trouble". It really sucks, but what can I do? I didn't do anything wrong, so I just have to let him work it out himself. I'm getting the semi-silent treatment right now. You know the kind - where you are spoken to when necessary, but no chit-chat. I just hate the double standard in play. When he goes out with the boys, (which is rare - about the same rarity that I go out without him) they always end up at the strip club, not making it home until the wee hours of the morning (3am~ish). And I NEVER care. I don't mind he stays out late. I don't mind he goes to the strip club. But if ~I~ go out? Lame. There is just no pleasing him in this situation. And it sucks.

~ It's snowing right now. And I love it.

~ My HIDA scan went okay. I got a bit nauseated and moderately crampy when they put the cck in. And I saw much of the contrast flow out of my gallbladder, but quite a bit was left in too. So I'm not sure how great the function is. I should get the results next week. The first hour spent filling up my gallbladder with the contrast was wonderful though. I had my ipod on and she turned off the light. I had myself a great little nap.

~ I have another tattoo appointment on tuesday for my lower arm. It's my last of the "every two weeks" appointments. We just can't afford it. Our plan is each of us get one appointment each month, so from now on, after a session we make another appointment for 2 months out. This will take forever to get out ink done, but it's the only way we can budget for it.

~ Remember to check my other blog for baby pictures/updates. That is where I post all family type posts. As soon as I publish this one, I'll go over there to blog.

~ Hrm. Not much to talk about. And now you know why I haven't blogged for 3 days.

Off to my HIDA scan

I'm off to have fun checking out my awesome gallbladder. Then I need to pack up my cube at work. After 12 years on the same floor, I'm being moved. Ack!

This has been eating at me.

Forgive the second blog post right on top of another new one, but something is really bothering me.

There is a someone in my life who has recently just written me out. And I have no idea why. When I first noticed it, I asked her directly and she denied there was anything wrong at all. And here I am, totally noticing it - not just "thinking" it, but seeing the evidence of it too.

I know I'm not liked by everyone. And that's fine with me, I don't bend over backwards to be liked. You either like me or you don't. I don't fret over the ones who don't. But if someone did like me for quite awhile and then just stop? It hurts. At least don't lie to me when I ask what's going on - have the balls to tell me why you are stepping away from me. No matter how tough I am with my opinions, I still have feelings like any other human being.

Thanks - just had to get that out. Writing about it won't do anything for the situation because I seriously doubt she'll even see this. But it was eating at me and I had to get it out of my head before it burned a hole in there.

Twins.

(note: Weird. I just noticed I had accidentally hit "publish" instead of "save as draft" when I only had written the title. I had gotten distracted ~gasp~ and I was going to come back in a few minutes to continue writing it. And what do I see? "Twin" blank posts had published, purely an coincidental accident.)

Is it just me or is the world being inundated with twins lately?

On the pregnancy message board I was on during my pregnancy (PAIF - pregnancy after infertility), I think the girls pregnant with singletons were the minority. Most had twins and then there were a small handful of triplets; most conceived via IVF and I believe the triplets were IUIs - again, just pointing out most HOM (high order multiples) are from the riskier (for HOMs) IUIs.

What is the attraction of having twins? I can't tell you how many women I saw on the first trimester boards were just convinced they were having twins and actually really disappointed when they found they were "only" having a singleton. (Another funny thing I see with first time preggos is most all of them think "I have a feeling this baby is going to come early." hehe. Yeah, that's why the statistics show most first time babies come after their due date.) And then there is the ART (assisted reproductive technology) mommies, who go into their pregnancies assuming/hoping for twins even more because of the multiples rates are higher. Some of these mommies are even more surprised when they don't find multiple babies in their bellies.

While I think twins are a wonderful gift and I can see how they could be hoped for even more in some circumstances (ie: a women can only conceive via IVF and with having to pay out of pocket for the procedure, a "two-fer" would be extra awesome), I would never hope for a twin pregnancy. Why? Because they are hard, scary, dangerous and risky. I'm not going to go into the specifics and technicalities of the risks and dangers, I'm sure you all know a twin mom who lost one of both of their babies. Those stories are burned into my brain because it's just so damned heart wrenching.

And then there is the big thing about after the pregnancy - if both babies make it through delivery, you have ~two~ babies to care for! Ack! Although ... I do believe having two kids close together are even harder to care for than twins. So in that aspect, having twins would have been "better" for me. One of my best friends have twins. Shortly thereafter, I had babies close together (15 months apart). While I think having twins is ridiculously hard, I really think having two babies close together are even harder. Why? Because when you have twins, while you have to do twice the amount of work and it's hard for both babies to be on the same schedule, with kids close together you are not only doing double the work, but the work is completely different.

I watched my friend trying to feed both babies at the same time. But then she watched me trying to feed a newborn and then cooking a meal and feeding it to the toddler. I watched her catch a break when both babies were content and laying on their activity mat happily. But then she watched me not being able to take a break even with both kids happy because even in the content moments, the newborn had to be protected constantly from the toddler. Ella wasn't an unruly child, she was simply too young to know to be careful around Allison. I couldn't leave the baby happily sitting in her swing alone with Ella while I ran to the bathroom. The work was more constant and literally never ending. So I will say that given the choice in regards to how hard it was, I'd rather have twins than two kids close together. Saying all that, could you imagine how hard Sugar & Ice has it? She's got a toddler AND newborn twins. Oy vey!

Whoa. Sorry to get a little off topic there.

I want to make it very clear I am ~not~ speaking negatively about anyone who has twins (or the twins themselves). I'll admit that I'm jealous of twin mommies because twins are, for the record, so damned cute!!! But they are a lot of work comparatively speaking to a singleton and the pregnancies are so dangerous and so risky and most are so hard at the end. I am only speaking to the question in my mind of not understanding why so many women hope and pray to be pregnant with twins. It's a blessing and a gift to get, yes, but it's not something I ever put on my wish list. I guess it makes me a little sad when a mommy is disappointed in their singleton when they were secretly or openly hoping for twin heartbeats at that first appointment. While twins are incredibly cool and get a lot of attention, a singleton is pretty damned incredibly cool too.

Twins.

forgive me

but this picture is just way too funny to not share to all of you too.



I have it on my other blog, but that one gets like 1/76th of the traffic this one gets. And really. Isn't that look just flippin' hilarious?

Really.

What kind of expression is this? I'm on my way to derby, so maybe I'm getting my mean face on.



heh. That's funny.

Anywho, anywho. What am I up to? A whole bunch of nothing. Just normal household crap. Nothing fun to blog about at all. So I'll just leave you with that stupid picture and a little "hello". hi.

I am so fucking pissed off!

Damn it! A blogger just went and told me who won top chef. In the FIRST SENTANCE!!! Not even first sentance, but first WORD. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm beyond saddened.

People - don't give away juicy tidbits of shows - especially shows that are contests, like, oh, let's say WHO WINS! - without giving us a chance to click away.

I must go cry into my bowl of wheaties now. My whole excitement over watching the end which I have recorded is shot all to hell.