Tuesday, March 3, 2009

This has been eating at me.

Forgive the second blog post right on top of another new one, but something is really bothering me.

There is a someone in my life who has recently just written me out. And I have no idea why. When I first noticed it, I asked her directly and she denied there was anything wrong at all. And here I am, totally noticing it - not just "thinking" it, but seeing the evidence of it too.

I know I'm not liked by everyone. And that's fine with me, I don't bend over backwards to be liked. You either like me or you don't. I don't fret over the ones who don't. But if someone did like me for quite awhile and then just stop? It hurts. At least don't lie to me when I ask what's going on - have the balls to tell me why you are stepping away from me. No matter how tough I am with my opinions, I still have feelings like any other human being.

Thanks - just had to get that out. Writing about it won't do anything for the situation because I seriously doubt she'll even see this. But it was eating at me and I had to get it out of my head before it burned a hole in there.

31 comments:

Ella said...

I hear you - a friend of mine did that to me 3 years ago... just totally pushed me out of her life in no uncertain terms She didn't return my calls or emails - but she wouldn't admit she was doing it or that anything was wrong. I finally got the message and stopped contacting her. But it was hard, and it hurt.

I still want to know why... maybe someday I'll grow a pair and confront her.

Morgan said...

Sometimes you make me feel that way too. So sorry to bring this up during another problem you are having with someone else, but I felt it was the right time to bring it up since you posted what you posted...

I try really hard to make you like me, I really do. Since way back in the day on message boards I thought "this is the coolest bitch ever!". And I feel so stupid saying this...I am the type who NEVER and I mean NEVER craves one persons attention..well not really "attention" but likeness. Whatever, you get my point...it's just hard to word it, much less SAY it. Am I really telling you all this right now?

Anyways, I just want you to like me the way you like some of your other blog friends. I don't want to be just this girl who comments on your blog.

Then on my poll you said you hate country music and that's why we could never be friends. You put a smiley face to let me know you were maybe kidding but lets get real...you weren't kidding. I just would never tell you since you listen to punk rock and I don't that we couldn't be friends IRL. Anyways, I had to get that off my chest before it burned a hole in -MY- head.

Morgan said...

I did forget to say this though...

I don't know why anyone would just push you out of their life. I hope you get it all figured out, I'm sure the worst part is not knowing *WHY*. Maybe they will read this post and step up and tell you.

Rachel said...

I have a coworker like that, she's friendly one day, the next she's biting my head off. No warning, just happens. And it sucks.
You have no time for this bullshit in your life anyway. It's her loss.

nancy said...

I'm sorry morgan - the smiley face was me saying I was kidding with you - I wouldn't ~not~ like someone just because they listened to country! The smiley face was to make sure you knew that. But the fact I hate country? I do. I can't stand it. And if you don't like punk - you can totally tell me you hate it - no skin off my back! You hating punk music has nothing to do with me. Hell, most of my friends wouldn't listen to a lot of my music.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings with my hatred of country. The "we could never be friends" is something I say all the time in jest. I'll be sure not to joke around with you like that anymore.

And for the record - you don't have to try to be liked hun. You are liked by many (including me) just fine. :)

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I was going to make a joke and say that I hated you and then realized that it would probably not be taken well (but somehow still wanted to let you know that I had the urge to tease you). I think sometimes you ask a second time and sometimes you walk away. And only you know which act would be better in this case.

Heather and Jase said...

Been there, it sucks ass. Hope it all works out.

Morgan said...

Thank you. It really had nothing to do with music though, it's just what you said. I'm not one of those people with no sense of humor who can't take jokes, it's just the way you said it I guess.

Anyways!!

Mareike said...

My goodness. I've tried writing comments about the multiple obsession but couldn't get it right. There was too much to say. I happen to be a twin and my sister and I were born at just under 7 pounds each but so many multiples are born with problems (if they survive at all.)

Now this. Nancy I'm sorry you have a friend to whom you have appealed as to what is going on with her that she has pulled away who denies that there is anything. That sucks.
Morgan, I'm sorry that you thought there was any seriousness in Nancy saying you couldn't be her friend because you listen to "country." I certainly knew she would never feel that way. And if she did it wouldn't be followed with a smiley face.
Heck, if we couldn't be friends with people who have different tastes than our own, I'd be in serious trouble. I couldn't be friends with people who care about shoes, handbags, getting their nails done etc. I couldn't be friends with people who dress infant girls in dresses. Damn I think I might even still have one friend who is a (GASP) Republican (maybe she finally came around.)
How boring would the world be if we all agreed on everything and how sad if we couldn't agree to disagree and enjoy those things we do have in common?

~*JaYmE*~ said...

I'm sorry your friend is being this way. I think we have all been in this situation and it sucks! Hopefully she comes around & if not your probably better off w/out her. Sorry to say that though. (((HUGS)))

jenn said...

hugs... It sucks when friends drift apart- especially when the drifting is one sided.

margelina said...

Sorry for the shitty situation.
I have to admit that it's crazy to me that as grown women with families we still deal with crap like this. It makes me sad for my girls. I know not everyone can get along, but the cattiness is ridiculous and uncalled for. For fucks sake be honest, especially when asked!

Peeveme said...

Think of it this way: If she has an issue with you that IS about you. If she wont talk about it then that's all about HER.

Let her know that you are around if she wants to talk but if she does not let her just fade away.

Or you could stalk her. Tee Hee.

Jennifer said...

That sucks that she won't even tell you what's bothering you! Ugh...I've been going through similar drama.

A friend of 15+ years just decided to tell me that she doesn't like my DH and hasn't for 6 years. She claims he flirted with her before we were married (he's NEVER been attracted to her) and has pretended to like him and lie to me for all this time. She now wants me to be in her wedding, but he's not invited. She said some mean things about him and thinks he's a horrible person and that I'm not happy in our marriage. I don't see how she can get the impression. I don't know if I should/could be in a wedding that my DH is forbidden to go to. The friendship is definitely broken right now.

Sorry for hijacking your blog! Maybe in six + years your friend will finally tell you what's bothering her. Ugh!

Mareike said...

Jennifer (hmm how strange to keep talking to other people on Nancy's blog but....) Are you kidding? This one sounds like a "no brainer" to me. Why would you be in a wedding to which your husband was not invited? There is certainly no "should" involved and as to "could" well, that's up to you. Damn I'm pissed at that woman and I don't know either of you.

areyoukiddingme said...

This is why I don't deal well with many women. I'm pretty straightforward and if you have a problem with me, I want to know about it. I'll either apologize or tell you my rationale and why I think I'm right. I meet plenty of women who can't operate under those conditions. They'd rather wait for you to figure out what you did to piss them off, all the while telling everyone else how horrible you are. Ugh.

Well, I hope you can resolve the issue to your satisfaction, Nancy. It does hurt for someone you've been close to for a while to suddenly ditch you, especially when you don't know why.

MrsJoyner said...

Firstly..Im sorry Im not being clear, I sometimes do that, so thank you for being clear to me, at least on of us is. I work hands n with patients AND do coding and billing. I basically do everything. And thats why I a *tad* worried about working w/cardiologists. Sorry I was so confusing. Is this a better explanation? And to comment on this post, I have a friend who feels like I did that to her, and I never meant it to be that way, she was just super unsupportive of me but needed my 100% attention. I tried to explain that to her, but she just didn't get it, and I just kind of completely quit talking to her. Maybe that was an assholish thing to do. Im not defending this perosn in anyway, I just know that I've been there and it sucks! Im sorry..you have better things to deal with!

nancy said...

MrsJoyner - YES! Now I understand. They just seemed to be so totally different jobs, I didn't see what it was you did :)

Sarah R said...

I get pretty vocal in the debate forums on the mommy board I belong to. I happened to notice that someone "unfriended" me, and I always thought she was a cool girl. Anyway, it bugged me because I really liked her, respected her, and suddenly without explanation, she doesn't talk to me anymore. The whole point of the debate forums is to state our opinions, yet we are friends first. The thing is, she doesn't even visit those forums! Then I got all paranoid...maybe she never had me in her friend list and I just THINK she unfriended me....

Anyway, sorry that you are feeling this way! It sucks.

Lori said...

It's the not-knowing that's hard. Then I start to think it's EVERYthing about me that bugged the person, since I can't pinpoint the ONE thing.

I know you saw Mel's Advice column today. Maybe it's just baby sensitivity....?

Anyhow, I like Peevme's thought.

~Chel~ said...

I'm still trying to get over the fact that someone would cut YOU, Nancy, out of their lives! WTF? I mean really people, grow up. Aren't we a little old to be playing hs games?

IMO Nancy--You ROCK!

But I do know where you are coming from...Just roll it off your back...Easier said than done, but you can do it...You're better off without them apparently anyways...

theclam said...

You deserve an explanation to her behaviour Nancy. I'm sorry she's not giving it to you.

xxx

Krista said...

I totally had that happen to me around the time B was born. I have to admit, it still bothers me sometimes, as much as I like to think I've totally walked away from the whole thing.

(((hugs)))

Steph O. said...

I'm sorry to hear that Nancy. Deep down, we all still have that insecure 13yr old saying "what did i do?"

At least you tried to resolve it. I've had to drop "friends" before, but am not sure that they even noticed. I know they've never asked about it. I would've been honest about it if they had, but I wasn't about to go up to someone who didn't seem to care & be all 'you hurt my feelings'.

Maybe she's going through a rough time right now & just doesn't know how to express it. It's hard when friendships just die.

Kaci said...

That sucks. Maybe you'll have another chance to ask and maybe she'll be honest this time.

Agata said...

Sorry, Nancy. I know it sucks. Two of my oldest friends (who also were bridesmaids in my wedding) dropped me like a hot potato right around the time I had my daughter. That was over 3 years ago now. No explanation, nothing. I've tried emailing and nothing. The only explanation I "sort of" got from a mutual friend was that they were annoyed that I wasn't calling them all the time anymore and that I missed one of their parties. Uhm, I was pregnant and high-risk and confined to home most of the time! Then they never replied to my emails because (according to this mutual friend) they knew I was moving out of state and didn't think it was worth it to stay in touch since I was moving anyway.

It still hurts, to this day. My daughter looks at my wedding pictures and has no idea who those women are...

Ok, sorry, didn't mean to turn this into a "me" post. But I can relate and I totally understand. It sucks when you lose a friend and you don't know why.

And I think you're pretty damn cool so it's her loss. :)

Rachel Inbar said...

I'm living a crazy-busy life, so I don't know if I'd notice if someone was just brushing me off (yowks. that sounds bad.) My only words of wisdom are that sometimes it's about them and not about you. She might be going through something in her life that she feels she can't share with you and that if she were closer to you now that it would come out. Then again, I could be totally wrong, it could be your choice of music ;-)

Kelly said...

You have to let it out! That's one of the benefits of a blog!

Jewels said...

I think I've been on both sides of the fence. I'm guilty of brushing off my friend (best friend of 24 years even), and she’s done the same back at me.

I think for me it was because I was going through some internal changes though, and she had a powerful influence on me (we’re are like sisters after all these years) and I couldn’t find my own voice in my head with her voice speaking louder than mine (kind of like a mother daughter relationship where I rebelled to find myself), I just needed time, (which we are throwing her daughters baby shower this weekend -I’m still Aunt Julie to her kids) and after time, and finding myself, I felt like I didn’t have to worry about her changing me when I was around her (I hated admitting this, but I’m easily influenced and didn’t like who I was when I was around her, so it wasnt about her, it WAS about ME), but after I grew a strong sense of self, I felt like I could be around her and not worry about either her not liking me for the person I now was, or me acting in a manner that went against my morals (the way she knew me to be), and I now really enjoy seeing her.

As for her – I can only assume she did the same because maybe she needed the same kind of space. I guess when your friends for that long – you’re bound to go through changes and need space. (Didn’t Chicago sing a song about that?)

Anyway hun, I hope time heals whatever is going on and only builds your friendship stronger in the end.


(((again, sorry I'm so long winded)))

Io said...

Fuck them. *I* like you and my opinion is clearly the only one that matters.

lostintaipei said...

Sheeeesh, do we chicks ever outgrow the quad era? I've adopted a motto: if they don't bring their problem with me TO me, it's THEIR problem. But damn, it sucks to be psychically linked to someone where you KNOW there's an issue and they deny it. So crazy-making and unhealthy. Admittedly, this awareness doesn't alleviate the pain, just keeps it in perspective. So bottom line: Her loss.

Like my DH reminds me when I moan about the rejection, he reminds me there are SO many cooler friends I have and have yet to meet on which to expend my precious energy.

Stupid "make new friends but keep the old one is silver but the other is gold" diddy. Bad childhood programming.