I just killed a gnat by accident. And I feel terrible about it.
See, I don't kill anything. Okay, let me take that back, I do kill in some circumstances. Like if it's a black widow by the doorway of our house where it can hurt or even kill my children. THEN I'll kill it. But that's still last case scenario.
I figure I am not a being who can pick who lives nor dies, even if it's an insect. (although I support the death penalty. Hrm. That's something to think about.) Could you imagine being a little bug, going through all that is of life, only to be swacked to death by someone's hand who just felt you were annoying? Hell, if I got killed by the first person who felt I was annoying, I'd be dead many years ago! ~wink~
But really. I don't kill. I catch and release everything. Heh, speaking of, I don't even like to fish with live bait because I don't want to kill the worm or minnow. I killed this gnat though and I'm feeling all kinds of guilt over it. I'm sorry I ended your life little gnat!
And here you all thought I was a tough punk rock girl.
(eden - do you make fairy bread? And if so, do you use "hundreds and thousands?")
... Once (and still) Infertile, but still Schnarky as hell. This blog is dedicated to the daily ramblings from the mind of Nancy. It isn't about anything profound in the grand scheme of things, but it ~is~ about things in my life, schnarkiness always included. I have a second blog, listed in my profile, but the blogs will continue to remain separate.
"I'm aiming for heaven, but I'll probably wind up down in hell"
About Me
- nancy
- I am a 39 year old woman. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a handsome son. I am a career woman. As for my TTC world, it certainly doesn't seem like I am "infertile", but I fought for my pregnancies and my TTC/IF history is on the sidebar. I have two blogs, which are both listed in my profile. One focuses on my daily life - including IF, TTC, pregnancy, delivery and even some "children mentioned" posts. The second blog is ~soley~ posts directly about being the mother to my three children.
Belly Pics for #3 only.
Click stick figure to see the consecutive pictures from this pregnancy only.
My TTC History
- Jul 01 ~ married
- Jan 02 ~ First cycle off bcps and opk shows ovulation!
- Dec 02 ~ Went to pcp for RE referral
- Jan 03 ~ Testing commences. S/A perfect. HSG clear.
- Feb 03 ~ Lap #1. All clear.
- Apr 03 ~ Clomid cycle #1. BFN.
- May 03 ~ Clomid cycle #2. BFN.
- Jun 03 ~ Clomid cycle #3. BFN.
- Jul 03 ~ Supposed to be IUI#1, but we missed cd3 so natural cycle
- Aug 03 ~ BFP on C18.
- Apr 04 ~ Ella born.
- Oct 04 ~ decided to ttc #2 and went off minipill to see if I am ovulating. I am. Will start next month.
- Nov 04 ~ TTC#2 starts. BFP. Holy Crap. No freaking way. No way.
- Aug 05 ~ Allison born
- Oct 06 ~ IUD removed. TTC#3
- Jan 07 ~ Large cysts found.
- Feb 07 ~ Femara cyle #1
- Mar 07 ~ Started w/ RE. HSG #2 showed R tube blocked. S/A normal.
- Mar 07 ~ more cysts, up to 9cms.
- Apr 07 ~ more cysts, 3 @ 7-9cms.
- May 07 ~ IUI #1 cancelled due to more cysts
- Jun 07 ~ IUI #1 (take two) w/ Clomid. BFN.
- Jul 07 ~ HSS showed scar tissue in 70% of uterus. Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome. Uterine surgery #2
- Aug 07 ~ HSG #3 showed clear tubes.
- Aug 07 ~ IUI #2 w/ Femara. BFN.
- Sept 07 ~ Monitored w/ hCG trigger. BFN.
- Oct 07 ~ HSS #2 showed scar tissue in 30% of uterus. Uterine surgery #3.
- Dec 07 ~ HSS #3 showed tiny amount of scar tissue. Uterine surgery #4.
- Jan 08 ~ HSS #4 showed clear uterus.
- Jan 08 ~ IUI #3, C16. BFN.
- Mar 08 ~ IVF #1, Transfer Cancelled due to lining. Out of 15 eggs, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilized. I have named my 9 embryos "The Mod Squad" and they are in the freezer, waiting for mommy to be ready.
- Apr/May 08 ~ FET #1. C20. 4 embryos "The Fab Four" transferred on 5/05. BFP!!! Very Low Beta (15 at 11dp3dt) but the numers continued to double every 48 hours. Told it was "most likely not viable" and later "most likely ectopic" but we beat all the odds.
- May 16, 08 ~ 11dp3dt (4w0d), beta #1: 15
- May 19, 08 ~ 14dp3dt (4w3d), beta #2: 43
- May 23, 08 ~ 18dp3dt (5w0d), beta#3: 213
- May 27, 22dp3dt (5w4d), beta #4: 1,073
- Jun 08 - Ultrasound showed one heartbeat at 7 weeks.
- Jul 08 - Had CVS testing. Chromosomes are normal and it's a BOY!! EDD: 1/23
- Aug 08 - Jan 09 ~ High risk due to: 1) Velamentous Cord Insertion, deemed biggest risk 2) Previous Placenta Accreta 3) Previous rapid degraged placenta 4) IVF alone can create weak placenta 5) AMA - Advanced Maternal Age. -- All resulting in almost 30 u/s and lots of testing, which ended up saving my life.
- Jan 09 (38w0d) ~ Karl is born! -- Crazy 3 days in hospital. Manual version to flip baby from breech to head down, Labor, Delivery, Emergency surgery due to cord detaching from placenta, Scary heart issues from losing over 40% of my blood supply, and then a blood transfusion due to the extreme loss of blood. Whew!
Blog Archive
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2009
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September
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- Can I buy narcotics on ebay? (and I'm going to L.A.!)
- This "infertility test" has me all pissed off!
- My pictures from the paper
- My heart is melting
- If you are interested in ~me~
- Costumes are easy around Halloween
- I figured out my dance ...
- In an effort
- Forgive me, I'm pissed off.
- It's raining, it's pouring, no, it's actually snow...
- Thanks for your suggestions!
- i need help!
- A little ~too~ well done.
- Some now, more later.
- I've ran out of things to do.
- I'm rockin it.
- No one puts baby in the corner.
- 25 Firsts
- Thou Shall Not Kill
- IVF in Colorado Springs? (or Albuquerque?)
- Video killed the radio star ...
- guilty pleasures.
- Really? How is "KU" not irritating to everyone else?
- Burlesque!
- Questions 1-4 wrap up (and my answers)
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21 comments:
OMG this is so funny - I am the *exact* same way. I hate killing anything, especially bugs - I always trap them in something and release them outside. I won't let DH kill the fish he catches at the lake, I make him catch-and-release :)
I remember you telling us before about the fact that you don't kill anything. I think that it is great that you have so much respect for other living things. I'm sorry that you are feeling so much distress over the gnat. I sure it wouldn't want you to beat yourself up about it too much. Try to remember how many other bugs you have saved.
I AM IN STITCHES, LAUGHING SO HARD.
I'm sitting on the couch watching 60 minutes, have torn my calf muscle, Rocco gave me a vomiting bug .... worst day, right. Catching up on blogs, and here you are raving on about a gnat. And I'm all, what the fuck is a gnat? And I decided that should be my comment .... just, WHAT THE FUCK IS A GNAT.
Not to mention the fact that I'm all, fuck man, I kill EVERYTHING.
... Then I get to the end. It was like you were sitting right next to me .. "So Eden, what is fairy bread."
HILARIOUS!!!! Thank you for giving me my first laugh all day. And yes, I call them hundreds and thousands. What do you call them???
XOXOXOX
PS Still laughing. I love fairy bread.
Wait, what about a mosquito biting you? Do you kill those? I do.
Otherwise, we catch and release all spiders, or sometimes Rob just lets them roam the house. We, thankfully, don't get killer spiders around here.
He has live-trapped from his garden: rabbits, squirrels (seriously, a squirrel in the trap), mice, moles, and voles. Then he releases them down by the water on the other side of town. :)
Eden! Heh. Okay, so your day is 1,000 times worse. BUT ... think about if you were the gnat in my house (teeny flying bug) that just had it's life ended. Now THAT would be worse. ;)
I knew due to the time difference, you'd probably see my comment to you! I was reading parenting magazine and they talk about birthdays in other cultures and mentioned fairy bread. Then said that what we call "sprinkles", you call "hundreds and thousands", which made me laugh cause that sounds like such a big mouthful to say instead of "sprinkles". :)
See, I couldn't be more different! I kill everything. Well, everything that is a bug in my house. Tis the season for spiders around here and I have killed my fair share of them in the past week or so. I hare spiders - big, black spiders.
Now, I won't kill a fly. Flies don't really bother me.
But a gnat?? That is so funny! Funny for me. Not so funny for you.
Now I feel bad for thinking it is funny.
Oh God, this had me fucking laughingn so hard my side hurts.
I don't kill many things at all. Even insects are living things and deserve the right to live. However, last weekend while I was at the lake there had to have been about a GAZILLION gnats in the kitchen of the house and I just couldn't take it anymore. I killed probably hundreds of them. Not to mention the hundreds that died a death of drownding in a shallow bowl of vinager.
If it's a gnat flying in my face, or a mosquito biting my arm, or a fly buzzing in my ear it's a goner. Everything else I leave alone.
Don't feel guilty Nancy~it's a gnat and there are MILLIONS and MILLIONS more of them.
:)
R.I.P. gnat :) poor thang.
Haha..I got to the end of your post, and saw your question to Eden, and having just read my parents magazine, thought, she must be reading parents....
Ah! I am the same way! Sure, I'll kill something like a black widow and I'll swat the shit out of a mosquito but everything else gets tossed outside. In the case of a harmless spider, it is usually while Hubby is standing on the couch screaming, "KILL IT, JAMIE!! JUST KILL IT!!"
death to bugs, i say! i hate creepy crawlies. if i see a spide & N isn't home, i get our cat (fats) & set him in front of the spider to kill it. i figure that way it has a fighting chance, the cat gets some fun out of it & a tasty treat at the end(& i don't have to clean bug guts afterwards!) that's not too crule, right? i mean it's kind of like the cicle of life & all.... right? or at least that's how i justify it.
wow, typo bonanza in that my last comment. sorry about that...
I think the same way you do but every so often if I accidentally kill something I don't usually fret about it too much. I might feel bad for a second or two but then go on.
I did accidentally hit a cat though with my car. That scarred me. I was so upset. Then again, I guess bugs and mammals should be on a totally different scale.
Thanks so much by the way for the great feedback on my IUI situation. I have news and growing follies to post about here in a bit. I totally don't care that you wrote a book. If you're being helpful that's totally alright! (Actually I don't care if you write a long post every time!;)
I don't feel remorse for killing mosquitos, if they're biting me. I hate fruit flies & end up killing those too. And I draw the line at poisonous spiders.
Otherwise, I'm a catch & release too. Or I let the cats get the bug. At least it's protien to them.
I wouldn't loose sleep over a bug though.
So, how do you keep from killing any bugs while you are driving? Poor things, just flying along, minding their own business, when this big barreling car comes roaring at them from out of nowhere, and SPLAT!!! The family reunion they were going to will have to go on without them. Sniff.
Hey, we have some deer meat that we're giving away. Would you like some? DH killed it, so you won't have to have it on your conscience. lol
You really don't kill mosquitos?
I kill interior trespassers...and mosquitos. And I don't feel bad about it. They can have the whole outside, but stay out of my house!
You're really sweet on the inside, aren't you?
I'm a catch and release person myself, usually. Silverfish, for one, are too hard to catch, so they get squashed.
All of us contribute/conspire to to killing things all the time. It's just one of those "out of sight, out of mind" things. If you eat meat or fish, you just have someone else be the executioner for you. Even in the case of spiders, if you let one go, you are condemning to death all the bugs it catches and kills after that.
I think it all comes down to quality of life. Swatting a gnat and killing it cleanly may have been the humane thing to do. Given the choice, as a gnat, would you like to get get killed instantly as opposed to, let's see, 1) being EATEN ALIVE by a spider or some other bug or by a bird or bat, or 2) getting to be an old gnat and dying of some kind of gnat cancer (after a prolonged illness and with no insurance)? I'd go for instant death any day.
The important thing, for me, is that you are not callous or casual about killing other things. Consideration is a good thing. Do like the native Americans and don't let any of what you kill go to waste--eat the gnat (or, at least, feed it to Peter Pan).
I'm a catch and release person myself, usually. Silverfish, for one, are too hard to catch, so they get squashed.
All of us contribute/conspire to to killing things all the time. It's just one of those "out of sight, out of mind" things. If you eat meat or fish, you just have someone else be the executioner for you. Even in the case of spiders, if you let one go, you are condemning to death all the bugs it catches and kills after that.
I think it all comes down to quality of life. Swatting a gnat and killing it cleanly may have been the humane thing to do. Given the choice, as a gnat, would you like to get get killed instantly as opposed to, let's see, 1) being EATEN ALIVE by a spider or some other bug or by a bird or bat, or 2) getting to be an old gnat and dying of some kind of gnat cancer (after a prolonged illness and with no insurance)? I'd go for instant death any day.
The important thing, for me, is that you are not callous or casual about killing other things. Consideration is a good thing. Do like the native Americans and don't let any of what you kill go to waste--eat the gnat (or, at least, feed it to Peter Pan).
I feel no guilt with bugs but I was all eaten up over the squirrel that ran out in front of my car a few weeks ago.
I love that you are a big ball of mushy goodness underneath it all!
I try not to kill anything 7 growing up in the country with a house full of ants, mice, raccoons & squirrels in the attic have made me pretty immune to typical squeamishness & the 'kill it now' instinct. except for spiders & roaches. Those 2 scare the crap out of me & if I see one I either run away & have the hub deal with it (spiders) or squash it to bits before I can think about it (roaches). Luckily we are pretty bug free due to living in a city & having a cat & dog.
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