Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas is all about GETTING. And another Nancy Story.

I touched on this subject on my other blog, but I'll just repeat myself here. People who are all about "the holidays are for giving" piss me off. If you give, someone is getting. So without getting, there'd be no giving. So get off your high horses and admit ~getting~ is freaking fantabulous.

Hrm. What is next in line of Nancy Stories?

"Talking" shit.

I was a regular at a bar called Murphy's Pub back in my college days. I knew the staff. I knew the other regulars. I was as comfortable in the pub as I was in my own living room. Which also means, I was comfortable with talking shit to anyone who happened to walk in the doors.

It all started with me having to pee. I walk in the bathroom and do my business. When I came out of the stall to wash my hands, there was a girl and a guy in there, him bent over unzipping her pants. I give the "what the fuck" look to her and she says, with a very thick east coast accent, "I can't do it myself!" holding up her very long fake nails.

Without skipping a beat, I respond with "Maybe not being able to go to the bathroom by yourself is a hint you should stay home" and I walked out without waiting for a response.

The door FLEW open behind me and in all her eastern (new york, maybe?) rage, she screams "Are you twalking shit to me?!!!"

I say, "No. I'm TALKING shit to you. I t-a-l-k shit, not t-w-a-l-k shit."

She came unglued and went after me. It unnerved me actually, as I wasn't (and still am not) a fighter, but her big hair and long fingernails dove into me. She grabbed a hold of my hair (nice) and I was against the wall. I couldn't do anything. My head hurt SO much (seriously, there is something about the hair pulling thing. That fucking hurts.) I was rendered motionless. I tried to kick her off of me, but any movement made my head hurt worse. That's when my friend Tim (yes, a guy) punched her in the back of the head which made her pull out a square inch of scalp off my head. Ah. At least I was released from her grasp.

She was immediately grabbed by a staff member and thrown out of the bar. I stood behind the staff guy who was telling her to leave and not return nodding my head in agreement. Like I was the shit or something - when in actuality, I was hiding behind the guy, afraid to get more hair pulled. I'll admit that I was the loser in whatever kind of fight it was.

As the melee calmed down, everyone was asking me if I was okay and I was nodding yes. Except my head hurt bad. Damn, being scalped fucking hurt bad. It was at this time some guy walked up to me, holding out his hand to me saying "here's your hair back" and I notice there was a gigantic hunk of hair and scalp in his hand. Ewww. "Um, thanks dude".


Erin said...

Getting is awesome. I got a lot this year (mostly because I needed a computer and a PDA for school). It was totally sweet to find an iPod touch and a laptop from santa :)

Shannon said...

I don't think there's anything wrong with getting and giving. I don't see why people can't do both if they are able and want to. I LOVE getting!!

You're stories make me feel like I missed out on some fun. Except for the missing hair part...LOL

areyoukiddingme said...

Personally, I would rather dispense with the whole gift obligation thing and only buy things when I see them and think someone I know would like them. Eh, whatever.

Nice bar story...I'm not a fighter either, and I am mouthy, but I've never managed to piss someone off enough to attack me. Although if they pulled my hair, it wouldn't have bothered me much...conditioning, I guess - my sister used to pull my hair all the time! I would have broken her nails though.

Anonymous said...

The pleasure of getting or giving gifts is definately an individual thing. Personally, I would rather give to others and that is exactly what I did this year. Instead of getting gifts the money went to 2 families that were struggling with the lemons of life. The greatest gift for my family cost nothing at all. 7 days of family activities (the extended family included).

As for the bar story... She sounds a lot like a few girls I know from Jersey. You definately have some whoppers in your story bin!

Lisa said...

I can't believe the guy gave you your hair back!

Kristin said...

Yikes...your story had me wincing in pain.

MrsSpock said...

Mr S and I don't exchange gifts- but every year I "get" the gift of getting to shop for whatever I want without any grumbling about money. SO yes, that is a great thing to get, and I enjoy getting it!

This story made me laugh. Long fake nails are revolting to me. I always wonder how they wipe their asses.

Mareike said...

I love doing things for other people but I don't give gifts as an obligation. I randomly give something that seems totally appropriate for someone and it rarely happens around an occasion. I'm a terribly awkward receiver (this is NOT a good quality.) If I take pleasure in giving I should understand that others do too and I should accept gifts or help more graciously than I do.
As for the bar story; it was really creepy that the woman attacked you the way she did. At the same time I don't think it was the best idea to pick on someone for her accent. Yes, the New York accent is grating but people can't help where they were raised. It seems a little along the lines of pointing out that someone is fat or ugly. Hey, you know I adore you but it does seem that occasionally you "bait" people (like the asshole who punched you in the face.) Both of these people were very wrong in their actions but sometimes walking away is the better idea. People have been shot and killed for similar things; people who were not at fault but felt the need to confront someone.

JamieD said...

You have the BEST stories.