My house ~wants~ to catch fire.

Seriously. I've never had such fire troubles ever.

First, my heating lamp got unhinged somehow and fell on top of the wood log in peter pan's cage (our tortoise). We just happened to get home when if happened, as we caught it before too much damage was done. It was smoky and the log was smoldering, but we got it taken care of immediately.

Second, my toaster sticks while cooking pop tarts and I get a raging fireball, damaging the entire kitchen from the smoke. After washing all curtains, rugs and scrubbing down the cabinets, it was back to normal.

Third, my light switch in the kitchen for the garage lights catches fire and the only thing that stopped my house for going down in flames was the metal casing the wires were in. Whew! $80 bucks later for some rewiring work from the electrician, all is fixed.

Forth was the toaster, yet again, which somehow got turned up to high high high and it turned a bagel into two smoking little disks of burnt bagelness. Dammed toaster.

This time it was an evil plan cooked up between a pineapple and my toaster. Yes. My toaster. Again.

I made chinese for dinner last night, which means I spent the day cooking. Cashew chicken, fried rice and won ton soup, all from scratch. Well, trying to keep up with the dishes while I was cooking, my pineapple got knocked over. I didn't think twice about it and continued my cooking. Next thing I know is Tom comes in the kitchen asking if something was burning. That's when I noticed it. The kitchen and living room was filled with a light smoke and we started the search for the culprit.

I immediately panicked and ran into the children's rooms, making sure there wasn't a fire in one of their rooms. Nada. Thank god. Then we went around the house, letting out nose to the investigating. The smoke seemed to be worse in the kitchen and I checked the burners. The ones that were supposed to be on were on and the other ones were turned off. I checked the oven. And then it occurs to me. The evil toaster.

Apparently, when the pineapple was knocked over, the bulk of the pineapple pushed down the lever, turning on the toaster. The leaves on top of the pineapple landed perfectly inside the toaster which were smoldering.

An ironic side note is I am allergic to pineapple!

My toaster is out to get me. I'm sure of it.