Thursday, April 23, 2009

Repeat of "Scary Guy Pills"

It's one of my older stories, but still a goody.

I lived in central phoenix after college. Not quite the suburbs if you know what I mean.

One day at lunch, I ran out to the bank to put in a deposit. I had to turn left into the bank and there was a lot of traffic. I pulled in the middle lane to wait for my turn. When I pulled into the lane, I was face to face with another car who was waiting for his turn to go. I assumed (wrongly) that he was waiting to turn left also.

I don't know how it is in all states, but in Arizona, it's illegal to use the turning lane as a merging lane. You use the lane to turn left. Period. Not to to merge into it first, wait for a space, and then continue to go forward. See, I used to get a lot of tickets in my teenage years and I've been to traffic school ~a lot~.

When oncoming traffic cleared, I went to turn left. At the same time, the guy who was facing me in the turning lane, went to merge into traffic, so he almost hit me. Yeah, he was in the lane first, but since he was making an illegal maneuver, I had the right of way, so I flipped him off (as anyone in Phoenix would do) and continued on my turn into the bank.

There I was, waiting my turn in the drive through. I was up at the little tube thingy, putting in my deposit, and I notice the same car drive through a closed bank lane and park perpendicular to the exit of my lane, blocking me in. This huge black guy comes out (doesn't make any difference to the story that the guy was black. But I was a little tiny white girl, so he was that much more intimidating to me) and starts screaming at me.

The whole bank is watching.

I want to look at "cool" as possible, so I start smart mouthing the guy, even though I should of just apologized so he would cool down. While he's barraging me with curse words, I'm smiling as big as possible, nodding my head saying "uh-huh. You don't say? Really? Wow." This is infuriating him even more. But I persist.

As he basically runs out of curse words and is silent for more than a second, I look to him and say "Are you done? Cause if you are, maybe you should go home and take some more Scary Guy Pills."

No fucking clue where that came from. But I was quite happy with how it sounded. Rarely do you get a good "come back" in the moment.

At that, he stopped, cocked his head in confusion, put his left hand on the opening of my open car window and with his right hand, punched me directly in the face.

Things go black.I woke up to 1) blinding pain in my face 2) about every male customer on top of this guy, keeping him away from me and 3) the entire bank in the drive through window watching the melee. Awesome.

The guy stood up and the men stayed between me and him. He did some more cursing and got into his car and left. Police were called who gave me a lecture for getting into a confrontation with the man to begin with - scolding me over the idea "what if he had a gun?". Well, he didn't have a gun and he punched me. Can we focus on that? I'm the victim here!

The car ended up being stolen and they never found the guy. I had a wicked black eye and bruised cheekbone. And my mom was right - some day my mouth WAS going to get me into trouble.

Moral of this story? Confusing a very mean man can get you punched in the face. But it's a good story, no?


p.s. It's a big birthday day over at my other blog. (children mentioned)

26 comments:

Seraphim said...

You have balls girl. And I mean that in the nicest possible way!

The Captain's Wife said...

See now...whether you like to admit it or not..You are a tough ass chick~

Dot said...

Dang girl...

Robin T said...

Holy Crap! You got punched? What a bastard..!

Don't you hate it when mom is right?

emilythehopeless said...

ohmyfreakinggod!

Steph O. said...

Yikes! I should tell this story to my little sis! It's not a stretch to think of her doing something like this!

Kristin said...

Its a fucking fabulous story. And, I agree with Seraphim...you have balls!

Jennifer said...

That's a crazy story - you are so lucky he didn't pull out a knife/gun (but I won't lecture like the cops did). Wink wink.

jill said...

Holy crap! That's crazy! I would have grabbed my cell and started calling the cops as I was rolling up my window! haha

zach05kate95 said...

Every time I read this story I LMAO. I am from Arizona (Tempe) and Arizona has agressive drivers.I went to ASU(I think you did too) and the traffic there was horrific.

areyoukiddingme said...

That guy was CRAZY - and you were a little bit crazy too, but what else were you going to do?

Why didn't those people sit on the guy until the cops came???

Anyway, glad he didn't have any kind of weapon, but it is certainly a good story.

Lauren said...

WOW!!! Those men at the bank should have beat his ass instead of just holding him back. But you are a trooper to take a punch to the face from a grown man!

Mareike said...

I imagine the "Scary guy pill" hadn't quite worn off but I bet he went home and swallowed a couple more. He didn't expect the reaction he got from this tiny white girl (and yeah you got punched in the face which is really creepy) but I do beleive he was rethinking his dosage.

Photogrl said...

OMG...wow!

Great story!

Christina said...

It is a great story. It's too bad they didn't catch the guy though.

Nic said...

Wow, great story!! I most probably would have mouthed of as well! Go girl! Lol!
Thanks for stopping by. My lap is on tuesday 2nd June which seems so far off but in the UK and on the NHS that is an amazing short time. I had to wait 8 months for my first lap! Good luck with yours.
Nic

Jason and Samantha said...

Geez. I would have been hiding out in my car calling the police.

I can't believe he punched you!!

ak said...

What an asshole. I feel your pain. When I was about 19 I got into it with this guy on the subway (he started it - because I 'stepped in front of him' on the platform) and he also punched me right in the face, then walked to another train car. What a 'tough guy'. Unfortunatley there were no guys on the train at that moment who were decent enough to do anything. Sigh. I had a wicked black eye as well..

Carrie27 said...

OMG!!! What a dirtbag! Seriously, a man should never punch a woman in the face. Those men should have held him down until the police came so they could have sent him to jail.

C Lo said...

LOL

that's pretty much the best story I've heard all week.

Jill said...

aint no way I would have provoked him! way to go! this is a great story!

Mr. Shelby said...

Woah - I can't believe you got punched!

Mom was right on this one, be careful about making funny faces... She might be right about that too...

Mr. Shelby (from iclw)

beebles said...

oh i would be so scared...
iclw

Jen said...

I remember this story before, but it still amazes me. You got some balls!!!

Hope all is going well with you!

Hey, I have a question for you. I'm thinking very seriously about getting a tatoo as a way to honor Shawn and I think I would like to get it on the inside of my wrist. Got any cool ideas for me. I was thinking of doing something that would resemble my journey necklace but I don't know what I could put in that shape. If you have any thoughts let me know, I'd appreciate it.

Lilith Silvermane said...

You fuckin' crack me up. Seriously... I love you!

Mrs. Gamgee said...

Hokey Dinah! I so wasn't expecting that! You are one brave girl!

Happy ICLW!