Back when I was a stupid teenager.

I was just talking to one of my bestest friends Laurel (whom, by the way, is about to start a blog of her own! She's part of the IF/Loss community and many of you may know her from her comments here or to your own blog. Well, she's thinking of starting off her internet writing skills with an interior design blog, which I am stoked to start reading! When she starts it, I'll be linking to it here, so you better check it out.) and got on the subject of how I like salt. Like I really like it. Which then reminded me of a very funny salt story. Which would be a great distraction from Mount Vesuvius currently residing on my belly.

So, like I said, I like salt. I like it so much I just eat it plain. Always have and unless something health wise happens that makes me stop eating it, I always will. If there is a container of salt anywhere by me, I usually will shake out a pile in my hand and eat it like lik-a-stik candy powder.

Back in high school, I was at my then boyfriend's house. Actually, I don't think I was even dating him at the time, I think I was dating his best friend (yeah, I'm that kind of girl. awesome.). His house was the hang out place because 1) his mom was divorced so was rarely home because she was working and 2) his room was once the garage and it was huge. It wasn't just a garage with furniture, but it was insulated and carpeted and had heat/air, everything. It was like a little apartment really, he had a fridge in the room which, as a teenager, was super cool. one area was like a living room and he had a huge half circle couch with a glass coffee table (yes, it was the 80s).

We were all hanging out there one afternoon and since there was a salt shaker within arms reach, I was indulging. I had actually sprinkled out a pile on the glass table and I was playing with it as I dipped my finger in and ate it. At one point, I had shaped it into a line form, it looking quite a lot like a line of cocaine. (what is ironic about this is this was before I even tried drugs.)

Just as I had it in a perfect line which I made perfect with a playing card, his little sister walked in. She sees me sitting there, playing card in hand, making this straight thin line of the powder like substance on the glass table in front of me. She gasps "oh my god! Is that cocaine?". I look up at her and instead of saying "no, it's salt", I say "yeah", like she's stupid to even have to ask the question. Like of course it's cocaine, what else would it be?

She is staring at me, excited to be witnessing something so hardcore (remember, we were teenagers, this would have been hardcore at the time) and me, not wanting to let her down ... Let me interrupt this story by reminding you of the title of this post. "Back when I was a stupid teenager". Obviously snorting cocaine is not cool. Nor would not doing cocaine let her down. But, alas, I was stupid. Very Very stupid.

I lean over, plug my left nostril with my finger and I inhale. I snort a line of fucking salt.

Salt and mucus membranes do not mix. Not only do they not mix, they are enemies. Serious long time enemies. Upon the salt entering my nasal passages, my entire face exploded. I honestly don't know what came first - my scream or every opening of my face instantaneously discharging liquid.

I ran to the bathroom. My face was on fire and I tried to douse it with water. I was taking in as much water up my nose as I could and was soaking my eyes. Snorting water up my nose, as horrible as that is when it happens, was heaven compared to the pain I felt. It took quite awhile before I was out of blinding agony. I stand up and look in the mirror - my eyes and nose were swollen and red. My mouth was gaped open as I tried to catch my breath. I looked awesome.

I walked back into Shawn's room and sat down. No one said anything. Seriously, it was so horrendous that no one even dared to laugh at me, which I deserved so badly. His sister left the room without a word. I bet you a thousand dollars I scared that girl straight. I am sure she never tried cocaine after witnessing that scene. In that aspect, I guess it was worth it.