Friday, May 1, 2009

The post in where I finally give up.

I give up. Seriously. I do.

My "toughness" or whatever you call it has finally escaped me and I'm a mess. I can't take it anymore. I cannot take any more medical issues.

And what was it that pushed me over the edge?

A cold sore.

I am prone to cold sores. Always have, hell, since I was little. I must have gotten the he.rpes type virus that causes cold sores somewhere in elementary school. (no, i don't have the genit.al type. let me just say that to make sure it's understood.) I get them a couple times a year. Sometimes once, sometimes more. Usually when the weather changes. I feel the little tingle and I know it's coming. Because of this, I have a standing prescription of acycl.ovir, an anti-virus, which I will take as soon as I feel that tingle. When I catch it early, blisters don't even really form. I may see one starting, but it will dry up before it becomes anything obvious.

Yesterday morning, I felt the tingle and I saw the beginnings of a blister. I immediately started to take the med. I took all 3 doses yesterday and assumed I had adverted it. When I woke up today, I immediately knew something was wrong. Although there are no blisters (thank god) on my lip, it's so swollen it literally looks like I was punched. My upper left lip, from the crease to the middle is swollen beyond swollen. The most of the swelling is on the inside of my lip, which is actually quite tender as it moves up and across my teeth. Then, all along the left side of my jawline is also swollen and out of control tender, which I'm assuming is house for the huge infection. It seems my body has just given up from the stress and the usual quiet virus laying in my body has sprung into action.

I have an appointment with my pcp just in case I need a antibiotic. I don't know if the antiviral is all I need or not. At this point, I'm at a loss for words. I can't do much more than to just cry at my dumb luck.

My belly is shrinking but still there, it looks disgusting. My husband (very wrongly) tried to cheer me up by saying I could finally get into that exclusive goiter club I've always wanted to be in. Except his joke reduced me to sobs. I already feel ultra ugly and now I have a swollen face and neck.

Fuck this. I used to be the healthy one. Or at least the one who was never sick beyond the occasional cold. And now it's surgery this, surgery that and the weird medical ailment waiting for their turn in the spotlight. Screw you body. It's not funny. It never was.

40 comments:

areyoukiddingme said...

Oh Nancy, I'm so sorry. You have had horribly bad luck on the health front. I wish there was something I could do for you. :(

emilythehopeless said...

wtf!?! seriously!? i am so sorry {HUGS} i hope it goes away quickly.. same for the lump. you are beautiful!!

higretchen said...

Cold sores suck!!! I'm sorry Nancy - it's truly unbelievable how much you have endured. I'm glad the hemotoma (sp?) is going down on its own and it totally sucks to now have a painful cold sore on top of everything else. I'm so sorry - I wish for all this pain to go away already...

g

Melissa said...

((HUGS)) you're SO much stronger than I am. I would've been a mess last week when the swelling started. I hope the swelling and tenderness goes away (everywhere) soon. Aw hun

Jules said...

I feel your cold sore pain, they suck. If the acyclovir isn't working, ask your doc for valtrex. I switched a few years back and it seems to knock them out quicker. Hope you get back to feeling normal soon!

Steph said...

I am ~so~ sorry. On the bright side, things really can't go anywhere from here but up. Right?

Right?

(HUGS) to you, sweetie.
Steph
stephs_3_kidz

Wordgirl said...

I get them too -- stress is a huge trigger for me...and it sounds like your body is just giving in -- hopefully you'll be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone around you -- and hopefully your family will shower you with attention and give you some much needed rest -- a few days of just doing nothing -- that's Pam's prescription...reading, vegging out with good tv, quiet...call it an early mother's day present.

I'm sorry Nancy --when I feel like that I tell myself that next week it will be a tiny bit better -- and the week after that even better...and then, it'll be behind me.

Take CARE of yourself sweetheart,

XO

Pam

Brandi said...

I'm so sorry you're going through all this! When it rains, it pours. Hopefully you have officially hit bottom and things will only go up from here.

Photogrl said...

This is SO not fair.

((HUGS))

Steph O. said...

I'm sorry Nancy!

Coldsores suck! I get them when I stress too. If you put something topically on it, go right for the Camphophenique, works the fastest. Have you ever tried a daily dose of L-lysien?

I wish I could make you get better faster. :(

Kelly said...

Another vote for Valtrex - works faster and less pills to deal with. Take care of yourself!

zach05kate95 said...

Nancy, I am so sorry. You have been through enough already!! (((hugs))

lucky13 said...

all the stress has worn your poor body down... not to sound weird... but it's nature's way of telling you to slow down and get some much-needed rest.
wishing you a quick recovery.
hugs.

Peeveme said...

Geeze. That sucks. You have been through the ringer lately. I think your body is telling you to slow down.

I know it sucks when you are used to being able to just not think about taking care of yourself. It's hard when you just don't feel like yourself and want to just be "normal" again.

Sarah R said...

Oh, honey. You are far from ugly. That comment by your husband (while trying to cheer you up) would probably make me cry too.

Lots of hugs. I get cold sores occasionally too, but mine are usually half on my lip and half on my face. I get that tingling and put the Abreva on like crazy. You can also take L-Lysine (OTC supplement) to help.

*hugs*

Beautiful Mess said...

Sending you a hug and hoping that damn cold sore goes away and it's the last "thing" for you to deal with.

Sara said...

What the hell? We need to put you in a fucking bubble until you heal up and get better!
Nancy, I hope you get to feeling better. And I hope that your lump is all but gone!
Hugs!

jill said...

*hug* so sorry this crap is happening to you. get some rest! (way easier said than done with three kids and a job, i'm sure)

really hope you feel better very soon!!

ssbean said...

Hi there stranger. Since I've had my little one, I haven't been one to comment. I've been pretty bad. Check out my blog to see the low down of what's going on...hubby broke his leg 4 days after the birth. It's been a roller coaster.

To comment on yours...I have always had problems with cold sores. I was around 2yrs old when I started getting these patches of blisters around my mouth. In middle school I started getting blisters in my throat. It is some kind of herpe thing...like you not the vaginal. But, I've learned that the more acidic foods I eat, the worse it is. I love eating lemon, but they make it worse, so does tomato soup, orange juice...you get the picture.

As for the medical things, I have been skimming your blog...I'm sorry you are having so many problems. I hope things calm down for you medically. Just remember, that this too shall pass.

Hollie said...

So sorry you are dealing with cold sore. That sounds bad. You have gone through so much. Hope happy days are coming.

Larissa said...

I am so sorry Nancy that you are going through one medical issue after another. I hope you catch a nice long relaxed break sooner than later!

Kristin said...

Damn Nancy that really sucks. I hope it all clears up and you feel better really soon.

Michelle said...

dang girl....don't know what to say but I'm thinking about you and wishing all this stuff goes away soon!

Hugs!!

Michelle said...

By the way....I will ALWAYS see you as the "Tough" one ;)

Morgan said...

Poor Nancy, I feel so bad for you. You have the worst luck, I wish I could take some of your health problems away and give them to myself. For the record, I think you are a beautiful lady regardless of any swollen lumps and bumps.

If it makes you feel any better, I was at work yesterday readig your blog and your pic was on the side bar of your blog and this guy that works with us walked in and said "daaaammnn who is that hot chick with the tats, how old is she?" and I said, "I think like 34 or 35.", then he said "damn she's hot for her age..she looks like she is in her 20's!" I meant to write you and tell you about it yesterday. So herpes bump or not, a 25 year old at my work thinks you are fucking hot..ohh and he's "diggin' the tats" LOL!

Miss Tori said...

Ah sweetie, you just can't win for losing! Ugh. I'm sorry that this sh*t keeps happening to you, you do deserve a break. Sending you gentle hugs.

jenn said...

here's to tomorrow being better. because if it's not then i will kick it's ass for you. good lord woman- i am feeling it for you! xoxo

oh- and sorry i was so quiet on the phone earlier- i was trying to stuff my face & pay attention to you & the babe all at the same time- i am afraid i am terrible on the phone lately!

katery said...

awww, sad, stupid cold sore! sometimes when i have a bunch of crappy things happen to me the tiniest thing can push me over the edge, a cold sore would definitely do it. hope you're feeling better soon.

Ali said...

Another Valtrex (valacyclovir) supporter. I have been getting them since the age of 6, and when I am going through stressful times, I can break out with them as often as every 4 weeks. Not little ones either. I'm talking the almost-dime-size, big, ugly, oozing, pulsating (okay, a little exaggerating there), crusting ones.

During the times when I am prone to them, I will take 1 gram per day, and I have yet to break out like before. If I do get one, it is maybe 1 small blister at the most. I will double up on the Valtrex, and the sore is COMPLETELY gone within 3-4 days. Scab and all.

Sorry for the long comment, just wanted to share my experience with you. Hope you feel better soon!

Jen said...

So sorry you are having such shitty health luck as of late. Hope you get better...in all areas quickly!

(((((BIG HUGS)))))

Thanks for the emails about the tatoo. I'm thinking of an idea and will let you know soon.

eden said...

Oh, you beautiful, salt-snorting woman. I motherfucking love you, and seriously hope that you catch a break. Now. Pronto. It's getting ridiculous and I couldn't handle all that shit either.

Love and hugs XOXOXOX

Not in the Water said...

WTF (W meaning WHY for this instance) when it rains it pours? Haven't you had enough!?!?

I really hope you get 100% better soon in all areas...in every system!!

Denise said...

Oh, Nancy, I hear ya. Why can't you just catch a break already? Enough is enough.

I'm right there with you. A month after the gallbladder surgery, my umbilical incision now appears to be infected (red, tender, and warm to touch). WTF? I'm going into the walk-in clinic at my pcp tomorrow morning because the surgeon couldn't get me in today.

ak said...

Nancy I am SO SORRY; to say youare going through quite the rough patch with these health issues is the understatement of the year! Don't feel bad about having a mini breakdown of sorts and crying; you are only human, tough or not sometimes there's only so much one can take! This too shall pass, hope you are feeling MUCH better soon!

WiseGuy said...

Shitz....how more crappy can this get....

Hope you get over this soon...can't there be a permanent solution?

Seraphim said...

I understand, truly I do. And I just want to say this. Take some time out Nancy. (And yes I know you have three children, a job, husband, life, not necessarily in that order) so taking time out isn't about booking into a spa for three weeks R&R. But it is about looking after yourself. Take it easy and keep us posted. And sorry if that sounded like a lecture. I totally don't mean it too.

Kimjj514 said...

oh Nancy, I'm so sorry hun. I can totally relate. After the birth of my son in 2001, it seemed like one medical disaster after another. First it was excrutiating pain all over my body, then unexplained fevers, then my appendix nearly burst, then I started having fainting spells, then unexplained weight loss, etc, etc, etc. I was soooo frustrated and at my wits end. I was eventually diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, which, while devastating for me, was a relief to have an answer. After the stress of having a baby, sometimes your body just does weird stuff.

I pray that this cold sore truly is the last of it for you. You have been through so much lately...your body definitely needs a break. ((((((((hugs))))))))

Kirsten said...

Damn that cold sore. My husband gets them quite frequently and I always feel for him because they just look so painful. I hope you've found some relief and I REALLY hope this is the last of the medical issues for you!!!

Artblog said...

Oh, cruel universe, leave our Nancy alone, or else!

HUGS and more hugs and a shot of tequila to drown your sorrows.

kiss, kiss

JJ said...

*sigh...Enough already, universe. So sorry, sweetie. And I REALLY hate cold sores.
Sending you lots of hugs!