The post in where I finally give up.

I give up. Seriously. I do.

My "toughness" or whatever you call it has finally escaped me and I'm a mess. I can't take it anymore. I cannot take any more medical issues.

And what was it that pushed me over the edge?

A cold sore.

I am prone to cold sores. Always have, hell, since I was little. I must have gotten the he.rpes type virus that causes cold sores somewhere in elementary school. (no, i don't have the genit.al type. let me just say that to make sure it's understood.) I get them a couple times a year. Sometimes once, sometimes more. Usually when the weather changes. I feel the little tingle and I know it's coming. Because of this, I have a standing prescription of acycl.ovir, an anti-virus, which I will take as soon as I feel that tingle. When I catch it early, blisters don't even really form. I may see one starting, but it will dry up before it becomes anything obvious.

Yesterday morning, I felt the tingle and I saw the beginnings of a blister. I immediately started to take the med. I took all 3 doses yesterday and assumed I had adverted it. When I woke up today, I immediately knew something was wrong. Although there are no blisters (thank god) on my lip, it's so swollen it literally looks like I was punched. My upper left lip, from the crease to the middle is swollen beyond swollen. The most of the swelling is on the inside of my lip, which is actually quite tender as it moves up and across my teeth. Then, all along the left side of my jawline is also swollen and out of control tender, which I'm assuming is house for the huge infection. It seems my body has just given up from the stress and the usual quiet virus laying in my body has sprung into action.

I have an appointment with my pcp just in case I need a antibiotic. I don't know if the antiviral is all I need or not. At this point, I'm at a loss for words. I can't do much more than to just cry at my dumb luck.

My belly is shrinking but still there, it looks disgusting. My husband (very wrongly) tried to cheer me up by saying I could finally get into that exclusive goiter club I've always wanted to be in. Except his joke reduced me to sobs. I already feel ultra ugly and now I have a swollen face and neck.

Fuck this. I used to be the healthy one. Or at least the one who was never sick beyond the occasional cold. And now it's surgery this, surgery that and the weird medical ailment waiting for their turn in the spotlight. Screw you body. It's not funny. It never was.