Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Babies in the REs office.

I was a patient at my RE's office, every cycle, for, let's see, 17 months straight? In my time, I got to know the staff (of course) and I had my favorites. I called my favorite nurse, K, the other day to see if I could bring in Karl for her to see. I asked when a good time would be, as I don't want to go in with patients in the waiting room, and she told me late afternoons were great since there weren't any patients really at that time.

Dumbass me just felt like 330p was "late afternoon" and stopped in. Before I opened the door though, I checked to make sure no one was in the waiting room. It was empty. Sweet.

K came up and held Karl. The andrology lab girl came up and so did one of the other nurses (with some waves from 3 other girls too). They were fawning over karl big time, asking questions and all that. The RE even came up and got a big hug and the nurses took pictures (don't they get this all the time?). We all talked some more and the RE had me come back to his office to see pictures of his new grandchild. Back I went.

When I walked back in the waiting room, I swung open the door back to the exam rooms and I saw it happen. Three patients were now in the waiting room and they all looked up at the door expectantly (you know you always do this when waiting for an appointment) and instead of a nurse calling a name, they saw me. And Karl.

Ugh.

I saw their faces and "the look" when a ttc-er sees a baby when they were not expecting it. At all. I felt so bad and tried to get out of there as soon as I could. But the nurse was still talking to me and I started babbling, wanting to turn and apologize to all those women. I raised Karl's hand and waved it and said "well, thanks for making me!". I then turned to the embryologist nurse and then asked her if she'll take a picture of the freezer for me so I could put it in the baby book to show Karl where he hung out frozen for a few months. I just kept talking as somehow me being a past patient would make it okay I was there. I then saw my exit and got out of there pronto.

I feel terrible.

34 comments:

Kristin said...

My maternal fetal medicine specialists share a satellite office with the hospital's reproductive specialists. MFM is there 2 days a week. I called in advance to find out which 2 days they would be there so that I would miss the RE patients.

They have a big sign at the check in desk asking people to not bring in children during the RE days. However, I saw lots of people ignoring that sign. I didn't mind babies so much, but I hated when they came in with toddlers and preschoolers.

katery said...

you shouldn't feel terrible, obviously you were a patient there at one point and people in the waiting room should realize that. i don't see many babies at my re's office, but when i do i automatically assume it was created with the help of the doctor's in my office.

decemberbaby said...

I know the feeling. I actually made my daughter a sweatshirt that reads "[name of clinic] baby!" so that other patients would know without me having to say anything... I hope it helps.

just me, dawn said...

somehow like the others, when I see a baby, I just assume that it was "made" there :) for lack of a better term. But on memorial day, a woman was there with probably a 6 year old boy (I am guessing he was off from school for the holiday) and for some reason that really bothered me....but maybe because she was talking really really loud to him.

Geohde said...

I'm glad at least you tried to avoid it, I can count many times that families deliberately all came in TOGETHER with rambunctious toddlers into the office, when one parent could have waitied outside or elsewhere with spawn.

They were also the kind who tended to loudly discuss the starsign of this IVF conception because of course it would work first go. All their others did.

Grr....

g

Word Nerd said...

I haven't seen any yet at my RE's office, but I don't think it would bother me. You know, evidence of their success. I can't wait to bring mine in some day.

But my RE's office is an hour away in another city so I do a lot of my bloodwork and ultrasounds at my local OBGYN's office. It's usually overrun with very pregnant chicks, complete with babies and toddlers, that they likely didn't need help creating. Can I tell you how much it sucks to be the only one without a bump waiting to go in for an ultrasound?

Elana Kahn said...

I took the twins to visit my RE's office. I got a really early appt and hoped the place would be empty, but alas there was someone in the waiting room when I arrived. *sigh* I also felt bad, but I hoped they understood that I was a patient, not a "fertile" :-)

Elana Kahn said...

Btw, the appt was *NOT* for me...I was taking a friend. lol

Sarah said...

I don't think you should feel bad. You are a success story! You give me (and I'm sure others) hope.

Robin said...

I agree with Sarah. You were totally a plug for the doctors. Those girls were probably sitting there thinking 'That will be me someday..'

areyoukiddingme said...

Yeah, that would be a little awkward. Even though it would be fairly obvious that Karl is a success story, he still might inspire some jealousy. I would hope he would inspire hope instead. What's really great is that you're sensitive enough to worry about it.

docgrumbles said...

Seeing a baby in an obvious fertility clinic vet is different than seeing one in the supermarket. Instead of assuming the baby just *poof* "happened," and you can hope that the same outcome could be yours in the future.

My first RE visit, while I was paying at the counter, a nurse popped her head out of an u/s room and asked when the earliest a HB would be detectable. I wanted to sneak in and touch the patient for good luck.

Melissa said...

My RE doesn't allow children in it's office. period.

Hopefully they heard you at the end so that you gave them hope :)

Kristin said...

Don't beat yourself up over it. You did absolutely everything you could to mitigate any pain they felt.

Steph said...

Aw, Nancy, don't feel bad. Like someone else said, you were a patient there, too, for many months...I'm sure it lifts the staff's spirits to see the "fruits" of their labor, right?

It's ok. I'm sure those patients don't hate you. Maybe they heard you say "thanks for making me" and it gave them some hope..who knows?

Don't beat yourself up.

Steph
stephs_3_kidz

theclam said...

You should not feel terrible Nancy, you did all you could to avoid that kind of situtaion. I know you know what it feels like to feel the way those few patients did, but I'm sure that they would have understood that you were an ex patient showing off the fruits of the clinic - in my eyes that is a good way of showing them that there is living hope there for them...

xxx

Lisa said...

Nancy, I would like to think that you gave all of these women hope. Why would you be in an RE's office with a newborn had he not been "created" there? The women had to know that you were a success story...

Birdee said...

Yeah, Ouch, I understand your feelings. And not that I've been there to your degree, I just remember enjoying at the RE office not seeing baby bellies more than not seeing babies, (again, I have one and I was not living at the RE office so I can’t speak for others, but bellies bothered me more than kids - hopefully it was the same in your case. and I thought you handled it quite well considering the situation. I love the "Thanks for Making Me". I'm sure the women somewhere inside cracked a smile and maybe even had hope. Maybe ::shrug::

Shinejil said...

Hey, you really tried. And I'm sure they could read your expression of dismay at causing discomfort.

Even when you do your best to get around it, IF can be a bitch and bite you in the butt.

calliope said...

oooof. You handled the sitch pretty damn well. I always was a flip flop of emotions when I saw babies in RE waiting rooms. But these were women that seemed to be patients with babies and I totally went to the crazy, "but you already HAVE one!!!" place. Nice, right?

Jennifer said...

It happens. I've seen many ladies with babies/kids at the RE's office...sometimes it's not easy to find daycare for every visit/appt.

My transfer is on Friday (FET - ttc #2). We will be bringing my son (8 mo old) to the clinic and my husband will stay in the waiting room with him while I go thru the procedure/transfer. Our nanny cancelled on us and my mom has another committment that day - other daycare couldn't be secured. So, he's coming. It happens!

I love the idea of putting a shirt on the baby that says "[name of clinic] baby" so others know he's a product of a cycle...another comment above gave that suggestion...I may use it this week! ; )

Photogrl said...

That's hard.

You did the best you could to avoid the situation, but of course you want to let them see Karl.

Babies don't bother me in the waiting room, but older children do. Which is funny, because I'm suffering from secondary IF, no?

Denise said...

Yikes. Oh well, you did what you could.

Michelle said...

I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Like you said..you called and tried to be "respectful" of others. It wasn't your fault that at the end there were people in there. Hopefully you gave them hope that your situation could be theirs soon enough!

chicklet said...

it's nice that you feel bad but you did your best - nothing you can do. And while it probably upset some, maybe it gave others hope? Why else would you be there sharing your kid if that office hadn't helped? :-)

MrsDrink said...

You know what though? If all the women who came into the RE/OB/GYN's office with children having the same mindset as you, I think it probably wouldn't make me upset. That's just me though.

..soo.see.. said...

Ooh! I've been wanting to stop by and see my RE and fave nurses too, and just haven't b/c my RE's office is open at like 630 until super late, even on weekends. So the lobby is always full. But, you did what you could to try and avoid TTC'ers. And thinking about it, if I saw a past patient there, maybe it'd give me hope that they'd be able to "make" my baby too. But I totally get how you feel.

WiseGuy said...

Yikes...what a tight situation to be in!

I know that you did not intend to offend...maybe cosmically they will find out!

Also, it is not necessary that all of them would have minded Karl there...he could even have been seen as an object of aspiration!

sacredandscarred said...

Oh shit. Sounds like you wrangled your way out of it ok.

I had to take TTG to my clinic when he was tiny as I needed to see the counselor. I felt very self-conscious and very aware of the possibile feelings of others.

April said...

I agree with the other posters, that hopefully it gave the other patients (especially after hearing you say "Thanks for making me") hope for themselves.

Shinejil said...

Hey, Nancy! Off topic, but thanks for your comment about preg fat. It's good to hear that if you want to, you can bid it farewell.

Misty Dawn said...

Well you tried Nancy, don't feel too down about it. I wanna see the pic of the freezer. LOL

ssbean said...

Sounds like you handled the situation great. Like others have said, maybe it gave others hope. And it's so awesome to that you thought about getting a pic of the fridge.

From Here To Maternity said...

Babies didn't bug me so much, but the loud badly behaved ones did. I'm sure they knew you were a patient and you shouldn't feel bad. It's kind of sad that after dealing with IF, we have to feel bad for having a baby.