update on me.

I'm still fucking sick as shit. SO sick. Like laying on the couch wanting to die sick. Nurse called today and told me to take 2nd dosage of a full Z-pack, as the blood loss is going to make me heal slower. Fucking fabulous. I can't take anymore of this. Really. I can't.

Haha god - joke's over. Rollercoaster fertility treatments, ohss, scarily low beta (remember? 15 at 11dp3dt? good one.), the "this is not viable" talk?, the "this is most likely ectopic" talk?, the 1:67 chance of downs, the velamentous cord, the placenta accreta, the 3 other placental issues, the breech position, the version, the epidural that doesn't work yet I still tried, karl's "moist lungs" (I didn't blog about it, I needed to keep negatives from him to myself), my blood loss, my emergency surgery, blood transfusions.

And now pneumonia? Seriously? I mean really?

Oh yes - and I truly think I got my PERIOD today. Awfully crampy past two days and after finally getting down to just spotting, I get a full flow today? REALLY?

Yes, joke's on me. It's been a good one. Quite a knee slapper. What's next? The fucking plague?

I ~puffy heart~ tek.

Jason Veritek agreed to a $5 million one year deal, with an option for 2010. Thank you Red Sox for keeping our captain. Baseball does have some heart left, no?

Do I comment on your blog?

Do you comment on my blog? If so, I should be reading and commenting on your blog. I subscribe to 174 blogs. This does not include private blogs, as reader doesn't show them as updated. This aspect drives me nuts, as I use my reader 99.9% of the time to tell me when to read an updated blog, so I miss or I'm late with all of the private blogs I have an invite to. Tip to all of the private blog owners out there - set up a notifier blog that is public. Every time you write a new post to your private blog, simply type a quick sentence in your public blog so your readers can be notified. Bree did this and it was awesome.

Anywho, I read all of my subscribed to blogs. And I comment on all of them too. I don't comment a lot, but I should comment enough for you to know I am a regular reader. (I'll admit when I get behind I don't comment at all, but I do scroll through all the blogs, getting myself updated, knowing I'll comment with the next round of posts.) So if I'm not commenting on your blog, you probably are not in my reader. And if you comment on my blog, I ~want~ you in my reader!

So, please, leave a comment to this post if you believe you aren't in my reader (and you want me to read what you've got to say!). Leave the URL if your profile does ~not~ link to your blog.

Also, there are a few of my regular commentors who own private blogs and I would love to be invited! My email is listed in my profile - I would greatly appreciate it if you invited me into your world if you are a regular reader of my world.

My readers and commentors are so awesome, I want to give back the support you all give me. So please, please, please, make sure you are in my reader! If you aren't sure, leave a comment so I can be sure myself.

Thank you!!!

I broke a rule.

I have a rule of mine where I don't air my family's dirty laundry via this blog. Yeah, maybe a funny episode here and there, but not a post full of venting. I think karma came back and bit me in the ass because we got into a rather large "fight" within an hour of posting.

Instead, I'm going to go over some of positive things I already spoke of and a few more I want to add. Plus a bunch of pictures. By the way, I'll eventually only post kid pictures on my motherhood blog, but I'll make the transfer over slowly, since the baby is still new and people still want to see him.

First, this is much like the ring Tom surprised me with after giving birth to karl. Except this picture is a smoky quartz, where I have brown topaz. Diamonds surround the stone and then go down each side of the band. Beautiful, eh?


Tom has also been a really good dad, taking care of all aspects of the girls. Last night I found him braiding barbie's hair. Such a tough guy and here he is, attending tea parties and braiding the hair of a barbie. He's helping a lot with karl too, but for the most part, when I'm on maternity leave, I do 98% of the work for the newborn. It's been like that with every kid. It would bother me if I didn't know just how much he ends up taking on once I go back to work. I don't know if it's a subconscious thing or not, but it's something I accept and won't fight over.

What I enjoy most about Tom's fatherhood is there isn't anything he doesn't do. It's not that he simply does what needs to be done at home, he doesn't think twice about taking the kids ~WITH~ him on errands, when I need a break, to allow me to sleep in a quiet house, or just because he wants his girls with him. He's taken the kids out of town on his own when I couldn't go with. When I go out of town on business, I don't have to leave him with instructions and I am 100% comfortable. How many women can say this about their husbands? Unfortunately, not all women can. And I know how lucky I am.

I still have to download all the pictures from my new camera, which is going to be one hell of a task since all pictures since Christmas need to be done. But I have taken some more pictures on my cell phone. Too bad all the pictures I have of my little man are from such a shitty camera!

He's in his sling here, all balled up. It amazes me the kid is comfortable this way, but to him, the sling is where it's at. I'm sure it mimics how he felt when he was in my belly. The motion, curled up, the sounds, etc.


We had to venture out in the snow and 6 degree weather on monday when I had to go to the doctor. I usually don't have him wrapped up too much, as they don't really need such heavy covering. Rule of thumb - your baby will feel the same way as you feel if dressed the same. If a sweater and jeans keep you warm, a similar outfit will keep your baby warm. I just cringe at how mommies out there wrap their babies up in blankets regardless of the temperature. Last week, it was in the 70s and I saw a mom in shorts and a t-shirt, carrying her baby who was not only wearing a ~snow suit~, but had a blanket too. Poor baby!


Bath time. He loves the bath, although this picture doesn't seem like he does. He actually looks like an old man to me in this one - very benjamin button like.


I think I posted this one already, but maybe not. He is in a full on milk-coma here. After he nurses, most of the time, he just passes the hell out.


We all went to the mall last week after I picked the girls up from school. I really ~love~ having all 3 kids with me when out. I feel very in control.


No only is he all warm from a recent bath, but he just nursed too. Coma time.

Pneumonia.

My lungs sounding so bad and since my blood-oxygen level was only 91%, the doc ordered an x-ray immediately. Seems I have bacterial pneumonia. Bacterial, because my inlaws gave it to us when they came for the birth. It went through hubby and both girls, finally getting to me. Due to having a compromised immune system (blood loss), it's hitting me harder and it will take longer for me to heal. Awesome.

So, I z-pack it is. Then plenty of fluids and rest prescribed. Ha. Rest. Yeah, right.

Wow, I'm ~really~ sick. (upd comments)

My lungs are mush and I cough like I'm gasping for my last breath. My fever hit 103.4 last night and I woke up a few hours later in a pool of sweat (and to a hungry baby) so I had to wake up the hubby to hold k when I literally peeled off my wetsuit.

This is just a cold, correct? I don't want to run off to doctor is I don't have/need to, but wow, I'm really, really, really sick.

It's question asking time.

But this time, it's my questions to you.

Today I'm asking questions to all the newest mommies out there. (The next one is a huge one brewing regarding a new perspective of primary infertility "vs" secondary infertility).

Something I am very interested in is the aspect of expected vs actual. There were so many assumptions I went into pregnancy/labor/delivery with, it made my actual experience not only different from what I expected, but surprising. This makes me question if other's had the same thing happen to them or not.

(If you choose to answer the questions, please cut/paste the questions, minus my answers, as it's hard for me to read through comments of just answers)

1. Early "symptoms" of pregnancy - Was what you actually felt/experienced different from what you thought they would be like?
-- Expected: I assumed when I got pregnant, I would immediately feel nauseated, tired, have a heightened sense of smell, and top it all off with a bad case of heartburn.
-- Actual: I only felt tired and I peed more. Morning sickness didn't hit me until 7 weeks (which makes sense, as m/s is caused by the hcg and it wasn't until my levels were much much higher that I got sick from it). Heartburn didn't happen until late in my 2nd tri at the earliest, since it was the size of the baby pushing up on my stomach, making the acid lurch in my throat. The smell thing was simply an aspect of morning sickness - it's not like pregnant women are smelling superheroes.

2. Many women are afraid they won't be able to tell the difference between a braxton hicks and a real contraction. When you got a real contraction, was there and obvious difference?
-- Expected: I had what I would consider normal BHCs, so I knew those were nothing like real labor contractions. But I did have a few "painful" contractions, which I assumed were totally like the real thing.
-- Actual: I was fucking 100% wrong. Real contractions were so different from what I was feeling and there was no mistaking the real ones for the practice ones.

3. Drug Free Labor. Many women want to do it naturally. Some even go into it without an open mind, thinking drugs==bad, no way around it. A) If you wanted a drug free labor and delivery, did you succeed? B) Regardless of the outcome (opting for drugs or not), has your opinion about natural labor and delivery changed at all?
-- Expected: I wanted a drug free natural labor and delivery, I even hired a doula to help me through it. I was open to changing my plans though, if I needed pain relief, I would ask for it.
-- Actual: After 9 hours of a hard pitocin driven labor and only 1cm of dilation, I asked for an epidural. Unfortunately, due to a back injury where I have scar tissue in my lower spine, epidurals don't work on me, so I still had 3 natural labor and deliveries.

4. Inductions. Many women get tired and uncomfortable at the end and ask for inductions. Did you? If so, are you happy with your decision?
-- Expected: I did ~not~ want any inductions. Period.
-- Actual: I was induced 3 days early with Ella for medical reasons (placenta failing). With Allison, I had 3 days of pre-labor and I was exhausted, so I opted to have my OB break my already bulging bag of water. I would have gone that day on my own anywho, so I don't consider that as an induction, as I didn't get any induction drugs. With Karl, I opted for an induction due to wanting to avoid a c-section. He only did manual versions (turning baby) between 38-39 weeks, so I consented to it as close to 39weeks as possible. Ends up my blood pressure spiked and my placenta started failing, so I was scheduled at 38 weeks instead. I was given cytotec to soften my cervix, but my water broke on it's own, kick starting labor. No pitocin was used. I was happy with all of the decisions, especially the decision with Karl due to the placenta accreta. Having ~my~ OB there to deliver and knowing my history so well saved my life.

5. Recovery. Was recovery as you imagined?
-- Expected: I honestly didn't even consider the general recovery from a vaginal birth. I did hear the stories of how going to the bathroom to poop was scary/painful after an episiotomy or tearing though.
-- Actual: I was ~not~ ready for how painful it was for the next 24 hours. I was literally doubled over in pain where just standing up to shower or to walk to the toilet was hard. I did not know my uterus would continue to contract for days. It got worse with each baby too - apparently this is normal.

6. Post delivery body. Did your own body surprise you?
-- Expected: I actually bought into the "you will look like you are 6 months pregnant" when you leaving the hospital expectation. I brought smaller pants with me to go home in and everything.
-- Actual: The giant "belly full of jelly" freaked me out. I had no clue I would still be just as large, except minus the tautness. I had to go home wearing the same pants as I came in wearing. The after birth belly is the worst part for me, as it's so disgusting.

7. Postpartum bleeding. Were you ready for it?
-- Expected: Didn't really think of this one much at all. I guess I assumed it would be like a period.
-- Actual: I bled for weeks and weeks and weeks. 6 weeks with Ella. 4 weeks with Allison and then again at 6 weeks due to placenta accreta. I'm already starting to taper way off now, only after 2 weeks, but this is due to me getting a d&c immediately following the birth. What I was ~not~ ready for was the first 24 hours and passing softball size clots. They should really tell new moms this.

8. Postpartum period. Anything in this category surprising?
-- Expected: I thought I would ~not~ get AF back because I was exclusively breastfeeding. I knew it was a possibility and I knew I needed (ha!) to use protection because ovulation could happen at anytime, but I just didn't think I'd even get AF.
-- Actual: Imagine my surprise when I got my first AF 6 weeks postpartum and like clockwork after that. With Allison, I had the IUD put in at 6 weeks and I never had a period until I had it removed a year later.

9. Did you experience the "newborn honeymoon"?
-- Expected: I did not know there was a time period after birth where the baby would do nothing more than sleep and eat. I simply thought the personality my baby displayed at the beginning would really be his disposition.
-- Actual: The first two weeks is when I would tell people "Ella is ~such~ a good baby! She only cries when she is hungry or needs her diaper changed!" And then the honeymoon was over. Both my girls really showed their dispositions and turned into a normal baby who cries all the time. I was DUPED into believing I had these super chilled out babies. Sure, some babies are this quiet and chill and never get out of this honeymoon phase, and this is where I get 100 comments from mothers who gloat "oh, not ~my~ baby! My baby was ALWAYS SO GOOD!" But I'm not complaining about my normal loud crying babies at all. In fact, I have actually heard there are definite pros to having a baby who expresses themselves via crying as opposed to a quiet baby.

10. Sleep deprivation and general feelings of taking care of a newborn. Did you have any idea just how fucking hard it would really be?
-- Expected: I knew it would be "hard" and I knew I would be "tired". But how can you really be ready for something you have no clue about? I had been around newborns when my sister lived with us after she had both her babies, so I thought I had a leg up on the knowledge.
-- Actual: No clue. No fucking clue at all. I still can't believe how hard it is to take care of a little being who doesn't do much at all. But I soon learned that out of 24 hours in a day, 22 hours are needed to take care of your newborn. The other 2 hours? That's for you to sleep, eat, shower, etc. And sleep deprivation? Holy shit. I used to party like a rock star back in my college days and afterwards, so I knew what it was like to be tired and hungover. The sleep deprivation from a newborn is nothing like I have ever felt. It's all encompassing. I won't even try to explain it here, as it just can't be put into words.

Extra Credit: Is there anything else in regards to expected vs actual you would like to share?

The last belly pictures.

Well, yesterday was my due date so I took the very last belly picture. Here are a couple of them, but I added more to the links on the right column. Both picture of me and stick figure hyperlinks to the 2 different belly pic pages, so check em out (if you want) before I take the links down.

What a difference 2 weeks make, eh?


Due yesterday. Can't believe this little man could still be totally cool living underwater in my belly. My mind can't comprehend it.


Daddy and his son.


~*~

I wanted to say thank you for bearing with me in my picture posting. I know I'm fishing for compliments, but with how shitty I have been feeling physically due to the ordeal, the little comments you all are making back to me really make me feel good.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around how close I really came to dying during childbirth. That last kiss my husband gave me, the look of fear in his eyes as he smiled at me and told me he'd see me soon, haunts me. MrsSpock made a comment which stuck with me regarding home birth. Had I opted for a home birth, I'd of died. No two ways around it. Thank goodness I never wanted that as an option. Really, I wouldn't be here right now to blog about it. My girls would have had to grow up without their mommy. My son would have never even met his mommy and he'd probably carry some major unsubstantiated guilt over his birth. It's just all too much to take in.

Question for J ... (and really, this is tmi for pretty much anyone else) what is the reason behind waiting the 6 weeks to have sex? I did not have an episiotomy nor did I tear, so does the general 6 week rule not apply to me? Or is there some other reason, like risk of infection somewhere up in there? I'm dying for some sex and don't want to wait another 4 weeks! I'm still lightly bleeding, so I have to wait for that, but as soon as I go a day without spotting, I want to go for it. I actually feel attractive and have been flaunting myself to hubby, even satisfying the man quite well (~wink~), so I want to know when I can safely get some for myself!

Picture Placeholder

Waiting for my husband to come home so I can take my last belly picture. As you can see here, Karl is waiting too. How tough it must be for a 14 day old.

Temporary and craptastic pictures

I need my husband to take my 40 week belly picture (today is my due date!) but I took these w/ my phone for a temporary placeholder.

Well that's not cool at all.

I'm SICK. Yes. The first night/day alone without company and I'm sick. I have started couging and the top of my lungs/throat seem to be really tight. I'm not hacking anything up yet, so I don't quite know what I'm dealing with.



Crap.

explanations, bullets and pictures.

First up, some explanations ...

~ The grandmas. Thank you for all your advice to just "kick them out" but shit isn't that easy. My mother's flight leaves today, so I couldn't just send her to the airport days early. As for my mother in law, well, there is too much background/history where I couldn't do it without being an evil bitch. I'm probably even thought of that already from not being peachy happy for that first week. ~shrug~, it's over, so no more to worry about there.

As for just moving them out of the nursery, I would then be trapped in the nursery for all hours of the night when at least with me in the living room, I had the tv. So there wasn't an easy solution except that they shouldn't of made the decision to come and stay in the first place. My mother in law should have stayed at the Aunt's house (6 minutes away) instead of with me, as she didn't do any middle of the night stuff anywho. My mom, on the other hand, lives out of state and I understand her need to stay with me more than anyone else. I just didn't think she's stay for an entire week.

But like I said, today is the last day and tonight we'll have the nursery all to ourselves. I really appreciate all the help I did get. My mother in law cooked/cleaned and my mother cooked/cleaned ~and~ helped with the baby while I got much needed naps in. She'd get up at 530am just to take the baby while I passed out. Awesome. So all in all, I did get help. The first two weeks are just so hard and if I didn't have this to bitch about, it'd be something else.

~ The pumping. Rachel asked why I do so much pumping. I go back to work at 12 weeks and I feel so much less anxiety about being able to feed the baby breastmilk exclusively when I have a big supply in my freezer. Sure, it makes me have to pump all the time, but the stress of not having to worry about resorting to supplementing with formula is worth it to me. I'm just one of those crazy pro-breastfeeders and the thought of feeding formula when I could avoided it stresses me out. (again, I'm ~not~ anti-formula. If that's for you, I have zero issues with it. If you formula feed, please don't take anything I say as negative towards you.)

Bullets!

~ Today's weight was 146 pounds! 32 pounds "lost" in 12 days. Rock the fuck on, eh? 11 pounds to go, although that's not quite right as I need to gain some muscle back which will put on some pounds, meaning I actually have more to lose, maybe 15 lbs?

~ I'll take my last belly picture tomorrow, which is my due date.

~ Give chicklet some love today. She needs it. Really she does.

~ Check out Lori's post about bringing Mel to Colorado for a book signing!

~ I'm freaking out about money right now because of my short term disability checks coming from a different source. They send a weekly check and hopefully I'll get it this weekend, as all our bills are due this week.

~ I'm really excited about getting back into derby. I talked to the coach and I don't have to go through any recruiting again and I can just come right back on the team since I left in good standing. Sweet. MurderRita is going to be back!

~ I get my tattoo finished on Feb 3rd! (yes, I know. I'm freaking about money and I go and schedule a tattoo appointment. I never said I was smart about spending. In fact, this is exactly why I'm always in freakout mode. I spend way too much.

Pictures!

Karl is showing is utter boredom at only 4 days old...


Today (12 days old), he's a little more upbeat while mommy is blogging...

My eyes sting.

I was just writing an email to Mareike about how fucking tired I am. Sleep deprivation? In full swing now.

It would be better if I didn't have "help" staying with me. A week with mother in law and then a week with my mom. I've NEVER had "help" stay with me with the other births and that's how I like it. Let me pass the hell out whenever I need to, but with someone here, I feel that I have to entertain. Well, not entertain like sing and dance, but I just don't feel comfortable sleeping knowing someone else is here. AND, I have a super small house. The guest room was turned into a nursery and since I thought I was awesome to put in an extra bed in that room, the grandmas had just assumed residence there. Um, hello? That's the fucking NURSERY! So I've been dismissed to the couch and the crib is totally untouched still. Lame. I can't believe they all just assumed I had room for them. I love the grandmas, really I do, but I need my baby's room. I can't take sleeping on the couch any longer. And it actually disturbs me a little they don't realize how shitty it is for me to be sent to my living room with my newborn. They close the door at night and have a wonderful night's sleep in an empty nursery. Don't they GET that?

I'm getting myself all riled up.

Baby is sleeping all day and awake for longer periods at night. Makes sense since when pregnant, he used to sleep during the day, lulled to sleep by my movements and noises, only to wake up ready to party all night when all was quiet. He's just following what he's used to, so I just have to get through it.

I'm pumping and my boobies are rockstars. I have quite a supply already frozen, but I can't use that for nighttime feedings just yet. If I have someone feed the baby during the night, I'd still have to get up and pump. If I don't pump, I'd not only have rock hard, over stuffed milk bags on my chest, but I'd be messing with my supply. It's just TOO early to screw with supply. For the first few months, I just have to muddle through and pump/nurse every feeding. No sleeping through feedings if I want to continue to have a great supply.

Breastfeeding is going swimmingly. It's really my favorite part of having a baby. It's hard though. The immense pain during the first week of latching on and then the crazy sharp pain of milk let down sucks, but I'm finally getting past it. And, like I mentioned, I immediately work on my supply, tricking my body into producing twice as much, so I pump ~every single time~ I nurse. I now make enough milk to feed K on only one side and pump 3-4 ounces on the other side. (I make so much because even after K finishes, I pump on that side for another 5-10 minutes, even if empty, tricking my boob into thinking baby is still trying to get more. It's exhausting, but definitely worth it.)

Okay, my eyes hurt too bad to keep looking at the screen. Must shut down.

I love her, I really do.

My BFF (i always feel like paris hilton when i use those letters) is the most ~wonderful~ girl on the planet to me. I love her to death, really, I do. But sometimes, sometimes, things get tough.

She's ttc #3. And she's never had any trouble at all. In fact, #1 was a wonderful "accident" and #2 was conceived in the first month trying. Yeah, one of those... a fertile.

Throughout my ttc-ing, she supported me. She admittedly didn't understand it all, but she supported me. Sometimes the wrong thing was said ("there is always next month") but for the most part, she did her best. I know that.

This is her second month ttc, although she thinks it's her first month because she doesn't think she ovulated last month. She ~thought~ she ovulated last month, but told me she must not have after all. When I asked why, she said "because I didn't get pregnant." Oh boy. I then explained to her the "20% rule" - that with perfect everything, it's only a 20% success rate on average. She was so disheartened. She then said ~"It better happen quick because I just can't go through this".

Ugh. I have to support her the best I can, but it's going to be hard. I mean, she saw what I went through and hell, even though I had happy endings, it was hard. (Sure, it was 39 months of ttc with 3 successes. An 8% success rate isn't the best, but damn it, I'll take it.) She's got to see that 1 month of failure isn't anything to freak out over. But then again, I remember how hard each and every failure was. I just can't let my past get in the way of her present.

Have any of you had to go through this? Had to support a fertile friend after/with your own infertility?

3 hours!!!

I slept a total of 3 hours yesterday! Well, "yesterday" meaning in the last 24 hours. You don't really count sleep hours the same way as you count days, right? Jesus, I'm so tired I have no idea what I'm trying to convey right now. Let me start over.

I slept a total of 3 hours since yesterday morning!

or

I slept a total of 3 hours last night!

The last is probably more accurate, but that would sound like I slept during the DAY. What a novel idea. Except I have other children and that whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" thing does ~no longer~ apply. How I wish I was still in that "9th month of pregnancy" when my back hurt and I "couldn't sleep". Ha. Couldn't sleep my ass. That was the best sleep I'll have for months. I love when newly preggos bitch about how uncomfortable they are at the end. They have NO idea. Really. (and I can only say this because I was one of them at one time.)

Actually, I can't add. I slept 3 and a HALF hours. (That 30 minutes is very important when it account for 15% of total sleep. Ooooo. Check out the math skills.) 11pm-12:30am and 3:30am-5:30am. On the good side, I got some very important movie watching done. <--- sarcasm. Too tired to stand up and put a new movie into the player, so watched "over my dead body". omg. I not only lost sleep, but brain cells too. I am less smart now. Really.

Let me just say though that I know I'm incredibly blessed to be able to be this sleep deprived over what's keeping me awake. That's a no brainer (sweet, since a brainer wouldn't be available for me to even think about). So please, don't think I'm bitching about "oh whoa is me, I have a ~newborn~ and don't get any sleep!". I mean, I am bitching about that, but I'm bitching about being sleep deprived, as anyone would. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

So I just handed her my debit card.

I made it out of the house yesterday. To evil BRU (I still can't stand to look at pregnant women when I'm not pregnant. How fucking insane is that? I had a newborn in my arms. I'm certifiable.) to pick up a tub of the best butt cream ever (triple paste). Then to lunch. Then to grocery store for more sunflower seeds (I can't get enough salt). Then I decide to stop at blockbuster to get some movies.

I never rent movies. I have a bajillion movie channels and that seems to do fine. That, plus all my DVR'd programs? I'm good. But sitting on my ass watching tv for 22 hours a day (not actually watching, but sitting awake, blurry eyed because, well, that's what a new mom does) pretty much emptied my DVRd queue and I've been watching DUMB movies.

So, hey, renting movies sounded good. I wanted to see pineapple express and what a better time? (watched it last night and passed out midway. good movie so far though, my exhaustion just got the better of me.)

I had no idea how much movies cost to rent. The signs on the front of the store screamed "99 cent movie rentals!" and I went with that, picking up 7 or 8 movies. Except apparently, I picked up 7-8 of the expensive movies. When she told me the price, I normally would have simply put some back, but since I hadn't rented for, oh, 11 years, it took awhile to get my account up to date. The girl already put in tons of time and there was now a line of 9 people behind me. When she smiled and said "That'll be $43.99!", I simply handed her my debit card. Heh.

Birth Story and the after belly picture.

~ The Birth Story ~

Well, I blogged most of it already, so let me put together a smaller version.

Friday, Jan 9th:
- 2:30/3pm: I had to be at hospital to get checked in and get an epidural started. Epis don't work on me (I've had 6 previous placements) so he gave me the epi, but put in a spinal block medicine with it, pretty much numbing my stomach.

- 5pm: Went to OR and the version was performed at 530pm. It was crazy. My rockstar doctor put gel on his fists to his elbows and pretty much laid on top of my belly, wedging his arms on each side of the baby. After about 45 minutes of wedging in there, he says "Okay, your baby is now cooperating." WHOA! I thought he was just getting started and he was done.

- 630pm: The first cytotek was inserted. My cervix was "think and a fingertip". I knew we wouldn't induce until morning.

- 1015pm: The second cytotek was inserted. I was now "soft and a fingertip". Hrm, that's something.

- midnight: big nasty mucus plug makes it's way out.

- 1am-3am: Regular contractions started every 3 minutes. I didn't feel a thing. Silly me thought this was real labor and the epi worked. Instead, this was pre labor, which just isn't painful, but full of heavy pressure.

- 4am: Water breaks on its own. Holy Cow! Crazy feeling #1. #2, PAIN. Immediate pain with every contraction. They tried to pump up the epi, but determined it didn't work.

- 6:30am: +1 station, 95% effaced, 6cms dilated. Pain if overwhelming, but I am NOT freaking out. Tom holds my hand and counts out the contractions on the monitor as I breathe. It's amazing how much easier contractions feel with breathing instead of crying and screaming.

- 8:30am: +2 station, fully effaced, 10cms. Yet I didn't feel the need to push and I was freaked out to do it. Pushing was always the worst for me so my nurse let me labor as long as everything we still okay with me and baby.

- 9:15am: Said I would try to push now. Doc checked and said I was overly ready. He had me do a teeny push and I moved baby.

- 9:30am: broke down table and everyone got ready. 4 pushes and Karl was born.

- 9:39am: Karl arrives. 7lbs, 8ozs, 19 1/2 inches. Apgars 8 and 9.

- Within minutes - I was whisked off to surgery where I was put under full anesthesia and intubated. I never in my life went under surgery thinking I was really going to die. This time, it's how I felt. I kissed my husband what I really thought was our last kiss. I waived goodbye to the baby I just gave birth to who wasn't even in my arms. I didn't care about the hysterectomy I may have to have. I just wanted to see my family again. The OR staff kept asking me if I had questions. I simply asked them to get me to wake back up.

11am - Back in recovery waiting for baby. Full breakdown. All my family was at the nursery watching him and I wasn't there. Tears. Tears. Tears.

11:30am - I met and fed my dear new son. I haven't been apart since.

Rest of Sat, Sun and Mon all consisted of my heart freaking out and my blood levels continuing to drop. They couldn't understand tracing and my heart rate was 150-200. After all the monitoring and whatnot, I'm given potassium, Magnesium Sulfate (yuck!) and some beta blocker. Also after an echo cardiogram ruled out even more, they think it's my lack of blood. Speaking of lack of blood, I ended up with 42% blood volume. Yeah - I was MISSING 66% of my blood. So finally a blood transfusion was given, but only 2 units, as they would risk more issues with more blood.

And that was my story. I'm home now (duh) and really tired. He said it would take 7-8 weeks to get back up to where I was, so until then, I'm going to just chill and let my blood grow. Other than that, I'm good. No episiotomy nor ripping (my ob has a stretching this he does during delivery to counter that - burns like hell, but it works) so I feel fine in that aspect. I'm just loving my life right now - trying to introduce myself with my new little man. It's tiring, more than I can ever describe, but worth it.


~ The Belly ~

Ah, the belly. When I had the first baby, I was told I'd leave the hospital at what I looked like at 6 months. Which, for reference, looked about like this:


I didn't achieve it with this pregnancy, nor with any others. It took a full week. I lots 26 lbs as of this morning! Weight was 178 at delivery and now I'm 153. 13 lbs to go to my normal good weight, another 5 to go to my skinny weight. And since I'm starting derby up again in 5 weeks, I bet I make it to skinny weight for sure.

38 weeks and then "39 weeks = 1 week post partum".


38 weeks and then "39 weeks = 1 week post partum".


That last picture on right is funny. I look like I want to be a super hero.

Moo! Im hooked up to a pump right now. Fun times.

A quick pic to appease the masses

heh. The masses. I sure am thinking highly of myself.

Karl. 5 days old:

Still alive. Barely. Blood loss taking its toll. Will post soon.

web nursery

forgot to add this to last post ... Check out his pictures in the hospital's Web Nursery.

I like #4 personally.

Okay - I'm home.

I'm ~so~ freaking tired, so full story later -not that you really don't have it already, since I was doing a live blogging labor and deliver. (seriously - how cool was that? I was able to text message my blog to post those updates. No harder than that (go into blogger and set it up yourself!) so in between contractions, I was able to just send my blog text messages from my cell phone. My husband was irritated, but I had to keep my occupied so whatever. I also plucked my eyebrows.)

note: I have tons of pictures, of course, but these were the crap ones from my cell phone.

~ O.M.G.! You all rule for sending me so many comments. I will read them soon, but I was so happy seeing people were reading!

~ Heart issue: MrsSpock, yes, you were right, I was tachy, but more than that. I have to get notes because my cardiologist was using insane words, but it was one of those "tach" words, but not just tachycardia. My pulse was beating 180-200 and also the reading of the EKG was nothing they've seen. I had to get a freaking holster monitor (lots of drama with this one) and had an echo cardiogram and about 5 visits with cardiac specialists. Things are being controlled and I have to follow up. They don't know what it was all caused by, but they don't think I'm going to straight up and die anytime soon from it. This is such a boring topic, so more (or less) later.

~ Blood loss issue - J, yes, you were right, it ended up being the placenta accreta again. (Def: Placenta accreta occurs when the placenta attaches itself too deeply into the wall of the uterus). Due to the Velamentous cord, he couldn't pull on the cord at all to deliver placenta. But due to accreta, he couldn't pull too hard anyway in case of severe bleeding. He tried to deliver it and even though ~I~ thought it was because it was getting too painful, it was because I started bleeding. 5 minutes later I was being put under general anaesthesia with a freaking breathing tube down my throat (fyi - that makes your throat sore and coughing after deliver sucks.)Last time w/ the accreta I almost died, so this was the first surgery I have ever had where I was genuinely scared of not waking up. Never seeing my baby. I signed a quick consent for a hysterectomy and off I went. I woke up later to the knowledge all was taken care of w/ D&C and I still have all my girlie parts. I just have almost 2 liters less of blood.

They didn't want to give me transfusion due to some risks with that and my hemoglobin was 7.8 (should be 14~ish). The next day (today) my hemoglobin was 6.6 and my crit was 19. So no more option of not getting blood and got a transfusion today, giving me a complete 1/3 of my blood supply back. I feel exhausted from the blood loss and will continue to feel it for 6-8 weeks. It's like I feel like I've been sleep deprived from having a newborn for a month. And it's only day 2.

~ Labor - Freaking epidural did NOT work again. After 2 placements w/ Ella, 4 placements w/ Allison and just one placement (and 6 boluses) w/ Karl, The anaesthesiologists determined I have scar tissue from my back injury screwing the with administration of the drug to my system, so I'm pretty much destined to "natural" feeling childbirths. Fuck. Labor and deliver hurts. I am NEVER doing that again. (~wink~)

But I had some mighty cool socks on:



~ Delivery - I was scared of pushing because of how much more it hurts. And being in control of your own pain (push!) goes against every cell in my brain, so I hate hate hate pushing. And I pussy out ("I can't do it!") everytime, even though I know I can. So I labored an extra hour after being complete (although didn't have huge urge to push, so I was able to hold off) which helped delivery turn into a 4-push delivery, resulting in a perfectly shaped baby head.

A few hours old:


A few more hours:


Middle to the night when I was on Magnesium and couldn't sleep:



~ Breastfeeding - Going great. My milk hasn't come in, but the ducts are starting to react,so I know my boob job didn't ruin anything. He latches like a champ already and I love it.

I couldn't be happier when doing this:



Alright, I'll come back and give some more details, but I was just dying not showing off pictures of him yet!

Love and kisses to each one of you!

Need blood transfusion. Still in hospital. Please send good vibes, or a little prayer for me?

In hosp until monday. Im having heart trouble. They think its due to losing half my blood supply in surgery. Pictures soon!

He is a sleepy baby! Nursed one side but now he sleeps. Im alone, everyone went home. I am going to eat, then sleep

Karl is here! 7lbs, 8ozs. I was rushed to emergency surgery due to placenta retainment. Im in recovery waiting to see my baby.

+1 station, 95% effaced, 6cms.
And pain is like nothing i have felt. During contraction, i cant control it.

Labor really hurts. Oh fuck. I have done it before, but i forgot just how horribly painful it is. No pain relief. Just breathe.

Water broke on its own at 4am. Immediate hard and very painful contractions. Tom is counting me through them. No pain relief. 1cm.

Version worked! Baby boy is head down now. Starting cytotek. (no clue how to spell that).

Confirmed still breech. Waiting for epidural now. Version in 30 minutes.

Alright. I'm off!

I'm a little more freaked out now that the initial shock has worn off, but I wanted to say a few parting words ...

First off - THANK YOU, each and every one of you, for being so damned awesome. You were all here to pick me up after my failures and scares. And you stuck by me when I was schnarky. I love you all.

Now, for today, the plans remain the same. I'm leaving for hospital now and my doc is going to try to turn the baby for a vaginal birth at around 5pm. If we're successful, we'll start the process with cyrotec and induce in the morning. If he's stubborn and stays breech, we'll have a c-section immediately after the version. I think I can text to my blog, so I'll try to do just that.

Wow. Here I go.

oh my god.

Doc wants me to get to hospital in 2 hours. We'll try to turn baby at 5pm. If he turns, we'll put in cytotec and induce tomorrow. If not, c-section tonight.

Um. Going to go throw up.

Which ones do you hate?

That last post was too boring (although a serious update as to me having a baby in 2 days), so let me put up something exciting schnarky.

I love all of you Jen and Jenn's out there. There are so many of you and you all rule. But right now, I'm going to tell you why I love this Jenn. And I just realized it.

I didn't just realize I love her, but I just realized another reason. I think we are somehow related in some cosmic way. It's not that we both got pregnant on Cycle 20. Nor that we both are married to guys named Tom. Nor that we both are into roller derby (me a derby girl and her an official derby girl supporter). It's because we both share a hatred of the same commercials. (oh yes, the glue which holds us together. heh.)

I bitched about the whopper vs big mac commercial the other day. The reason I talked about that particular commercial was because it was on at the time and tom and I had discussed it. But if you asked me what commercials piss me off the most? My answer would be exactly that of the commercials Jenn mentioned in her comment to me.

First off - The Snuggie. Are you fucking kidding me? They are actually hawking a ROBE. Or you can call it a blanket with arms. Regardless of how you look at it - it's stupid. At the beginning of the commercial, they show this woman who just is having SO MUCH trouble with a blanket. Like she's a moron who can't keep it on. And then the phone rings and she just can't seem to get her hands out from underneath it. Okay, if this woman doesn't know how to manuver around a blanket, well, she's got bigger problems than needing to order a snuggie.

Next is the ShamWow guy. And this time I'm not talking about the product, but the guy. Doesn't he actually look like a shark? And I don't mean the second definition of the word shark: "a person who preys greedily on others", but an actual shark. Like he's straight out of a cartoon. And something is up with his face. The way he talks out of one side or maybe he's squinting. I can't remember which and I really don't want to google the guy, but he's annoying. And really. A headset? It's a fucking tv commercial for goodness sake - use a microphone dude. I'm not going to buy it anymore if I'm pretending I'm watching you peddle your towel at the county fair. Oh, have you noticed he's selling another product? One of those pampered chef chopper knockoffs. Wearing the same awesome blue shirt and khakis. And of course, the headset. Mmmmm. The headset. That sexy, sexy, headset.

Leaving you with how ridiculously large I am right now. My favorite long sleeve t-shirts aren't even covering my girth anymore.

There is no way he'll let me wait.

My OB mentioned if everything about today's appointment went well, "we'll see" about waiting until wednesday. I came in today with high hopes. BPP? Good. Still in exact same breech position, but great movements, practice breathing, good fluid. Placenta is still a bit degraded, but no more than from Monday's u/s. NST? Fabulously reactive. "We'll put your chart on his desk" the nurses say to me as I start to walk out, waving goodbye.

"Wait! We almost forgot your blood pressure check!"

I make small talk as we walk to the little bp/weight check room. ~swoosh~swoosh~swoosh~ the pump goes up. I'm confident it'll be high still, but stable as it's been in the past week. Nurse stoic looks at me. "158/100".

Shit.

My doc put me on partial bed rest when diastolic was over 80. He put me on complete bed rest (with my first pregnancy) when diastolic hit 90. When it hit 100, I was to meet him in the hospital within hours, to start the induction to deliver. What do you think 158/100 is going to buy me? It's certainly not going to allow me to get another week down the road.

This is my assumption here - as I am not an obstetrician (really, i'm not) - is he's going to call me tomorrow late morning after his rounds. He's already going to have a time I'm to show up at the hospital the next morning. He's going to try to perform the version, a lighter version of the version (heh, I've been waiting to mix those words) due to the risky nature of the cord. If he's successful, he'll start the induction with some cervidil. I wasn't effaced at all, so I don't see them going straight for pitocin, but again, the whole I'm not a doctor thing will play a role. If he is not successful, I'll be scheduled straight away for a c-section. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm scheduled for the c-section before we even try the version.

Tomorrow will most likely be my last day of pregnancy. I'll only be 38 weeks. Don't they have to make sure his lungs are mature enough? Or is that at 37 weeks? There is a very good survival rate at 38 weeks gestation, I know that. But I still worry. I still worry his done button hasn't popped yet. I am so freaking aggravated I'm going to have to give birth 2 weeks early. I'm not upset with it, as I understand the reasons are for both his survival and even my own. I'll have to remember I got to go into labor all on my own with Allison. And I'll force myself to remember how 3 days worth of pre-labor sucked. How 6 hours before Allison was born I was only 1 cm.

I just realized I am still thinking I'm going to have a vaginal birth, but I probably won't. And a c-section is going to be necessary. Pros of a c-section - less pain. Labor and delivery hurts. A lot. And I can get my tubes tied. And the risk of cord detachment during delivery and me bleeding to death is mitigated. So I have to deal with a harder, much harder recovery. It may make breastfeeding a little harder due to my milk not coming in right away. I'll be okay. Karl will be okay.

I had an acupuncture appointment today to try to get baby to turn. He's still as breech as he ever was, but it was a fabulously relaxing appointment. I had the needles in my ears, hands, knees, calves, ankles and toes. He then lit some herb smoke stick of some kind and once it was smouldering, he took turns holding it against the needles in my toes until they were too hot for me to take. He did this for 15 minutes and then left me in the room to relax. This is where it gets weird. I am not the relaxation type. I talk during massages. I talk during treatments. When left to my own accord in acupuncture sessions, I have to listen to my ipod or have a clock to watch. Left to my own devices, I go nuts. But today? It was blissful. I drifted in and out of consciousness. I couldn't even tell I was sleeping had it not been for the dreaming. It was wonderful. He came in after a few moments and informed me I had been in there for over an hour. Crazy.

I have to go get my swollen feet up. I'll update you when I hear from my doc tomorrow. Oh, and I have to tell you all of the story of how I almost punched a little 6 year old girl in the face. Seriously. Until later ...

Holy Fucking Crap.

My OB just called me at home. He was reviewing my BPP, NST, blood work and 24 hour urine test results and said this to me:

"I know you want to wait, but I'm just not comfortable letting you go until Wednesday. Come in tomorrow for your NST/BPP and I'll review it in the evening. Then I'll call you on Friday and let you know what time I want you in the hospital on Saturday."

Um. Yeah. I'm having a baby in 3 days.

2 appointments

Called nurse and got approved to go to:

~ prenatal massage appointment today at 1:45p. 90 minutes of naked rubbing. Ahhh. Heaven. But no more walking around than to/from car.

~ acupuncture appt tomorrow at noon. Let's see how this idea of needles in my toes will get my baby to turn!

Urgh.

So much going through my mind, so it'll be a bulleted post (like you wouldn't figure that out all one your own).

* A few corrections/misconceptions I wanted to clarify
~ I am not scared/worried/whatever of a c-section. I just would rather not have to recover from surgery when having a newborn. Simple as that. So if it can be avoided, yes, I'd like to take that option.
~ In regards to inductions - I'm simply against women inducing for their comfort or schedules. If the baby isn't ready, the baby isn't ready. I just read a message from someone on the 3rd tri board who induced at 37 weeks and her baby is in NICU, which proves my point. Most babies are ready, but some aren't, so why chance it? It just pisses me off when I see girls taking herbs and castor oil because their back hurts and they are done.
~ I am ~not~ against inductions when the baby's or mother's health is the reason. I would love to avoid one or push it to last minute because in MY history, my induction with my first sucked huge fucking monkey assholes. My body was NOT ready. I was not effaced. I was not dilated. So it was a tough, long and hard labor. And epidurals don't work for me (I've had 6 insertions) so the labor as even more extreme for me, as I had contraction on top of contraction kicking my ass. If I need to be induced with this one, here's to hoping my body is at least somewhat ready to be receptive to an induction. Anywho, I'm not worried about getting through an induction or the baby's health - I simply would rather not have such a hard labor.

* In regards to my body being ready, at 37w3d, it's not. My cervix was still "thick" and only a fingertip dilated. I wasn't expecting anything, but of course, I hoped. Even if it was, I know that even a first timer can sit at multiple centimeters without any progress for weeks. I don't know why I wanted to see progress when I know it means absolutely diddly-squat at 37 weeks.

* If I had to choose a drug to be addicted to, I would pick ambien. It's the best drug in the entire world. Yet, I still woke up 6 times last night to pee. Go figure.

* I've been a terrible blog commenter lately. Miss Chicklet, Jenn, Lori, Pam, Mel, MrsSpock, Eden, Sara, J, Sarah, (jeez, why am I even trying to list out names? I'll never ever get a full list) deserve so much more from me. And I am in huge commenting suckatude mode. Lame.

* I freaking ~love~ to chew on ice lately. But not new ice. It has to have melted a bit. I need to set up a process so I always have some available. My husband is getting pissed when I reach my hand into his glasses of gatorade (his favorite drink).

* I went to work today for a few hours. I okay'd it with doc, but by the time I got home, my bp was 150/92. Bed rest is totally working, no more cheating - even with permission - for me.

* I ~think~ I've come to a conclusion about next Wednesday. If we are successful, I'm most likely going to okay the induction because I'm worried about having damaged the cord/placenta unknowingly with the version. I will be 38w5d and doc won't let me go to term anyway, so what's 4-5 days? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had a placental rupture over the weekend just because I wanted to wait. Goal is healthy baby. Period. It's what my doc is recommending too. If we are ~not~ successful, I'm still up in the air about the scheduled c-section. I'm leaning towards just getting the fucking c-section that same day for same reason. Having the cord issue and multiple risks for placental issues just makes me too nervous to wait it out to see if he flips on his own.

* I think it's hilarious I am so anti induction and anti c-section and those are my options. I've jinxed myself, haven't I?

* Do you think it would be permissible to get my last prenatal massage? It would require getting up and driving to massage therapist, 5 miles away, and then laying on a table to get rubbed. I just said no more permission-granted cheating, yet I really need a massage.

* I told my OB yesterday that I was going to take try to make some extra money by taking pictures of my swollen ankles and sending them into foot fetish websites - hoping the extra flesh would bring in extra cash. He had to stop writing notes in my chart cause he was laughing so much.

* I'm most likely having a baby in 8 days. Holy shit. I need to put up his new curtain rod and iron the curtains. But I'm on bed rest. Damn it.

* I'm confused on Karl's breech presentation. (J? MrsSpock? help here?) He had both feet down, bent at knees. I thought this was "complete breech" but the tech called him a "footling breech". Now that I'm googling, it seems that I'm mixing terms. There is complete (both feet down), incomplete (one foot) and frank breech (both feet up by head). Where does footling breech come in? The sites I've read always show 3 types of breech presentation: frank, complete, incomplete, but one says the three are frank, complete and footling. But footling is defined as "One or both of the fetus' feet are pointing down and will come out first". If that's true, wouldn't having both feet down be a complete?

* I'm bummed I had to close the guessing game. I wanted to have the most guesses for any game on expectnet. I got #3, I guess that's all I'll get. (I'm such a competitive dork.)

* Karl was estimated to weigh 3666 grams. 3-666. Third kid, 666. Ominous, no?

* I never texted Jenn back and now it's too late. Jeez I suck. Sorry Jenn.

* My roller derby wife-to-be was proposed to last night by another derby girl. She said she was already taken for my return. Yay.

* Yes, I know acupuncture is an option and I'm looking into it. Thanks for all the suggestions!

* 3 carseats in a car looks ridiculous to me.

* Last, but not least, prayers for my friend's dog. He got into a bad fight and he's fighting infection and now an allergic reaction. I'm sure he'll be fine, but the vet bill is getting ridiculous and it's just something my friend doesn't need right now. So he needs to get better soon so those bills stop being wracked up. Or is it racked up? Regardless, get better soon d.o.g.!

"Would you like to have your baby on Saturday?"

Shocked look from me staring back as I say "No!"

Good lord. I do ~not~ want to induce at 38 weeks! Hell, I don't want to induce at 40 weeks. But, alas, my high risk pregnancy is not going to allow me to go to term. If baby boy doesn't come on his own soon, we're going to have to induce. Damn it.

Okay, so the lowdown is he's breech. My blood pressure is up and some protein is beginning to spill into my urine. But most importantly, my placenta is starting to mature and being AMA, this being an IVF baby, previous rapid maturation, previous placenta acretta AND the velamentous cord insertion, he just isn't going to let me go to term.

SO. Next Wednesday, the 14th, I'm scheduled to get an epidural at 11am. By noon, my OB is going to perform a version on me, which is where he will manually try to turn the baby. If unsuccessful, he'll let me go one more week where he'll either do a c-section straight off or maybe try to turn him again. If successful, I've got some choices: 1) Induce right then so baby won't have a chance to turn again. 2) Wait a week and then induce if he hasn't decided to come on his own.

Urg. The queen of anti-inductions has all these fucking induction options. Having the baby before term is okay with me, because I am high risk. It's medically necessary. But I will do this at the very last moment possible. The version just scares me because of my cord issue. It's higher risk. If the baby is wrapped in the cord somehow and they turn him, it can cause the cord to just pop out - which means immediate emergency c-section. But there could be less obvious risky issues when we perform the version which may make the induction necessary right then too. But then again, I'll do whatever I need to do for Karl's safe delivery.

9 days. Holy Shit.

Until then, I stay on modified bedrest, which means I can sit up and work from home, but he doesn't want me ~doing~ anything. Lame. Bedrest sounds ~so good~ in theory, but that's it. It's so miserable. And I only have to do it for like 2 weeks. I think of my other blogging girls who were on bedrest for months. I'd scratch my eyeballs out.

I hope he turns before we go in for the version. And if we do the version, I hope it's successful without any complications and I can wait for things to happen naturally.

Oh yeah - he hit a huge growth spurt. 91st percentile and 8 lbs 1 oz. No way. Tech said to always remove a pound from their estimations - she says he's probably 7lbs right now.

The Misfits want my girls' skulls.

I grew up listening to punk. I remember loving "skulls" by the Misfits (lyrics at bottom):



And then I got into the 'alternative' music too like the blake babies and lemonheads and buffalo tom and I heard the version by the lemonheads:



Isn't the lemonheads' version just so damned pretty? How can anyone make these lyrics pretty?

~Skulls~

The corpses all hang headless and limp
Bodies with no surprises
And the blood drains down like devils rain
We'll bathe tonight

I want your skulls I need your skulls
I want your skulls I need your skulls

Demon I am and face I peel
To see your skin turned inside out, cause
Gotta have you on my wall
Gotta have you on my wall, cause

I want your skulls I need your skulls
I want your skulls I need your skulls

Go

Collect the heads of little girls and
Put em on my wall
Hack the heads off little girls and
Put em on my wall

Oh oh

I want your skulls I need your skulls

Burger King vs McDonalds commercial

Have you seen the commercial where they take people out of small tribes and whatnot and do a taste test between The Whopper and Big Mac?

This commercial totally pisses me off. Why? Because these people don't eat fucking hamburgers. And to stereotype the people they "picked" - are people who are gatherers and most likely eat a lot of vegetables. So, what has more veggies? A whopper or big mac? A fucking Whopper. Of course they are going to choose the one that has the closest taste to what they are used to. So, they are voting on which has the most veggies, not the best hamburger. And that's skewed and it pisses me off. Not that I give a rat's ass on who "wins" or not, but it's not a fair fight.

Warning - I'm going to bitch a little bit about how I'm feeling. I've hit "term" which means I'm past 37 weeks. Which also means I have hit the inevitable uncomfortable zone. Adding that to bed rest where everything feels even more sore? Good lord I'm miserable. I want to get up and move around SO bad, but I can't. I'm having ~tons~ of contractions, but only a little more painful than the normal braxton hicks, so I'm sure I will have no progress when I get checked tomorrow. (I turned down the internal check my NP offered last week.) Karl is still breech, his head is firmly poking me in the ribs. The kicks to my bladder are awesome and his butt is pushing on my cervix, causing out loud cries of pain. But, he needs to cook so I'll do what I have to. Thank goodness I don't believe in inductions because mommy is uncomfortable or I'd be one of "those" women, begging for an early eviction. No, no, no. Not for me. Inductions tend to suck assholes (at least for me) and I will ~not~ have another monitored birth. Although with the baby in this position, we're looking at a fucking c-section again. Grrr.

Oooo. I need to take another picture. I'll go do that right now. And, my husband and I have a bet going on about me packing a bag. He says I've always had a bag packed by now and I say no way have I had one before 37 weeks. Plus, packing the bag is easy as pie, as I'm a veteran at this, duh, and I don't have to consult a billion girls on a message board about "what to bring". Seriously - that's my biggest pet peeve question in 3rd tri. Bring what you think you'll want. I guarantee you'll bring too much, as the hospital provides everything for baby and you, but bah, no one ever listens. Instead, they bring their stilettos and underwear and nightgowns. ~shrug~

I am so fucking schnarky right now. People around me are loving it big time.

p.s. - have you made a guess? Please do! The link is in the previous post or on the sidebar. Thanks!

Crap, I'm a little late with this one.

I do this with every baby and I forgot this time! Ack. Please play? And couldya make is soon (hint~hint~wink~wink)



Please? With sugar on top? The winner actually WINS something too. Yeah, no idea what that is yet, but I promise it'll be some insanely fucking fantastic. Okay, it'll be a prize. No promises on the insanely fucking fantastic part.

Update - we had to lock the game, due to the new info. I'll come back and let you know who wins!

The three B's

Blood pressure, bedrest and breech.

On my way to Denver on wed to stay the night end see flogging molly, NP called and told me my bp was way too high and I needed to go on bedrest and come back in Friday morning. Today it was better, but still high, but my blood work did come back looking okay. I had to change my OB appt from Wed to Monday and up my NST/BPPs to Mondays/Thursdays.

She added on a BPP/NST today and low and behold, Karl is no longer headdown. Is it possible to be pissed at an unborn baby? Because I'm quite irritated right now.

More later. Just a quick update to let you know I'm alive.