My eyes sting.

I was just writing an email to Mareike about how fucking tired I am. Sleep deprivation? In full swing now.

It would be better if I didn't have "help" staying with me. A week with mother in law and then a week with my mom. I've NEVER had "help" stay with me with the other births and that's how I like it. Let me pass the hell out whenever I need to, but with someone here, I feel that I have to entertain. Well, not entertain like sing and dance, but I just don't feel comfortable sleeping knowing someone else is here. AND, I have a super small house. The guest room was turned into a nursery and since I thought I was awesome to put in an extra bed in that room, the grandmas had just assumed residence there. Um, hello? That's the fucking NURSERY! So I've been dismissed to the couch and the crib is totally untouched still. Lame. I can't believe they all just assumed I had room for them. I love the grandmas, really I do, but I need my baby's room. I can't take sleeping on the couch any longer. And it actually disturbs me a little they don't realize how shitty it is for me to be sent to my living room with my newborn. They close the door at night and have a wonderful night's sleep in an empty nursery. Don't they GET that?

I'm getting myself all riled up.

Baby is sleeping all day and awake for longer periods at night. Makes sense since when pregnant, he used to sleep during the day, lulled to sleep by my movements and noises, only to wake up ready to party all night when all was quiet. He's just following what he's used to, so I just have to get through it.

I'm pumping and my boobies are rockstars. I have quite a supply already frozen, but I can't use that for nighttime feedings just yet. If I have someone feed the baby during the night, I'd still have to get up and pump. If I don't pump, I'd not only have rock hard, over stuffed milk bags on my chest, but I'd be messing with my supply. It's just TOO early to screw with supply. For the first few months, I just have to muddle through and pump/nurse every feeding. No sleeping through feedings if I want to continue to have a great supply.

Breastfeeding is going swimmingly. It's really my favorite part of having a baby. It's hard though. The immense pain during the first week of latching on and then the crazy sharp pain of milk let down sucks, but I'm finally getting past it. And, like I mentioned, I immediately work on my supply, tricking my body into producing twice as much, so I pump ~every single time~ I nurse. I now make enough milk to feed K on only one side and pump 3-4 ounces on the other side. (I make so much because even after K finishes, I pump on that side for another 5-10 minutes, even if empty, tricking my boob into thinking baby is still trying to get more. It's exhausting, but definitely worth it.)

Okay, my eyes hurt too bad to keep looking at the screen. Must shut down.