Monday, February 18, 2008

"Anonymous" equals bad-mannered?

For the reasoning behind this post, please see comment #4 to the previous blog posting of mine.

I have come to the point where I want to simply disable anonymous comments to my blog. I won't, due to the fact there are many friends who respond to me using the anonymous feature, although they always leave their name. I find that the people who actually use the anonymous feature to remain anonymous are usually saying something they would never have the balls to say to someone using their own identity.

It's amazing to me how people use this functionality to allow themselves to be bad-mannered. Just because you aren't leaving your name doesn't mean you get a "pass" to say anything you want. These words you type anonymously are still words that came out of your being. Words that are tarnishing the type of human you are. But then again, if these words are coming out of you, what kind of a human being are you to begin with? Clicking "anonymous" just allowed you to say something you were already thinking. The anonymous function should be renamed to a checkbox called "I'm a chicken shit".

The previous anonymous name caller wasn't that bad, but it brought to mind how the availibility of "anonymous" are bringing out the worst in people.


Chas said...

It's been my experience that anonymous DOES equal bad mannered. I cringe when I see that I have an anonymous comment. Usually, it's a real friend who doesn't use blogger or doesn't want to sign in at that moment for one reason or another. Every once in a while though it's someone there trying to ruin my day. An anonymous commenter left me a very detailed comment about why I am an "evil person". It bugs me that I even remember that. It also bugs me that whoever left the comment reads my blog regularly, b/c he/she knew my daughter's real first name, which I don't use on my blog regularly.

Sorry, I'm rambling, but anonymous comments are terrible. I came to the point that I just delete them. They don't deserve the attention of me or anyone else that reads my blog if they're not going to at least give me the opportunity to respond to them directly.

Anonymous said...

From the very annonymous katarinajellybeana:

To Nancy: I concur. Totally chickenshit. You know what, Nancy? If I've got a problem with you, I'm just gonna tell you instead of pulling the same kind of passive-aggressive bullshit that I might have been victim to in Junior High. At the same time, I'm not going to judge you for your choices, shopping or otherwise. Is it my business? No, but I'll happily listen to any story you tell me. I might disagree, but I won't judge.

To the queen bee and wannabe's who post as annonymous: I really would like to know where you find the time. Are you ALWAYS like this? Does your husband secretly think you're a bitch? Do you inexplicibly lose friends in real life? Not judging...just asking...

SaraS-P said...

WTF? The comment didn't even seem to match up with up with the post!

I agree that the anon feature gives a green light to the a-hole within some folks, but I also allow anon comments for those who don't won't to sign up for blogger just to remark on something I wrote.

Anonymous said...

wow, sorry hun, didn't mean to get you all worked up! my comment was as innocent as yours. I didn't call you any names. I did not say YOU were shallow. I honestly think NO ONE can tell what kind of person someone is by their choice of shoes! IMO(in my opinion is the key phrase here) that is just a way to judge people. It's ok to agree to disagree, isn't it?

nancy said...

yes, it's okay to disagree, but you summed it up by callng me shallow. No, you may not of said "YOU ARE SHALLOW" but you definitely jumped to a conclusion and assessed that it was shallow of me (if i really did feel the way you has assessed. the only reason you didn't end up calling me shallow is because your assumptions were incorrect.)

Anywho - I said that your comment wasn't too bad, it just brought this all up.

nancy said...

oh - i didn't even catch the "it's just a way to judge" thing. Well of course it's a way to judge. But it's not like I pass them off as a person who I won't be friends with. I will prejudge them that they are someone who will wear socks with sandals. Fashion is about judging, but it's only judging someone's fashion sense. Hell, I have some horrible fashion sense too. I just look at shoes though.

SO yes, I judge, but so do you. If you tell me you do NOT judge someone about their outer apprearance ever, I'll have to go ahead and ~assume~ you are lying to yourself.

Wordgirl said...

Hi Nancy,

I recently was reading some things on Mel's website about running into anonymous -- and I wonder if it isn't the very nature of the anonymous comment -- I mean if we put our identifying information out there aren't we owning up to that comment -- and if we own up to it we're owning up to our anger -- or our difference of opinion or what have you.

It's difficult to have compassion for a person who is striking out against you (perhaps not in this case, but just generally -- those icky comments) -- but what I've come to think is that maybe they are just in a very reactive and wounded place..?

Sorry you have to deal with it Nancy!

And BTW -- I'm really excited for your new insurance package -- how excellent to hear GOOD news in this often sad blogosphere...



Duck said...

It is chickenshit.

And I have a problem with the shoe bit, you can tell a lot about someone based on their shoes, and selected out many men based on footwear alone.

For example, when I was single I would not date a guy who wore white running shoes with jeans to a bar. Why doesn't he just wear socks in sandals?

It's just no style
And that's not vain, it's reality. Shoes, colour, style, it says a lot about a person.

I judge based on shoes, and I am not anonymous.

Jen said...

It's far easier to write a nasty, anonymous comment than say to a person's face that same nasty comment. Crappy and chickenshit? Absolutely.

I don't know why anyone wants to do that. Maybe it's my naivete, but all of us putting our hearts out there in this community don't need to be belittled by those supposedly who are our support system.

Poltzie said...

Hi Nancy,
I totally agree with you about anon comments. I have noticed some things about them that make it easier for me to deal with them.
When I was on boards I got a lot of nasty anon comments. I deleated that blog, took a break and left the boards, now I don't get them as much. It seems to me that the board drama gets carried over into blogs. I think it's because the boards are so full of diverse people and they are often afraid to speak out against someone on the board for fear of being shunned by the whole group.
I've also found that giving anon's attention is what they want. Whenever I get a nasty anon comment I delete it and move on. I've never to this day have had an anon stalker (knock on wood) and I think it's because I never mention their comments.
Either way I hope that you aren't getting these comments that much, they just plain suck.
ps. thanks for the advice on my blog, lots of good perspectives to think about!!

nancy said...

Duffy - you had the redish shoes on. I remember because I thought they were cute :)

nancy said...

Poltzie - I definitely agree with you on all points.

I was just talking about this in our colobloggers meeting - that I used to give the anons such an audience, it spurred them to talk more. This anonymous comment wasn't that bad and I said as such, and that is why I posted it, so I could clear up that misconception. It wasn't ~this~ anon who this is all about, the ones it really is about are people who are deleted before I even have to open up their comment - I can delete it based on the first line alone.

nancy said...

Pam, I vaguely remember Mel's post about that. It's why she changed "comments" to "reactions", right? I don't think I got too far into that discussion with her.

I agree with it to a point. I understand people having strong reactions to things. But I do not agree that just because we are in a reactive and wounded place, they should spew out the kind of hatred I've seen.

I know that when I'm wounded with a failed cycle and jealous of others who get a bfp, I've had horrible feelings stemming from my own emotions. But I would NEVER EVER EVER post to someone "you don't deserve your pregnancy" or some other hateful thing like that, even if I was feeling quite jealous at the moment. Even though I may think I deserve something "more" at times, I never think someone else doesn't deserve it.

That was obviously just an example of how I've felt wounded before and I have not reacted in such a way. When I feel overwhelmingly hurt, I resort to radio silence, not hatred.

(And thanks for your words on my insurance. it's utterly 100% amazing and I'll never get over the chance I'm being allowed.)

~Carrie said...

While I haven't yet had the 'pleasure' of getting rude comments from anonymous posters in my blog, I've experienced it many, many times - I used to run a message board (not IF related) and the rudest comments were almost always from people who didn't have the balls to identify themselves.

If you really want to p*ss off the anonymous posters, remove their comments :) Not because you can't handle these idiots (you obviously can!) but because it really does seem to bother them! They thrive on their idiocy being published, for some reason. (And it isn't censorship because you aren't under any obligation to publish everyone's post - it's *your* blog!)

And katarinajellybeana - heh heh, 'Does your husband secretly think you're a bitch?' That had me cracking up.

Io said...

Um, I totally had to go read your post again after reading the anonymous comment, because I did *not* get it. I'm totally with you on the shoe thing. Cheap or expensive doesn't matter as much as whether they're impractical or funky or granola.
I don't think I get a lot of anonymous posters, if any, but it immediately puts my guard up when I see one. Everyone feels braver in saying things that might be mean or sharing their true feelings when we're anonymous. That's one of the reasons I blog (semi) anonymously probably - I feel more free to be open and honest.

nancy said...

Carrie, I have comment moderation on and rarely do I post these comments. I don't even have to go an remove them - 99.8% of them get no play! :) I commented in a comment above why I put this one up.

Jen said...

I know its cheesy, but I always go by the rule of "if you do not have something nice to say, then don't say anything at all". After all, nobody is forced to read another person's blog.

Kidlicious said...

I sure wish I could have made it to the ColoBloggers meeting. I'm bummed I missed it. Although you probably would have seen me in tennis shoes. I do have a silver wedding ring. :-) Do those cancel each other out?

Looking forward to meeting you soon.

oh, and on the anonymous thing. We have this virtual classroom meeting thing at work for big meetings. People use anonymous to ask the weird question to our executives - yes, I've always thought, what a chicken, just tell us who you are!

nancy said...

lol. Nothing is wrong with tennis shoes! Well, unless they are all-black tennis shoes, which I have an issue with. ;)

Denise said...

It only took one semi-rude comment left anonymously on my blog for me to stop allowing anonymous comments. I just told my friends and family that if they wanted to comment, they had to get an account. If someone didn't have 30 seconds in their day to set one up to comment, then the comment couldn't have been much thought behind the comment anyway.

I obviously judge people by their jewelry :)

But I notice shoes too. Red converse, right? Classic punk.

Sarah R said...

Black tennis shoes with dual velcro straps worn with white socks and short cut-off jean shorts. On a guy. EW! (BTW, I haven't actually seen this, but I'm sure it does exist!) Certainly not a catch for me...

Anonymous said...

I'm anonymous, just because I don't have a Google or Blogger or whatever the heck, not anonymous b/c I'm bad-mannered or mean or rude :) ...I was on the pg boards with Nancy twice and I have been keeping up with her TTC. (I was stephr3 then, BTW, now I am stephs_3_kidz :) ).


I check out people's shoes, too. Does that make me shallow? Not because of the brand, the cost, or what have you. I can't stand it when people wear DIRTY or RATTY shoes. It bugs the CRAP out of me. I think it says a lot about a person when they go out in public in nasty, ratty shoes.

I'm a shoe freak. For God's sakes. If you get mud all over your shoes or the sole is flapping around, clean them off or buy some new freaking shoes.

Nancy, if you're a shoe snob, then so am I.

~Joe said...

Thats what I hate the most about people that are rude and crude online, I bet they would never in a million years say that stuff in person but they can hide behind the computer screen.I personally have never been afraid to voice my opinion, but I'd never just randomly attack someone, thats just immature,I guess take comfort in knowing it prolly some lonely bitter person that has nothing better to do with their lives.

Morgan said...

You should take this test to go along with your last's "what kind of shoe are you" I thought it was kinda funny. :)