Friday, February 29, 2008

It's only been 8 months. (& some drama)

I found Melissa, the stirrup queen, only about 8 months ago. I was a lurker for the first month, starting to comment when I created this blog, in July of 2007.

While I read a lot more blogs that I have in my favorites, I did start a favorites folder for ease of checking on the ones I read the most (I am not a fan of feeds). They all started in the "IF blogs" folder and as some got pregnant, I moved them over to the "pregnant blogs" folder. Just recently, I had to create the "pregnancy blogs" folder for herveryown, as she has had her babies.

I read a lot of parenting blogs already, being who I am. But this is the first time someone who started in my "if" folder has made it all the way through. Just for kicks - the number in my "pregnancy" folder is now 19 now, compared to the 35 in the "IF" folder. I add to the "IF" folder all the time, as I cannot fathom suddenly moving over the last of the IFers to pregnancy before I get their myself. To make sure this doesn't happen, I'm going to make sure it stays stocked. I think this is why I don't have a blogroll on my blog - who needs it when Mel already does it?

20 pregnancy and/or parenting from my original list of IFers. Not too shabby. Just goes to show that for ~most~, it's just a matter of time. I just wish that were true for everyone. I ~hate~ that I can't console with the phrase "It'll happen".

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The drama... Although I didn't get into it at all on the ttc board I frequent, a woman really pissed off a bunch of girls yesterday. She just had a child a short 5 months ago and she came on a ttc board and declared herself infertile because she wasn't yet again pregnant already. Oh boy.

I stayed out of that one. It ended up causing lots of drama, but the girl (and her 'supporters') didn't understand what the issue was really about. Many of the girls responded to her saying how hurtful that could be for women who don't have kids yet and for women who have been trying much longer than the few cycles she had been trying for. The self-declared infertile latched onto the argument of ~"this is a just starting out board, so I should be able to be upset about not being pregnant. Just because others have been trying longer, doesn't negate my feelings". (of course, she didn't say it using those words - but that was the feeling behind it).

She just did ~not~ get how calling herself "infertile" after only trying a couple cycles, not to mention she just got done giving birth, was a huge slap in the face for girls who are actually infertile. The real diagnosis of "infertile" is huge. No one wants that and when it happens, I can say it probably breaks most women's hearts. That year they've put in ttc was an entire year full of heartache. To just use that word in the way this chick did? Well, she just didn't get it. Not at all.

11 comments:

tammy said...

Wiw, I am glad I stay out of there now.

I hate when people throw out the big IF like it is candy at a parade. It makes me crazy, especially when they haven't even "earned" it, kwim?

A four month old and she is saying she is IF? Screw her. If she is BF that could cause the issue on its own.

Ignorance, pure and simple.

Kaci said...

Gotta love public message boards...even if she's frustrated, why oh why would she call herself infertile? ::eyeroll::

butterfly397 said...

I've been reading your blog for awhile, but I've never commented before. I just wanted to say thank you for the "drama" part of your post. I know you understood everyone was feeling.

~Joe said...

HAHAHAHAHA, sorry for laughing but I snooped to see what you were talking about and thats the SAME CHICK I had issues with from the 3-6 month board about the solids issue.Isn't she coo coo! She will keep going with it too believe me she posted like 78 posts defending herself when the solids issue was going on...even though no one else was talking about it...sorry but this just made my day because it just cemented my view of her,I know you cant judge a person by what they portray online but I really believe shes off her rocker...

KatieM said...

Oh good lord, with my mood lately I would have let her have it up one side and down the other if I was happening to lurk then....I am an infertile warrior, hear me roar! LoL

HopingDangerously said...

just wanted to say, i wondered if that woman had experienced IF prior to conceiving her first child. there may be some hangover IF there, even though her baby is still a newborn!

I remember you commenting on my blog (which I started as a secondary IF blog) by saying I was really ttc since it had only been a few months (four now). Because I had tried for 18 months and went through treatment for IF with my son, I think having to start treatment again this time right away kind of made me jump right back into the IF mindset.

But I really did find your comment encouraging and I've tried to consider myself ttc, not IF.

I do just want to point out that having been someone trying for 18 months, in treatment, with an IF diagnosis and now someone just *ttc* but with a history of IF, there is still pain in this experience. Perhaps not the pain of someone trying much longer, but ttc for four months when you've been IF, and when seeing an RE and taking up to six pills a day in order to be ttc, is not a walk in the park.

(not that you were saying it was, just thought I'd add another viewpoint.)

nancy said...

I don't know her history. But you know, ~I~ was that person. I had a ttc history from 18 months ttc#1 and I didn't go right back to "infertile". In fact, I cleared it out and STILL waited 12 months.

Had she had an infertile history, there's be no way she said that. No way. Infertiles know better (in my opinion)

Margelina said...

Nancy...Thank You for mentioning this here...esp. since it got censored and deleted off of webmd. And no, I do not fall into the category of "infertile" but still I was highly offended by this woman. Sure, we all get dramatic over the whole TTC thing...but infertility is not something you delcare, like your college major, for God's sake! And the majority of women who have been on the ttc boards for any length of time understand this. I was the first one to call her out on this (and subsequently get deleted), and I don't think I would have been ~as~ infuriated if she hadn't been 5 months post-pardum, but let's get real. And you are right, Nancy, despite our best efforts, she didn't ~get~ it, and suggested WE use the ignore button for her. I have seen infertility amoung close friends and relatives, and for all you ladies out there who fall into this category, I want to personally apologize for the ignorance of this woman.

JCK said...

I remember so well the careless comments that could be so hurtful to me, when I was TTC. Infertility is a very painful journey and until you experience it firsthand, you cannot know the pain. I applaud you for encouraging so many other women on the journey to become parents.

The secret diary of an infertile said...

I've been ttc for two years now and I still feel uncomfortable about labelling myself as infertile so I can fully appreciate where you are coming from.

Anonymous said...

No offense, but even if you are *now* infertile, those with kids should not bring them to the IF clinic! There was a woman at mine yesterday, with a kid about 2 years old plus her husband. Hello, if her husband is available he should stay home (or at least in the car) with the kid. Those who have kids and are *now* infertile really don't know what it is like to be infertile...and frankly I look at them and think "boy, they are greedy". Sorry, just my honest feelings. As to the woman at my clinic, I thought "gee...you've been trying at most two years, if you started the day your kid was born. I've been at this 3.5 years with no kid and I turn 40 this year!" In summary, those with kids already should take care not to offend the truly infertile.