cd1, c17.

AF is right on time.

I'm not happy I have a "plan". It's not giving me something to focus on because it's still very far away. It's not making not dwell on the failure. In fact, it's making me think ~more~ about my failures. Thank you for all your very nice comments, but everyone just seems so much more positive about this that I feel about it.

I am happy IVF is an option. Yes, I know how lucky I am. I'm not afraid of IVF in any way. I don't view it as some big scary thing. When I say how shocked I am that I'm moving to IVF - it's just because I never thought it would be an option for us financially. IVF is just another treatment cycle, that's all. Definitely more involved, but still trying for the same thing.

I'm very disillusioned.

How come just about every one else's IUI worked this cycle? I swear, about 85% of the IUIs worked! How come not for me? How come not for a few others who worked so hard for this? How come the shitty statistics of IUI ~worked~ for everyone else??? How come cycle 16 isn't deemed worthy enough when other people's cycle 6 or 9 or 11 is? How come everyone else gets their BFP in their FIRST few treatment cycles? How come??? What the hell is the criteria for success? Who makes it up? Why am I not good enough? Why does everyone else get the good news?