I'm leaving on a jet plane

but I know when I'll be back again.

My flight to phoenix leaves in 2 hours. I'll stop by later!

IUI question for anyone to answer

(By the way - THANK YOU for all the topic suggestions! I'm going to get to them all over the next few days, so don't think I'm just ignoring them. I will answer/discuss each and every one!)

I have a question for anyone who has gone through an IUI....

How much time transpired between the time the sample was dropped off to the lab for washing and the time the actual insemination was performed?

My RE had me schedule the sample drop off 45 minutes before each IUI, so the insemination could happen within the hour. And I think this was what most other girls I know reported, but maybe that's not a universal "rule".

I ask because a friend of mine dropped off his sample this morning and his wife's insemination wasn't scheduled until early afternoon. It struck me as strange, but maybe more docs do that than I am aware of.

I almost just got into a serious accident.

I was planning a way different type of post for my big ~500th post~, but instead I will give you the story of the accident that almost just happened.

I was just driving down the freeway, doing 79 (speeding. I had ~just~ freaking looked at how fast I was going). No cars in front of me and three cars way behind me. Right hand on the wheel. Left hand on my iPod. (yeah, terrible way to drive).

My subconscious picks up on "what the fuck is that?" but before it enters my conscious mind:
DEER. RIGHT. THE. FUCK. IN. FRONT. OF. ME.

I swear I didn't have time to even formulate that though of "what is that?" when I see my main beams lock on the deer. Hind legs on the center lines of the lane, entire body in front of me. I have little room to maneuver - only the rest of my lane and the right shoulder. No more room, for there is a concrete wall on the other side of the shoulder.

I swerve with my right hand. I miss the deer, God only knows how, and I try to swerve back into my lane before spinning out and hitting the wall. I feel the car jerk unnaturally back into my lane and there I am, driving as if nothing just had happened.

I think my car had the most to do with me being safe right now. My car has some kind of traction control which is supposed to help when swerving like that - it helps protect against over correcting turns so it gets you back straight before you spin out. That's what I felt - my car taking over and making me safe.

I ~puffy heart~ my car.

I'm so glad I didn't hit a deer. It's a big fear of mine, living in Colorado. But damn, I had only a second to figure out what to do. No wonder so many people hit them. Still makes me feel bad though. (I'm a sucker for all animals.) And I'm so glad I didn't total my car. And I'm so glad I'm okay (the baby too).

Wow. That was seriously crazy. I've never came so fucking close to hitting something. That wasn't simply a near miss. That was a miracle miss. I can't believe it.

Goodnight deer. I hope you made it home tonight. I'm sorry we are building all over what was once your home. I'm so sorry.

Oh I get it. I'm chopped liver now, eh?

That's it? Just a few responses to my open ended "ask me anything" post. I see how you all are now. Uh-huh.

Bitches.



















heh. gosh, I hope you know I'm kidding. "Bitches." is just such a funny sentence of it's own. I don't really think anyone out there is a bitch. Okay, totally lying. I do. But probably none of them are reading this. So let's just say that ~you~ are NOT a bitch in my book. :)

It just didn't come together.

I had a big post in my head about John Reis being the king of san diego punk rock and if that was true, Rick Froberg had to be the next in line. About how I'm listening to a lot of Pitchfork, Drive Like Jehu and Rocket From the Crypt right now. About how I loved Hot Snakes and Back off Cupids, so I'm sure I would like The Sultans and The Night Marchers. About how I'm dying to hear The Obits.

And then I started writing it out and thought - bah. No one here will care. So I scrapped it. Not that I don't care about it anymore, but it just wasn't a normal nancy-esque blog posting. I don't do reviews.

I'm sarcastic. I like to bring up my viewpoint on controversial subjects. I don't back down. (Although I am very thoughtful to the other side of a topic). I tell funny and quite frequently embarrassing stories.

And today? Yeah. I've got nothin'.

Anyone have a topic you'd like me to discuss? An answer to a question? Want me to work out a large math problem and show my work?

Anyone?




oh. and yes. I'll get to the newest belly picture soon. Hopefully tonight! (okay. done.)

End of weekend already?

I had a great weekend!

Got everything I needed to get done - DONE. (okay, I'm lying a tad bit. But it's almost done!) And my spotting has been gone since Friday night and zero cramping. Phew!

Thanks for those who were checking up on me. I'm exhausted, so I'm out. But I've got a big post brewing about growing up on san diego punk rock. Not that any of you are actually waiting on the edge of your seat for that, but I've been thinking about it so I'll just put it out there.

Before I go, a big congrats to my friend Jenn, who just got her very first bfp (after her very first treatment cycle) on cycle 20. Go Jenn!

A Braces Bunch Shout Out

It seems my manners have gone out the window. I apologize.

In the past month or so, I got two little notes in the mail from some of the braces bunch 2 gals. And I never said thank you.

So, Sandra & Alison - THANK YOU!!!

Your notes brightened my days!

Finally Friday! Yipee!

I am just so fucking exhausted. Riding rollercoasters used to be fun, but now? Bah. Too tiring for me. I am just going to take it totally easy and CHILL.

As my friday post, at least until I have something else to say, I'm going to be random.

~ Bloggers with music ... PLEASE set up your music to not automatically start playing! Give your readers the option to listen to it or not. When I forget my speakers are on and I click to a blog with music, it scares the shit out of me. Especially when I look from work (I'm on many conference calls that I have to pay attention to, so I can't really work, so I browse blogs) and music starts playing in the microphone of my call. Awesome.

~ I'm feeling better. Less cramping, but still a little there and still spotting. The spotting is brown and so light, it's barely not worth mentioning.

~ I cannot sleep. I am in the midst of some serious sleep deprivation and it's killing me. My back aches and my legs cannot be still. I forgot about the restless leg syndrome I have had in each of my pregnancies. Suck.

~ I got more ink! Yay!! Check it out. (it's only the black outline, color is next appointment)

This is a bit hard to show, as it covers my entire forearm, so here is my inner arm, wrist to elbow.

This is 1/2 of top of forearm. The dragonfly cant be seen too well because there isn't much black to him. His wings will be color translucent, so definitely not much to see yet.

This is the top/back part of forearm. The piece you would see as I'm walking away from you. These are the leaves coming from flower which are going to be tight green.

I can't wait for it to be finished. I'll have to wait until after the baby for most of it, but we'll see.

Ha! You thought I got off, eh?

Nope, still quite well implanted in my rollercoaster seat.

Cramping quite frequently now. It feels like contractions (painless) but I feel my uterus getting hard. It's so damned small though, so it's hard to really tell.

Also, the spotting has picked up a bit, but still definitely brown.

Laying on the couch drinking all the water I can.

Awesome.

----
Update 9:25pm: The contractions/cramping is getting less and less as I have rehydrated. Still some happening, but not at the rate they were. So crossing my fingers that after a night of peeing umpteen times (I seriously drank a lot) which I will be in for, I'll be back to "normal". No more spotting in about an hour too. Although I've been laying down, so that would account for it.

Well, slap my ass and call me Nancy.

Or just call me nancy. Or just slap my ass. Your choice.

Got the call. The baby is chromosomally ~normal~. No trisomy 13/18/21. I jumped another hurdle.

A sincere thank you for all of your support. Each little comment of "I'm thinking of you" lifted my spirits. I've been really worried for the past week and each of you had a big hand in helping me through it.

Oh yeah. An odd chromosome was found in the set of sex chromosomes. Funny thing. There was a X ~and~ a Y. I could of sworn there was an XX set. But nope. Looks like I'm having a boy!

No, no call yet.

I completely expect to have to wait until 3pm MT to call them, so that's a little more than 4 hours from now.

I'm just not too good at waiting. My cell phone is sitting in front of me and anytime someone texts or calls me, my heart goes into my stomach. When I see it's not the hospital, I have to remember to breathe.

Fuck.

In 4 hours, I could be relieved or be devastated.

And it's not fair to come back and tell me "there is nothing wrong with a baby with Down Syndrome".

As a matter of fact, yes, yes there is.

~ 75% die in utero.
~ gastrointestinal abnormalities
~ hearing loss
~ sight disorders
~ hightened increase for leukemia
~ thyroid disorders
~ 60% will get early Alzheimer's
~ congenital heart disease
~ developmental delays - IQ scores range from 20 (severe mental retardation) to 85 (low normal). Overall learning abilities are usually equivalent to a 6 to 8 year old child without Down syndrome.
~ 15% death rate in first year of life
~ 50% death rate in first 50 years.

No, I am not looking at it as my child won't be "perfect", whatever that means. I don't care s/he'll be behind or will look different. I'll tell you why I'm terrified. I'm scared to death my child is going to have to have a life full of very serious medical problems. And ~that~, my friends, is why I'm worried.

waiting, waiting, waiting.

They said the results are usually in by 2:30pm (ack), so if I don't hear, call at 3pm. So my wait got a lot longer. 7 more hours.

And I just looked at my horoscope for today... Funny, eh?

Yes, all this waiting is probably making you absolutely crazy, and yes, you're due for the universe to toss you just one tiny bone. Now, stop whining. Nothing happens until it's supposed to happen, and no matter how hard you try, you can't change that. Deal with it.

I hate rollercoasters.

For anyone reading my blog for awhile, you will agree I've been on one hell of a rollercoaster. Finding the issues within my uterus and needing 4 surgeries, the cancellation of my ET from IVF, the (many) threatened cancellations of my FET, lame lining, the low betas, the scare of ectopic pregnancy. Jeez. I thought I'd finally cleared all of my hurdles.

But noooo. This freaking trisomy 21 risk. The issues surrounding having an velamentous cord insertion (vci).

And now? I'm spotting.

It's brown and very light. I was laying down pretty much for the first 24 hours so hopefully this is just the iodine and whatnot coming out now I'm moving around.

Can a girl catch a fucking break? Please?

Now, I understand things can be worse. I really am not doing a "poor me, I've got it worst" thing. But I just want to relax just a little bit.

A request for some major support.

My friend jewels and I basically started TTC at the same time. We both had the Mirena IUD out practically on the same day and we were both excited with the possibilities.

Today, as I worry over a ridiculously low risk, but a risk nonetheless, she started bleeding. At her ultrasound, the worst was realized when she found the baby had stopped growing a few days after 8 weeks.

Jewels (or Julie to many), my heart goes out to you and your family. And if anyone who reads this blog could just stop over and give her an internet hug, even if she doesn't know you, just for some added support, I would really appreciate it. And she would appreciate it even more.

Thank You.

And now we wait. And a big WHOA!

CVS went without a hitch today.

Doctor did mention that cord attachment issue w/ the placenta again. He talked about how it could inhibit fetal growth, but that isn't too big of a worry. He said the most likely of problems will be delivering the placenta, as the cord can detach when pulled on (no, not while baby is in the womb). He said, as the other doctor, to get a fetal growth u/s starting at 28 weeks. This condition starts with a "v" and I cannot for the life of me, remember the name. He did say that the reason he's not worried is because it's not on the cervical side. Whew.

The CVS itself was painless. The only issue was I had to come "floating". I had a full bladder at 8am and the procedure didn't take place until after 9am. Ugh. I can tell you, however, I had the best pee ~ever~ right afterwards.

The doctor did give me a shot of the evil, evil, evil turbutalene. Anyone who has ever had a brush with pre-term labor will remember this drug. I've never smoked crack, but I would compare it to how that would feel. My heart is racing and I'm twitching/shaking enough you can actually see it. Yuck. I had pre-term labor with Allison one time and this drug sucks assholes. And then they tell you to go home and rest. Sure. How about go home and shake on the couch? That's more like it.

These next 24 hours will be the biggest tell in the risk of miscarriage. So far, so good. The doctor checked for any active bleeds and all was well. So rest, rest, rest. Or at least, sit still, sit still, sit still.

The package goes out overnight to a lab in New Mexico. The lab will then work on it and it takes about 24 hours. I ~should~ get results by Thursday.

This is going to be a LONG 2 days.

-- and a sincere thank you for all the wonderful comments you've given. It really picks up my emotions!

-----

Here's the whoa. A wonderful friend of mine from the boards told me her doctor gave her literature how the first and second trimester screenings can show an increased false positives for Down syndrome. (not positives, as they are screening, but increased risk.).

So I googled some medical journals (beth, don't yell at me) and I found many references to it. Here is one I just read:

"Recently, two studies (Liao et al., 2001; Wøjdeman et al., 2001) have evaluated the first-trimester markers profile among ART singletons and reported conflicting results. Although both of these groups agreed that NT was not influenced, one group (Liao et al., 2001) found decreased PAPP-A and increased FßHCG among their IVF cases."

Which is what I had - decreased PAPP-A and increased FßHCG. The other study didn't find a big enough difference to report, but one did. Maybe they just had the "right" subject group. I know this doesn't mean much in the scheme of things now, but it provides some hope. And the fact that her RE sent her literature warning her of this aspect, helps. It does. So thank you Hollie! ♥

I'm a little chatty today

So I'm going to combine some of the individual posts.

~ Did you know 75% of baby's with down's don't survive in utero? I didn't. (due to abnormalities that don't allow for survival, like heart defects).

~ Here is the music to go along with my "prayer to god" post. There are lots of videos on youtube that show shellac live, but this is from the album: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxbTRh1o_RU

~ I miss much san diego punk rock like drive like jehu. I was just listening to ipod on shuffle and came upon this little ditty from pitchfork (pre-drive like jehu) and amazing how I can find comfort in other's angst:

I'm in a boat. There's a hole in the bottom. And my oars. Have floated away.

I'm bailing my boat. With both of my hands now. To keep my head. Above the waves.

Salt on my hide. Pennies on my eyes.

I've lived my life in this ol' boat. And all this time I've kept afloat. But I'm treading water now.

And I'm wondering how. How it feels to drown. I'm sinking.

Way down.

Monday update.

~ Yesterday's post was simply a song I was listening to while driving. It's from one of my very favorite bands - Shellac. Maybe I am a little angry right now, but it's an album I listen to when I'm not angry too.

~ The increased risk of down's is completely due to my blood work. My blood work was the single biggest issue. There are two things they look for and in down syndrome cases, one is low and the other is high. I fall into the exact category. The PAPP-A isn't too low where they worry too much, but the free beta-Hcg is really, really high. And that's why I fit into what an increased down's screening looks like. The fact the u/s looked so good is why it's ~only~ 1 in 56. Without that, I'd have a much higher risk. Which actually worried me more.

~ I have my CVS appointment tomorrow morning. I'm not struggling with the test too much. I know this is what I need to get through this. I have a sudden and complete disconnect with this pregnancy until I know what's going on. When we thought Allie was positive for down's, it took a few weeks, but I became at peace with it. It'll take some time again.

~ I am just so pissed off this is happening. The whole reason we were going to ~stop~ ttc was because we were worried about the increased risk of down's. And here I am, going through it anyway. It's just not fucking fair.

~ I'm pretty much unable to do anything right now. Forgive my absence on your blogs. I'm unable to feed myself much less be a good commenter.

"Prayer To God"

To the one true God above, here is my prayer. (Not the first you've heard, but the first I wrote. Not the first, but the others were a long time ago.) There are two people here, and I want you to kill them.

Her - she can go quietly, by disease or a blow. To the base of her neck, where her necklaces close. Where her garments come together, where I used to lay my face. That's where you oughta kill her, in that particular place.

Him - just fucking kill him, I don't care if it hurts. Yes I do, I want it to, fucking kill him but first. Make him cry like a woman, no particular woman, let him hold out hope that someone or other might come.

Then fucking kill him. Fucking kill him. Kill him already, kill him. Fucking kill him, fucking kill him. Kill him already, kill him. Fucking kill him, fucking kill him. Kill him already, kill him. Just fucking kill him. Fucking kill him. Fucking kill him already, kill him. Ah Fucking kill him, fucking kill him! Kill him already, kill him! Kill him already, kill him already! Kill him, fucking kill him! Just fucking kill him, fuckin kill him! Kill him already, kill him! Fuckin kill him, kill him! Fucking kill him already, kill him!

Kill him, fucking kill him. Kill him, just fucking kill him. Kill them already, kill them already, Kill him.

Amen.

What kind of a person are you?

To the anonymous person who's comment I did ~not~ publish in my previous post:

You came to my blog. You read my post. You can obviously see I'm scared and in a very emotional place. And you picked this time to call me "stupid" and "dumb", among other things?

Is this really how you treat people? Because I'll tell you, what you said to me is no way to treat someone in your life. Not even a stranger on the street.

Would you listen to someone tell this story in front of you and then actually SAY to them what you typed to me? Would you? I can pretty much say without a doubt, you would not. Think about it the next time you find it okay to anonymously type something so mean and hurtful to someone. Remember that commenting to someone anonymously is ~NO DIFFERENT~ (to them) than saying it to their face.

I'm a REAL person. I have a heart. I am terrified right now and I've been crying all day. And then I have to read a comment like yours. Was pouring salt in my newly made wounds really your intention? I suggest you think about that before you comment anonymously to someone again. Think about what you are typing. Ask yourself "would I say this to a stranger's face with a clear conscious?". If the answer is no, then by all means, don't hit "submit".

You know what says even more? It's not that you decided to hit "submit". It's the fact that what you typed was your response in the first place. What kind of person would even THINK what you said to me as a response to a post like mine? I think hitting submit is probably a normal reaction for a person of your caliber. You thought nothing of hitting submit because you thought nothing of the horrible things you typed.

When I suggested you ask yourself if you would say what you are typing to a stranger, you probably would have only one of two answers.
~One, you would say that to anyone and everyone. Which means you truly don't have an ounce of compassion in you. You don't care how you make anyone else feel, you simply spew out your thoughts without a second thought.
Or
~Two, you wouldn't say it, but you would definitely be thinking it. But you would never say it to some one's face because you are afraid of their reaction.

The fact you left your comment anonymously leads me to believe you are chicken shit. If you fell into the "One" category, you would have left your name. People in category "One" are simply self righteous and they don't hide their opinions. In fact, they ~want~ people to know it was them who said it. You didn't leave your name, which means you are only comfortable telling people your terrible thoughts when no one knows who you are.

You called me names and said terrible things to me. Yet isn't it ironic your comment ended up with me feeling pity for you?

I'm really scared.

I did my first trimester screening, which was a combination of the ultrasound and blood work. These two tests account for 85% accuracy in detecting Down syndrome and 90% for trisomy 18.

We were able to decrease the baby's risk for trisomy 18, which is 1 in 8,100 now, but unfortunately, the baby's risk for Down syndrome has increased to 1 in 56.

This means we are 85% certain the baby has a 1.8% chance of having Down syndrome.

I know the statistics are low, but usually when you have these tests, it really decreases the chances. The risk for simply my age having a baby with Down syndrome is 1 in 65, so the fact my blood results increased the chances, well, my heart is breaking.

If anyone is curious, the results were:
(measurements are in MoM = Multiples of the regressed Median)
Age: 35
Nuchal Fold: 1.6mm (they want it to be under 3mm)
PAPP-A: .57 MoM (1 is average)
free B-hCG: 2.07 (1 is average)

I need to know what we are dealing with. The genetic counselor was able to get me scheduled for a CVS (Chorionic Villus Sampling) on Tuesday. This test has a higher miscarriage risk than amniocentesis, 1% vs .3%, but the longer I wait, the more stressed I'm going to become. I hate that I'm taking such a huge risk, but then again, I know how my mind works and I know this will be the best course for me to take.

I'm really scared. Really, really scared.

I'm behind.

A lot has been going on in my life and I'm a bit behind at work. Therefore I need to focus my attention there and when I get home my attention is elsewhere. I just took a peek at my google reader and I have 328 posts to get through.

Yes. 328 posts.

I only have 107 subscriptions, but I haven't been able to get to the blogs all week. I'm going to try to get through them by this weekend. I may not be commenting on hardly any (really, 328 posts! And I will read them all) right now, just so I can get through them, but be sure I ~am~ reading.

I have been noticing comments from people who are still not on my reader. If you have not specifically said "add me" to any of my requests to get your blog on my reader, I haven't added it. So please, if you are a regular reader of mine, I want to be a regular reader of yours. Leave a comment to this post with your URL (if it's not listed in your profile) and I'll get you added.

Thanks!

The day got weirder and weirder

Yesterday was one for the record books.

I didn't mention the very first one. I could ~not~ pee. At all. Like I tried and tried. I had to go, the urge was there, but nothing would come out.

It actually started Monday night and I had called first thing Tuesday. The message got lost in translation and the NP called me back, telling me all about peeing in pregnancy, how the bladder is in a different position and doesn't always empty so we pee more. She went on and on and said "okay, if anything changes, call me!"

I got the message during my u/s visit and I didn't get out from all the tests until 5pm and the office was closed. OMG. No!!! That's not what I called about. The fact was I could ~not~ pee. Well, I could after my bladder was about to explode, but even then, a trickle would come out, just taking off the worst of the pressure and that was it. Still very bad. I called yesterday morning and NP called me right back and said "Oh Nancy! I'm so sorry! Come in right now." I still couldn't pee and she catheterized me. Ahhhh, sweet relief. She emptied something like 390 ccs and did some tests on it and found blood and nitrates (nitrites?) in my urine, signaling one heck of a bladder infection. I started antibiotics immediately and while I won't be better for about 48 hours, I'm able to pee when I need to now.

Then the weirdo at the store thing happened.

Then, I was home with the girls and it was after dinner. We heard lots of sirens and a helicopter. So close, it sounded like it was right outside. We open the front door to look out and saw in enough time a car come flying down the other side of our street, hit the depression in the intersection and catch some air. Just then a police car turned on the street at the same time as him and did one of those smash and spins on the speeding car. It comes to a sudden halt ~right in front of my house~ and this dude jumps out and starts running. Thank god he runs the opposite way, as I just standing shell shocked in my doorway (the glass door was closed/locked).

The guy runs across my neighbors laws, jumps the fence and the one cop is right behind him. By now, another 5 police cars are there and they start running all directions to trap the guy. Oh, and the helicopter is hovering above the street.

I close the door and lock the main door and close/lock my back door. Who knows where this guy is going to go. I look out the window to the front yard and see they've got their man. He's laid across the cop's car and gets frisked. They take off his shoes, handcuff him and put in in the squad car.

Excitement over. But the cops (plus the dude in the back) all hang out in front for quite awhile. I guess they were finishing the investigation for the way had ended.

I took some pictures (without being too conspicuous) so let me look at them and see if anything came out. I'll post them if they did.

Don't you wish you lived in the ghetto?

Shot from the far corner of my driveway. That is my front lawn on the right.


The bad dude. Well. He's in the car. His shoes are still laying in the street behind his car. The cop's car had been directly behind it (as seen in picture above).

Spent last hour in police station.

Creepy man at grocery store. Turned into creepy man in parking lot. Turned into creepy man waiting for me in parking lot. Turned into creepy man following me. Turned into creepy man waiting for me in the church parking lot across the street from the police station I was in.

I'm all alone tonight (as in the only adult). The husband is out of town. I have two little girls who depend on me. I have a baby in my belly. Not the opportune time to act out any one of the scary movies that are playing out in my head.

Thank you very nice policemen. I appreciate the fact you took it all very seriously.

---

Oh. Did I mention how I called 911 a few weeks ago because I saw that guy on the corner covered in what looked like blood? While I was waiting, the clerk at the police station looked up the call to find out what had happened. Ends up the guy ~was~ covered in blood, but it looked to be his own blood. Medical cleared him of any life threatening injuries and he was allowed to go on his way. Nice to be able to find out what the result was!

Psst ... Any first timers out there ...

If you are a new mommy or a soon to be new mommy, please click here and read my post about "What I Wish I Knew". It's a list for new mommies which is a very informative, a bit funny and sometimes terrifying list created for mommies by mommies.

"All babies look like boys at 12 weeks".

I just got back from 2 hours in maternal fetal medicine at the hospital. Let me end any suspense and tell you all is well with my 3 inch long baby. But I will leave the pictures for the end (so beware if you don't want to see them.)

The baby was moving and a grooving. My goodness! I've never had a 12 week u/s before and I'm amazed how active a baby can be right now. Curling up and arching his back (I'm simply using "him" or "her" so I don't have to say "it"). Putting his hands in front of his face. Stretching out. He turned his back to us and then even did a complete 180 flip. He was ~so~ showing off for our enjoyment. I just know it.

I mentioned in the previous post my tests were because I was AMA. I wanted to clarify these tests can be and are done on women of any age - I simply got mine ordered due to my age. With Ella and Allison, the NT scan was something I could have asked for, but had to reason for it. I also didn't do the 1st trimester screening because I didn't want to deal with percentages. If it was a test that said "yes" or "no", I'd have done it, but these are just screenings. But things have changed. I'm almost 36 and I know the risks, so I'm getting the tests done. I do ~not~ want to do CVS or amniocentesis unless something really gives us a reason to do it. Although I won't terminate, if I get a bunch of soft markers pointing to a genetic abnormality, I will want to know what I'm dealing with. So, if stats and markers show I have a lowered risk, that's all I will do.

The results of the u/s were all good. Nuchal fold was 1.6mm (needs to be under 3). The nasal cavity was in the correct parameters. There were kidneys, brains and gosh, I've already forgotten everything she measured. Basically, everything measurable at 12 weeks looked good. I did have a questionable chord attachment to the placenta - which she said was more common in IVF babies. I have to get the info on that one though, it was a weird word. The negative outcome from this could be having a small baby, so she said I'll need to start getting growth scans at 28 weeks and we'd go from there.

We took some peeks at between the baby's legs and I saw boy parts. The room was silent and the tech suddenly said "All babies look like boys at 12 weeks". I said I thought I saw boy parts and she said she did too, but then said that at 12 weeks, girl parts are ~very~ swollen as they are forming and said girls can totally look like boys. So, no go on the early gender knowledge. We'll just have to wait another 7 weeks for the big u/s.

Here you see my little peapod laying on his back, hands in front of his face and his legs curled up.



The next one is a 3D picture of the same thing, except angled a little different. It's a bit hard to see, but once you can visualize what you are looking at, it's amazing. While the inside and skeleton of the baby is formed, the outer features aren't yet completely done, so keep that in mind while you are trying to see what I'm pointing out.

The baby is again laying on his back and the upper right round thing is his head. His face isn't formed yet, so it looks kind of like something made out of clay. You can see his nose and two depressions where his eyes will be. You can also make out his mouth underneath that pointy nose. His arms are curled up in front of his chest, hands right under his face. You can see his body too and then those long legs. He's laying against the inside of his placenta (but if you ask me, it looks like he's laying on a big vagina).


Could you see it? If you could, pretty cool, eh? Creepy, yes, but intensly cool. The fact that I can see exactly what my baby looks like right at this very moment is overwhelming. Those little arms curled up and his little butt underneath those legs. I'm already in love.

If you can't see it, that's okay. I can see it pretty clearly now, but then again, not only was it completely pointed out to me, I've been looking at various ultrasound pictures for 5 years now. I remember the first time I looked at Ella's u/s pictures and at first, I had no clue what the hell I was looking at. Then I saw Ella's 3D u/s pictures and was amazed at the technology. She looked exactly like that when she was born. I had two sets of u/s pictures with Allison, here and here and they were easier to see for me, just because I was more experienced. Her 3D pictures, although I had gotten used to seeing this technology, still thrilled me. So if you can't see what I'm pointing out, I totally understand!

All because I'm AMA

I have been deemed "old" by the Association of Physicians in Obstetrics and Gynecology. AMA stands for "advanced maternal age" and since I'm over 35 years old, I qualify. Yipee for me, eh?

I leave in about 9 minutes for the big genetic counselling appointment. I will receive a detailed u/s looking for soft markers of genetic disorders. Based upon those findings, I will be offered a variety of tests including CVS or amniocentesis.

I'm nervous, but at least the time is finally here. I'll update when I get back.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

7 years ago today, I was married. Here are a few of the photos to remember my day ...

This is me and my father waiting for our turn to walk down the aisle. It's one of the sweetest moments of me and my dad. I just called him right now and cried telling him how happy I am that he was there to share my day. (no reason he wouldn't of been):


My last walk as a single chick:


With this ring, I thee wed:


You may now kiss the bride:


The Kiss!!! (see the girl on the left? That's Ryan, my very best friend)


Just Married!! I love this picture. The look on my face says it all.


Cutting of the cake.


Check out the ladies getting ready to catch!


This is when he took off my garter to throw. They made me sit on the best man.


Just the goofy posed picture of me:


This is everyone! Best group of friends ~ever~:


The Day After:

I don't get it. Really.

I so specifically detail how I am not and do not want to get into any kind of "stay at home" versus "working" mom debate.

Yet each time it's brought up, I get comments in regards to how terrible it is for working moms to miss time with their children. "Poor kids" I'm told. "Why would you even have children if you were just going to abandon them?" I am asked. "My children will know I am their mother, not some babysitter" and "You are a horrible mother" is commented to me.

I do not need to justify any of my decisions. This response is ~not~ about that.

I wanted to point out a few things in regards to the types of comments I've been receiving and the topic itself.

#1. I have written about two aspects of staying at home. a) If it's immoral to receive government assistance so a stay at home mom doesn't have to work. And b) How hard it must be for a stay at home mom to re-enter her career if that is what she chooses.

I NEVER left it open ended. I made sure I respected the stay at home mom in every posting. I specifically said I wasn't debating a very personal choice. Yet, stay at home moms have responded with negative comments about working moms. I've only published a couple, but I received dozens. Each and every one was from a stay at home mom bashing the working moms. No working moms left comments bashing stay at home moms.

#2. It makes me wonder. Are these negative stay at home moms bored and craving adult interaction, even if they have to bring it upon themselves by picking a fight? And the working moms don't need to resort to such comments?

#3. The basic argument from stay at home moms is working moms are missing out on our children's lives. And this is something I do want to respond to.

Yes, my children are in daycare for up to 8 hours each day. That's a lot of time. But, it's not 8 hours of pure "mommy & daddy / children" time. What do kids do during a normal day?

~ They spend time with their imaginations during "alone" playtime. I personally think alone time is imperative to their development. Could you imagine an older child who had every single moment attached to their mother? ~shudder~. I think every child, whether at home or at daycare, have this time. For a stay at home mom, this may be when mommy is taking a shower or talking on the phone or going to the bathroom, whatever.

~ They spend their time playing with other children. This is more time away from mommy which I feel is super important. Learning how to interact with other children is invaluable. Have you ever been to a public event (party, picnic, etc) where there is a child attached to their mother's leg, afraid to join in the fun with the other children? This is why children need time to learn to expand their world. To know they are an individual. Stay at home moms accomplish this by trips to the park, the play area in the mall, mommy groups, etc.

~ Napping. We are talking about the first 5 years in this whole "SAHM vs Working Mom", correct? (which is a lot of drama and debates for such a small amount of time, don't you think?) For most children under 5, there are naps. Under a year, in an 8 hour time frame, there is a lot of sleeping. Hours. For my 4 year old, this is 2 1/2 hours of time.

I would say those things above are a good 4-5 hours of their 8 hour day. So now we're talking about "missing" on about 4 hours. And yes, it's time missed. BUT ... it's time to be gained. Let me explain.

When I was on maternity leave, the entire day was just one big long day home with the kids. 5pm wasn't any different than 10am. But as a working mom, 5pm is ~huge~. It's when I walk in the door from work, I am greeted with 2 of the greatest smiles I've ever seen. I take 5 minutes to get in the door, change, get organized and then I have mommy/girls time. It's special. For an hour, all I do is play with my kids. I talk to them about their day. We sing. We dance. And then we get our aprons on and make dinner together. Eating together as a family is next. After that, we clean up together and get ready for bed, be it bath night or jammies only or whatever. We then have another hour in where we read books and play quietly. Tucking them into bed is a happy time for both of us. It's not until 8:30pm when my day is mine.

Don't let me forget weekends. Weekends are the days where there is no daycare and no work. Weekends are special. We know these are the only 2 days we get to spend all day together. Never is a weekend just like any other day. We know how important they are and we make sure we do something special each day.

See? As a working mom, I value the time I do get with my children. When I was on maternity leave, all the days were the same. We just did what we had to do until the end of the day came to signal us to get ready to start it all over again. NEVER do I take my off time with the girls for granted. I will admit I did when I wasn't working. No time of the weekday was special. The weekend was no different.

And this is ~why~ I find someone pointing their finger at me, telling me I'm missing out on my children's lives just ridiculous. Working as helped me find my special time with the kids. Without my career, I would take the time with my children for granted.

Please note everything I just said was used in the first person, "I". These are things ~I~ think. These are things ~I~ feel. These are things ~I~ react to. Nowhere do I generalize my experience as a working mom and my time at home with any other working mom or stay at home mom. I know plenty of stay at home moms whom I admire very much. I think staying at home is a wonderful choice for those whom it is right for. And while children benefit from staying at home, I also think children benefit from having working parents. It's not an "all or nothing" situation.

For me, my career has helped me appreciate my time with my children. It also allows us to live without worrying about money. If we want to go out to dinner, we go out to dinner. If we want to buy new shoes, we buy new shoes. If we want to go to Mexico for a week, we get our passports out of the safe and we go to Mexico.

What a "horrible mother" I am to have a career which reminds me each and everyday to spend all my moments as special time. I "abandon" my children and leave them with babysitters they mistake for their mother. I do all of this because I desire something more important - money. Money which is mostly spent to benefit the children themselves. Money spent on a meager home. A safe car. Healthy organic foods. Hormone free milk. Clothing. Heat in the winter. Cool air in the summer. Water to keep them clean. Educational toys. Silly toys. Trips to the swimming pool. Vacations. Gymnastic lessons. A new bike. Tickets to their very first baseball game at Fenway park.

"Poor kids" is right.

I have opinions. I have very strong opinions. I will give reasons for my opinions. But I don't judge. I am an intelligent woman who understands there are valid reasons to almost every side of every issue. The fact I am strong on what I believe doesn't mean I think the other side is wrong. It's simply different.

It's temporary

The picture I put up today on the sidebar is not my normal one. I'll have that one taken, but I was so freaking surprised at the change, I took one here at work.

Holy Moly.

The skills THAT pay the bills.

I have a topic for this post, but first, a couple of random things ...

~ You guys know I'm pretty sarcastic, right? I hope you all didn't think prison was a real possibility I was facing! I was just being a smartass.

~ One of my biggest english pet peeves is the misuse of the word "that". What pisses me off most though is, I am guilty of it ~all~ the time! Basically, "that" is a word which is a filler word. Take a sentence with the word "that" in it and re-read it without saying "that". If it makes sense, your "that" was simply filler.

Examples:
1) I was given a list of names that matched the one I was looking for. -- If you remove "that", the sentence doesn't make sense so it's okay to be left in.
2) I explained to him that the fish didn't smell good. -- If you remove "that", the sentence would read "I explained to him the fish didn't smell good." See? Filler.

When someone asks me to read something to see if it sounds okay, I usually always find filler "that"s. Sticks out like a sore thumb to me. Yet, I type with it all the time. I rarely proof read my blog. RARELY. But when I do, I'll find filler "that"s everywhere. It's terrible.

-----

Now for my main topic.

My friend Katie left a comment on my other blog (listed in my profile) about daycare. it made me realize the one thing which I envy "young" mothers. The fact they have not yet started, or have barely just begun, their careers.

Staying at home to raise my children was really never even an option to me. Not because of the money (although it would have been the 2nd biggest factor), but because of my career.

If I ever would have chosen to stay at home, it would have been temporary. Just until the kids were all in school - not for their entire 18 years. It would have been to avoid daycare and to watch their little minds and bodies develop in those first 5 years. But after they were in school, I know I would have needed to work.

This means, I would need to re-enter the workforce.

My line of work wouldn't be as easy to re-enter as some others. Just thinking off the top of my head, careers like writer / sales / baker would be easier to re-enter. Sure, they would have to keep up on their skills, but leaving for a few years wouldn't make them obsolete. I am, however, in the world of IT.

In 2004, I was 31 when I had Ella and I had been working in my career for over 6 years. My youngest child will be born in 2009. Once that child enters kindergarten, it will be Fall 2014. I will be 41 years old.

How hard would it be to re-enter the world of IT at 41 years old? I would be competing for jobs with 22 year old college hires. I would receive the salary of a college hire too.

My earning ability would be drastically diminished. From 1998 to 2008, working at the same company, my salary has increased 257%. Two hundred and fifty seven percent. It near tripled. Had I decided to stay at home, I probably would have calculated losing my 1998 income for 10 years. If I were to take apply the increase in equal increments over those 10 years, I would have missed a tad over $220,000 ~more~ of lost income, as this is the amount of the increases only, ~not~ the 10 years of my 1998 income.

I am honestly worried for those women who ~want~ to re-enter their careers who make the decision to stay at home to raise their children. I've read so much on the subject - how hard and sometimes impossible it is to get back to where they were or to even get back in at all. So many of these women end up losing themselves in a way if they are unable to find their way back to their career. The aspect of finding yourself obsolete is even worse for mothers who stay home until their youngest child goes off to college. For me, my youngest will go off to college when I'm 55. Too young to retire yet too old to start a career.

This is just what I was thinking about tonight. The aspect of having part of my identity, mm being a career woman, being taken away from me.

Please don't think I'm wrapping the entire subject of staying at home up with the ability for a mother to have a career once she's "done" being a mother. Many women who choose to stay home have gladly traded in their career woman identity for "mother", plain and simple. The career aspect doesn't have to be filled again because it has been full the entire time. These women are completely content with having their full time career be "Mom". It's just not for me. "Mom" is definitely the most important aspect of my identity, but it's not nearly my only one.

Again, this is ~not~ an anti-stay-at-home post. It's a "can I return to my career after staying at home" post.

I think it's really unfair for those moms who want it both ways. They want to stay at home for awhile ~and~ get back into their careers. Most of our country's businesses are just not set up for it. I guess I don't mean "set up", but more like businesses don't care. Today's business owner should accept women returning to the workforce as an asset, not a liability. Yes, some extra training may be necessary but these returning to work mothers can be a huge benefit.

The news no one wants to receive.

My heart goes out to my friend Tori, who had her chances at getting to ER cancelled for her third time today. It was her 3rd try at IVF and each time, she just didn't get there.

I was always so surprised about her outlook each time she was cancelled. She was bummed, sure, but always looked ahead, counting down the days to the next time she got to start stims. But this time may be different, as it's hard to be told there won't be a next time.

Of course it's not the complete end of the line for her. She has the options of egg donation among other things, but I can only imagine the place she is in right now. So if anyone can take a moment to give this girl a virtual ~hug~, please do.

RESOLVED!!!

Well, after being awake for 24 hours straight (didn't sleep a wink) I'm 98.9% sure it's resolved.

Whew. I'm ~not~ going to have to have my baby in Prison. Wahoo!!! And really, with my smart mouth, I would ~not~ do well in prison. No way.

~wink~

Thanks for the comments though. I really appreciated them.

Can't sleep.

Too nervous. Too scared. Too terrified.

Fuck. I hate situations like this.

(again, not baby, family or health related.)

~StrEsSed oUt~

Good Lord. I am totally stressed out about something (that I care not to explain online). Really, really stressed out. And I'm going to have to wait until tomorrow to clear it up. Hopefully. I learned about it early this morning, so the last 9 1/2 hours has been excruciatingly long. Seriously, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. This sucks.

(no, it's not baby related.)

Anonymous Comments.

I get all kinds of anonymous comments. Usually I simply delete them after rolling my eyes at their stupidity. These are usually comments where they are bashing me for one thing or another - and they don't really even know me. I mean, sure - I write a lot in a blog, for for goodness' sake, spend a day with me before you judge me.

And then there is the comment like "anon" left me in the last post. It literally amazes me someone would take the time to scold me about making an appointment without having ANY clue what I had in mind.

These are the people who are all about assvice. They just can't ~stand~ to "hear" someone say anything without giving their input. And 99.9% of the time, it's just so freaking stupid advice. I call these the "let's point out the obvious" people.

I honestly don't know why they leave these types of comments. Do they think they are helping? Or do they simply want to be rude? I'm guessing it's the latter because if they were trying to simply help, they wouldn't say it in such a way to be so god damned rude.

It's like you talk about your guilty moment about eating a whole pint of ice cream by yourself. And then you get a comment "You know, that much ice cream will make you fat.". No shit! Really? I would have NEVER figured that one out on my own! THANK YOU Miss Let's Point Out the Obvious!! Wow. I can now die in peace, for all my knowledge as been received. Whew. Thank you. Really. Thanks.

So, Miss Let's Point Out the Obvious aka "anonymous", I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart to tell me your insights about the fine art of appointment making. You are awesome. Now go pat yourself on the back and feel satisfied. You deserve it.

My new ink.

Yup, pregnant and getting tattoo'd. Am I just ~really~ punk rock? Or slightly white trash? (that was a rhetorical question folks, no need for an answer. Although, if you ask me, I'm betting it's a little bit of both.)

Here it is in all it's glory ...





















The backside has to be done, but that will have to wait (more later), until then I have an appointment next friday to get the outline of my sleeve done (for non-tattoo people - that's a tattoo that goes from shoulder to wrist. Kinda self explanatory.).

Here's the reason the backside won't be getting done soon. Basically, I lucked out when I walked into the shop to talk about my lower arm (that I have a standing appointment for) to find the best artist twiddling his thumbs due to a cancellation. He worked on me for over 4 hours to redo the lower flower and to cover up the upper arm bullshit I had (friend was learning to tattoo and I let her work on me). Isn't that purple flower beautiful? Well, since I have 2 artists working on the same arm, they aren't going to work on each other's work - so I set my next appointment with the bad ass guy for his next available appointment, which is December 4th. Yes. December. 5 months away. Told you - he's booked. To get him as a walk-in? Incredible.

Well, here's the thing ... They don't tattoo pregnant girls. The reason? Simple liability. If you are having a high risk pregnancy due to high blood pressure, the pain of a tattoo can make it worse. Or a bajillion other things that can happen. So instead of saying "I'll tattoo you if you are having a normal pregnancy", they don't do it at all. This is very common in most shop's insurance riders. I asked my OB and he gave me the thumbs up, saying the ink does not go to blood level so no chance of ink poisoning. The only thing he'd be concerned about is skin infections due to dirty needles and I don't go to a dirty shop. I also handle tattoos very well - I don't get worked up and I sit calmly. So personally, I'm cool with it. You may not be, but I am and I'm the one who counts, right?

So. December 4th. I'm going to be showing a tad bit, being 33 weeks along and all, so I'll be cancelling that appointment in a few months. But, I still have my standing appointment with the other guy (whom I love by the way) on July 18th. I am definitely not showing under the right clothing, so I just will fail, yet again, to acknowledge being pregnant. God, this sounds actually quite terrible of me, but you've got to understand two things - 1) I've been pregnant 2 whole other times and I'm just not that scared anymore and 2) I've waited for outlines to be finished through pregnancies before and since OB gave me the okay, I'm going for it.

Can't wait until the 18th.

Mom is going to KILL me. Omg. And my dad. When they see me inked to the wrist. I'm almost 36 years old and scared of what my mom and dad are going to say. Heh.

Musings on a Sick Day

~ Daytime television is really bad. Even with umpteen movie channels. I found myself watching movies I would never, EVER, admit to.
~ Being sick and doing stuff sucks. I just wanted to lay in bed all day, but kids don't take care of themselves.
~ I went to my "12 week" appointment today. Doc ran out for a delivery right before me. I swear, I love my OB but I haven't seen him since he delivered my daughter.
~ I found out "stop PIO after 12 weeks" means until the END of the 12th week. So that's 13 weeks. And that sucks.
~ I don't have HIV, gonorrhea, syphilis or chlamydia. Must've all cleared up. ~wink~
~ I find the E! channel, "The Soup" fucking hilarious.
~ Why would anyone want to watch anything about tori and dean? It got flipped in under 3 seconds. I tried, really I did. Okay, I didn't.
~ I'm dreading going to work tomorrow because I still feel shitty (sinus infection) but I can't take off another day. Bummer.

I've turned them off.

Thanks for all the comments - for my opinion or against it - like I said, I welcome differing views. But I've turned off the comments on the last few posts (and this one) due to the comments I've been receiving calling me a bad mother because I choose to work. Differing opinions are one thing, bashing my choice is quite another. This was never a stay at home vs working mom post. In fact, I was very specific as to how it was not. Yet, the comments continued.

How I wish people on ~both sides~ of the fence were open minded enough to think something that is good for them may not be so good for the other and vice versa. Sadly, we don't live in that kind of world.

Bummer.

1 year maternal leave

I've been reading all the comments (thanks!) and the idea of longer leave keeps coming up. For those that want it, sure, but I swear, I'm not the only one who is going absolutely batty at the end of 12 weeks.

And I wanted to mention that working does not mean you are missing out on all your child's growth. I'm gone a maximum of 8 hours a day, leaving 16 other hours. It makes me cringe when people talk about missing out on the first year. I'm not. It's the other 16 hours that makes up for it.

Plus, my daycare is freaking wonderful. Both my children learned how to write their name by 2 1/2 years old. Including knowing the entire alphabet and some writing and spelling by 3. I'm sure many stay at home moms involve 2 hours of an early child development program curriculum into their day, but I wonder how many do not.

Wasn't that just dandy? (question at the end) - updated

I thought my previous comment would be way more controversial than it was. There was no hate comments left in retort, lots of agreements and a few 'offerings of another viewpoint', which I responded to in my comments. Good job everyone!

I'm glad no one saw my post as anti-WIC nor anti-formula feeding, because it was definitely neither. It's refreshing to be able to put up an opinion about how I think the program is lacking and how so many people take advantage. The last comment I received mentioned a woman who breastfeeds, yet takes the "free" formula from WIC and sells it on ebay. It's stories like that which make me happy I believe in karma.

There were also stories of people who qualified for WIC and didn't take it because they really saw the program for what it was designed for - a program for those in need. How proud it must make someone feel who passes on the handout to make it on their own. Blogger "~Joe" brought up a great story of what her father taught her about social programs. She wrote "he told me young people end up getting trapped in the system because its so easy, so these programs don't help people that struggle but actually keep them down ... once you get a decent job they take the free stuff away and your thrown into the real world where everythings up to you, you lose that safety net ... would anyone wanna give that up? It's a horrible cycle that a lot of young end up falling into, things need to change and fast." I totally agree. And I hope to teach this lesson to my own children.

I've seen it happen to friends of mine. For example: a pregnancy happened when she was single. The baby's father was not in the picture. She had a job, but no health care. When the baby was born, the job wasn't paying enough for her living expenses AND daycare. So she turned to government assistance. She got free health care. Free food. Free formula. She stayed home and started raising her child. Then she started looking for work. She enrolled in a program that would provide daycare cost assistance. But then she looked a bit further and found that once she started making money, she would lose her social security, her food stamps and her health care. Sure, she could have the baby taken care of during the day for minimal cost, but at the end of the day, she would be worse off monetarily. So what did she do? She stayed on government assistance. That baby is now 16 years old. She works, but works only the amount of hours that will keep her getting assistance. She's still single. She has no savings. She lost 16 years of career time, in which she could have made something for herself. She could have owned a house, a car. She could have had a retirement plan in place. She's never taken a real vacation. She'll never feel that accomplishment of holding her own in the world. Nevermind that we (all working people) have paid for her life for the past 16 years. It's a horrible cycle.

I did want to mention something I didn't think of before - staying at home with children.

I'm a working mom and it's got nothing to do with being able to afford it or not. It's my personality, I simply wouldn't be a good stay at home mom. I think this is a very personal decision and would never ever judge someone for staying home or for working. I have opinions on pros and cons of both sides, but I think what can be a pro for one person can be a pro for another. So I will definitely ~not~ take sides on this topic.

But ...

Let me put up a hypothetical situation. Let's say there was a man and woman who both worked. They decided to have a baby. They looked into the aspect of the mom staying at home to raise the child, but they couldn't afford it. They could, however, qualify for government assistance with only one income. So she quits her job and is able to stay at home with her child like she wanted. She collects food stamps, gets housing assistance and has herself and child on medicare to make ends meet with just her husband's income.

What do you think about this? Is it immoral? Is she using the system to have the luxury to stay at home?

My opinion is yes, she is using the system. She ~can~ work. She's simply choosing not to. I believe staying at home is a luxury and the government should not be the one paying for her choice. If she wants to stay home, then she should be able to make that decision, but we (working people) shouldn't foot her bill. I understand it would be unfortunate if she really wanted to stay at home with her child, but I don't see why the american public should pay for it.

I don't see staying at home as a necessity. Daycare works and can be a great place for children. Now, if the child has a disability and needs special care during the day, I can see that as an exception of why her ~not~ working is a necessity. And I would totally agree with her pulling assistance to stay at home. But paying a completely able bodied person to stay home? I simply don't see it.

What do you think? If you disagree and think the American public ~should~ foot the bill so a mother can stay home, tell me your reasoning. Tell me the ~why~ you think staying at home should be considered a necessity, rather than a luxury. I'm open for differing views!

Update - Mind the question. The question is do you think welfare should be available to a mother who wants to stay at home rather than support her family by working. This is ~not~ a stay at home vs working mother debate. It's about government assistance. I won't be publishing any comments that are not about this very specific question. This post wasn't to debate the stay at home vs working mom topic.

Let's get some people riled up.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to talk about WIC and what I find lame about it.

Let me first say though, that when women ~need~ it, I think it's a great program. When buying milk and fruits and cereal is a hardship, having this program available is a godsend.

But here it is ... Qualifying for WIC does not mean you should take it.

This is a program of need, not want. I can't tell you the number of people I see whipping out their WIC forms at the grocery store while the rest of their groceries include high priced steaks and sodas. WIC is not so you just can get free things. It's for women who ~need~ help buying these items to stay healthy during pregnancy and allow their children to be healthy. If you honestly don't need it, why take it? It's like going to the soup kitchen for dinner when you have a pocket full of money.

Hey, things are hard right now. Gas prices are crazy. The cost of living is going up. The job market isn't the best. I understand WIC does allow many, many, many families to not worry about budgeting for these items, so they can afford gas and their mortgage or rent. But when families use this program to get free items and then use the money they "save" on McDonald's everyday? Yeah, that bothers me.

Now, I don't think people on WIC should not go out and splurge on going out to dinner or buying steaks. I don't believe in keeping the 'needy' down. But when the recipients aren't really needy, I think it's really immoral to TAKE. If WIC really helps you on a month to month basis - great, it's a program for you. But if WIC simply allows you to get some things you would normally buy for free? Yeah. That's my point.

Another thing I think WIC is a disadvantage for is breastfeeding. WIC just gives out free formula. For women on the fence about breastfeeding, the aspect of free formula gives an advantage to simply giving up on breastfeeding.

I'm pro-breastfeeding but I'm not anti-formula. If formula is the right choice for you, great. But I do believe there are advantages to breastfeeding and if possible, breastfeeding should be at least tried. I think too many women give up on it too early. True, many women cannot breastfeed, but I think that number is actually smaller than the amount of women who say so. It can be very hard, very frustrating and very painful. It can be a struggle. Sometimes it takes some serious motivation to push through this struggle. WIC dangles free formula in front of every woman on the program - and many just say "screw this" and takes the formula, when they really may have been able to overcome whatever breastfeeding issue they had.

Let me give an example. One of the teachers at my daughter's school was complaining about her milk not drying up. I asked her if she was done breastfeeding and her reply was "Why would I do that when I get free formula from WIC?". Ugh. I said "It's not free, everyone with a job pays for it." And she laughed saying "that's true! If you want to, you can write a check directly to me!" and continued to laugh and laugh. (hence the reason this whole subject is on my mind) Maybe she would have given breastfeeding a shot if she had to pay for formula. But maybe not.

So that's my opinion on the subject.

And just to let you know, I'm not going to create a big debate here in the comments. You can agree. You can disagree. But PLEASE understand I know there are two sides to every subject. Usually posts like this will create a huge amount of personal stories which points out why I am "wrong", but understand that I ~know~ there are going to be those stories. I understand some women really can ~not~ breastfeed. I understand some families really need WIC. No need for anyone to take this personally. If WIC really helped you financially, I'm happy it worked for you, as you are the type of family it was designed for. If you really couldn't breastfeed or if you simply choose not to, I'm glad formula is such a great product these days.

I'm simply giving my opinion on those who really do ~not~ need WIC but take it anyway. Or those who could have breastfed, but the aspect of free formula was what changed their minds. That's all.

Canned Spam.

I've been trying to comment as much as I can, but due to google reader, I have about 100 subscriptions and you ladies sure know how to update! Some days I'm just trying to get through them all.

Anywho, as I am commenting, I am surprised about the number of you who have "Word Verification" set ON under Setting/comments. Do that many of you really have trouble with spam? I have mine set OFF, as I always have, and I've gotten one, maybe two spammers.

Word verification sucks. Well, that's my opinion. I hate hate hate having to sit there and try to read the letters blogger gives me to type in. Sometimes I just give up or don't comment at all.

I'm not trying to get anyone to remove their word verifications if you need it. But have you actually determined if you really need it or not? It doesn't stop anonymous commentors, it only makes real commentors type in that stupid word to get our comment approved. (and then some of you have comment moderation turned on too - so it still comes to you first, you just won't ever have to look at spam).

Anywho, that's my rant for the day.

psst.

I usually don't post about my other blog, but I put up some cute pictures of the kiddos. The URL is in my profile or you can simply click here if you want to see them.

Crooked Teeth.

I have an aversion to crooked teeth. I'm sorry to say this, as I know there are people around with crooked teeth, but yeah, it bothers me.

(total side note. I use spell check and the only words that usually come up are my made-up words or words that need capitalization and I don't. But this time, "aversion" came up. Wow. I've been spelling it wrong for, well, just about ever. I spelled it "adversion". Heh. What do you know? Totally wrong. Quincy has pointed out other words I constantly misspelled since it was on a message board and no spellcheck. Quincy - help me out here. guarantee and tomato, right? Damn it. Spell check just told me I did guarantee wrong again. I really want that 2nd a to be an e.)

I'm talking ~really~ crooked teeth though. Like an orthodontist's wet dream type.

You couldn't of guessed my amazement when I found out ~I~ was going to get braces due to an overbite. Woohoo~ Braces. I was in 9th grade.

I went in for the braces-on appointment and left in tears. I didn't get the cool braces. I got the super dooper Giant-All-The-Way-Around-Your-Teeth braces. Like the ones on your molars - I get all around. My parents made the decision to go this way because they were faster due to what I needed to get done. I needed to have 2 teeth removed on top and then they pulled back the front of my mouth to fix the overbite. With "normal" braces, it would have taken another year. Or maybe I'm just remembering wrong and the regular braces wouldn't of worked. Regardless, they were huge and ugly and I hated them. HATED them. HATED THEM.

It was all still a normal experience. I ended up with the rubber bands later and got to use cool colors. But still, I was a severe metal mouth. No one made fun of me, thank god, but still.

I got them off in 10th grade and got a retainer. Okay, that's cool - just the wire, which I liked. I also got that bottom wire thing - the permanent wire attached to the inside. Things went as planned and my overbite was corrected and my teeth were straighter.

I don't know how long that bottom piece was supposed to stay in. I knew it was almost permanent, finally taking it out years down the line, but mine broke early. They removed it, but I never went in to get it replaced. And now my bottom teeth are crooked.

The thing I don't like about other people? I have. Serves me right, doesn't it?

I'm thinking of getting adult braces. But damn, I also remember the pain they caused. As a kid it's one thing. As a functioning adult with a full time job and three (hopefully. I still take nothing for granted) kids, I don't think I'd deal will with mouth pain. (I'm specifically not fixing that last sentence because Deb pointed it out.)

Thank you MrsSpock

MrsSpock,

You just made me gag a little bit. Seriously.

(if anyone else wants to gag, read her comment on the last post. omg.)

too much coffee.

I am a coffee drinker. Kind of.

I don't get a cup of coffee at a diner or anything, but I like me some daily starbucks.

(note: I hope you all know when I use broken english such as "i like me some", you know I'm just being silly, right? I promise, I may not be perfect, but I'm a little smart!"

Well, I've been slowing down on the caffeine due to the obvious. Although my OB allows up to 2 sodas a day or 1 cup of coffee, I try not to drink my candy starbucks too much and when I do, I get a grande (at the little starbucks like coffee shop at work) and it comes with only 1 shot of espresso. Well, today, I went to a real starbucks and noticed she put in 2 shots of espresso. Well, I think I don't want her to throw it all away since I asked for a grande, but to simply take note.

I drank the whole think. And now I feel like I smoked some crack.

Okay, so I've never ~actually~ smoked crack. But I'm betting it's something like this.

As I'm all cracked out, I am working from home (really, I am working. Not just blogging. I just fixed a major issue and am the hero of a bunch of customers! Okay, so I am the one who allowed it to be broken in the first place, but we don't mention that when we fix things) and I've pushed "play" on the TV game show, Wipeout.

Have you seen this? I've loved the japenese version for years, but the american version is fucking awesome. Getting to hear what the contestants and announcers are really saying is hilarious. For example:

Announcer: "So contestant, you are the oldest male today, how do you feel about this?"
Contestant: "AARP!!!!"
Announcer: "That is the worst shoutout. Ever."
Contestant: "Oh."

See? That's prime comedy right there.