So I'm going to combine some of the individual posts.
~ Did you know 75% of baby's with down's don't survive in utero? I didn't. (due to abnormalities that don't allow for survival, like heart defects).
~ Here is the music to go along with my "prayer to god" post. There are lots of videos on youtube that show shellac live, but this is from the album: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxbTRh1o_RU
~ I miss much san diego punk rock like drive like jehu. I was just listening to ipod on shuffle and came upon this little ditty from pitchfork (pre-drive like jehu) and amazing how I can find comfort in other's angst:
I'm in a boat. There's a hole in the bottom. And my oars. Have floated away.
I'm bailing my boat. With both of my hands now. To keep my head. Above the waves.
Salt on my hide. Pennies on my eyes.
I've lived my life in this ol' boat. And all this time I've kept afloat. But I'm treading water now.
And I'm wondering how. How it feels to drown. I'm sinking.
Way down.
... Once (and still) Infertile, but still Schnarky as hell. This blog is dedicated to the daily ramblings from the mind of Nancy. It isn't about anything profound in the grand scheme of things, but it ~is~ about things in my life, schnarkiness always included. I have a second blog, listed in my profile, but the blogs will continue to remain separate.
"I'm aiming for heaven, but I'll probably wind up down in hell"
About Me
- nancy
- I am a 39 year old woman. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a handsome son. I am a career woman. As for my TTC world, it certainly doesn't seem like I am "infertile", but I fought for my pregnancies and my TTC/IF history is on the sidebar. I have two blogs, which are both listed in my profile. One focuses on my daily life - including IF, TTC, pregnancy, delivery and even some "children mentioned" posts. The second blog is ~soley~ posts directly about being the mother to my three children.
Belly Pics for #3 only.
Click stick figure to see the consecutive pictures from this pregnancy only.
My TTC History
- Jul 01 ~ married
- Jan 02 ~ First cycle off bcps and opk shows ovulation!
- Dec 02 ~ Went to pcp for RE referral
- Jan 03 ~ Testing commences. S/A perfect. HSG clear.
- Feb 03 ~ Lap #1. All clear.
- Apr 03 ~ Clomid cycle #1. BFN.
- May 03 ~ Clomid cycle #2. BFN.
- Jun 03 ~ Clomid cycle #3. BFN.
- Jul 03 ~ Supposed to be IUI#1, but we missed cd3 so natural cycle
- Aug 03 ~ BFP on C18.
- Apr 04 ~ Ella born.
- Oct 04 ~ decided to ttc #2 and went off minipill to see if I am ovulating. I am. Will start next month.
- Nov 04 ~ TTC#2 starts. BFP. Holy Crap. No freaking way. No way.
- Aug 05 ~ Allison born
- Oct 06 ~ IUD removed. TTC#3
- Jan 07 ~ Large cysts found.
- Feb 07 ~ Femara cyle #1
- Mar 07 ~ Started w/ RE. HSG #2 showed R tube blocked. S/A normal.
- Mar 07 ~ more cysts, up to 9cms.
- Apr 07 ~ more cysts, 3 @ 7-9cms.
- May 07 ~ IUI #1 cancelled due to more cysts
- Jun 07 ~ IUI #1 (take two) w/ Clomid. BFN.
- Jul 07 ~ HSS showed scar tissue in 70% of uterus. Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome. Uterine surgery #2
- Aug 07 ~ HSG #3 showed clear tubes.
- Aug 07 ~ IUI #2 w/ Femara. BFN.
- Sept 07 ~ Monitored w/ hCG trigger. BFN.
- Oct 07 ~ HSS #2 showed scar tissue in 30% of uterus. Uterine surgery #3.
- Dec 07 ~ HSS #3 showed tiny amount of scar tissue. Uterine surgery #4.
- Jan 08 ~ HSS #4 showed clear uterus.
- Jan 08 ~ IUI #3, C16. BFN.
- Mar 08 ~ IVF #1, Transfer Cancelled due to lining. Out of 15 eggs, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilized. I have named my 9 embryos "The Mod Squad" and they are in the freezer, waiting for mommy to be ready.
- Apr/May 08 ~ FET #1. C20. 4 embryos "The Fab Four" transferred on 5/05. BFP!!! Very Low Beta (15 at 11dp3dt) but the numers continued to double every 48 hours. Told it was "most likely not viable" and later "most likely ectopic" but we beat all the odds.
- May 16, 08 ~ 11dp3dt (4w0d), beta #1: 15
- May 19, 08 ~ 14dp3dt (4w3d), beta #2: 43
- May 23, 08 ~ 18dp3dt (5w0d), beta#3: 213
- May 27, 22dp3dt (5w4d), beta #4: 1,073
- Jun 08 - Ultrasound showed one heartbeat at 7 weeks.
- Jul 08 - Had CVS testing. Chromosomes are normal and it's a BOY!! EDD: 1/23
- Aug 08 - Jan 09 ~ High risk due to: 1) Velamentous Cord Insertion, deemed biggest risk 2) Previous Placenta Accreta 3) Previous rapid degraged placenta 4) IVF alone can create weak placenta 5) AMA - Advanced Maternal Age. -- All resulting in almost 30 u/s and lots of testing, which ended up saving my life.
- Jan 09 (38w0d) ~ Karl is born! -- Crazy 3 days in hospital. Manual version to flip baby from breech to head down, Labor, Delivery, Emergency surgery due to cord detaching from placenta, Scary heart issues from losing over 40% of my blood supply, and then a blood transfusion due to the extreme loss of blood. Whew!
Blog Archive
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2008
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July
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- I'm leaving on a jet plane
- IUI question for anyone to answer
- I almost just got into a serious accident.
- Oh I get it. I'm chopped liver now, eh?
- It just didn't come together.
- End of weekend already?
- A Braces Bunch Shout Out
- Finally Friday! Yipee!
- Ha! You thought I got off, eh?
- Well, slap my ass and call me Nancy.
- No, no call yet.
- waiting, waiting, waiting.
- I hate rollercoasters.
- A request for some major support.
- And now we wait. And a big WHOA!
- I'm a little chatty today
- Monday update.
- "Prayer To God"
- What kind of a person are you?
- I'm really scared.
- I'm behind.
- The day got weirder and weirder
- Spent last hour in police station.
- Psst ... Any first timers out there ...
- "All babies look like boys at 12 weeks".
- All because I'm AMA
- Happy Anniversary to Us!
- I don't get it. Really.
- It's temporary
- The skills THAT pay the bills.
- The news no one wants to receive.
- RESOLVED!!!
- Can't sleep.
- ~StrEsSed oUt~
- Anonymous Comments.
- My new ink.
- Musings on a Sick Day
- I've turned them off.
- 1 year maternal leave
- Wasn't that just dandy? (question at the end) - up...
- Let's get some people riled up.
- Canned Spam.
- psst.
- Crooked Teeth.
- Thank you MrsSpock
- too much coffee.
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July
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21 comments:
Wow, that's a high statistic. I didn't even know they had a higher chance of dieing in utero than one without Downs. That's freakin crazy.
I had no idea of that either!
--Kristin
Woman! You know I love you, but you HAVE to stop doing this to yourself. Please, for the love of all things holy - and your sanity - step away from Dr. Google! PLEASE!?!
beth, it's simply how i work. i need to know ~everything~ there is to know about a situation for me to be able to understand it all. All my googling has actually calmed me a bit. I have found some scary things, but I've also found some very valid reasons WHY my levels could be where they are (weird implantation and implanting on tissue that was once scar tissue). So really, i'm more calm now than ever before.
Nancy does that number include both "natural"/"spontaneous abortions" and elective abortions?
nancy - i can only imagine what is going through your mind right now. Try to focus on the percent chance your baby will NOT have downs. hang in there. I'll be thinking about you.
It does not include elective abortions.
I have been reading a lot about downs and first thing to mention, I only read medical sites. I don't read just anything on the internet.
So, from one of these sites, they mentioned how only 25% of downs baby's survive due to abnormalities by the aspect of simply having downs. Some abnormalities are so severe, the baby simply doesn't make it to birth. ie: many downs babies have heart defects.
Q - I really, really am trying. Really.
Just saw your news about the increased Down's risk. I'm sorry that the risk got higher rather than getting lower. The risk is still very low, but I know that does very little to prevent any mom from worrying. Hang in there, and hopefully you'll get more reassuring news at some point (preferably soon) in the future.
I actually know that Down's often leads to miscarriage because of my teaching topics, like developmental disabilities. My students are often surprised, too.
And... do remember that your odds are much higher of NOT having a baby with Down's. I'd be freaking, too, but I feel I am supposed to bring up the stats.
I think blogger ate my comment, but I wish I had internet or phone access tomorrow, but I am serving in a jury. But I will be thinking about you & praying for good news & that the stats really are in your favor.
{{{hugs}}}
Nancy, my child had a 1 in 42 % chance of having down's. She is just fine. Your baby will be too. Have faith.
*hugs*
Just lots of hugs until you know.
Nancy,
Wishing you lots of luck with all the testing.
I read a blog and the author is a mother of four, whose youngest son has downs. Here is the link, in case you are interested. It's quite a funny blog and she also has an awesome store, with handmade kids clothing, (Kelly Ripa's son was recently wearing one of her shirts)!
Cheers,
http://therockingpony.blogspot.com/
Wow, I never knew that... Keep on trying to focus on the chance that your baby does not have downs...
HUGS to you Nancy!
Nancy--have faith! You were certain that IVF had not been successful--and it was! You were certain you were miscarrying--and you did not. You now have 55/56 chance that your baby will be FINE.
Positive thinking! No more drama...
Heather, I apologize for not knowing the correct terminology. I'm new to this. I simply said it for ease of writing, not defining the child as a disability. And I totally understand where you are coming from with your sister. Once that baby is here, it'll still be the joy of my life. It's just this initial shock and knowledge it's not going to be "genetically normal". I'm sure your parents took it as a shock at first too, but then again, they probably didn't know until she was born and the blessing of the baby's birth accounted for a lot of joy. I think there is a big difference between finding out before and at the birth. With the birth, you ~have~ that miracle in your arms and I'm sure you just wouldn't care/be shocked as much as before.
To anyone else who keeps saying "Look at how many odds you beat already!". Yes, I have. And I probably will beat these odds too. But, honestly, we don't know that right now. Someone has to fall into the 1.8% odds.
Anon - You have this happen to you and then tell yourself "no drama". THEN you can tell it to me. Thanks for the good wishes though. 55/56 ~is~ good odds.
Good luck today, Nancy! The first thing I thought of when I got up today was you. I thought of how stressed you must be (you probably didn't sleep much last night), how anxious you must be, and how anxious you will be waiting for the results.
I completely understand that you can't be 100% positive. Whenever there is an increased possibility of something bad happening, one can't help but think about it.
I am not religious AT ALL (I'm more agnostic than anything) but it's times like these that I beg for everything to go all right. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope everything is all right with your little baby. :)
My heart and mind are with you today...
I'm not going to pretend that bad things don't happen or that everything will be fine.
I WILL say that, as one of the biggest bad-asses I have ever encountered in life, you'll end up OK. And I know you know that. But the rest of us are here to bear witness to it.
I don't have anything spectacular to say other than, hang in there and I'm praying for you and your fam!
(hugs) I'm here, as always.
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