Monday, December 22, 2008

Am I just being schnarky?

What's wrong with me lately? Am I just being schnarky? Or does a shit load of people just need to honestly suck it the hell up?

There is so much shit people have to go through in the world. REAL shit. For fuck's sake, Lemondrops just announced some serious fucking news. Jen's husband died and a few weeks later, she miscarried their child. M just lost her beautiful twin girls at 22 weeks. ~REAL~ shit is going down all around us, all the time. (I apologize to these 3 wonderful women whom I used as my examples. I didn't think any of you would mind, but if you do, just let me know, okay?)

Yet I see so many people bitching about the most minute little things without even a mention to "oh yeah, I also know my life fucking rules right now too". Look, I understand everyone's life has it's moments. And everyone is allowed to do some bitching. Hell, I bitch all the time! But I also try to keep in mind that the other 98% of my life is pretty damned great.

I don't know if it's just due to the holidays or what. But lately, so many women I "know/read" through blogs or message boards are just on the "whoa the fuck is me" train. OMG. From those who just can't say anything nice about their own pregnancies to those who complain 24 hours a day that their hips hurt to those who can't get over the fact someone called them "ready to pop". Let's not forget the 38w pregnant girl who is just "so upset" she's not dilated yet. Oh poor baby, you're not even due yet and you are upset about not giving birth tonight. Ugh!!

Good lord. Suck. it. the. fuck. up.

Look, I don't mind when complaints happen. Complain all you want! But dedicate your entire blog to how unhappy you are with gaining pregnancy weight? Oh poor you. YOU ARE PREGNANT! Can't you remember for a moment that's a good thing? I just am getting so tired when every. single. post. is a complaint. I mean every single one. I can't take it anymore. I'm having to unsubscribe to blogs left and right lately because I just can't take it anymore.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know there are exceptions. I know women who've had miscarriages or late term losses who are genuinely scared of their pregnancies. And I know some women who are clinically sick to death from their pregnancies. I get that. I get that it's emotionally impossible for them to enjoy a single moment and they have a right to complain daily.

But so many other people, honest to goodness, I have no idea where it comes from. I just think they need a shake into reality to see past some things. They are alive. They have a family. They are pregnant. Things are ~good~ people. Allow a teeny bit of sunshine in with all the doom and gloom. Just a few sunrays? Please?

Or maybe I'm just being schnarky.


Truck Driver Wife said...

I'm kind of feeling the same sort of way. Though I been winey myself lately. Hope your pregnancy is going well. I know mine is and for that I am blessed. Have a great night!!

Mo and Will said...

Eh, you don't sound that schnarky to me. A little irritable perhaps :), but not schnarky.

I find that I have an especially low tolerance for complaining pregnant women. I agree with you wholeheartedly. SHUT UP! Especially those who got pregnant easily, i have so little patience for you. Not only is it annoying but it's actually hurtful to see others complaining about something that I would go through almost anything at any cost to have the privilege of experiencing.

Actually your post was a good wake up call for me to remember all that is good in my life. So we failed IVF #3. That stinks, truly, but I don't want it to eclipse everything good (you'd think that as a cancer survivor I would never take anything good in my life for granted, especially my health, but time passes and you slip).

So thanks for linking especially to lemondrop and m. reminded me that I am so very fortunate to be here. The rest of it is just gravy.


Jenera said...

Preach it sista friend!

Elana Kahn said...

HERE, HERE!! I consider myself sooooooo lucky that the docs caught my cervix in time and was just so taken aback by your friend who lost her girls. I could've been her and that just terrifies me. You are so not being schnarky. Things could be so much worse...

Jason and Samantha said...

I feel you. I cannot stand when all women do is moan, complain, bitch, and groan about being pregnant. There was this one lady we went to church with, she complained non-stop. I think I gave her nasty looks, because whenever she looked at me she would stop talking (or maybe remember that we were struggling to get pregnant and I would kill to be in her position).

Being pregnant is wonderful, no, its not fun and lovely all the time. I complained, but I loved every minute. You are creating a human being.. I don't think its supposed to be easy.

Jen said...

It does annoy me when a gal gets pregnant after trying for so long but still continues to complain and complain about either that or all other aspects of their life. Don't get me wrong. I expect some pregnancy complaints. Morning sickness can't be fun.

Maybe I'm just biased because I had such a good pregnancy. I really loved being pregnant.

AJ said...

You aren't schnarky, no worries. I just hope your post wasn't about me....I am one of those whose posts are "woe is me". Eeekkk.....I do need to focus on the good us getting a house....yay!!!!

journey to junior(ette) said...

ha, we must be on the same wavelength! i JUST posted about this today as well (although i'm PWP, you'll have to take my word for it). my rant - i am especially annoyed with pregnant women complaining about being "fat." OMG, you are PREGNANT not fat. world of difference, and not only because thousands of women would kill to be in your shoes.

i'm just saying...and i'm with ya!

Sara said...

Yeah, I see what you are saying. We all have shit to deal with, and some of us have it worse than others. There are many times I want to tell people to shut the f. up and enjoy the fact that they are carrying a healthy baby.

Shit, now I feel bad. I just blogged about how hungry I am all the time! But that isn't really a complaint!

Hope you are feeling good!

jenn said...

umm... I hope the weight comment wasn't about me!!! ;o) I kid- I know I harped on it a little, but never complained!

I do agree though- I have had to hear a woman complain almost every day about her terrible morning sickness & how miserable she is. Oh- and how it took so long for them to get pregnant (3 months- are you fucking kidding me!!!!!) and now today she found out she is carrying twins...

I know I am grateful every day & I don't think I have complained about one thing so far. I have worried about ~not~ gaining weight (one of the reasons I seem so freaking obsessed, lol!) but every day I see the belly bigger & feel my little girl I say a little thank you just for being here.

I think everyone can use a little reality check now & then of what is really important & how good they really have it.

the mol said...

Yeah, you're being a little bit schnarky, but I'm schnarky too so welcome to the club. I don't tell people to shut the hell up nearly often enough, even though it is richly deserved. "Life is SO hard with a toddler, and they're so messy and they never listen...I can't handle it..." yea, suck it up. But then, I don't usually go around saying that my life is so damn hard. Because it's not. Sure, it sucks that my son has cancer but he's such a little sweetheart and our families are amazing in terms of helping us. And when it's all over, we're going to Disneyworld.

Jennie said...

Heck no, you're not being schnarky. But, I do like the word.

ak said...

Nancy - I so feel you! I know I am guilty, as we all are, of doing the 'whoa is me' thing for a brief moment every so often. We are all human, after all, and those of us that are pregnant have the whole hormonal, emotional-ups and-downs thing going on.

But I definitely have noticed a 'bitching' trend on 'the boards' (and in general) about a lot of various issues, many of which I also personally feel are ridiculous. I tend to assume that these women likely have no other place to vent their frustrations, and feel comfortable on the boards, since there is a sort of anonymity to the whole internet message board thing (true many of share our names and more, but you know what I mean). I roll my eyes at some of it, but I tend to disregard most of it. Everyone has a right to say whatever they want after all, stupid or not; who knows what some of these girls truly are like in real life, where they come from, and what they may really be going through. There's people of all ages on the board, and from all walks of life, which is another thing to consider. But yeah, I do agree a lot of it is BS!!

I think that in general, a lot of people need to really put things into perspective. When you consider situations like the ones you referenced - um yeah. I think if folks spent half as much time focusing on the positive rather than whining about the negative, they'd be waaay better off. As much crap as I go through, I always remember that things could definitely be much worse, and I'm thankful for what I have.

I think a lot of it has to do with the holidays. True some people are oblivious in general, but there's something about the holidays that seems to get to people. Don't get me wrong; personally this is my favorite time of year. But I think the holidays can cause people to have to face a lot of issues they may be going through more than at other times of the year. For example this whole 'gifts and spending' crap makes people think about their finances; and many people are totally facing a hard time this year especially, given everything that is going on economically. For others, it makes them face relationship issues they have with family members, which they may not care as much about during other times of the year. I just think it gets people thinking, and can make a lot of people feel down. That whole 'seasonal depression' thing.

But I'm with you, Nancy. I say count your blessings people, and enjoy life! Take things one day at a time, and make the best of it; who knows what tomorrow brings. Nothing wrong with having a plan for tomorrow but live for today! Live, laugh and love! :) Not only do I try and live by these principles, but more importantly I try and instill in my children as well.

areyoukiddingme said...

I think there are attention-seekers out there who find that they can only get the attention they need by having others feel sorry for them.

I see this a lot in the people I work with. It's like a really horrible competition.

I do my best to try to remember how much better off I am than most of the world. I don't mind some good humored complaining, but absolute bitterness is totally unattractive. I don't know if people always recognize the difference.

Elana Kahn said...

I know I just tagged you last week, but I got an award today and really wanted to pass it to you. You don't *have* to post about it, but I want you to know that I've passed it to you. :-) I <3 your blog!!

margelina said...

Nope, you're being Nancy...and I love it!

theclam said...

Honestly? It's not just you, I cannot make myself read those posts anymore. Drives me nuts.


Jennifer said...

I feel like this all the time with my DH. I guess I'm more the optimist and he suffers depression (yet he hasn't admitted it). When one little thing goes wrong it's like his life is horrible. I've talked to a friend who knows she suffers from depression and she says it's like someone sucked all the happy out of your brain and you can't see all the good. I know your not talking about people who have depression, but I struggle to remember that with DH.

I KNOW we are VERY blessed and have a great life and I can't stand when he complains about stupid piddly things.

One of my co-workers lost her baby at 24 weeks. Things like your bloggers stories and hers put things in perspective and really put me in my place.

On to one of your pet peaves...

Last night at my BFF's house her DH was saying her wanted her to have her baby now (she's 34 weeks measuring 39). He's said "Nothing will change between today and tomorrow or next week." My friend didn't even argue about the health of the baby (I think she's terrified of a HUGE baby), but said she doesn't want to be in the hospital for Christmas. I had to speak up and say a LOT will change. Her lungs will grow, so she can breathe. I tried to remind him that they wouldn't want their girl in NICU because of being early. Ugh! I understand her going early with her big babies (9lbs 11oz and 9lbs 9oz -3 weeks early), but seriously!

Steph said...

Honestly? I think that some people are so hung up on their problems being "huge" that they don't even stop to think a minute that they could be in a MUCH worse position.

I think that we have all ~discussed~ pregnancy stuff, like swollen ankles, breakouts, not being able to sleep...without sounding like we're complaining non-stop. There's a difference between discussing/talking about something and then saying something like, "OMG! I am SO ready for this to be over, I'm 29 weeks and I have gained 10 pounds!! OMG! I hate being pregnant! It sucks!" KWIM?

I ~never~ complained about weight gain, but I did complain about the back pain, hoping that others would chime in with some ideas for relief. But as for acting like your pregnancy is the WORST thing that's ever happened to you--GET OVER IT.
(The you and your is just in general, BTW)

Sometimes I get REALLY frustrated at how..well..trashed my house can get with 4 kids, how it seems like my work never ever ends, but then all I have to do is take a step back and look at my precious babies and I think, "Hey, self, does it really matter that crayons are all over the floor? Does it really matter that you have to wash 5 loads of laundry a day to keep up? (lol) Does it really matter that one of the kids got spaghetti sauce on the rug? It WASHES!!!"

No, what's important is, your family and your health. I have to watch myself complaining about the messes and the chaos sometimes because it's a rut I can fall into.

I told my husband one day, "You never ask me how my day went," and he replied, "It's because all you ever say is that the kids are bouncing off the walls and the house is a wreck and you are going crazy."


Talk about a wake-up call. I thought about that for a second, and then I thought, OMG..I ~do~ say that whenever we talk during the day and he wants to know what we're all up to. OMG. Wow.

So now, I focus on the positive. Even sometimes if I don't particularly feel all that positive, I focus on the GOOD. And when you focus on the good, you start to feel good, and it puts things into perspective.

Whoa. That got long, and I didn't mean for it to.

But I totally agree with the "stop whining about everything and focus on what you have because your life could be MUCH MUCH worse" message. Amen to that!!!!!!!!!!


KatieM said...

This really bugged me when I was pregnant. Maybe I was just one of those freakishly happy pregnant people (I even miss the feeling!), but I couldn't stand when people were CONSTANTLY complaining.....especially on the boards...oh my god.

You are right....there are definitely more serious issues out there, people facing things much worse than sore hips and a little heartburn.

Sarah R said...

I completely agree with you. Things could be a lot worse. My blogger friend, Mol (you know her too) is dealing with her son's cancer. She has been dealing with it since his diagnosis in June at almost 10 months of age. I can't imagine how hard that must be.

This is why you won't see complaining/whining on my blog. Nothing that I have gone through is really worthy of complaint.

I thank my lucky stars for my son and the fact that I'm lucky to be carrying baby #2.

People just need something to bitch about because they're too caught up in their own little world to see that real people are truly suffering around them.

Anonymous said...

I read their blogs and couldn't agree with you more! Things in my life are got BUT I still complain. I am ungrateful for what I have most of the time. Thank you, for helping me to realize this.

Kirsten said...

I did complain last week after a long night with one of the girls but I quickly realized that one crappy night with a few hours of missed sleep is NOTHING to complain about, which hopefully I made up for in the next post!
My heart sank when I read Lemondrops blog; I felt that old familiar urge to drop everything here at work and run to my children & husband and go into lockdown mode and just hold them and love them all day.
This post reminds me of the nurse in the NICU who was complaining about how big her babies all were when she gave birth...she was about five feet from me as I sat between two incubators that were the home of my four-pound premature baby girls for a month. Never before have I wanted to strangle someone until that moment.
And I'm with you on the weight gain thing and my fertile friends who just "can't do" pregnancy because they can't have their nightly glass of wine and they obsess over every ounce they gained. Ugh.
Okay, now I am feeling like a bitch but I guess I needed to get that out!
Have a wonderful holiday!!

Bree said...

Good reminder. Even though I'm pretty myopic about my own (blessed) situation lately, I know what makes enjoyable reading, and "Oh, my aching _______" isn't it.

Ironically, it's just about time for me to go blog about the workings of my GI tract... I'll try to keep it upbeat, though! ;-)

Jen said...

This is exactly why I rarely visit the message boards anymore! I try so hard to keep a positive attitude, I've been so lucky and had it pretty good for the most part. The 3rd trimester message board is nothing but moaning and groaning- doesn't anyone have anything positive to contribute?

Jen said...

Nope, I don't mind that you used me as an example. Anytime.

The other day while out shopping a ran into an old family friend. She knew about Shawn and the baby. Anyways I asked her how things were going, because I'm just that type of caring person. Well all she did was complain about her life and how 'hard' things were going for her. She was complaining about stupid shit like her car not running right and not being able to find what she wanted to get her daughter for Christmas. I listened to her bitch about nothing and then left the conversation.

I like to listen to people and I like to help them. But I'm the wrong person to be bitching at when something 'small' happens in your life. It took all I had not to slap her in the face. To top it all off she never even asked once how I was doing! Rude people!!

I don't think you were being schnarky, I think you were being Nancy and I like that. I like your honesty!