Everyone knows by now I say what's on my mind. I'll disagree with someone. I'll give my opinion even if I know it's unpopular. I'm blunt. I'm truthful to a fault. BUT, I'm not flat out ~rude~ on purpose.
True, some people think I'm rude. But it's usually that I am simply mistaken as rude. If I am asked my opinion and it's contrary to what they believe, I'm told I'm rude. That's not really the case though, is it? If you don't want an answer that may be different from your own, don't ask for it. It's not ~my fault~ if I think differently! So, let's just say for sake of argument that most people who think I'm rude are people who were either disagreed with, had a differing opinion, don't like my personal style or some other type thing. But in the definition of rudeness? I really don't think I am. (I'm sure I have had my moments, heck, most people have, but I surely don't think it's an overriding characteristic.)
The rude people I am talking about right now are the ones who do not understand the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
It's such a basic rule! Yet I see people breaking it all the time. And I'm sure you know the type, don't you? Examples are easy to find. Some are minor, some aren't. But there is one thing all of them have in common - there was ~no~ reason it needed to be said. Now, if there was a question asked for a response, then you are stuck with what you get in return (ie: Do these pants make my thighs look fat?")
The ones that get under my nerves the worst are the seemingly minor ones like this which transpire on message boards ALL the time:
Me: "I'm just bought a pair of jeans from PlaceX. I really like them!"
Rude person: "I don't buy anything from PlaceX, I think the material is cheap looking."
Jeez. Why would someone respond with just that? First of all it didn't even need to be sad. Secondly, if the person really felt like they needed to say it, it could have been made to sound better. "What did you end up buying? I've never had good luck there because I never find a material I like. That's great you found something cool!" See how much nicer that is?
The more major rude responses are the ones in which leave me utterly speechless, such as this conversation I had with a girl years ago:
Me: "We're really excited, we've decided to stop taking the pill and start trying to conceive!"
Rude girl: "Oh, you are on the pill, huh? You probably won't get pregnant anytime soon. And if you do, the first baby you conceive will most likely die."
Gasp. Step back. Walk away. Now, this girl was a bitter IFer who got pregnant after a long journey and after IVF. So I understand her not stuffing me full of puppydogs and rainbows. She could have said "I really hope things go well for you, but don't be too disappointed if you don't ovulate right away because some people on the pill have a hard time getting back to normal cycles." That is a proper response for an IFer. But the first baby conceived dying thing? What. The. Fuck.?
What examples of rude responses can you think of right now?
~~~
In other news, I tried my hand at making plain onesies and tshirts my own using iron ons today (click on image for a super large zoom in):
I see a few issues - When using little sayings, I need to trim them up differently. I just cut them freehand with a scissors and since the background is off white, it definitely shows up. And I need to work on the placement on the t-shirts. Due to the way these t-shirts are designed, centering the iron on makes the design too low. But not too bad for my first try, eh?
If you haven't yet read the last post about GreenDimes - please do. It's such an easy way to help your Earth.
28 comments:
Cool!!! Why didn't I think of doing iron-on transfers? Wait, I think I will with this one! :) Thanks for the fun project! Mommy can't sew, but she sure can run an iron.......
Oh, and people do suck. Why do they seemingly go out of their way to be assholes? I work with someone like this and some days I'd like to deck her face in.
Yep - rude people suck. I can't think of anything right off but I know I've been bombarded with rude comments in the past and can think of one particular person who is ALWAYS doing it. She's so annoying.
Love the shirts!
On a totally unrelated subject, what are your views on circumcision? I've just never given it much thought but am assuming since you're having your first little boy, this is something you will have researched. :)
Carrie - When I thought of the circumcision decision, I knew I was out of my element. I deferred the entire decision to my husband, who has opted to get one. This is one decision I opted out of completely and entirely.
Man don't get me going on rude people. I think the last really rude comment I had was right after Shawn's funeral and I found out about the baby. Somebody actually came up to me and asked me if I could pick who would I choose to have back with me, my husband or baby. This lady should have kept her big fat mouth shut.
Love the shirts!
There was an instance a while back on the pregnancy boards (where I lurk for those I know) and there was a girl who was pregnant, but having issues. She was 8 weeks with good betas but they couldn't find the baby on the u/s. She posted how it had taken her years to get KU, it was her b-day soon, ect...just looking for some kind words of support. Some rude, bitchy girl posted "Unfortunately things do not look good. Your HCG is not where it is supposed to be at this time, it is supposed to double every 48 hours and if your first on was at 219 and it is now only 3700 3 weeks later that gives you a doubling time of about 5-6 days. And your HCG level should be at least 25,000-35,000 by now. Im so sorry :( "
Who the hell was she to post some response like that, as if she were a doctor or whatever. There was no need for her to be so negative and rude. I understand not giving someone false hope, but I thought that response was way over the line and uncalled for.
BTW, that preggo girl who asked the question is in her 3rd tri right now with that same pregnancy!
My mother-in-law. Hands down last & rudest comment(s) I have ever gotten... I'll have to send you the whole thing.
Speaking of sending things- I SOOOOO want the 'Punk ROck All Star' image! Tom & I were just talking about how we have a ton of plain tee's & onesies & should make iron ons for them! And that is the most kick ass one I have seen! the iron-on we got is more a translucent paper which means the white of the shirt shows through much better- It's Avery #6271 T-Shirt transfer sheets for InkJet printers. They are all so cute! You should start an etsy shop in your 'spare' time, lol! ;o)
People can be SO dumb sometimes! My best was when I was told that acting like a slut in the bedroom would make me fall pregant - go figure!
Those iron on's are pretty cool :)
Well, you know the last rude comment I got.
The shirts are awesome! Love the "You're Old" one.
Love the shirts! Great idea! I agree with the rule "if you can't say anything nice..." I get annoyed when people get offended by something I say when I respectfully disagree or state my opinion.
Congrats on 666! That's amazing.
I love that your blunt and honest. It's one of the reasons I read your blog. Even if I disagree, you make me think and see things from a different perspective. And for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't think of rude comments right now. If I do, I'll let you know.
And I think your onesies are ADORABLE. That is such a great idea! I might have to do that for a shower gift some day. Pretty snazzy.
~Velma
Those onesies are super cute lady!
I think sometimes people just don't think -- or they are so focused on what they want to say that's about them -- or about their response -- that they are thought-less.
Oh, and not that you don't have TONS of blog awards...but I gave you one.
XO
Pam
I love your personality and I don't think you are rude, you speak your mind and that's that. I remember when I first met you years ago on the message boards I was a bit turned off by this but as I have read your blog and gotten to know you I actually LOVE that about you now. The onsies are so cute by the way!
oh nancy, you are not out of your element when it comes to circumcision... you're his mommy! you have the intuition to know whether taking a blade to your babies genitals is permissible or not. i wouldn't be surprised if circumcision becomes a thing of the past over the next few generations, people are becoming wise to the relative insanity of the practice.
tammy
Tammy, I still believe I'm out of my element because I'm mostly used to circumsized ones and to ~me~, uncircumsized penis look weird and gross. But you see, that's from a "sex" standpoint. I've been so visually turned off before, ewww. Personally, it was so foreign to me it toally and completely grossed me out. So, to me, I would say to just lop it off! Therefore, since I don't have a penis, I let my husband decide if he wanted it or not. I was "for" it, but like I said, I didn't have much experience with it and my entire decision revolved around silly sexual experiences as a young adult. Thankfully my husband voted "yes". My little man will never have to wonder why he's different than daddy.
I understand some people think of this as nothing more than torture, but I don't have that opinion. Now, if I did think of it as torture and the whole "taking a blade to your babies genitals is permissible or not" was actually something I cared about, I'd want to have more of an opinion. It may be a thing of the past eventually, but not for us.
I love the onesies, so cute. Gosh, were my kids ever that little?
Great post, Nancy. I hate rude people, folks who can't mind their own business. My favorite comeback line to rude questions, "Why do you want to know?"
Best Wishes always to you and your family.
Freakin adorable! Rude comments? Not coming at the moment..but I'll think of you first if I hear one.
I am sure I've made my share of rude comments but I try and be a better person. And I don't think I've said anything rude to you. Because, seriously, I think you could kick my ass.
And I was thinking of trying the ones at Jo.Anns they have premade for onesies. I personally like the Skunk with "Stink Happens" below it...
Nice start on those iron-ons Nancy. My mom used to do those with us as children too! We added puffy paint to them to "spice them up." It was fun!
Its funny you write that about the rude comment stuff...we were just experience that this week in class *rolling eyes* I'll never understand it but I really enjoy reading your view and comments about it :) Thanks it cheered me up!
Do you consider Tammy's comment rude, or reasonable disagreement? I'm kinda stumped, but I thought it was ironic either way. Your response was elegant, though
My mom is queen of the rude and unnecessary response. She's just a little bit spoiled, a lot opinionated, and has no filter. So, many people find her offensive, my sisters included. I am merely occasionally tactless. I try not to offer my opinion, but if someone asks me directly...
Example: My cousin has a little boy who is deaf. She's doing a lot of things to make sure he gets educated, including cochlear implants to try and improve his hearing. When my mother was discussing some situation with her sister (the boy's grandmother), she said something on the order of, "I don't know why she isn't teaching him sign language. She's just trying to make him into a normal kid." Now, if you are an accurate interpreter of my mother, you would understand that she was saying that my cousin should give her son EVERY advantage, including the ability to sign. Everyone else just heard the obvious obnoxious statement.
This is not baby related, but it has been bugging me!
Recently I recieved a teaching award and I recieved a "congrats" card from a coworker. It read:
"Congrats on your award, Even though I don't agree with most of the things you do, I am sure you have made a difference is some of your students' lives."
How hard is it to just say "Congrats on your award!"
This is a very old teacher who still thinks that kids with any type of behavior difficulties should be kicked out and since I believe in using "out of the box" teaching methods to reach these "naughty kids" she doesn't like me or my philosophy.
I would have much rather her not say anything at all! Back handed compliments suck!
Nancy, I enjoy your blog and I love your frankness and honesty. There are times I am not on board with your opinions, but I wish that people would see them as what they are-opinions! You have a right to your beliefs and if I don't like them or disagree...well I don't have to read your blog anymore. I don't believe in leaving hateful, rude, argumentative (as opposed to conversational) comments just because I disagree with you. I do enjoy your responses to those commenters when they do choose to be so vicious! :)
Keep it up, Nancy! :)
Those onesies are so freaking cute! Nice job, momma!
First of all I LOVE the onesies! I wish I had shirts like that! :)
Josh's family is full of rudeness, take his aunt that told me "oh, you've gained weight....(long pause)...but it looks great, keep it up, I mean, don't gain anymore just keep what you have" I felt like beating her up!!
areyoukiddingme, I didn't take Tammy's comment as rude, but I was able to decifer what her opinion was!
I totally agree with you. I don't get why people ask for your opinion, if they don't want to hear something that might differ from their own opinion. Hello! Then they label you 'rude' or a 'bitch'. Um, go surround yourself with 'yes' wo/men and live in your little bubble then! Being honest does not make one 'nasty' or 'rude' if one is responding in a respectful manner (which for the record, I think you always do).
As far as that comment from that woman about conceiving after birth control... I have no words...
I have a ton of rude comment stories, but the one that is freshest in mind is this one: Normally they 'you're huge' ones (as far as me being preggo) don't bother me, but this was particularly amusing. But the other day, I was on line at the store, and this woman next to me asks how many months along I am. When I tell her, she looks at me, screws up her face, shakes her head, and says in the nastiest tone (direct quote) "You are FUCKING huge". I just laughed out loud. Really lady? You just had to witness the delivery. I'm not going to comment on her size, because I'm not like that, but um, you probably get where I'm going with that one. Either way, THAT is rude, although rather amusing.
Oh yeah, and GO you and hubby for opting for the circumcision. It's my preference as well. You should start a whole controversial blog about that one... :-P
OMG those onesies are too cute!! How did you make them? I am so going to have to make some.
And yes some people suck monkey balls. I avoided the tri-boards because of the pure bitchy-ness.
The problem is, there are some situations where it's best to keep your mouth shut or just say the most vague things possible.
I don't know how many times I've heard from people, regarding my son's cancer treatment, "Well at least he won't remember any of this." He might not, but we sure as hell will. Why would you say that to someone? Do you really think that makes me feel better?
Much better to just say "I'm keeping him in my prayers" or "I'm thinking of you" or a generic, "how are things" because then you get credit for giving a shit without being obligated to say anything else.
The onesies look great! What a great idea.
I can't top the story about Angry IVF Girl. Wow. Talk about the poster child for bitter.
But I do hate it when people nonchalantly put down something you're really excited about. A co-worker's step-mother called one night to speak with S and congratulated me on my impending wedding and asked where we were going on our honeymoon. I told her Italy (my dream trip) and she started in about how nasty Italy is and how she hated it and would never go there again. Thanks for that!
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