I lost it. So let's talk about daddies.

The controversial idea kind of petered out. It was more of a whine/bitch that wouldn't of gone anywhere. So it was, in fact, a big tease without any release.

Instead, I would like to talk about dads and dads to be.

With my first pregnancy, my husband wasn't the kind to be at my beck and call for 2am ice cream runs. Yet, I wasn't the kind of girl to even ask for that. I am very independent so I pretty much kept doing everything I've always done. I continued to work out. I continued to lift things over 5 lbs (seriously, 5 lbs? That's like a box of cotton balls!). When I'd read or hear pregnant girls all upset about not being able to oh, bring in the groceries, you could hear my eye roll a mile away. I am a superstar at the grocery store. I have a 3 and a 4 year old and usually 2 carts. I'm 8 months pregnant and do everything on my own. The grocery clerk asks if I need help and I kindly say no, only to be told "oh, no, you are getting help" as she calls someone over. I actually have to argue that I do not, in fact, want help! I'm still perfectly capable.

Well, that obviously shows why my husband isn't the type to handle me like a fragile pregnant flower. Although, when I need a little bit of extra tenderness, I can still ask for it and he still gives it to me, it's just not something he expects to have to do on any given day. I am proud to have not turned into this little helpless girl who needs everything done for her.

When the baby was born, I took full responsibility for her care. But I assumed, rather wrongly, that my husband would just ~do~ what he needed to do. He was a smart man. I've seen him with his nephews. I knew he didn't have much baby experience, but he didn't seem worried. He definitely had the "learn as you go" mentality which I was completely okay with.

As the days and weeks moved on, I noticed I was doing maybe 85% of the baby duties. Since I was breastfeeding, I expected to do all of the feedings, but yeah, diapers, baths, laundry - none of that was done by him. Now, if I ~asked~ him, he was on it. He would actually do any sort of baby duty if I asked him. And I noticed it helped if I didn't hover. Let the man find his groove without being watched (which is how I would feel if my mil or mom would watch me do these things) and he found his groove quickly.

I let things go on like this for a few months. And then, b.r.e.a.k.d.o.w.n. !!! I was overwhelmed and I went off on him telling him I need him to ~just do what needs to be done~, don't wait for me to ask. I felt like I was always fucking asking and felt like a mother type nagging her son to do something. I didn't want that. I wanted him to just see a dirty baby and don't ~ask~ me if the baby needs a bath. Just give the baby a bath!

We had a talk about it and I found he was waiting for me to ask. And then when he noticed something to be done, he didn't want to do it since he wasn't asked, that that's why he started asking me. Eureka! We've figured it out! He had to understand I trusted him. If he had a question, sure, I'd answer, but I needed him to trust him instinct and be a daddy. And guess what? It worked. It sure the hell worked.

It took 5 or 6 months that first time for the complete transformation to 50/50 autonomous parenting. And I had to give up the power I wanted to keep over his at the beginning. I had to let him take the baby places on his own. I had to leave the house alone and leave him in charge. And you know what? It worked. He's a fabulous dad. I trust him with two girls while I take a week long business trip. I don't have an ~ounce~ of worry either.

Today, we approach if very 50/50. Sometimes we can tell when one of us needs a break and the other takes over and vice versa. I will admit that lately, I'm awfully tired and he's let me sleep in 99% of the time over the last 8 months. Bless this man. Bless him.

Anywho, he's a good man. A good husband. A good daddy. I couldn't of chosen better.

So, my question to you - If you are about to have a baby, do you have a plan? If you just had a baby, how's it working out for you? If your baby is already older and maybe you have another one already, how's it going for you? What kind of steps did you have to make? Or do those steps still need to be figured out?