Thursday, October 18, 2007

Anyone part of a message board?

If anyone as ever been a part of a message board, you know that "drama" will arise at one time or another. It's inevitable. It's open to the public so there are people of different maturity levels, intelligence levels, backgrounds, ideals, opinions, etc.

When drama does happen, I like to see everyone's point of view. I think everyone who has an opinion on the subject has a right to discuss how they feel. If you don't want to be a part of it, fine, don't be a part of it. But if you have feelings, then you should go ahead and describe how you feel.

But what I see happen way too often is this ...

~ the "friends" of the person involved mistakenly thinks their friend is being attacked and rally their support. In reality, their friend may have simply been disagreed with. Then a big division of people happen and it gets out of control. The simple disagreement of opinion has now turned into "if you disagreed, then that means you are against our friend in every possible way!". It's utterly ridiculous. It gets blown out of proportion so easily and no one can take a step back.
example: Someone is really hoping she lands a job that would be really great for her. The company said the candidate who gets the job will be offered within the week, but her interview was 3 weeks ago. Everyday the girl holds out hope the company will call her and tells everyone around her. After awhile, it sucks to see this poor girl hold out hope, so a group of girls try to sit her down and tell her that while it's possible it ~could~ happen, it's probably not going to. It sucks to break her heart, but it's hard to watch that false hope keep expanding day after day. Well - the girl does get her heart broke from the reality check. And the girl's "friends" are pissed that anyone took that hope away! And now her friends are pissed at the girls who told her the truth. Instead of just comforting their friend with "I'm so sorry you didn't get the job", they say things like "I'm sorry those other girls didn't want you to get that job! They suck! We're good and they are bad!". See how it was blown out of proportion? No one didn't want her to get the job, but some did want to let her know that the job was most likely already given to someone else, just to ease the poor girl's suffering.

~ Someone who doesn't have an opinion either way is getting annoyed at the fact it's even being talked about in the first place. But just because they aren't interested in it, doesn't mean other people shouldn't be interested. It's not going to last forever, so just ignore it.
example: GirlX has nothing to do with a discussion and posts something like this: "I wish everyone would just stop talking about subjectX. We're all tired of it and you all need to get over it!". Okay - GirlX just invalidated every single person's feelings who was involved. Maybe it's not important to GirlX, but it could be important to others. What do you do when a news program is running a story about a subject you think is stupid? Do you write in to the news station and tell everyone that they are stupid for being involved? No. You change the channel or turn off the tv.

~ Someone who was part of some drama is now tired of it and tells everyone else it needs to be over. The BEST part is when that person talks shit about it and/or sums up their feelings and THEN says "enough already!". It's hilarious. Look - you are the one who just brought it up again! So do you want to talk about it still or do you want to stop? If you want to stop - then do just that - don't bring it up. I really think this one is the ~hardest~ one for some people to understand.
example: GirlY, who was part of the original drama says something like "If people want to continue to think this about subjectY, then let them be stupid and go ahead and keep thinking it. We're going to keep thinking our own thoughts about it! So STOP TALKING ABOUT IT ALREADY!". Um, not only did you just bring it up, but you also talked shit - and you have to see that people you just talked shit to would want to defend themselves and/out their position. But since you ended it with "stop talking about it already" - if anyone does respond to YOUR shit talking, you'll say "geez, I wanted to stop this already!". Can't GirlY SEE the hypocrisy dripping from her statements? Don't fucking bring something up if you don't want to talk about it. And if you talk shit - you should be ready for someone to respond to it.

I will be the first to admit that I love discussions/debates if it's something I have an opinion on. I will reply to anyone who questions me or brings up something I haven't responded to. I don't expect anyone to change their opinion to what I think - that's the beauty of opinions - we are all allowed to have our OWN! But what I don't do is talk shit to someone who doesn't agree with me. If you don't agree, then I'll at least try to explain why I think the way I do.

I wish public message boards didn't fall into the above categories with their occasional drama. But they will, without fail, each and every time. Ah well. It's what I sign myself up for if I choose to participate, right?


jennifercarol said...

Excellent analysis missy! I swear you could have chosen many different careers and psychology is among them.

nancy said...

Thanks for your comment Morgan! I won't publish, since there is some personal information in it, but you did say some very nice tings about my little ones, so I wanted to take a moment and thank you!

Carrie said...

I try to lurk on "the" board and keep up with you, Bri, Stacey, Kelly, and a few others but it is becoming hard with all the drama that is arising. Its like I log on to see a Soap Opera. haha. I'm pretty sure I know exactly where this blog came from and I completely agree :P Hope things are going well for you!

nancy said...

Yup Carrie, I'm sure you know where it's coming from. It just feels better for me to vent it out and lord knows I can't vent it out there.

Anonymous said...

LOL. You forgot my favorite. The "martyr" who says, "Well, since obviously people don't like me here, I won't post anymore." But of course she's just hoping that people will beg her to stay. And of course, she never does really quit posting--at least not for long.

Anonymous said...

It's funny because I always saw you as the one who rallied all your friends against the one who disagreed!
I've also never seen you admit when you were wrong but you love to talk about how others should do that all the time.
You say you needed a new positive blog but then you keep bringing the drama into this blog. Pretty soon you will have a million anons again. But secretly that is what you want isn't it!

nancy said...

Anon. I've never rallied. Although, people I usually choose to hang around are people who I usually sync with in regards to opinions. I've never asked anyone to 'back me up', but yeah - it does happen for the above mentioned reason. I know you think it's "funny" that is how you saw me, but I think it's funny that your conclusions are completely inaccurate.

In regards to your second point, I always admit when I'm wrong. Hell, I did it just yesterday. :) But I'm curious. What are you talking about? "you love to talk about how others should do that all the time". Huh? I do believe if you are wrong you should admit it - but when do I talk about that?

Only people like ~you~ bring the drama in darlin'. I'm just venting about something that bugs me because I didn't want to vent about it where it would have caused drama. But here you are - trying to start it. I never asked anyone to come read it. I never advertised my vent. I just wrote about it in my own private space. So. Since it's ~you~ who actually was the one to come here and comment on something in a way that was rude and would most likely warrant a response from myself (pointing fingers and such), wouldn't it be ~you~ who craves the drama? Eh?

Jenera said...

I know exactly what you mean. I was a part of a more private board where you kind of had to be referred to it and the drama still exists. I was in this particular board since it was created-created to keep out the drama mind you. But it still happened.

Maybe it's because when you get a bunch of women together it's bound to happen no matter what. Who knows. I think it stems more from cliques forming no matter how hard people try to say they don't exist. And also from people not wanting to accept people as they are and only 'liking' those just like you, kwim? I think it's lame.

I finally left the board and asked to be removed because I was tired of the double talk and what not.

trisha said...

LMAO nancy!!!!Perfect examples.

Anonymous said...

lol That's my favorite part too. The "my opinion is (insert opinion here)and all you other people with opinions just need to just up!" statements. So irrational and juvenile.

Anonymous said...

ha-ha...that was suppose to say "shut up!"