And it shouldn't. It really shouldn't. I just can't help it.
I remember when ~I~ was SO full of hope when I first started. It would have sucked is some bitter IFer told me to contain my joy because it could very well take a long time. And even though it DID take a long time, I still liked that I once was so full of hope.
And the bottom line is most newbies WILL get their BFPs before they turn bitter. (Which, let me add, I find it HILARIOUS when someone who's tried 6 months and got their BFP talk about how HARD it was for them. Okay, it sucks to fail, I get that, but when you get the prize at 6 months, it kinda seems that they get their bitch card taken away.) So our warnings of not getting too much hope in their hearts is dismissed. And why shouldn't they have hope anyways? If they ~do~ get it sooner, rather than later, why not have it all be a wonderful experience? Just cause it's so shitty for me and so many others? Mind you - I am ~NOT~ saying that they shouldn't understand that it's hard for others - I'm not talking about that - I'm talking about their hope and excitement when first starting to ttc.
But I digress.
Another thing, the newbies who do get it easily are the reason why so many myths about ttc perpetuate. We would NEVER hear "put your legs up", "get drunk!", "just relax" if there wasn't such a thing as an "under 12 month bfp".
Hey, it's cool that most get it under 12 months. 6 months even. But my point here is not to bitch about that fact - it's fine. I'm jealous it's not me, but it's fine. My point is that their cutsie hope wears on me. It wears on me HARD. But I try to mutter a "good luck!" with a smile anyway.
oy vey.
... Once (and still) Infertile, but still Schnarky as hell. This blog is dedicated to the daily ramblings from the mind of Nancy. It isn't about anything profound in the grand scheme of things, but it ~is~ about things in my life, schnarkiness always included. I have a second blog, listed in my profile, but the blogs will continue to remain separate.
"I'm aiming for heaven, but I'll probably wind up down in hell"
About Me
- nancy
- I am a 39 year old woman. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a handsome son. I am a career woman. As for my TTC world, it certainly doesn't seem like I am "infertile", but I fought for my pregnancies and my TTC/IF history is on the sidebar. I have two blogs, which are both listed in my profile. One focuses on my daily life - including IF, TTC, pregnancy, delivery and even some "children mentioned" posts. The second blog is ~soley~ posts directly about being the mother to my three children.
Belly Pics for #3 only.
Click stick figure to see the consecutive pictures from this pregnancy only.
My TTC History
- Jul 01 ~ married
- Jan 02 ~ First cycle off bcps and opk shows ovulation!
- Dec 02 ~ Went to pcp for RE referral
- Jan 03 ~ Testing commences. S/A perfect. HSG clear.
- Feb 03 ~ Lap #1. All clear.
- Apr 03 ~ Clomid cycle #1. BFN.
- May 03 ~ Clomid cycle #2. BFN.
- Jun 03 ~ Clomid cycle #3. BFN.
- Jul 03 ~ Supposed to be IUI#1, but we missed cd3 so natural cycle
- Aug 03 ~ BFP on C18.
- Apr 04 ~ Ella born.
- Oct 04 ~ decided to ttc #2 and went off minipill to see if I am ovulating. I am. Will start next month.
- Nov 04 ~ TTC#2 starts. BFP. Holy Crap. No freaking way. No way.
- Aug 05 ~ Allison born
- Oct 06 ~ IUD removed. TTC#3
- Jan 07 ~ Large cysts found.
- Feb 07 ~ Femara cyle #1
- Mar 07 ~ Started w/ RE. HSG #2 showed R tube blocked. S/A normal.
- Mar 07 ~ more cysts, up to 9cms.
- Apr 07 ~ more cysts, 3 @ 7-9cms.
- May 07 ~ IUI #1 cancelled due to more cysts
- Jun 07 ~ IUI #1 (take two) w/ Clomid. BFN.
- Jul 07 ~ HSS showed scar tissue in 70% of uterus. Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome. Uterine surgery #2
- Aug 07 ~ HSG #3 showed clear tubes.
- Aug 07 ~ IUI #2 w/ Femara. BFN.
- Sept 07 ~ Monitored w/ hCG trigger. BFN.
- Oct 07 ~ HSS #2 showed scar tissue in 30% of uterus. Uterine surgery #3.
- Dec 07 ~ HSS #3 showed tiny amount of scar tissue. Uterine surgery #4.
- Jan 08 ~ HSS #4 showed clear uterus.
- Jan 08 ~ IUI #3, C16. BFN.
- Mar 08 ~ IVF #1, Transfer Cancelled due to lining. Out of 15 eggs, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilized. I have named my 9 embryos "The Mod Squad" and they are in the freezer, waiting for mommy to be ready.
- Apr/May 08 ~ FET #1. C20. 4 embryos "The Fab Four" transferred on 5/05. BFP!!! Very Low Beta (15 at 11dp3dt) but the numers continued to double every 48 hours. Told it was "most likely not viable" and later "most likely ectopic" but we beat all the odds.
- May 16, 08 ~ 11dp3dt (4w0d), beta #1: 15
- May 19, 08 ~ 14dp3dt (4w3d), beta #2: 43
- May 23, 08 ~ 18dp3dt (5w0d), beta#3: 213
- May 27, 22dp3dt (5w4d), beta #4: 1,073
- Jun 08 - Ultrasound showed one heartbeat at 7 weeks.
- Jul 08 - Had CVS testing. Chromosomes are normal and it's a BOY!! EDD: 1/23
- Aug 08 - Jan 09 ~ High risk due to: 1) Velamentous Cord Insertion, deemed biggest risk 2) Previous Placenta Accreta 3) Previous rapid degraged placenta 4) IVF alone can create weak placenta 5) AMA - Advanced Maternal Age. -- All resulting in almost 30 u/s and lots of testing, which ended up saving my life.
- Jan 09 (38w0d) ~ Karl is born! -- Crazy 3 days in hospital. Manual version to flip baby from breech to head down, Labor, Delivery, Emergency surgery due to cord detaching from placenta, Scary heart issues from losing over 40% of my blood supply, and then a blood transfusion due to the extreme loss of blood. Whew!
Blog Archive
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2007
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October
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- 100th post (updated 11/05)
- Whew. Halloween is a lot of work.
- Anon - It's not a deductible.
- Infertility coverage windfall.
- Holiday Socks.
- I have surgery in 4 days.
- GO RED SOX!!!
- Misery loves company.
- I can't stop puking.
- psst ... go red sox!
- Statistics of Late Implantation.
- My pomegranate bracelet.
- Peter Pan. The Tortoise.
- next trivia city
- 3 trivia items from 3 cities.
- Anyone part of a message board?
- My search phrases are hilarious.
- Allison got her cast off!
- "I'd rather be ignorant".
- They are SO afraid of me
- I'm NOT a failure!!!
- The Quick Fix.
- no longer too early.
- another bfn
- I'm having a "poor me" moment.
- oh yeah - my official derby name is ...
- I made the team!
- Welcome to dorksville. Population ME.
- I couldn't check ...
- Put a gun in my mouth and just pull the trigger.
- Want in on my insanity?
- The private pain.
- My first self-injection is done.
- Anyone want to take guesses?
- Newbie ttc-ers' hope drives me nutso
- What am I? 70?
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October
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7 comments:
That, my dear, is EXACTLY why I left the TTC:JSO board when I hit the 6 cycle mark, and the boards entirely after about 18 months. Couldn't handle the "I'm 5dpo & I felt a weird twinge in my abdomen, could I be pg?" posts. I literally wanted to climb into cyberspace & beat the living snot out of them... ESPECIALLY when Ms 5dpo twinge actually WAS pg!!!!
But, I realized that THEY belonged there, and I did not. It was not my right to take away that hope & joy & innocence from them. So instead, I left, and saved us all the hassle.
I never could understand how after the 2 girls & starting on treatments, I'd still see you posting on JSO. You definitely have more patience than I do!
Well, It's got nothing to do with I already have two girls so I know enough to be on JSO, but I like to be the one with answers. Always have. There needs to be a few with answers or could you imagine what these girls would fathom up? heh. It's the board with the most questions, the most traffic, etc. That's why I'm on there.
But you are right, when I feel that way, it's the fact that I don't belong there - not that they shouldn't be feeling that way.
I can definitely see the need to have someone knowledgable around there, as I certainly took advantage of your guidance in my early days, too (thank you thank you)! Oh hell, who are we kidding? I still look to you for guidance! (and you still always have helpful and supportive words for me, so thank you thank you again!)
I'm just impressed that you have it in you to answer the same questions over & over & over & over again... Again, you're a far more patient soul than I am!
would it help if I told you I rolled my eyes and cursed with each iteration of the same question? ;)
This is why I stick with Bloggers now. Message boards are full of these uberpositive/slightly hysterical types who are just so damned perky.
Bloggers tend to be nice and jaded. Good company.
Good luck with giving yourself your first injection! It really isn't that bad (as if I'm an expert, I've done it once).
By the way I checked out your nursery pictures - absolutely adorable! I love the purple and the flowers.
And this is why I cannot read the message boards. Ladies get excited when they first start out on the journey and it's a bummer every month when they get the BFN, even if it is only a few months, but they don't realize how the whining about those few BFNs just grinds on the nerves of those of us that haven't just had months of BFNs, but years and years. Grrr.
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