Tuesday, October 16, 2007

"I'd rather be ignorant".

I ~seriously~ just read that from someone.

PLEASE tell me this is not the norm? Do most people not want to educate themselves? Do most people really just want to live under false pretenses? Because if it is, wow, I really have some re-learning to do.

This kind of thinking really doesn't do anyone any good if you ask me. Especially when someone like this is VERY vocal. What the hell should people do if not to HELP them learn? Help them along with their ignorance and play along with it? Or just ignore them? If we play along, we are only going to help that ignorance grow. Others are going to read it and see all the positive reinforcements of it and that will lead to more of it. How many girls should we teach that a BFN isn't really a BFN? I'm not saying we should rub that in anyone's face, but I think we should dispell the fantasy that it could be anything else. (sure, sometimes it's just too early).

When someone gets AF should we say "aww, maybe it's just really late & heavy implantation bleeding! You should test again tomorrow!"? I actually think that's MEAN to do. Instilling hope in someone, only to know it's most likely a hopeless situation. I know crazy things happen, but crazy things don't happen on a daily basis to most people.

So please tell me - would YOU rather be ignorant?


Julie said...

I guess to some "ignorance is bliss", makes no sense to me and I agree - why would anyone encourage that attitude if they have the knowledge to share?

Anonymous said...

I think you need to respect people where they are at. If someone is choosing to be ignorant it doesn't matter what you think, it is in the end their choice. Who knows why the truth is too much to handle for them but at this moment it is. We can only control ourselves.
your choice is to not be ignorant, we will all respect that and tell you our honest opinion.
But in the end, who really cares if someone wants to be ignorant? Really, who cares!!

nancy said...

If someone wants to be ignorant, then do it alone and I won't care. But the moment someone tries to shout out their ignorance from the rooftops and get other people to believe it - that's when I do care. I don't think it's right to sit by and allow people to be misinformed.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you that people need to be informed and they shouldn't live in denial. However, how would you have felt had someone very bluntly told you a few days ago that you were definitely not pregnant and that you need to stop testing because it's hopeless. You needed to hold onto that hope that it was still possible. There is nothing worng with that. Maybe that's all these people need as well.

I agree that a BFN is usually a BFN and nothing else. But sometimes people just need a shoulder to cry on. I am sure that these women know, in their hearts, that the BFN is just that... negative! But sometimes it's to hard to face and they would rather live in denial.

Just try and put yourself in their shoes. Also, bare in mind the age of some of these people living in denial. That may also be part of the problem. Just food for thought...

jenn said...

wow. I am actually kicking myself right now because I just found out that I am more covered by insurance than I thought. Imagine if I had not been charting & temping & opk'ing before I go in for actual testing. Would that make me happier in my ignorance? Maybe in the extremely short term. I could convince myself that there was no problem, because who really ~wants~ a problem.

But in the long run I would be worse off because I would have no clue what to ask for, what tests or possible problems to look for. I know now that I want to ask about possible late ovulation & possible progesterone problem. Both found because of charting my temps & using opk's to confirm ovulation & post-o temps. If I was just thinking I was fine & would just get pregnant no problem I would drag the whole process out even longer than it had to be. If I am educated & can speak intelligently about my body & experience, the better to figure out what to do to fix any potential problem- right?

Carrie said...

I really don't understand why anyone would want to be ignorant =/ As much as anyone would WANT a bfn to suddenly become a bfp (and it some cases it happens, just not often) why would you want false hope? A bfn at 14dpo is usually just that, a bfn and I wouldn't want anyone to tell me any different.

I completely understand why you wouldn't want people to be misinformed! If someone chooses to be ignorant other people should not have to be effected by it.

SaraS-P said...

Ignorance is only bliss when you are not aware of your ignorance. Willing ignorance would just drive me insane.

I want to KNOW.

BethH6703 said...

It's strange, but I agree with both sides here.

I personally prefer all the knowledge I can get my hands on, but I think that's because I've been at this for TOO DAMN LONG. Knowing helps me to feel a bit more in control of it all.

On the other hand, I remember what it was like to be so naive and hopeful about it all. I think that if people are in that stage, we should let them be there. Not everyone will HAVE to know all of the things about TTC that we've learned. So why scare them with it? And if you really think about it, a whole lot of what we know would be terrifying to someone that's "new to the game".

Granted, I can't be part of such ignorance (I'm a problem solver at heart, and hearing such silliness as AF being implantation spotting would just drive me insane), so I do my best to avoid situations where that type of thing is likely to occur.

That's my 2 cents...

nancy said...

Yeah beth, I know what you mean. But they are smothering themselves in false hope and we know it'll hit them hard. That is the hope we were trying to dispell - the kind that any good outcome would because old wives tales would be most likely true.

I'm definitely not talking truth squashing just because we "know" and they "don't".

BethH6703 said...

"we know it'll hit them hard"

Some of them, sure. And then they'll come looking to "the experts" for the information. They know it's out there, they know where to look (or at least where to start looking). But I really think they need to start the knowledge seeking process for themselves, rather than "the truth" being dropped in their laps, or beaten into their silly little brains (as is often tempting to do, lol).

And of course, some of them will have that 14dpo bfn become a bfp @ 16 or 17 or 20 dpo, and some of them WILL have AF (or enough spotting to make it seem like AF) thru at least part of their pregnancy. If those things never happened, those myths would die. But we both know people that have gotten false bfns @ a late enough time that they should have gotten a bfp (I have a gf that didn't get bfps w/ either of her girls until she was more than 35dpo)...

It happens, and those naive folks want to hold onto that possibility for as long as they can. And my (somewhat educated) guess would be that for others that might stumble upon such mis-information or false hope, and choose to treat it as gospel, would have to ignore pages and pages of truth & reality to do so. If that's their choice, there isn't much anyone can do about it.

I must be up to what, about 18 cents worth now? lol

Anonymous said...

I think there are different levels of ignorance. Some women choose not to chart, opk, etc because they feel it's too stressful to be constantly worried about where they are in their cycle. This approach isn't for me personally, but for some women it works well.

However, what I think you're talking about is when people are in blatant denial and that drives me crazy! The most irritating example that I've seen is someone posted a clearly annovulatory chart and was asking for opinions about "when they Od." If someone posted that it looked like she hadn't Od yet, she would get really mad because it wasn't what she wanted to hear. Not bothering to do research is one thing, but self-deception and passing on faulty information is NOT acceptable in my opinion.

nancy said...

lol Beth - your 18 cents worth.

I have to admit that I don't HAVE to help out in the search for their truth. Although I will stand firm in I hate that their posts and posts and posts of "I've gotten 28 days of BFNs, but I still ~FEEL~ pregnant, so I bet I am. The tests are all just wrong" will tell other girls they should hold out for that little bit of hope and then I'll have to read a dozen girls doing the same thing. So maybe it's all not that I want "the truth to be known" more that I just want to have to read stupid ideas from even more people.

It's funny - this whole "I knew a girl who never got a postive pregnant test throughout her whole pregnancy" nonsense. THIS is the one that obviously is driving me out of control batty. I hear "well, everyone is different" but it's not like some women get m/s and some don't. ALL women make hcg when they are pregnant and all women have freaking URINE that hcg is passed into. So when I'm told that - it's got to a medical anomoly. So when THIS reason is the thing that girlshold onto "maybe it's just not showing in ~my~ urine" I can't help but be driving absolutely crazy. Yeah, maybe you have super kidneys and you pee filtered water. oy vey.

I'm up to $1.50 worth. And I do agree a bit with everyone's comments. All I can say is summed up, personally, I wouldn't want to walk around spouting an idea that would make me look like an idiot. And I wouldn't think anyone else would either. ~shrug~

BethH6703 said...

I TOTALLY agree with the way you summed it up! That's exactly how I felt, and why I've taken matters into my own hands on a lot of things.

My gyno hates it, because I undoubtedly know more about IF then she does (4 months at the RE, a surgery, GOD ONLY KNOWS how many tests, and 3 years on the boards & in the blogosphere will do that). And that's not a knock at her, she's not an RE. And she happily referred me to an RE when I got to be more than she could effecitvely manage.

Perfect example tho... I went in for a routine appt on an unmedicated cycle. I was certain that I was close to o (symptoms, etc), and asked her if she could do a quick u/s to check. Her response? "There isn't really any way that we can tell if you're close to ovulation." Needless to say, I don't ask her for such things anymore (which is why I get a little extra obsessive about my chart... no other way to confirm any goings on).

But yes, I see those posts that you talk about, and I want to bang my head on the wall from the sheer stupidity spewing forth. BIG GIANT reason I don't check in on the boards anymore, lol.

Krappity krap krap, have I totally hijacked your post, or what? Sorry about that, I'll go back ot my own blog now. (blush)

Jewels said...

I learned on the Radio one morning (Yeah, my main source of education) What the word STUPID meant, “Stu” in Latin = stubborn, “Id” in Latin = Ignorance, so Stubborn Ignorance = Stupid.
Yes, I like to TAB from charting, not so that I can intentionally go into denial and head run with my thoughts about being pregnant and not have to have even MORE evidence that I’m not, as if the negative hpt is not enough, but because I just need a fu#ing break. Either I am or I’m not. And I do believe my HPT until proven otherwise.

I guess I can say it doesn’t really surprise me that much that people choose to remain stupid. (Not Just ignorant, but stubborn in their attempts to educate and believe the education that is given) but I certainly don't like talking to them, I find it really offensive when we are asked “Tell me the Truth, what do you think?” the truth is told, and then we (you-me-or whoever) is labeled as the one who hurt their feelings. NOOO, nobody hurt their feelings, the truth of their situation hurt their feelings, and if their feelings are hurt this early in the game, they’re screwed.
But what bugs’ me even more is a bunch of other people who have only been watching for a month or so (haven’t seen the whole show) comments on how we shouldn’t take away hope. Did they not see the question “Please, be honest, I don't want to make up symptoms, what do you really think?” It’s just a slap in the face to be honest with no warning that honest is not really welcome.
Then to explain this and them to say “for me to explain, it will fall on Deaf ears” Ummmm…you just admitted you choose to be deaf to the truth that YOU asked for. Sounds like she has no real explanation so she uses her “Deaf Ears” speech as a cop out to her own corner she pinned her self in.

K - I’m done.