I ~puffy heart~ the lost and found connections. I go through it religiously, everyday, to try to support those in need and congratulate those with good news.
And it hit me today.
There are things put in the "support needed" section that I have gone through quite recently. I have had 2 failed IUI cycles. I needed the cheering when I started and I needed the support when they failed. The last IUI cycle, just last month, was the worst I've ever felt in my failures. Good lord - I was listening to coldplay 24x7. I don't even like coldplay.
Of course, I got cheers and support from the people who read my blog. I'm not complaining about that at all. But in thinking of the fact that there are no clickers in my categories checking in on me, made me a bit sad.
I'm ~totally~ whining about this and being a big baby right now. I know there are A LOT of secondary infertiles, IUIers, cysters, parenting after IF links in that big old blogroll. I know that everyone can't be covered. Heck, I'm a clicker and I know I miss some. I do try to go through ALL of the links in my categories once a week, but I'm sure I miss some. It just got me thinking, not only about my own passed-over-ness, but who else is out there, doing the best they can to support others on this wonderful and great forum, but are passed over themselves?
... Once (and still) Infertile, but still Schnarky as hell. This blog is dedicated to the daily ramblings from the mind of Nancy. It isn't about anything profound in the grand scheme of things, but it ~is~ about things in my life, schnarkiness always included. I have a second blog, listed in my profile, but the blogs will continue to remain separate.
"I'm aiming for heaven, but I'll probably wind up down in hell"
About Me
- nancy
- I am a 39 year old woman. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a handsome son. I am a career woman. As for my TTC world, it certainly doesn't seem like I am "infertile", but I fought for my pregnancies and my TTC/IF history is on the sidebar. I have two blogs, which are both listed in my profile. One focuses on my daily life - including IF, TTC, pregnancy, delivery and even some "children mentioned" posts. The second blog is ~soley~ posts directly about being the mother to my three children.
Belly Pics for #3 only.
Click stick figure to see the consecutive pictures from this pregnancy only.
My TTC History
- Jul 01 ~ married
- Jan 02 ~ First cycle off bcps and opk shows ovulation!
- Dec 02 ~ Went to pcp for RE referral
- Jan 03 ~ Testing commences. S/A perfect. HSG clear.
- Feb 03 ~ Lap #1. All clear.
- Apr 03 ~ Clomid cycle #1. BFN.
- May 03 ~ Clomid cycle #2. BFN.
- Jun 03 ~ Clomid cycle #3. BFN.
- Jul 03 ~ Supposed to be IUI#1, but we missed cd3 so natural cycle
- Aug 03 ~ BFP on C18.
- Apr 04 ~ Ella born.
- Oct 04 ~ decided to ttc #2 and went off minipill to see if I am ovulating. I am. Will start next month.
- Nov 04 ~ TTC#2 starts. BFP. Holy Crap. No freaking way. No way.
- Aug 05 ~ Allison born
- Oct 06 ~ IUD removed. TTC#3
- Jan 07 ~ Large cysts found.
- Feb 07 ~ Femara cyle #1
- Mar 07 ~ Started w/ RE. HSG #2 showed R tube blocked. S/A normal.
- Mar 07 ~ more cysts, up to 9cms.
- Apr 07 ~ more cysts, 3 @ 7-9cms.
- May 07 ~ IUI #1 cancelled due to more cysts
- Jun 07 ~ IUI #1 (take two) w/ Clomid. BFN.
- Jul 07 ~ HSS showed scar tissue in 70% of uterus. Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome. Uterine surgery #2
- Aug 07 ~ HSG #3 showed clear tubes.
- Aug 07 ~ IUI #2 w/ Femara. BFN.
- Sept 07 ~ Monitored w/ hCG trigger. BFN.
- Oct 07 ~ HSS #2 showed scar tissue in 30% of uterus. Uterine surgery #3.
- Dec 07 ~ HSS #3 showed tiny amount of scar tissue. Uterine surgery #4.
- Jan 08 ~ HSS #4 showed clear uterus.
- Jan 08 ~ IUI #3, C16. BFN.
- Mar 08 ~ IVF #1, Transfer Cancelled due to lining. Out of 15 eggs, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilized. I have named my 9 embryos "The Mod Squad" and they are in the freezer, waiting for mommy to be ready.
- Apr/May 08 ~ FET #1. C20. 4 embryos "The Fab Four" transferred on 5/05. BFP!!! Very Low Beta (15 at 11dp3dt) but the numers continued to double every 48 hours. Told it was "most likely not viable" and later "most likely ectopic" but we beat all the odds.
- May 16, 08 ~ 11dp3dt (4w0d), beta #1: 15
- May 19, 08 ~ 14dp3dt (4w3d), beta #2: 43
- May 23, 08 ~ 18dp3dt (5w0d), beta#3: 213
- May 27, 22dp3dt (5w4d), beta #4: 1,073
- Jun 08 - Ultrasound showed one heartbeat at 7 weeks.
- Jul 08 - Had CVS testing. Chromosomes are normal and it's a BOY!! EDD: 1/23
- Aug 08 - Jan 09 ~ High risk due to: 1) Velamentous Cord Insertion, deemed biggest risk 2) Previous Placenta Accreta 3) Previous rapid degraged placenta 4) IVF alone can create weak placenta 5) AMA - Advanced Maternal Age. -- All resulting in almost 30 u/s and lots of testing, which ended up saving my life.
- Jan 09 (38w0d) ~ Karl is born! -- Crazy 3 days in hospital. Manual version to flip baby from breech to head down, Labor, Delivery, Emergency surgery due to cord detaching from placenta, Scary heart issues from losing over 40% of my blood supply, and then a blood transfusion due to the extreme loss of blood. Whew!
Blog Archive
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2007
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October
(36)
- 100th post (updated 11/05)
- Whew. Halloween is a lot of work.
- Anon - It's not a deductible.
- Infertility coverage windfall.
- Holiday Socks.
- I have surgery in 4 days.
- GO RED SOX!!!
- Misery loves company.
- I can't stop puking.
- psst ... go red sox!
- Statistics of Late Implantation.
- My pomegranate bracelet.
- Peter Pan. The Tortoise.
- next trivia city
- 3 trivia items from 3 cities.
- Anyone part of a message board?
- My search phrases are hilarious.
- Allison got her cast off!
- "I'd rather be ignorant".
- They are SO afraid of me
- I'm NOT a failure!!!
- The Quick Fix.
- no longer too early.
- another bfn
- I'm having a "poor me" moment.
- oh yeah - my official derby name is ...
- I made the team!
- Welcome to dorksville. Population ME.
- I couldn't check ...
- Put a gun in my mouth and just pull the trigger.
- Want in on my insanity?
- The private pain.
- My first self-injection is done.
- Anyone want to take guesses?
- Newbie ttc-ers' hope drives me nutso
- What am I? 70?
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October
(36)
8 comments:
Yea, it's hard sometimes trying to get everyone. I don't think you're whining at all, it's just one of those things we can't help but feel left out of, when there's so much else we can be left out of. Hopefully you're getting other support from the rest of us:-)
Hi...just wanted to let you know that I read...and look forward to...your blog everyday! I have ever since your article on secondary infertility as I am going through that myself. You are right, people don't understand that even if you have a child(ren)-you still long for more! I have never posted, but wanted you to know that I do check in on you and keep you in my thoughts throughout your journey!
chicklet. can i say how fucking awesome you ~always~ are? Whether it's a comment like this that makes me feel way better about how I can't help but feel OR how you are able to share your own thoughts in your blog posts in ways that pull everyone in. Your words just scream that if given the chance, i would love to know you.
wish/hope/pray - thanks for the comment :) I really appreciate you coming out of lurk mode to tell me. I know I have readers and I am ~so~ thankful for all of them. So thank you for reminding me! (and now I can read ~your~ blog!)
I often feel like I am writing to nobody and sometimes I prefer to feel that way. I'm not really in this whole IF blog circle that so many of you appear to be in but I do have a selection of blogs that I love to check on regularly and yours is one of them. Sometimes a smaller audience is so much better but I know what you mean about sometimes feeling left out.
ttc - I agree to an extent. I have to feel like I'm writing to noboday, so I don't expect a zillion responses. But if I do get any comments at all, I have to admit for me, it makes me feel good.
Hey....not specifically regarding this post, but I woke up this morning and you were on my mind. I hope you're doing OK today.
KJB
PS- I love the roller derby name and that you are so kick ass.
Nancy, you can always count on me! :) I can't say I understand, and I wont say that, because I dont. But I am here to tell you how awesome you are and how VERY STRONG you are, that you can get through anything thrown in your way, come on you're MurderRita! Love the nickname by the way!
-morgan
P.s.- how in the world do i get the.."morgan says.." cause i dont have a google acct.?
I read :O)... I've been reading everyone, but not commenting so much because I'm just tired of all of this. Not tired of you or any of my other favorite bloggers, just tired of this crap that we have to deal with.
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