Monday, October 15, 2007

I'm NOT a failure!!!

In fact, I'm an expert. Yes, you read it here. I'm an expert menstruator. (menstruater? it's a new word, even for spell checker). Hell. I'm an expert in menstruating.

I have tried everything in my power to stop it from happening. I've taken drugs. I've done "procedures". I've spent thousands and thousands of dollars out of pocket. But yet like clockwork, I menstruate.

All those "first cycle BFP-ers". Bah. Failure menstruators. FAILURES. Those girls who get pregnant ON the pill? Good lord! Can you get any more into the failure bucket than that? They take a pill everyday to ensure they menstruate every 28 days and they can't even do that!

I've never been so good at anything in my life! Damn. I need an award.

Who else out there are ~expert menstruators~?

9 comments:

Jewels said...

Aye! Count me In..I do believe I'm becoming a candidate for that.

soapchick said...

Nancy - you crack me up. Thanks for making me smile. You are definitely an EXPERT! You go girl!

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

I love it! I am too! I could write a book about it, I'm that good!

nancy said...

Kristen! Thanks for the comment. I'm not publishing it due to your email addy in it - but I loved it!

BethH6703 said...

well krap, I can't even be considered an expert menstruater, not with my jacked-up cycle lengths.

altho, that could be changing. Seems as tho this cycle I'll have a textbook 13-14 day lp, so I guess that's something, right?

Come on! Gimme this one! I wanna join the club!!!! LOL

Katarina Jelly Beana said...

I'll join bethh6703's club of messed up cyclers. Can't even manage to get a period right.

But I can make a GREAT braised lamb shank. I'll hold on to that.

jennifercarol said...

I'm practically falling over in laughter!

Sadly I don't think I can be considered an expert here given that my lazy body only likes to menstruate every 2 months! I guess I'm a lazy menstruater.

Gumby said...

I've seen your blog a few times and just had to comment. I must TOTALLY have you beat! You see, you've got, what, 18/19 months of no menstruating during your 2 pregnancies. Well, not me! No pregnancies and not even a missed period (just one two weeks late once which, unfortunately did not turn out to be a BFP). And considering I too am 35 and started my overachievement at menstruating at the age of 11... Well... Where's my award? Anyone? Anyone? ;)

nancy said...

you definitely "win" over me! :)