Thursday, December 20, 2007

The S/A. Why so glum, chum?

Why on earth do I hear so many women say "My poor darling husband has to get an s/a done."? WTF? Why does so many women feel like they have to coddle the man in regards to a sperm analysis?

Sure, it's embarrassing. But it's not like they have to sit there while the nurse watched them whack off. They get to do what they do naturally, just the deposit is in a cup instead of thrown away. No one chuckles at this test. No one snickers and points fingers saying "I know what you just did!". It's a fucking normal test for a man, yet they are treated like God's for "subjecting" themselves to it.

Get over it guys. No one cares. You know what I do care about though? When you are too juvenile to turn in the sample yourself. I see ~so many~ women bring in the samples hidden in the recesses of their coats/purses/bags and hand it over like they are smuggling heroin. I don't get it. But I bet these are the women who also hide their tampons, like the public will gasp in horror if they catch a glimpse of a plastic wrapper in hand on the way to the bathroom. When I bring it in, I turn in the sample like a normal person. I don't whisper. I don't hide it. It was, in fact, in my coat on the way in, but that's because they always say to keep the sucker warm. Once I'm in there, it's not treated like a dirty secret. (although I would like to note the one woman who turned in the sample without the little white paper bag. She just had the cup, filled with her husband's man juice, for all to see. I would of rather appreciated some secrecy from her.)

But I digress. This post isn't about how women are embarrassed by their husband's sperm, it's about men sucking it up and taking one for the team. I've taken in a sample before for my husband. In fact, I've taken it in twice. The first was because I had an appointment and he didn't have to attend the appointment with me. The second time was when I needed a sample for them to freeze for IUI #2 because he was leaving town at 645am. I got him to do his duty and then got it there by 7am opening. But if he refused to take it in because he was too embarrassed? There'd be some trouble here in NancyLand.

I know a wonderful girl who has been begging her husband to go and get his S/A done. He refuses. Well, he doesn't refuse - he actually promises her that he'll schedule it "next week", but it never comes to fruition. She is obviously irritated at his lack of caring to do his part in their journey to become parents. This is not a one sided thing, although it's close to it. Women take the brunt in the testing and most guys only have to do this one little test. I find it hilarious when a man says his men are fine, but won't just take a test to certify that little tidbit. Is it actually some deep down psychological thing where they are scared to test their manhood? I would like to think this is the case, because it would make me feel a little sympathy, but I don't buy it. It's all about the masterbation. Plain and simple.

Speaking of tests being one sided, let me take a poll. Tell me, anonymously if you'd like, how many tests/treatments/procedures YOU have undergone in your journey so far. Throw me a number. Count all those HSGs, HSSs, laps, u/s, b/w, everything. Count em up. I bet that most of you seasoned treatment girls wouldn't even be able to BEGIN to give me a number, can you? THEN, after you give me your number, tell me how many things your husband as had to endure. Then, for anyone out there who'd husband still won't take this little test, show him the comments. Show him how much is out there for us and all we ask for them is this one little thing.

I don't know where all this comes from. My husband has given plenty of samples and doesn't have an issue with it. I'm just annoyed for my friend. I'm annoyed for other random bloggers. Plus, I just left my doctor's appointment and got the first glipse of my frankenstein~esque foot. Nothing to do with sperm, but I'm in a snarky mood.


jennifercarol said...

Since I'm not seasoned, I can probably give you reasonably accurate stats:

b/w: 3
u/s: 12
HSG: 1
IUI: 1
RE finger up my rear: 1

b/w: 1
semen for IUI: 1

I'm with you Nancy. Now Jeramy definitely does not enjoy the semen donation aspect of things. I wouldn't call him a masturbation pro (needs the right mood and porn) and he has to do it in the RE's office because we live too far away. But he's willing to do whatever it takes physically, emotionally and financially because this is important to him too.

Angela said...

Please, ladies, convince your men to go to their appointment! My husband's check-up revealed a lump on one of his testicles that neither of us had noticed before, despite the fact that it was relatively large. It wound up being a harmless cyst, but the weeks he put his appointments off over and over again make me tremble a little. What if it had been cancer and the two and a half months between my telling him he needed his appointment, and him actually getting it, had been the difference between life and death? And btw, he's only 24, so your man doesn't have the excuse that he's too young for something similar to happen.

Your men should know that they need to be checked out. Not only for their fertility, but for their health in general.

jenn said...

I haven't had a single test yet- but sing it loud Nancy!

If my hubby doesn't go soon then I will have to think of new New Year's resolutions... and get a cattle prod.

nancy said...

I wanted to answer my own poll

3 S/A
2 deposits for IUIs

4 surgeries (2 were laps, all were hysteroscopy)
4 HSS (saline sonogram of uterus)
2 initial complete cd3 bloodwork
4 7dpo progesterone tests
4 betas
32 ultrasound wandings
2 inseminations
5 hCG injections

And although it's not a treatment, I've had a handful of large cysts reaching 9cm+ in size, although most were between 7-8cms. The pain I endured should count for something

Meredith said...

I am not sure how many times I had bloodwaork and u/s but I did have one hsg, which I know isnt that much stuff and Justin had 1 s/a. But I want to comment on why dh's may not want to do it. It took a good month or so before my dh would finally get tested. he only did it b/c my doc wouldnt do any further testing until that was done. He had a hard time doing it b/c he was afraid it would be him that was keeping us from getting pregnant. When we found out that, according to the docs, he was the problem he was heartbroken. When the docs suggested we go to IUI I wanted to do it right away. He felt we were giving up on him by going that route. That it was all his fault. The thing we wanted most we couldnt do b/c of him. I got pg 2 months later on my own. However when my doc mentioned once we get past c6 when ttc #3 to come in, my dh said why? we already know we can do it. I think there is still some insecurity there for him.

nancy said...

Meredith - that's another "reason" that pisses me off. Probably the one that pisses me off the most. Men are afraid it'll be them that isn't getting the pregnancy achieved but they are totally cool in letting it be to woman who's problem it is? Not to pick on you at all, since I've also heard this reason a billion times. I hear so much "I'm so afraid it'll be ME, so I'll just go ahead and allow it to be YOU". You know what? screw that.

krista said...

I've not had much in the way of tests for fertility, but I still find that annoying. I'm also bugged about this when friends of mine face a chore in getting their man to do this. Hello - you get to look at Porn, and your wife is asking you to do it. What more do you want?

Scott said...

Between my wife and I, we've probably had too many to list over the past 4 years. I think the most important point to make here is that Nancy is need to take a more active roll.

The interesting thing is we almost had to insist that I get tested when we were going through infertility. It was all about Tracey (my wife) and even when we asked about me, they were reluctant to test. And what do you least in part the problem was on my end...low sperm morphology and varicosele.

So women, tell you guys to suck it up and do their part! the do a great job with your blog here. : )

nancy said...

Suddenly ~I'M~ the one to feel all embarrassed because a guy read my blog! heh. "whacking off" is the phrase of mine that makes me laugh now.

Wordgirl said...

numerous hoo-ha cam
clomid 50
clomid 100
follistim 100

shots x4 or 5 (partner administered)
HCG shots x2 (G.'s better at this than the clinic)
YAZ BCP for resolving cysts
2 IUI's

2 SA
2SA for IUI

You know -- but I'm an enabler -- when he balked at going to a urologist for his count (10 million) I said we'd only do that as a last resort. But G. is also completely and utterly with me emotionally -- I know that part -- but I think it is difficult for men, the physical aspect of it.

Missy said...

Oh can I really relate to this frustration. Last week, I had my first HSG test and first official b/w with the RE. I gave up 14 tubes of blood and J only had to give up 1, plus his sample. 14-1! What a load of poop.

Shayna said...

You are correct. I cannot even put a number to it, I have absolutely NO idea. I'd say literally 100s if we're including b/w, tests, etc etc.

But yup, what has DH done? Nada. Zip. Zilch. He'll let me go into surgery but he's too embarrassed to do his test. He hasn't even come with me to one single appt either.

So I know exactly what you mean and I absolutely think he should just suck it up, but alas, he won't.

KatieM said...

Oh, our line up...

S/A: 1
IUI deposit: 3

HSG: 1
Lap: 1
IUI: 3
U/S: 18? Actually I'm estimating this one...those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head
cd 3 b/w: 1
GTT and insulin b/w: 1
pelvic exams: 4
Trigger shots: 6
clomid rounds: 3.5
Follistim rounds: 1 (.5 and .5 including this one starting soon.)
betas: 7

Although I do have to give DH credit...he KNOWS I have it "worse" than him and hasn't once complained about the deposits. He also says if it was him that had to do all the things I did...we wouldn't have made it this far, haha.

JJ said...

I would have had a real problem if my husband was not willing to do the S/A...and ummm, that helped us figure out A LOT!!!
He's had 4 S/A, Ive had HSG, IUI, IVF/ICSI.

Morgan said...

But nancy...i remember onetime you were telling the story of taking toms and you said you had it tucked in your jacket also..but i understand that part, im not walking in anywhere with a cup of nut in my hand lol...but being ashamed to do it in general? I dont understand that either

nancy said...

Morgan - you are absolutely correct! That was the first S/A years and years ago. I remember having to "keep it warm" and had it snuggled in my jacket because it was cold (january in colorado) and it was hilarious. That's one of the two times I took it in for him when I had an appointment and he ahd to go to work, so no reason why I shouldn't take it in, since I was already there. The sample in my coat was only to keep it warm, not because I was embarrased :) Although I will admit, being my first time with a cup of semen with me, I was a little intimidated!

Jewels said...

I dont know if my numbers are 100% correct but here's what I remember.
b/w: 7
HSG: 1
Public Humiliation from Dr. Rejecting me infront of staff because I'm not Married : 1

s/a: Technically he took it into the lab 2 times, once he took it to the wrong place, by time he found the right place, it was too late, 2 years later he finally got it right.