Thursday, September 4, 2008

Day One ...

For my first "out of town" question ...

If you were doing IVF and you were offered gender selection ~for free~, would you choose the gender of your embryos?

If the answer was "yes" and it would cost $2,500 out of pocket, would you still choose to?

If your answer was still "yes", what cost would you consider too much?

39 comments:

MrsSpock said...

I wouldn't choose the gender. To me, whoever wants to come and join us is fine. My only preferences are healthy and full-term.

Anonymous said...

Wow- this question hits close to home- being that we did IVF with my last and we still have some frozen-it's a question we have asked ourselves. Being that we have 3 healthy children- 2 boys and girl- if there is a chance that we could get another healthy girl from the frozen ones already -we would do it. (if we decide to do this again) I don't think we would pay for it-. And up until this point I never felt right about gender selection but being that this would be our last attempt- we would see if they could determine the gender with the frozen ones. But if they couldn't we would welcome and be very happy with a baby that was healthy. If this wasn't our last attempt we would not do gender selection- In fact- we were asked with my last and we just wanted nature ( or as close) to decide. We love all our children and in a perfect world it would be great to have 2 of each but as long as they are all HEALTHY- that's the bottom line. I don't know if I really answered the question but its my two cents.

Jo
webmd

Io said...

No, I wouldn't do it. But then, I can't afford to do any IVF and don't have any boys or girls. If I had like 4 boys or 4 girls and a bazillion embryos and it was free? (And for some reason wanted five kids - yikes. Too many for me to handle!) Maybe. Probably not though.

aubreym1980 said...

I would def have to say yes I would do this. We have 2 boys already and I would love love love to have a girl or 2. Depending on what the situation was at the time if I could afford to pay for it then I would. With all the new technology these days you would think they could do it for free. But since I wont be having IVF anytime soon then I suppose I dont need to worry about this hehe

Christina said...

I wouldn't, one because I like to be surprised by the gender and because I don't have $2500.

Valerie said...

I would not choose the gender either. I think you get the baby you are meant to have so why mess with a good thing.

g said...

i would say probably yes and no...

No ; because at this point we just want to be parents.. and will be be happy with which ever we get. if at all.

yes ; because if this is our last shot at a bio child an if it works - i would really like to give my husband a boy to carry on the name... i think all the money in the world is worth that!

Melody said...

Given that the first time we did IVF we got NO embryos that made it past day 2, and the 2nd time we got only 2 embryos that made it to a day 5 transfer with nothing to freeze, I probably wouldn't. I am afraid of extracting even one precious cell for PGD.

But in an ideal IVF scenario (Can't believe I am about to admit this. It feels so ungrateful.) if I had 5+ perfect embryos and knew that PGD wouldn't hurt my chances of freezing the ones we weren't going to transfer, yes-- I would choose a girl. And yes, I would even pay for it-- probably up to $2500 only. But my partner would never agree to it.

BethH6703 said...

Nope. The Grumps and I (mind you, with no children and no pregnancies to validate these positions) are firmly in the green (or would it be yellow? I never remember) team. We don't want to know until he/she makes their first appearance.

No judgement on anyone else's feelings, but for US, IF takes SO MUCH of the joy & surprise out of this process, that's one thing we CAN leave to nature/God/whatever your beliefs.

Rachel Inbar said...

Free? If I had a genuine preference I would go for it. I might even pay $2500 for it. Hard to know.

Rachel Inbar said...

Free? If I had a genuine preference I would go for it. I might even pay $2500 for it. Hard to know.

Sarah R said...

Nope. If I were doing IVF, I would just pray for a healthy baby of either sex.

Jendeis said...

John Dear and I discussed this when we learned that IVF/ICSI was our only option. We both felt that with our first baby, we wouldn't care about the gender, but maybe once we already had 1 child or 2, we might do gender selection.

tammy said...

No, I would not ever choose the gender. I want a baby no matter what it maybe. At this point, and almost 6 years of trying, I would think gender selection is being selfish on my part.

KimboSue said...

Nope. After 4 IUI attempts IRL, I don't even think I want to find out the gender at the u/s. We have put our heart and souls into creatnig this baby. There is no way in hell I would be selfish enough to choose gender.

Morgan said...

I wouldn't, I'd just let nature do it's thing. Whatever was meant for me to have, I know I'll have.

Leslee said...

I wouldn't do it... boy or girl will do.

Sugar and Ice said...

When you're going through IVF you don't really get to let "nature take its course" too much, so that is why I would not do it. It's one of the only things that just happens the way it happens. Having one girl and two more girls on the way, you'd think I'd want a boy...and I'd love to have one...but I definitely wouldn't want to choose one embryo over the other just b/c it was going to end up a male.

Miss Tori said...

No, I would not choose the gender, regardless of cost. Sure, in my ideal world, I'd have a boy followed by a girl, but in the real world, I'll take what I get.

Leah said...

I don't know. I already had a girl, so I was torn about the 2nd child. My DH was 1 of 3 boys so he wanted a boy (although he was THRILLED to have a girl). Also, all of the grandkids on his side were girls so there was no one to "carry on the family name" -- which is stupid because it's a very common name. But he would have been equally as thrilled to have another girl.

I wanted a boy to see what it was like to raise a boy. But I also wanted a girl so that my daughter would have a sister (I'm very close with my sister). Plus, I owned a zillion dollars worth of girl clothing and princess shit, so it would have been economically beneficial to have another girl.

Thankfully we didn't have the opportunity to choose and instead let fate do it for us. (We had a boy the 2nd time.) If I had been given the opportunity to select the gender (for free or for $2500), I would have been in a total frenzy trying to decide which was right.

Sarah R said...

The other thing is: when I first got pregnant, I sort-of wanted a girl. But when I found out Andrew was a boy, I was so excited! Now that I have Andrew, I wouldn't want him any other way. He was meant to be him. Had I "gender selected" (not a possibility in my case, but we're being hypothetical here), I would never have this wonderful little boy who is unique, beautiful, and the light of my life! It makes me sad to think that in my early days of being pregnant, I secretly wanted a girl more.

Jewels said...

I thought about it and honestly, I see nothing wrong if someone could do gender selection and had a strong preference, then that’s cool, and for me, it's not that I'd choose not to do gender selection because I'd want to leave it up to god (If I left it up to god for too long, I may not get a baby) and it wouldn’t be because I like surprises, but it would only be because I wouldn’t know what I would want if I had a choice, sometimes I do have to let God decide for me. I can’t even decide on a name, let alone a gender. I want a boy- no a girl - no a boy - no a girl - UGH, I'll just take a baby please, 2 if you wouldn’t mind, even at the same time would be fine. Healthy is good, a definite plus, and full term, yeah, please let it be full term.
But I think if I had a boy now, (Look at me acting all pregnant when I'm not) then I may think I'd choose girl next. I do want a little girl.

Elana Kahn said...

If it was free, then I would choose. I wouldn't pay for it by itself. If I was having PGD for some other reason to check for chromosomal abnormalities, then of course I would pay for that and then choose gender as an afterthought.

~*JaYmE*~ said...

Nope I wouldnt choose. I think getting to know the gender is the fun part! Or at least I assume it is... I wouldnt know yet!

jenn said...

I don't like to say never- but I don't think I would choose. I always thought I would be surprised at the birth, but now I want to know at the u/s, lol! I change my mind a lot, but on this one I do believe that you get the baby you are meant to have- no matter how it comes to be, and I wouldn't want to mess with that. I also really wanted a girl before getting pregnant, but now that I have my theory that there is an extra appendage in there, I am kind of looking forward to a boy too. Since I would be thrilled with either & really only want healthy- I think I would feel the same were the option presented to me to choose the gender.

calliope said...

I would totally do it for free but I don't think I would pay.

Jennifer said...

I've always assumed that I'd never do that, but I don't know what I'd do in an IVF situation. If I already had embryos frozen and the testing was already being done and I already had two girls and it was free then I may select for a boy. My DH really wants a boy since he's an only child and the only boy in his family (no male cousins) he wants a boy to pass the name.

Cate said...

No. Although my preference for the next child would be a boy (I just feel like a boy mama)I could never make that decision. I can see how having boys would make me feel less guilty (with the chance that pcos is hereditary, would never want a child of mine to have to endure that) but I think I would feel like I missed something by choosing a boy over a girl.

Wordgirl said...

That's a really thought-provoking question -- part of me thought "I'd do it" -- always imagining a girl and thinking of that in situations of adoption --but then there's the other part of me -- so tangled up with the waiting to try IVF without any real sense of what may happen -- I just say what happens gender-wise is fine as long as there's a baby at the end -- the surprise is one of those wonderments of life, something we can't control, can't order, can't pay for...though the how much is too much? I can't even stomach how much we have to pay for IVF so I can't really go there.

As always Nancy -- very interesting (now that we know baby is a boy I can't really refer to him as a roller derby queen can I???)

xoxo

Pam

Lilith Silvermane said...

No, even knowing that I currently have 5 girls and one boy, I love to see what the fates have chosen to gift me with.

How about you?

Denise said...

No, I wouldn't. I don't care either way. Of course, I might have a different answer if I were dealing with secondary IF.

Kirsten said...

It's something I've often thought about because I 100% would not even consider it with out first IVF because for one thing, I felt we were playing God enough with the procedure and we'd have what we were meant to have and for another, we didn't want to spend the additional $5,000 it would have cost - as others have said, we just wanted a healthy baby.
We were blessed with two baby girls and fortunate enough to have five embryos to freeze. I have to admit...I have researched facilities that will perform PGD on frozen embryos and there aren't that many out there. Even after the research though, I can't say I'd do it. The fee isn't an issue to me, it being free would not be a deciding factor and if it was something I really wanted to do, I'd probaby go ahead and pay the five grand. It's just tempting fate too much for me and as much as I'd like to be okay with so I could have a son, I think I'd always have a constant fear that something bad would happen because of it...that's just me!

theclam said...

Hmmm, I don't think I would to it either way - whatever we get will be a blessing... (we also want to wait till birth to find out gender anyway once we do manage a pregnancy)

JamieD said...

Being that we don't have any children right now, I wouldn't choose one over the other.

I can see, however, if we had three little girls how tempting it would be to ensure that last one be a boy. But $2500 out of pocket is a lot to pay, especially with three imaginary mouths to feed already. I say no, but I bet Hubby would say yes.

Hollie said...

I would not choose the gender except for one situation - if we were doing genetic testing on our frozen embryos and we HAD to choose two to transfer, I would probably try to pick at least one of them to be a girl. I think it would be ideal to pick a boy and a girl, so we would still be surprised. So I don't know if that counts as a yes or a no... Since we've found out I have a risk for spina bifida, and my husband has it in his family, I would like to consider the genetic testing if we do a frozen transfer in the future... LOTS of IFS... It's funny that she asked this, because this has been going through my mind lately.

Anonymous said...

We have done PGD with all 9 of our IVF cycles, for genetic reasons. I know the question is hypothetical, but any reputable center will not do gender selection unless it is related to a gender issue. My reason for bringing this up is that we have never done gender selection and it has never been offered. With our genetic issues (dh has a balanced translocation) we have so few 'normal' embryos to transfer, so I would never think of transferring only one gender. AND, the PGD really does a job on the embryos and makes them less likely to implant - totally not worth it to me, even if we didn't have the genetic issues to deal with. So no, no gender selection here!
Karen

sara said...

Hmm - I don't think I would gender select even if it were free. I'm not sure why - I just feel bad about thinking of some as my "top pick embryos" based on gender and others as a "runner up embryo" if it were the opposite of our gender we preferred. That said, I do think it's okay for people to have the option of gender selection if they are really gung ho about it. It's just not for me - but I can understand if others would want to. Especially if it were free.

Trace said...

Hmmm, if I already had a boy I would definitely do it (I really want a daughter)! If I already had a girl I wouldn't. If I had no children I wouldn't because I'd be happy for any pregnancy and wouldn't want to be picky.

nancy said...

For my answer, I would not do it. I just couldn't see me "throwing away" an embryo just because it was a gender of the opposite choice.

Another thing I wanted to mention. I think the whole thing of "passing on the family name" is so sexist. I'm the last of MY family name, yet I gave it up to marry. Why is it so important for men to get a boy to carry on the name but it's so highly acceptable for a woman to give hers up? That's always bothered me (not that I gave up my name, but it means nothing in society for me to give it up but it means everything for a man to pass his on.)