Tuesday, September 16, 2008

A question for everyone going to appointments (RE or OB)

I was just wondering if your husbands come with you to your appointments.

If you are seeing an RE right now, does he go to all your appointments? If he comes to some appointments, which ones? Who is the one who wants him to go? You? Him? Both?

If you have graduated to an OB, does he go to all your appointments? If he comes to some appointments, which ones? If you are on a second, third, etc baby, did the pattern change? Who is the one who wants him to go? You? Him? Both?

There may be a follow up question based on the answers I get. I really am wondering two things, what does he go to and what does he show interest in going to.

I'll go ahead and start it off by answering first in the comments.

53 comments:

nancy said...

RE: He only went on a) initial appointment b) when he needed to drop off his samples c) ER and d) ET. Every other appointment was all me. (Oh, when we got pregnant, he went for the hb u/s too)

OB:
~ The first baby he went for a) first appointment b) heartbeat appointment c) big u/s.
~ For 2nd baby: a) big u/s b) periontologist level II u/s
~ This baby: a) nuchal translucency test b) CVS c) big u/s

He comes to any appointments I ask him to come to. He doesn't complain yet I would ~not~ be offended if he didn't come. Maybe to the big u/s appointments because those are always so important, but that's about all I care about.

To A T said...

When I was preggo 4 yrs ago he went to every appt because he wanted to. I have a feeling if we ever get there again, he will probably come. I don't really have an opinion one way or the other about him coming, although the "milestone" ones I would probalby insist on.

We haven't seen an RE (yet... just starting Clomid C1) but if/ when we do I think it would be close to what your hubby did :)

Anonymous said...

I see an RE, my husband pretty much goes to the appt's he needs to be at. He was there for the consultation, to drop off a sample, and when we knew we were going to meet with the doctor again and get new information about our diagnosis.

If it's just me going there for monitoring I don't think he needs to take time off work to go with me.

I expect it will probably be about the same when/if we get pregnant.

Larissa said...

My husband comes to most of the OB appointments, in the start of the pregnancy, probably through the second trimester, he made the vast majority. But since the appointments start to become all the same (Check the heart beat, blood pressure, weight gain,etc.) I rather him not miss work and just come to the important appointments. He likes going, it's cute when he asks all sorts of questions. Plus my husband is pretty cluesless on how alot of the things work during pregnancy, so him coming to the appointments have proved to be beneficial for me, learning wise.

fuentes said...

My husband is comming to all my appoitments, and it was his idea. I told him they are probably going to get pretty dull, but since this is our first he wants to know what is going on. Next time it may be different.

Heather said...

First, let me sum up my history: A normal pregnancy and healthy baby, a miscarriage, a stillbirth, and, two weeks ago, another miscarriage. I see an RE for the first time in two days.

My husband has come along to hear the heartbeat, and all u/s appts. With our son that died, there were LOTS of u/s appts, but they were all a pretty big deal as we checked on his various conditions. I needed him there. He wanted to be there.

If I ever have a 'normal' pregnancy again, he will come to hear the heartbeat, to the NT test, and the big u/s.

I will go to my first RE appt alone. I wanted to get in ASAP, and it was hard coordinating with my husband's schedule. He will go in for his sample drop off, and whatever else he has to do, but I don't expect him to do any more than that.

My husband is wonderful and very supportive, I'm just fine going to appts alone, and I don't see a reason for him to take off from work if it isn't completely necessary.

alison said...

Yes, my hubby is at all the appointments. I like having him there for the obvious reasons but also because he is another sponge to absorb the info we're given. Plus he thinks to ask questions that I don't think of. We always make sure to schedule my appointments when he's in town so he doesn't have to miss them.

Jenera said...

With my hubby being on the road all the time it makes it hard for him to go to all appointments. But I also don't think it's important for him to be there for every single check up.

With our first son, he went to the first real appointment, all the ultrasounds, and the last check up or two when he was in town. For that pregnancy he was gone for two months at a time.

With this pregnancy, he has gone to all 3 ultrasounds and always asks if I need him for any appointment.

With the second pregnancy, where I had the miscarriage, our first appointment was the morning after losing the baby so of course he went with me. I think that is why he is more conscious of whether I need him there at an appointment.

Cate said...

When we were doing treatments he only went to one IUI (the rest he dropped off the sample and went back to bed). While I was pregnant he went to every u/s appt and when I was getting close to the end he went with most of the time (if he wasn't at work or my appt wasn't 5 minutes after my shift at the hospital) mainly because I needed someone to drive, hard to reach the wheel when you are all belly and little arms lol.

Kaci said...

I am not currently going but figured I could answer with my past. When I was pregnant with Matthew, David came to almost every appointment. I know he missed the glucose test one, because it would have been dumb for both of us to sit there for an hour, but I think he might have been at all the others. When I was pregnant with Scarlett, I think he missed a couple besides the glucose test day, but not many.

I would always ask if he wanted me to schedule around his meetings so that he knew he was welcome at the appointments, but he went because he wanted to. I think it made him feel more a part of things and it let him get to know the doctor too, which was nice when I was in labor - he was as comfortable with her as I was.

Trace said...

He came to the initial meeting with the RE, the first IUI, the laproscopy, the injection training, and the egg retrieval. The many appointments are all me. I assume he'll come to the transfer and any baby appointment that occur.

JJ said...

Mook has been to most appts, mostly because of what we have gone through--he wont come with me to lab only appts, but he really enjoys being there.

Meredith said...

With ds#1 my dh came to the u/s at 4w (I had spotting) and then the u/s again at 6w for the heartbeat (he missed my u/s at 5 weeks). He also went to the NT scan and the big ultrasound. He did come home early from work one day so that I could go to an emergency appointment (I didn't feel him move all day).

For ds# 2 my dh was working an hour away (still is). He managed to come to the big u/s (missed my 6w u/s) and he also came to my 38w appt where I had another u/s to measure the baby and decide my induction date.

With ds#1 if he had a job where he could have gotten away he would have come to all of them - his choice. Same with ds#2 but I think I would have told him it wasnt necessary to come to the ones where they just measure me and I am gone. Now he has a job where he can schedule things like this but he works an hour away so he tried his hardest to come to the big appointments.

Lisa said...

My DH came to all but 2 appointments during my pregnancy. One of them he was out of town and the other one was a regular appointment. He was there for all the others. The main reason was because my OB did an u/s at every appointment (except for the two mentionned above). He missed 2 big u/s (I had 6 big u/s in total). I had 3 non stress tests and he missed one.

He wanted to come to all of the appointments. The fact that we got to actually watch our little ones grow (via u/s) made it easy to want to come. Had they been regular visits, he probably wouldn't have come to most of them.

I guess he figured the odds of us having twins again are not great, so he wanted to take in as much of the experience as possible.

The Captain's Wife said...

My DH comes to any appoinments that I ask him to come to. Most are just me waiting 45 mins then spending 5 mins with the Dr. I don't anticipate him coming to any more until I am at 34W +

wikkid-smaht said...

my wife came to our first RE appt and to each insemination (there were 2.) all the other RE appts were just me.

she came to our first OB appt, the hb appt., and the big u/s. she probably won't come again unless something important is going on. i defintely don't need her to take time off work for "belly checks." better she should save her time for when the baby gets here.

she would come to any i asked her to come to, i think. this is our first.

wikkid-smaht said...

oh, ps. she also came to the second u/s at the RE, which was at about 6weeks. i had bled the night before, the appointment was on my birthday, and we were planning to see the hb that day (which we did.)

Leslee said...

My husband goes to every RE appointment because they are out of town, although he'd go even if they were in town. Because we have azoospermia, several of our IVF appointments were for him. He also goes to any gyn appointments that have to do with our infertility, like my testing for endo and PCOS.

He does notice, however, that he's often one of a few husbands/partners in the waiting rooms of the RE and feels bad that the women are alone in there. Maybe it's because we have male factor infertility, but maybe not.

I know that it will be the same when we adopt. I expect it will be the same when/if we ever have OB appointments. He practically pushes me out of the way to look at HPTs as it is!

Jen said...

RE: He went to the initial appointment, the ones requiring his contribution and the first u/s. I work within walking distance of the RE while he works 45 minutes away, so it would have been impossible for him to come to all of them.

OB: He came to the first two appointments, the big u/s, and my appointments from 36 weeks on. Luckily he works at the hospital where my doc is located, so the appointments are very convenient. But many of the check-ups are just so boring that I didn't bother having him come.

AJ said...

You are right, I should still use the OPK's even though he's gone. Thanks for the hug :0) They didn't check for my cousin-in-laws little guys heartbeat yet....too early. It was a little hard being in there but I survived.

To answer the question (since I'm commenting on this post)...DH did not go to my first RE appt. He just started a new job and doesn't want to ask for the time off. If we do every get preggo he will probably start going to the appts. Not sure though.

I think I already said thanks for the hug but I'll say it again! Thanks for the hug!!! *hugs*

rayandandi said...

Our first rounds of fertility stuff before the break and regroup he went to the initial visit and that was it. We were only doing drugs, so testing was done on our own, my visits were on my own...

And then the meltdown came...

I felt really alone in all of it. For a thousand reasons other than the appointments, but very alone. And that I was pushing him toward something he wasn't as invested in. In retrospect, he probably wasn't.

When we decided to try again, he made the promise to me (unasked) that he would be at every appointment and blood draw. And he has. All RE appointments, the IUI, all OB appointments, all blood draws. I did encourage him to not go to one check in appointment with the diabetic educator because it was a last minute thing and he would have had to reschedule something with his boss' boss.

Andi

Mermaid said...

RE: He went to the initial appointment, "class" on meds/injections, ER, ET, and any other time his sample was required (SA).

OB: Some day...

He would probably go to any appointment I asked him to, assuming he could work it out at work (the RE is 1.5 hrs from home & his work). I have no doubt that he'd be at any ultrasound if we made it to a positive.

Jen said...

At the RE, he came for the "participatory" events... And of course, retrieval, transfer and the u/s there.

At the OB, he has gone to my cervical check u/s, because I knew they could possibly see the HB. He also is going to go to the anatomy one at 22 weeks.

But I don't make him go to the blood pressure, pee-in-a-cup appointments. I'm bored at those. I can only imagine what he'd think. Although, the last appointment, I was the ONLY pregnant woman there wihout a mom, hubby or significant there. Loser.

Jen said...

Oops. I'm stupid. He could see the sex at that appointment...

Jewels said...

The only appointment's DF went to is were the prenatale appointments and when I started spotting and m/c. All other's I didn't want him there.

m said...

At the RE, he was there for every single apt - big or small - except for a few standard test ones prepping for a cycle in which I insisted on taking the train so both of us didn't have to miss work for 5 minutes face time with the doc.

Just got back from my first visit with the ob and hubby couldn't come. But that's cool. Because I had to wait forever in the lab and started getting cranky. No big milestones missed.

I am guessing that he'll come to any that I ask him to, unless he can't get out of his work schedule for that day.

Beth said...

My husband only comes to the really important or milestone appointments of mine; i.e. to hear the baby's heartbeat, find out the sex of the baby, 3d/4d u/s and that is pretty much it. I don't find it necessary for him to get off work to go in for the doctor to do the doppler and that is it when I have that at home for him to hear. I guess I would love the company at the appointments so I don't have to sit there by myself, but that would be pretty selfish of me b/c it is so hard for him to get off work & I am fine w/o him.

calliope said...

Am I the only single gal at this cocktail party?

When I was going to the RE for IUI's I went for regular appt's solo, but my Mother joined me for insem days.

I went through both IVF cycles solo except for ER & ET days when my best friend came with.

Now I bring Grandmother to every OB appointment. They love her. They move chairs and clear hallways for her wheelchair and she gets a LOT of attention. Plus it gets me seen faster. woo hoo!

Elana Kahn said...

My hubby came with me to the initial RE appt as well as IUI's, ER and ET (because he sorta needed to be there...). For ultrasound and OB appts, he only came with me to the ultrasound I had at 8w 3d, because he can't leave work to come to anything else. Unless I schedule future ultrasounds for Fridays, he probably won't be able to come to anything... :-(

~*JaYmE*~ said...

Jake comes to all of my RE appts. There was only one he couldnt make so far. The reason he comes is because my RE is so far away that no one wants me to drive by myself. Once I am going to a regular OB doc after I'm pregnant he will only go to the important visits. Also... I wanted to tell you to check out my latest post on my blog. I think you'll find it interesting!

Brianna said...

RE: We haven't moved on to an RE yet but my Gyn is pretty well versed on all the IF stuff and consults with a RE, so we do a lot of talking about treatments, next steps and such. DH does not go to those appointments. He's never asked and I've never asked him. If I had to give myself shots or something I'd make him go with me so he could learn to do it, but otherwise I'd rather him not be there. I guess if we have to move on to a RE he'll come to at least the first appointment so that we're both deciding on the game plan.

OB: N/A as of now, but he'll only being going to the appt's that involve a u/s and the first heartbeat. And of course if I get so huge that I can't drive myself, he'll go to those too.

Urologist: You didn't ask abut this one, but I'm offering the info anyway. =) I've gone to all of his appt's and will continue to. He needs to know my history so he knows what he's working with and once we got to that stage, we started talking about things that required us both to decide. Like with the Gyn, I didn't call for DH's opinion when he rx'd IF meds for me. But when the urologist asked about our feelings on surgery, IUI, IVF, etc. we both needed to be there.

Geohde said...

My other half came to some of my RE appts only. But to be honest it was a bit wierd having a transvag scan done with him in the room chewing a museli bar!

He was working on the days of all my transfers, so wasn't in the room when we conceived either ;)

He came to a few more OB appts, but that was because he had to drive me!

J

Sugar and Ice said...

RE: -1st pregnancy - a) initial consultation b) ET c)some random weekend u/s when I had some bleeding
-this pregnancy - a) ER b) ET c) another random weekend u/s when I had bleeding

OB: - 1st pregnancy - a) first appointment (I think), b)one visit when we thought we were going to find out the sex...but didn't end up doing that
-This pregnancy - a) none

I see most women sitting with their husbands waiting for their appointments, but I've never felt the need for him to take that much time off from work for him to come to every appointment with me. If I asked, he'd come, but he seems pretty content with just letting me fill him in after each appointment.

Topcat said...

Oh, I love this question.

Mr TC came to ONE appointment .... the one where they needed his sperm. So that was kinda important.

All others ... including all fertility clinic ones, my near-amnio and actual amnio, EVERY doctors appointment .... zilch. He never even came to any ultrasounds!

I was just grateful he agreed to have another baby in the first place. But, sometimes I would see excited hubbies in the waiting rooms, and I'd feel a bit sad. Whatever - I got over it.

xoxox

Topcat said...

Ok, so, apparently I just went back and read everyone's comments.

NOW I'm resentful. Seriously.

nancy said...

Topcat - Don't feel resentful. I didn't think my hubby needed to be at any of them (except the big u/s). Hell, I felt weird when he'd be with me.

sara said...

RE: initial appointment, appointments to drop off samples for SA or IUIS, etc, IVF planning appointment - but all others I just went to (IUIs usually fell while I was at work anyways - worked at the same hospital as the office. Weird I know.) U/S X 2 once we got preg.

Peri: initial consult

OB: basically just appts I'm not allowed to drive to - various periods in the pregnancy. If I can drive, I usually go alone. Went to the big u/s (gender, etc) Goes to growth scans because we get a good look at baby.

While in the hospital: pretty much there all the time - except for a few half days at work when things have stabalized.

sara said...

Opppss I forgot with the RE he was there for our egg retrieval and transfer.

Jennifer said...

My DH went to every OB appointment for my DD. I'm pretty sure it's because he wanted to. Actually, he got annoyed at the end when they kept trying to schedule appoints at times he couldn't make it.

Anonymous said...

Long time reader, first time commenting ;)
With our son, who's now 3 1/2, he went to the first OB appt/heartbeat(my OB generally doesn't see you until 12-ish weeks), the big u/s and I think that was it. With our daughter, 4 months, same thing. His job is not one that is conducive to his going to all or even most appointments, and I certainly couldn't justify his taking 1/2 days off to go to routine appointments, since I am a SAHM and he is the breadwinner.

Alex said...

Mine came along to everything RE-related at first, but as the process dragged on (and on, and on), we quit that. One, I wanted to continue treatment (trying), he didn't, so I did what I could to minimize the strain it put on him. Two, there were just so many darned appointments. I went to the transfer that resulted in the pregnancy that produced our son by myself, from work, and drove myself back to work when it was over. As I've commented elsewhere, by that point (IVF #4 plus 2 FETs), the romance of IVF had disappeared for us. Incidentally, I was OK with this and it may, in fact, have been less stressful than having him want to be there, though I'll never know -- IVF was just a crazy thing I was doing (and spending our money on) and not something we both had to be committed to. Er, of course, he did sign the relevant consent forms and get mandatory testing done (HIV and such). But we were working with frozen, surgically retrieved semen, so he didn't need to be present (actually for one of my earlier cycles he was out of town and my mom took me to r/t).

Most of the pregancy stuff I did by myself, too, though he came along when I asked and as my delivery date neared, I think he did come to some stuff without being asked.

Krista said...

You didn't really ask me since I'm not currently going. My DH came to just 3 OB appointments I think- the first, the transvaginal u/s, and the big u/s. We both work, and it was too difficult to get appointments fitting both our schedules. We agreed he would just come to the big ones, and if problems arose, we'd re-evaluate our strategy then.

Jaymee said...

He has only come when I told him to do so, which is mainly when he has to be there. Most of the time it is easier for me to go alone and then fill him in on what is happening. Now that we are using a surrogate I do not think he will go to very many appointments at all. Since we want to be suprised about the gender when the baby is born we won't be having a "big" u/s, so he may never show up.

jenn said...

RE: only the initial appointment & then the iui. he was in the room for it which he definitely didn't want to be, but I kind of wanted him there in case it worked. heh.

OB: only the u/s at 7w2d. he actually got the first peek since it was a transvag u/s & she hadn't turned the screen yet. he wanted to hear the heartbeat, but not really go to the appointment. he'll go to the u/s's, but i doubt anything else.

theclam said...

We are only at the RE stage but he has come to the first appointment, when he needed to do his thang, the ER and the ET... oh and of course our follow up appointments to discuss the failures...

Not in the Water said...

Still will RE....

DH obviously came to the appts where he had to make a deposit, Egg retrievals, T/F's etc.

He did come to the U/S appt for the 2nd PG when we were hoping for a heartbeat.

I almost wish he didn't come b/c to see a Big Linebacker cry KILLS me inside.

But hopefully soon there will be happy appts!

BethH6703 said...

for the RE: Grumps went to all his required appointments (drop offs), and to any procedure appointments. I did all the testing, b/w, u/s appts on my own.

at the gyn: I'm pretty much on my own. Grumps went with me to 1 pre surgical appt (I wanted him to meet the doc that was going to be cutting me open). He was fine with it until I got a (somewhat surprise) pelvic. Barring any NEED for him to be there, or a specific request from me, I'm on my own now.

That's ok tho. I know that if I needed him there, he'd go. And I'm sure when/if we get to ob visits, he'll be thrilled to go to all of the exciting appts.

JamieD said...

Hubby went to first OB appointment with me because he was excited, then went to the next two because we were expecting bad news.

Since going to the RE, he went to the consultation with me then it was just me until this last appointment. I was upset about some news and Hubby said he wanted to start going with me.

I never made a big deal about him going because I know it would rank close to #1 on the list of things he does not consider fun. Honestly, it means more to me that he said he wants to go of his own free will than if he actually went.

Misty said...

My DH only comes to the RE appts that he is requested to be at, which are the ones that fall on the weekends b/c there is not someone to watch in on the u/s b/c the RE is the only one in the office. He came to the first couple of RE appts, b/c the RE preferred him to be there for all of the initial appts. He came for the 1st SA drop off. Then when I did my last IUI, he found out that he didn't need to be there for it either. He did his specimen at home and I carried it in to the lab to try and get KU w/out him. Man I wish I did get KU b/c that would have been an interesting story.

"If" I ever get KU, I'm sure he will be there for the first u/s, h/b u/s & big u/s. Then I guess I'll be on my own. For now, I'm just trying to focus on my many RE appts......hard to see that far into the future.

ssbean said...

Sorry I'm a bit late, but I've been in the hossy this week. Out now and doing great.
My DH went to my first appointment, his idea, he had some questions for the doctor too. He went to my first u/s. He has not been to the one other appointment I had. He's planning on going to hear the heartbeat for the first time and to the big u/s. He may go to some others, it's up to him and circumstances.

Cellophane said...

As it took me so long to become pregnant and hold a pregnancy- and as after the failure of 2+ years of intense medical intervention to get me pregnant failed and that AFTER we gave up I finally became pregnant and stayed pregnant- Ed never missed one appointment or check-up no matter how short it was.

I think that both of us were so convinced that the pregnancy would fail- it took until my 5th month for the two of us to realize we were finally going to have a child. :)

Jenn BG said...

When I was PG I only asked DH to come to the first appointment and to the big u/s. The rest were pretty boring and routine and it would have been more of a pain to have him there.

My husband is the worrier and would have freaked about every little thing or would have complained about having to leave work. LOL. Good thing I love him so much.

Amanda said...

Mr.W didn't go to any of my Gyn appointments. He did take me to my HSG, though. He also didn't complain even a little bit when he had to go give a sample.

Since becoming pregnant he's been to every appointment he could make it to. A couple of appointments he was out of town/the country and one or two he couldn't get out of work. He especially likes going to any ultrasound.

He would more than likely go to any appointment that I asked him to go to without hesitation.