Thursday, September 25, 2008

What's that? A light?

Maybe, maybe. A light at the end of the tunnel.

I haven't cried since lunchtime yesterday. I didn't cry myself to sleep. I almost just teared up talking about it right now, but it was adverted.

I'm able to ~think~ of all the sad things now without breaking. Sure, the sad things are still quite sad, but I've got to live my life as it is now. And dwelling on the past isn't going to do me any good. Be happy for the time you get with people and don't regret what you can't change.

I don't quite believe the "everything happens for a reason" stuff, but it certainly applies a lot. Most things happen because we make or let them happen, so of course there is always a reason. But when things out of our control happen, it didn't happen for our reasons, but for a reason of their own. What a weird statement when you really think about it.

Let me give my usual bulleted updates for the other things that have happened during my 5 dark days.

~ It seems I am not gaining weight like I usually do. Scale today shows me up not even a pound from 3 weeks ago. Let's do the math ... I was 145 before IVF (6 weeks before my FET). My beginning BFP weight was 154. Now, at ~23w, I'm 157. I guess I should look at the gain between 145 pre-ivf to now, giving me a 12lb weight gain instead of the bfp to now gain of 3 lbs. At 24w with my others I was already up 24lbs. So this is a much different experience for me. And just so you understand, I am totally ~okay~ with weight gain. I lose it, so it's okay. I gained 50 lbs with each of my girls and lost it all each time. So, I'm letting my body do what it needs to do.

~ The cursor has been sitting on this one for almost 10 minutes now. Do I really not have any other updates? I guess not. It's been a bad week.

25 comments:

Wordgirl said...

I'm glad to hear there's a bit of light dear nancy -- funny because I talked about light today too...

xo

Pam

BethH6703 said...

Bad weeks SUCK!

Here's hoping for better times - soon - for both of us!

Nikki said...

Nancy - you seem to be dealing with so much right now. Hang in there - I wish you better times soon.

Beth said...

Sorry for the bad week, hopefully you get out of the funk soon.

Poltzie said...

I'm glad you are feeling better. Bad weeks do indeed suck!
I've always heard that you gain more weight with girls than boys. I always just chalked it up to old wives tales and left it at that but maybe it's true?
Do you find you are carrying differently with Karl than your girls, or has every pregnancy been different?

Julie said...

I'm so your week has been so bad, hope it gets better real soon!

Tara said...

Keep fighting the fight.

Amy said...

I'm glad to hear you are starting to feel better!

Lisa said...

It's good to know that you are feeling better. Just take it one day at a time. If that's too much, then take it one hour at a time...

As for the weight gain, our bodies know what they need to do. I was shocked to find that I only gained 27 pounds for my pregnancy (and I had over 13 pounds of baby). I was certain that with it being a twin pregnancy I would have gained a lot more. But obviously that is all that my body needed to maintain a healthy pregnancy. Maybe since this pregnancy is a boy and not a girl, your body is needing different things...

Take care!

g said...

so sorry to read youve been down lately.. i hope that things start to look bright again! (((BIG HUGS)))

BTW i will be out your way in a week :) we will have to make up a plan!

Laurel said...

I know that the reason you didn't cry yourself to sleep was because of that wonderful cream puff I brought you. 5 dark days and look what helps-a fresh baked cream puff. Ha!
I am glad that you are feeling a little better. Like I said things just pile up, sometimes without you even realizing it. Just try to take it day by day and even moment by moment. This too shall pass!
((Hugs))

margelina said...

I wouldn't worry about the lack of weight gain if the baby is growing normally. I only gained a total of 10 lbs with my #2, and she weighed just under 8 lbs at birth. And, I ate anything and everything I wanted, so it was just a different pregnancy for me. I think my other 2 pregnancies were 25-35lbs or so.

Glad you are straing to feel better! Now, go feed that baby!!!

To A T said...

Glad things are looking up! :)

I'm an emotional roller coaster these days... Maybe you can rub off on me a little?
:)

jenn said...

I'm so glad things are looking brighter. Sometimes it's just time & getting through it- then you can shut that door so to speak (on the sadness & depression & being stuck in it, not necesarily on the memories that are sad, you know?)

I am starting to think we are having mirror pregnancies 11-ish weeks apart. I am up a single pound at 12 weeks. I'm okay with it since I was maybe 12 pounds over what I'd really like to be about 2 months before bfp. No clue what I was until 5 weeks after bfp when all of a sudden I was down 7 pounds. So somehow it's all working out, I am a little afraid that my body holds weight, but I won't let that dictate my pregnancy gain. Maybe I've got a little penis in there too... ;o) Maybe that is the reason!

I hope next week is fantastic to make up for this one sucking so much.

Topcat said...

Oh, Nancy. I read your 'sad' posts yesterday, woke up this morning and wondered how you were. I'm glad you feel a little bit better ... I got REALLY down during pregnancy too, and wondered what was going on.

((((((((HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

xoxoxox

JamieD said...

Glad to hear you are feeling up. That is the only update we needed!

Sarah R said...

I'm glad your mood is lifting; something is better than nothing. HUGS, girlie!

--------

I tagged you in my blog. :) Although I think Jewels already tagged you, so this might be a double-tag. We double-tag teamed Nancy...LOL!

Cassandra said...

You mentioned in the previous post that you don't feel as much like eating as usual. Could that be related to the weight plateau?

Also, my pregnancies have never lasted beyond the 6th week, but my understanding is that there are week with no weight gain, just as there are weeks with big gain sometimes. Hopefully it should even out soon.

Hang in there!

theclam said...

Glad to hear that there's a light at the end of the tunnel Nance... Dark weeks are never fun, but they happen...

Thinking of you
xxx

Truck Driver Wife said...

Hope you have a great weekend.

Pink-CJ said...

Yea, the ticker is wrong. Its a day off. I can't seem to fix it. :(

Hollie said...

I hope today finds you feeling one step better. It always makes me feel better to have a weekend off. Maybe you can do something fun with the girls.

Cece said...

Good to hear things are lightening up a bit for you. I was SO worried about wieght gain with pregnancy - I was overweight and weight obsessed to begin with, and the weight gained with all the IF stuff certainly didn't help. But I've just been eatting well and not obsessing, and gained about 15 pounds so far. I'm happy to see my body just doing what it needs to do.

Deb said...

I'm glad to see your coming out of the funk. Even if only marginally.
I love to look at your belly pics. Ok, that just sounded weird (lol). I just miss being pregnant and i love to look at the changes that occur over time. It truly is a miracle, isn't it?

Katherine said...

Hang in there, girl. I totally understand where you are right now. I've been a fucked-up mess this entire pregnancy, and this GD diagnosis is kicking my ass. We'll make it, though.