I am a big giant ball of emotions right now.
Now, if you would have asked me at any other time than now, I would tell you I am a tough girl who isn't emotional at all. I'd say things such as "I don't care what people think of me" and "I'm not a dumb emotional girl" and "I'm as tough as any guy".
Those would all be lies. While I don't care what most people think of me, of course I care about those important people around me. And if someone important to me is angry with me, I'm all about caring. As for being a "dumb girl", I don't like to admit it, but I've had my moments. I've played the games. I've been the jealous girl. I've cried over boys. As for me being tough as any guy? Ha. I'd like to be tough emotionally like a guy, but I'm not. I don't think I'm overly emotional, but I would probably be in the middle of the bell curve when it comes to emotions and being a girl.
The past few days though, a sadness has gripped me. It's not constant, but every few moments, I'll feel the biggest hole of emptiness ever. It started just on Saturday and I haven't been able to shake it. This is ~not~ like me. Although I do get emotional as I've pointed out above, this is all consuming right now. I'm
It's got to be hormones. And I've got to get over it soon. The problem is, I don't know how. My brain is telling my heart to hurt. And to feed it, the part of my brain that I can't control keeps going over and over with things I can be terribly sad about: the death of my best friend, lost loves, etc. And even though the part of my brain I am in control of keeps reminding my heart of all the ~wonderful~ things I am happy about, my family, our health, my husband, my growing belly, it's not helping.
Today is the 4th day of this ineffable sadness. I'm so inexperienced with the caliber of these emotions, I don't know what to look for in it not being normal. How long should I allow myself to feel this way before wondering if I need help? Is there even a time limit?