In response to me telling my story of having my transfer cancelled, I got this response: "I have a question, when are you going to stop doing this to yourself?" (from a ~pregnant~ woman no less. Wait. No. A pregnant woman who barely even knows me.)
That's some kind of support, isn't it? Sure, it's a question that I need an answer for, but when I just told some people what was going on, I expected an "I'm sorry" or some kind of support. Not that question. Not now. Maybe when I'm in a better place, but not now. And ~definitely~ not as their immediate response.
... Once (and still) Infertile, but still Schnarky as hell. This blog is dedicated to the daily ramblings from the mind of Nancy. It isn't about anything profound in the grand scheme of things, but it ~is~ about things in my life, schnarkiness always included. I have a second blog, listed in my profile, but the blogs will continue to remain separate.
"I'm aiming for heaven, but I'll probably wind up down in hell"
About Me
- nancy
- I am a 39 year old woman. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a handsome son. I am a career woman. As for my TTC world, it certainly doesn't seem like I am "infertile", but I fought for my pregnancies and my TTC/IF history is on the sidebar. I have two blogs, which are both listed in my profile. One focuses on my daily life - including IF, TTC, pregnancy, delivery and even some "children mentioned" posts. The second blog is ~soley~ posts directly about being the mother to my three children.
Belly Pics for #3 only.
Click stick figure to see the consecutive pictures from this pregnancy only.
My TTC History
- Jul 01 ~ married
- Jan 02 ~ First cycle off bcps and opk shows ovulation!
- Dec 02 ~ Went to pcp for RE referral
- Jan 03 ~ Testing commences. S/A perfect. HSG clear.
- Feb 03 ~ Lap #1. All clear.
- Apr 03 ~ Clomid cycle #1. BFN.
- May 03 ~ Clomid cycle #2. BFN.
- Jun 03 ~ Clomid cycle #3. BFN.
- Jul 03 ~ Supposed to be IUI#1, but we missed cd3 so natural cycle
- Aug 03 ~ BFP on C18.
- Apr 04 ~ Ella born.
- Oct 04 ~ decided to ttc #2 and went off minipill to see if I am ovulating. I am. Will start next month.
- Nov 04 ~ TTC#2 starts. BFP. Holy Crap. No freaking way. No way.
- Aug 05 ~ Allison born
- Oct 06 ~ IUD removed. TTC#3
- Jan 07 ~ Large cysts found.
- Feb 07 ~ Femara cyle #1
- Mar 07 ~ Started w/ RE. HSG #2 showed R tube blocked. S/A normal.
- Mar 07 ~ more cysts, up to 9cms.
- Apr 07 ~ more cysts, 3 @ 7-9cms.
- May 07 ~ IUI #1 cancelled due to more cysts
- Jun 07 ~ IUI #1 (take two) w/ Clomid. BFN.
- Jul 07 ~ HSS showed scar tissue in 70% of uterus. Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome. Uterine surgery #2
- Aug 07 ~ HSG #3 showed clear tubes.
- Aug 07 ~ IUI #2 w/ Femara. BFN.
- Sept 07 ~ Monitored w/ hCG trigger. BFN.
- Oct 07 ~ HSS #2 showed scar tissue in 30% of uterus. Uterine surgery #3.
- Dec 07 ~ HSS #3 showed tiny amount of scar tissue. Uterine surgery #4.
- Jan 08 ~ HSS #4 showed clear uterus.
- Jan 08 ~ IUI #3, C16. BFN.
- Mar 08 ~ IVF #1, Transfer Cancelled due to lining. Out of 15 eggs, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilized. I have named my 9 embryos "The Mod Squad" and they are in the freezer, waiting for mommy to be ready.
- Apr/May 08 ~ FET #1. C20. 4 embryos "The Fab Four" transferred on 5/05. BFP!!! Very Low Beta (15 at 11dp3dt) but the numers continued to double every 48 hours. Told it was "most likely not viable" and later "most likely ectopic" but we beat all the odds.
- May 16, 08 ~ 11dp3dt (4w0d), beta #1: 15
- May 19, 08 ~ 14dp3dt (4w3d), beta #2: 43
- May 23, 08 ~ 18dp3dt (5w0d), beta#3: 213
- May 27, 22dp3dt (5w4d), beta #4: 1,073
- Jun 08 - Ultrasound showed one heartbeat at 7 weeks.
- Jul 08 - Had CVS testing. Chromosomes are normal and it's a BOY!! EDD: 1/23
- Aug 08 - Jan 09 ~ High risk due to: 1) Velamentous Cord Insertion, deemed biggest risk 2) Previous Placenta Accreta 3) Previous rapid degraged placenta 4) IVF alone can create weak placenta 5) AMA - Advanced Maternal Age. -- All resulting in almost 30 u/s and lots of testing, which ended up saving my life.
- Jan 09 (38w0d) ~ Karl is born! -- Crazy 3 days in hospital. Manual version to flip baby from breech to head down, Labor, Delivery, Emergency surgery due to cord detaching from placenta, Scary heart issues from losing over 40% of my blood supply, and then a blood transfusion due to the extreme loss of blood. Whew!
Blog Archive
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2008
(515)
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March
(39)
- Update on the marriage thing. And it's long.
- It must be ~really~ bad.
- Really down.
- The Mod Squad
- This pain I have
- Introducing ... The Mod Squad.
- Back from my egg retrieval.
- my heart has stopped.
- Oh no.
- Looking for the positives.
- Transfer officially ~cancelled~
- comment that just made me want to throw up.
- IVF Cancelled
- No bueno. sd9.
- Follie report after 7 days of stims.
- I'm still irritated.
- Follie report after 6 days of stims. (updated w/ E2)
- Wow. I am starting to feel it.
- For Laurel and Pete.
- Follie report after 4 days of stims. (update 2)
- The difference an IFer feels about her children.
- E2 levels are low.
- Responses to the Taggings and some feelings.
- Alrighty, well, it's all done.
- I'm stimulated.
- She's here.
- Stim Start appointment.
- Do you believe in "jinxing"?
- Back to the adoption post.
- 300
- WTF?
- "Why don't you just adopt?"
- 2nd injection
- Injections in the belly? Bah.
- I start Lupron tonight!
- "Practice what you preach"
- If I have to study, will there be a test?
- TTCers never stop fighting.
- "This month"
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March
(39)
28 comments:
Barf-a-rama.
This person seems not very good at empathy. Not a great quality in a parent.
This may have nothing to do with you.
I don't get it. Why don't people realize that we blog and share our lives for the support? Not the difficult questions that we don't know how to answer on a good day, not to mention on a shitty day.
Maybe we should change Saturday's shopping expedition into a drink instead.
I am not beyond beating up a pregnant woman I you need me to. Just sayin'.
That is horrible! I am so sorry for you Nancy. Wishing there was something I (or anyone) could say or do to make it better.
ps. I hope you "keep doing this to yourself" because people like you should have many children!
This is why I'm a wuss and don't share my IF struggles with anyone in real life (other than our parents)...I don't think I could handle comments and questions like that.
No one should ever ask you a question like that. Even if you were distanced from this situation and asking yourself the very same thing, it's just an inappropriate thing to ask anyone.
What? I'm sorry, but I think that comment was completely inappropriate. I don't think that anyone but you can know when it is time to stop, and it is no-one who is not directly involved's business when that is, unless you choose to talk about it. Which you didn't.
I hope that you can forget about this one comment, and take comfort from all the other people who who are in your corner and rooting for you.
HUGS Nancy!!
Are you frickin' kidding me?! WTF?!
How pathetic of some people ... to get their kicks on commenting on someone else's blog about crap they feel they need to vent about?!
Extra big HUGS to you ...
Although I can't imagine how frustrated you are, I somewhat understand how you feel about the comment that made you want to throw up. I found out my own sister thinks we should just skip everything. I got the "why don't you just adopt?" comment. People suck. And cancelled cycles suck more. Wishing you strength.
I love ignorant people(NOT)! I have the same issues on the 1yr board on webmd. People love to comment on things they have NO knowledge of! Just tell her to shut up and get a life. You can still kick her in the shin you know.
Dealing with their own demons much?
Seriously, the one time I made a snarky comment on someone's blog, I had to sit back and realize that the bitchiness was all about my issues and not at all about them. Now I confine the bitchiness to my own blog. Fair, no?
I hope that whoever did that can ease up on you/others and on herself. She must be in a bad place to try and hurt you.
I'm sorry that happened... on top of the horrid cycle-cancelling! Fuck. I'd take you for a drink if we were in the same time zone.
response: When you [thankless pg lady] stop being such a moron,and forcing your stupidity on the world at large.
I am so sorry your transfer has been canceled. And that idiots don't understand what that means to a person.
That's completely fucked up. I don't know what possesses people to leave these sorts of comments. It's totally unhelpful and mean.
I'm sorry about the cycle, Nancy. It just sucks.
Thinking of you.
Damn, what a bitch. Definitely NOT anyone who ever remotely went through IF, because if she did....she would already know the fucking answer to that. Not to mention it was 100% inappropriate.
I feel sorry for her that no one ever taught her that was a rude, stupid and inconsiderate thing to say.
--I'm so sorry about the cycle. I've been reading. I'm out here. Still adore you.
And this is why I hate people sometimes. What a dumbass!
I am so sorry Nancy. I know the feeling of being kicked when you are down and it really sucks. My heart hurts for you.
you know i'm always down for a fight. some people should think before they type!
OH MY GOD! You can't possibly be serious! Wait...yes you can...people are f-ing idiots. I feel very bad for that kid. He certainly hit the genetic jackpot, huh? DON'T take it to heart. Focus on getting pregnant so your baby can kick her baby's ass!
Whatever happened to the basic idea of doing no harm? I'm so sorry Nancy. You don't deserve that kind of assholeishness ever, but especially now.
Unbelievable.
There are moments when no words can make a situation better, when sorry doesn't seem enough. But to opt for the stop-doing-this-to-yourself-route leaves me speechless.
Whatever her reason, her issues with herself, insecurities, etc., she should have just bit her tongue and said I'm sorry because that is what you deserve.
Support, hugs and love. Not this.
Most of all, I'd like to know what she thinks you are doing to yourself and why it's her business...
Now I think I want to throw up!
Nancy, in all fairness, I am unsure that people who have not been through it always understand. And on top of that, they are unsure of what to say or when to say it..meaning, is it the right time to be a friend, the right time to ask the hard questions, the right time to just be supportive, or to give a slap to someone. Im not just saying in THIS case, but in ANY case.
You and I both know that she doesnt deserve any of the nasty comments left here either..she is a good parent, and a good person, she felt she had an honest question from her perspective.
She is not you and you are not her, so neither one of you know what the other person thinks, feels, etc.
I know that I have no inherent desire to have any more kids. I think that you and I discussed this once. Becuase of that, I can definatly have sympathy for someone who cant, but I cant really relate in a "totally desirable, the only thing i think of" way. Because of this, I can only think one particular way. I can say im sorry and I am here if you need to vent, but i also think of OTHER things to, like are you ok, is this healthy for you, etc.
Does it make me a bad person to think those things and ask them as a friend? Hell, I dont know.
But just so you know, when i saw the comments, I took them off the page and all related to them.
As an admin, im sorry you felt uncomfortable when you needed support.
As a friend, Im trying to understand and learn more each day so I can relate to your feelings.
trisha
ps if anyone is wondering, it was NOT me that said it.
Trisha -
Thanks for your comment. I just wanted to tell you that I was able to vent about it here because it really hurt me. And as you can see by all the supporting comments, it's how MANY of us would feel.
I understand that not everyone should understand what I (or any IFer) is going through, but everyone should know when it is the right time to ask the hard question. As you can see, it wasn't the question I had issue with, it was the timing. Had an "oh my, I'm so sorry. And I wanted to ask a question.." prefaced her question, it would have been TONS better.
About the "nasty" comments left here, like I said above, it really hurt me. And since I know she doesn't read this blog (we don't even talk to one another. Ever), I felt it was safe to talk about it here. As you can see, I kept it very anonymous, not saying her name or where it was said. Just that I got a comment than MANY of my readers would understand my sentiment. I by ~NO MEAN~ would mean her harm - that's why I simply thanked her for dropping the subject. I didn't get into it with her when I really wanted to bite back in disgust. But since we are ~not~ friends or even talk to one another, I just let it go there, where it would have turned into some big thing, which I didn't want it too.
And thank you for removing those comments where they were written. I got 6 IMs immediately after she posted that to me - before I even returned comment. So I know it wasn't just me being emotional.
Please know that this is my place to pour out my feelings. I will never talk smack about anyone just for the fun of it. I will, however, discuss happenings in my life. And her comment was just another comment that us IFers have to endure. It hurt me so I talked about it with "my girls". Their responses, some very aggressive, just goes to show how hurtful that was - to ask a question like that without giving support.
Again, I knew you and maybe K, T and Q may see it, as I think they are my only blog readers, but I knew none of them would case drama and that's why I felt it "safe" to talk about. I wasn't trying to talk about HER, more than the comment I received and the 'condition' she is in to ask such a question. I couldn't even believe she asked me it! I could see YOU asking it (or anyone who I am genuinely friends with because like I said, it IS a quesiton that I need to have an answer for. And I would think anyone who actually cares about me would be interested knowing the answer too), but a virtual stranger, a pregnant stranger, and the timing, well, I still think it's unacceptable, regardless if she understands the situation or not. I really hope you can see my reasoning of 1) why I thought it was safe to post here and 2) why it was a subject that I even wanted to talk about.
And totally no need to apologize! I got support from everyone else.
P.S. Your comment "but i also think of OTHER things to, like are you ok, is this healthy for you, etc. Does it make me a bad person to think those things and ask them as a friend? Hell, I dont know." No - it doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a good friend. And I can't thank you enough for even caring enough to ask me these things. They are all valid questions. But there is a timing aspect to it. You don't ask me when I'm sobbing so hard I can't breathe. And you certainly don't assume something such as "ignore everyone else involved". How in the world would she have ANY idea of what I'm doing in my personal life?
Ugh. I'm going on and on and I've already said what I wanted to. :)
good lord - that was a HUGE comment. heh. You can't tell how big they are in these little comment boxes!
I can apprieciate the timing, which is why I felt the need to remove the comments. I know 100% that you need nothing more then support right now, and I agree, there was a time and a place and this was not the time.
Also, im not in the slightest bit upset that you vented here regarding it. Its your blog, and it affected your life. I dont feel that you disrespected anyone in the slightest. Im glad you got it out and more importantly, im glad that you have support over it here.
I know what its like to just want someone to say "ill kick their butt, ill defend you" becuase it means you have someone that understands your deepest feelings.
I really regret that you didnt get that 100% the other day and Ill work harder to not only emphasize that to everyone, but to also continue to work and understand other IF moms like yourself and relate in any way I can, even if its just to defend.
trisha
btw, i totally forgot she was PG, so yeah..a little on the wrong side.
WTF is up with all the non-supportive hateful shit that's been going around lately?!?! I'm sorry you were a recipient for any sort of nastiness.
I must've missed the post in question, but I won't even pretend to know how hard that was for you to read.
I've been around through most of your journey (sometimes in the way background) and wish that it would just end in a very healthy pregnancy for you.
(((Hugs)))
I have some RL friends who have said "are you STILL trying" and said "when are you going to stop?" a few times. I no longer discuss any of the stuff with them. They don't get it and never will.
It is really a big reason why so many of us in the IF world withdraw from so much. I have at times become a total hermit.
I have to plan my outings and social engagements really well and it just sucks.
I am so sorry you had to deal with that.
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