Thursday, March 27, 2008

Looking for the positives.

I had my day of heartbreak. I had my day of being a little pissed off and getting all my questions of "why" and "what if" answered.

Today is my day of asking the questions about what's going to happen. Today is the day to look towards the future and to keep my eye on the prize. Today is the day to stop feeling sorry for myself and to focus on all I have actually accomplished.

A few questions I've had answered:

Q: Why do you freeze the embryos so soon? I have "heard" it's better to freeze when they have grown for 3-5 days.
A: We have found that the absolute best time for freezing is immediately upon fertilization, before they have started to divide. If they do start to divide, it's better to allow them to go through a few days, but if we get to pick the freezing time, we do it immediately.

Q: What about the thaw survival rate?
A: There is a higher percentage of embryos surviving thaw at this freezing point than the thaw rate of day 5 embryos.

Q: Let's say I have 10 embryos that were fertilized. How many would you thaw to get the two I am wanting to transfer?
A: We would want to thaw them all. ~gulp~

Q: So if most of them survived thaw and most of them grew, we would be "wasting" the extras?
A: Nope. Since they were previously frozen before they divided, they can be frozen again with the same freeze/thaw rates. ~yipee!~

Q: When will I find out how many fertilized since you will be freezing asap?
A: We will call you Saturday morning.

So, I'm feeling better about what's going to be happening. I'm still utterly disappointed I'm not going to transfer next week as we thought. And I have suddenly found it SO HARD to watch all my cycle buddies go to transfer themselves and get to be in their 2ww. And while I'm rooting for each one to be successful, each bfp that I know is coming is going to be a bullet through my own heart (not because they are pregnant, but because I had my chance taken away from me.) So I'm in a weird place.

Have I mentioned how much IF sucks?


Motel Manager said...

On my 2nd fresh cycle, I had 19 embryos - they cultured 7 and froze 12 immediately because the thaw rates were higher. I ended up with a BFN on that cycle after a day-3 transfer, but one of the 7 made it to blast and was frozen. When I did my FET, they thawed five, knowing they also had the frozen blast. Of the five thawed, all survived the thaw, and one made it to blast (I have historically had a higher % of crap embryos than many people), and they transferred that and the previously frozen blast.

As an aside, blast thaw rates were historically lower because most clinics used to freeze basically any kind of blast. Now, good clinics tend to freeze only higher-quality blasts, and my RE told me that the thaw rate was more like 80% now.

I eventually had success with an FET, so I'm a believer. Good luck to you!!

~Carrie said...

I'm sorry your tansfer had to be canceled this month. No one wants to go through all this and then have to wait yet another month. And yes IF sucks!! And IF and yet more waiting put together really sucks! It seems like a lot of IF is damn waiting.... waiting for follicles...waiting for ER... waiting for fertilization... transfer... the evil 2ww... it's enough to drive you insane!!

Jen said...

You can always mention this process sucks. Because it does!

Duck said...

wow this sucks, good to have an explination though, sounds like it makes sense.
We had 10 eggs, 8 fertilized, and in the end all 8 were frozen on day 3, so i imagine it makes no difference.
The thaw rate varies from clinic to clinic from what i understand, mine are frozen in straws of 4, and out of 4, they expect 3 to thaw.
Sorry to hear your having a crap day.