Monday, March 31, 2008

Really down.

Now that it's pretty much all over (Lost another 2 pounds fluid and my stomach is shrinking), I'm just left here with nothing to do for the ~now~.

(children mentioned)
My husband is acting strange. He came home from being out of town and did sit down with me for about an hour. Then by 2pm he was in the back bedroom and feel asleep. I needed him to do things for the kids for me because, oh, I don't know, I'm in severe pain. But he just kept sleeping. I finally woke him up and asked him if he was going to do something for the kids for dinner. It was getting late! He said he would and then fell back asleep. I got up and tried to shuffle around, then he came in and acted like he was saving the day to finish up for me. He made the kids sandwiches. For dinner. I'm sorry, but I cook a little better for the kids.

Then what did he do? He went back to lay down in the back room. I woke him up, AGAIN, and asked him if he would please take care of the kids. Snore. So I get up and start taking care of them. Through the pain. I get Allie's PJ's on, teeth brushed, potty, say goodnight to sister and me and then he walks in and says "I'll do this". You'll do what? Turn out the light? Thanks a bunch.

I feel like I did this all for nothing. I have a husband who is acting so bizarre (he's not like this!) and treating me like crap. I have embryos frozen waiting on me. I'm just left with nothing to do right now. I hate this. I feel ~so~ low. I'm still in pain, but it is getting better, but still there. I feel alone in all of this. I'm watching all my cycle buddies go through there ET and getting BFPs. Wow. How is my heart supposed to stay together? Does anyone know of any heart bandaids?


Margelina said...

Hey Nancy...
I won't pretend to even know what you are going through right now. But I can tell you how you are not alone in having your hubby act bizzare and butthole-ish, especially when you need him most right now. Maybe he is dissapointed in having to wait, too, but doesn't know how to say it, or doesn't want to upset you and make you feel bad. I know I spent the last few months of 2007 and most of Jan 2008 helping to care for my terminally ill father. He passed away on Jan. 28, and it all tore me apart and broke my heart. In the midst of this, we were ttc. My hubby was great all that week of the services, but then the week after acted like things were normal, when I was barely holding it together. And when I needed a month-long break ttc to get myself together, he didn't get it, and was mad at me! He just didn't realize that I was broken by all of this.
Not to give you my sob story, but I think guys just maybe deal with things differently than we do, so maybe that's what is going on with him. Either way, you will get through it somehow. Take everyone's support and channel it into strength. You can do it!!

MrsDrink said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so low hun. (((HUGS))) I don't know of any heart band-aids but if I find any, you'll be the first I give one to. I'll be here with you though since my body still has no clue what it's doing.


Duck said...

No heart bandaids here, sorry.
That's weird about your DH, did he have a stressful business trip?

My DH works for a beer maker, his business trips, while there is business, there is also massive excess beer, and he acts like that when he comes home.
Or maybe he's getting some sort of flu? Men can't cope with pain/illness of their own (in my experience).

Hope your feeling better soon.

The Town Criers said...

Aaah, whoever invents heart bandaids will make a mint. I'm so sorry about the lack of help. If this is out of the norm for him, is it possible he's sick? Or just not being thoughtful?

B said...

Oh Nancy. So sorry.

How about some way-off-base assvice from a not-even-in-a-straight-marriage-what-with-the-whole-gay-thing reader?

Your husband may not know WHAT to do and is thus retreating into his proverbial turtle shell. Or he might be depressed. Either way, this isn't what YOU need right now, and I hope that he can pull out of it and support you.

Again, so sorry.


Io said...

Oh honey, I'm sorry you're feeling down. Did you tell your husband what a ______ he was being? I hope he gets his act together and you keep getting better. If I had cardiac bandaids, I would send them in a heartbeat.

Morgan said...

I'm sorry you are feeling so alone Nancy..but you know the last thing you are is alone in all of this. Do you know how many people in this blogworld check in on you EVERY day? But I KWYM, in the real world, in sucks when your husband isn't being supportive and you feel alone, I've been there..and it hurts. And I know from experience there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better so I'll just say nothing and give you a ((HUG))