Now that it's pretty much all over (Lost another 2 pounds fluid and my stomach is shrinking), I'm just left here with nothing to do for the ~now~.
(children mentioned)
My husband is acting strange. He came home from being out of town and did sit down with me for about an hour. Then by 2pm he was in the back bedroom and feel asleep. I needed him to do things for the kids for me because, oh, I don't know, I'm in severe pain. But he just kept sleeping. I finally woke him up and asked him if he was going to do something for the kids for dinner. It was getting late! He said he would and then fell back asleep. I got up and tried to shuffle around, then he came in and acted like he was saving the day to finish up for me. He made the kids sandwiches. For dinner. I'm sorry, but I cook a little better for the kids.
Then what did he do? He went back to lay down in the back room. I woke him up, AGAIN, and asked him if he would please take care of the kids. Snore. So I get up and start taking care of them. Through the pain. I get Allie's PJ's on, teeth brushed, potty, say goodnight to sister and me and then he walks in and says "I'll do this". You'll do what? Turn out the light? Thanks a bunch.
I feel like I did this all for nothing. I have a husband who is acting so bizarre (he's not like this!) and treating me like crap. I have embryos frozen waiting on me. I'm just left with nothing to do right now. I hate this. I feel ~so~ low. I'm still in pain, but it is getting better, but still there. I feel alone in all of this. I'm watching all my cycle buddies go through there ET and getting BFPs. Wow. How is my heart supposed to stay together? Does anyone know of any heart bandaids?
... Once (and still) Infertile, but still Schnarky as hell. This blog is dedicated to the daily ramblings from the mind of Nancy. It isn't about anything profound in the grand scheme of things, but it ~is~ about things in my life, schnarkiness always included. I have a second blog, listed in my profile, but the blogs will continue to remain separate.
"I'm aiming for heaven, but I'll probably wind up down in hell"
About Me
- nancy
- I am a 39 year old woman. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a handsome son. I am a career woman. As for my TTC world, it certainly doesn't seem like I am "infertile", but I fought for my pregnancies and my TTC/IF history is on the sidebar. I have two blogs, which are both listed in my profile. One focuses on my daily life - including IF, TTC, pregnancy, delivery and even some "children mentioned" posts. The second blog is ~soley~ posts directly about being the mother to my three children.
Belly Pics for #3 only.
Click stick figure to see the consecutive pictures from this pregnancy only.
My TTC History
- Jul 01 ~ married
- Jan 02 ~ First cycle off bcps and opk shows ovulation!
- Dec 02 ~ Went to pcp for RE referral
- Jan 03 ~ Testing commences. S/A perfect. HSG clear.
- Feb 03 ~ Lap #1. All clear.
- Apr 03 ~ Clomid cycle #1. BFN.
- May 03 ~ Clomid cycle #2. BFN.
- Jun 03 ~ Clomid cycle #3. BFN.
- Jul 03 ~ Supposed to be IUI#1, but we missed cd3 so natural cycle
- Aug 03 ~ BFP on C18.
- Apr 04 ~ Ella born.
- Oct 04 ~ decided to ttc #2 and went off minipill to see if I am ovulating. I am. Will start next month.
- Nov 04 ~ TTC#2 starts. BFP. Holy Crap. No freaking way. No way.
- Aug 05 ~ Allison born
- Oct 06 ~ IUD removed. TTC#3
- Jan 07 ~ Large cysts found.
- Feb 07 ~ Femara cyle #1
- Mar 07 ~ Started w/ RE. HSG #2 showed R tube blocked. S/A normal.
- Mar 07 ~ more cysts, up to 9cms.
- Apr 07 ~ more cysts, 3 @ 7-9cms.
- May 07 ~ IUI #1 cancelled due to more cysts
- Jun 07 ~ IUI #1 (take two) w/ Clomid. BFN.
- Jul 07 ~ HSS showed scar tissue in 70% of uterus. Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome. Uterine surgery #2
- Aug 07 ~ HSG #3 showed clear tubes.
- Aug 07 ~ IUI #2 w/ Femara. BFN.
- Sept 07 ~ Monitored w/ hCG trigger. BFN.
- Oct 07 ~ HSS #2 showed scar tissue in 30% of uterus. Uterine surgery #3.
- Dec 07 ~ HSS #3 showed tiny amount of scar tissue. Uterine surgery #4.
- Jan 08 ~ HSS #4 showed clear uterus.
- Jan 08 ~ IUI #3, C16. BFN.
- Mar 08 ~ IVF #1, Transfer Cancelled due to lining. Out of 15 eggs, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilized. I have named my 9 embryos "The Mod Squad" and they are in the freezer, waiting for mommy to be ready.
- Apr/May 08 ~ FET #1. C20. 4 embryos "The Fab Four" transferred on 5/05. BFP!!! Very Low Beta (15 at 11dp3dt) but the numers continued to double every 48 hours. Told it was "most likely not viable" and later "most likely ectopic" but we beat all the odds.
- May 16, 08 ~ 11dp3dt (4w0d), beta #1: 15
- May 19, 08 ~ 14dp3dt (4w3d), beta #2: 43
- May 23, 08 ~ 18dp3dt (5w0d), beta#3: 213
- May 27, 22dp3dt (5w4d), beta #4: 1,073
- Jun 08 - Ultrasound showed one heartbeat at 7 weeks.
- Jul 08 - Had CVS testing. Chromosomes are normal and it's a BOY!! EDD: 1/23
- Aug 08 - Jan 09 ~ High risk due to: 1) Velamentous Cord Insertion, deemed biggest risk 2) Previous Placenta Accreta 3) Previous rapid degraged placenta 4) IVF alone can create weak placenta 5) AMA - Advanced Maternal Age. -- All resulting in almost 30 u/s and lots of testing, which ended up saving my life.
- Jan 09 (38w0d) ~ Karl is born! -- Crazy 3 days in hospital. Manual version to flip baby from breech to head down, Labor, Delivery, Emergency surgery due to cord detaching from placenta, Scary heart issues from losing over 40% of my blood supply, and then a blood transfusion due to the extreme loss of blood. Whew!
Blog Archive
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2008
(515)
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March
(39)
- Update on the marriage thing. And it's long.
- It must be ~really~ bad.
- Really down.
- The Mod Squad
- This pain I have
- Introducing ... The Mod Squad.
- Back from my egg retrieval.
- my heart has stopped.
- Oh no.
- Looking for the positives.
- Transfer officially ~cancelled~
- comment that just made me want to throw up.
- IVF Cancelled
- No bueno. sd9.
- Follie report after 7 days of stims.
- I'm still irritated.
- Follie report after 6 days of stims. (updated w/ E2)
- Wow. I am starting to feel it.
- For Laurel and Pete.
- Follie report after 4 days of stims. (update 2)
- The difference an IFer feels about her children.
- E2 levels are low.
- Responses to the Taggings and some feelings.
- Alrighty, well, it's all done.
- I'm stimulated.
- She's here.
- Stim Start appointment.
- Do you believe in "jinxing"?
- Back to the adoption post.
- 300
- WTF?
- "Why don't you just adopt?"
- 2nd injection
- Injections in the belly? Bah.
- I start Lupron tonight!
- "Practice what you preach"
- If I have to study, will there be a test?
- TTCers never stop fighting.
- "This month"
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March
(39)
7 comments:
Hey Nancy...
I won't pretend to even know what you are going through right now. But I can tell you how you are not alone in having your hubby act bizzare and butthole-ish, especially when you need him most right now. Maybe he is dissapointed in having to wait, too, but doesn't know how to say it, or doesn't want to upset you and make you feel bad. I dunno...you know I spent the last few months of 2007 and most of Jan 2008 helping to care for my terminally ill father. He passed away on Jan. 28, and it all tore me apart and broke my heart. In the midst of this, we were ttc. My hubby was great all that week of the services, but then the week after acted like things were normal, when I was barely holding it together. And when I needed a month-long break ttc to get myself together, he didn't get it, and was mad at me! He just didn't realize that I was broken by all of this.
Not to give you my sob story, but I think guys just maybe deal with things differently than we do, so maybe that's what is going on with him. Either way, you will get through it somehow. Take everyone's support and channel it into strength. You can do it!!
I'm sorry you're feeling so low hun. (((HUGS))) I don't know of any heart band-aids but if I find any, you'll be the first I give one to. I'll be here with you though since my body still has no clue what it's doing.
((((HUGS)))))
No heart bandaids here, sorry.
That's weird about your DH, did he have a stressful business trip?
My DH works for a beer maker, his business trips, while there is business, there is also massive excess beer, and he acts like that when he comes home.
Or maybe he's getting some sort of flu? Men can't cope with pain/illness of their own (in my experience).
Hope your feeling better soon.
Aaah, whoever invents heart bandaids will make a mint. I'm so sorry about the lack of help. If this is out of the norm for him, is it possible he's sick? Or just not being thoughtful?
Oh Nancy. So sorry.
How about some way-off-base assvice from a not-even-in-a-straight-marriage-what-with-the-whole-gay-thing reader?
Your husband may not know WHAT to do and is thus retreating into his proverbial turtle shell. Or he might be depressed. Either way, this isn't what YOU need right now, and I hope that he can pull out of it and support you.
Again, so sorry.
Bree
Oh honey, I'm sorry you're feeling down. Did you tell your husband what a ______ he was being? I hope he gets his act together and you keep getting better. If I had cardiac bandaids, I would send them in a heartbeat.
I'm sorry you are feeling so alone Nancy..but you know the last thing you are is alone in all of this. Do you know how many people in this blogworld check in on you EVERY day? But I KWYM, in the real world, in reality...it sucks when your husband isn't being supportive and you feel alone, I've been there..and it hurts. And I know from experience there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better so I'll just say nothing and give you a ((HUG))
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