Monday, March 17, 2008

Responses to the Taggings and some feelings.

I was tagged for a meme a few times in the past week or so, I am finally finding a bit of time to actually do it. Oh, and since I had to look it up myself: "A meme (pronounced /miːm/) consists of any unit of cultural information, such as a practice or idea, that gets transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another. "

1. Miss Artblog tagged me for the book meme. But you know, I was tagged a few weeks ago by someone else and I swear to you, I can't think of who that was right now. Ugh. Brain is not working. I remember even going to her blog and showing how lame my books were at work and why I was going to wait. Damn.

Onto the book meme: The rules are, you look up from the computer, look around the room where you’re sitting and pick up the closest book. Open the book, turn to page 123, count down to the fifth sentence on that page, and then post the next three sentences.

"That may be true, but it's a nightmare from which he wakes up - sobered, but unscathed. In the end, the attraction is fatal only for the single woman. 'I think the biggest mistake filmmakers can make is to say, okay, we're only going to show women who are together and stable and wonderful people,' Lansing says."

This is from Susan Faludi's 1991 book, "Backlash. The Undeclared War Against American Women." It was during my first year of college when I read lots of different things - from a feminist book like this, to many beatnik books like Kerouac's "On The Road". I had recently pulled this book out after reading a comment Mel got on her blogher article about the 2ww. There was a comment by someone that was just terrible and after a little research on the name, it brought me to some feminist articles, which led me to being curious about a few things from this book. So it was still sitting here, next to the computer, which is why it was the nearest book to me.

2. Ahuva Batya tagged me for the todo list meme. The rules are simple: make a list of 5 things you have to get done this week, no matter how small.

one: Balance my checkbook. I just did a bunch of billpays tonight, so I need to get them all in my checkbook and get my budget in order. My way of doing things consist of pay all bills and then take the rest and put it all towards debt. Fun.

two: Acupuncture. This week will consist of two acupuncture appointments, tuesday and friday being the days. I also have incorporated a weekly massage therapy session into this month, but that was today, so I have to wait until next monday for my next one.

three: RE appointments. Looks like three of them as scheduled now, but things can always change in the blink of an eye. Tuesday is lab only. Thursday is lab and u/s. Saturday is lab and u/s.

four: Work. I have so many things to do, I can't even begin to think of them, much less list them out. So I'll just say "work".

five: Dry cleaning. I have a pile sitting next to me consisting of maybe 15 or so items. I ~need~ to take them in!


Well, that's about that. Day two of stimulation is under my belt. I'm so excited for Thursday to see what's going on in there. I know nothing is happening yet and thursday won't tell me the end result, but I do want to see if ~something~ is happening. Oh please, let something be happening.

I'm really anxious right now. BFPs around me makes me think that my own chances are lessened. On my last two "promising" IUI cycles, the only two cycles I actually had a chance due to my uterus finally being in working condition - two girls close to me (one in each cycle) had gotten their own BFP. They were each in the beginning of my own cycle, but still, they got theirs and I failed. I know their successes have nothing to do with my failures, but I can't get statistics out of my head.

Let me just give an example instead of trying to explain it. I actually know someone who won the lottery. Like huge. Lotto. Millions upon millions upon millions of dollars. The fact that I personally know someone is pretty unlikely in itself. So the aspect of me knowing someone ~else~ win the lottery is even less likely. Their win doesn't lessen the chances for any of my other friends who play the lottery, but statistics makes it implausible for me to know someone ~else~ who will win. And that's what I think of my chances of pregnancy when one of my small group of infertiles ends up getting pregnant. The chances of two of us winning in one cycle? It's unlikely. So since my friend got hers, I actually feel much less of a chance that I'll get mine. I know this isn't based in fact of any sort, but it's how I'm feeling.


Sabrina said...

The cycle my friend got pregnant I thought there was no way I would too. She had been TTC for 18 months and I was at 4 and a half years. There was no way we would get lucky enough to be pregnant at the same time. A week later I got my BFP. My daughter is 3 weeks younger than her son.

I tend to think the worst of everything. For whatever reason, nothing is ever as bad as I think it will be. I still can't believe we were pregnant at the same time (or that I got pregnant at all).

I hope you're wrong and you get your BFP this cycle.

(PS. I'm scademarti or wannasailorbaby from WebMD 6+ months way back in the day...not sure if you'd even remember me)

Artblog said...

Yayyy, good sport for doing the meme. Your to do list is interesting :)

Good luck for this cycle, it must be hard to see all the BFPs, but you just never know. X

~Joe said...

I've always seen women get pregnant in packs.When I was expecting there were 5 others that I knew personally for years also expecting,and get this, all girls.Sorry I havent really been commenting,I've been watching from the sidelines I just havent had anything to say.

jenn said...

I find myself being sure this isn't ~my~ turn for the same exact reason. It's true that it doesn't make any sense, but maybe the law of averages is going to start working for us for once...

If it meant anything I would gladly have this be my negative for your positive.

Chas said...

I know exactly what you mean about thinking that b/c everyone else is getting pregnant that it makes it feel like your chances are lessened because of that. I've felt that way many times. I can also relate to the lottery thing. My aunt won some big money in the lottery, not millions, but hundreds of thousands. It makes me much less eager to play the lottery, b/c truly, how likely is it that two people in the same family will win? I guess it's a pessimistic attitude on both the baby making and the lottery, but it's hard not to think statistically sometimes.

Katherine said...

Oh my God. You and I think so much alike. I am watching this *explosion* of BFP's on the ITSG board yesterday, and while I'm insanely happy for everyone there, I keep thinking of IVF success rates and the fact that mine is going DOWN. It's totally unreasonable, I know (look at all the BFNs the past month or two). We've just got to keep thinking positively...

Anonymous said...

Would it help if you told yourself if she did IUI and you are doing IVF, maybe your chances actually haven't gone down? I know, I'm grasping here, just trying to help - maybe give you another way to look at it. I have to say in my personal experience, like joe's, it seems like women do get pregnant in packs. Must be in the water, right? (that is totally sarcastic btw)

waitinginline said...

I'm with you on the only-so-many-to-go-around. It's not logical, but I still feel that way.

I hope you're one of the positive percentage this cycle!!!!!!

Poltzie said...

If it makes you feel any better I know two people who have won over a million in the lottery!?!

Denise said...

Oh, I totally agree with you on the statistic thing. The more BFP's I see while I'm cycling, the more nervous I get. It's like God will only hand out so many BFP's in any one month and it feels like you are still the kid in gym class waiting and hoping to be picked before you end up on the wrong team.