FET next month isn't something that's a for sure. I shouldn't say a FET, because it would still be determined on my lining, but even the CHANCE is not a for sure.
Many things depend on me being ready next month. It's not all just if I get AF on time. Things like my ovaries have to shrink back down to size. My Estrogen levels have to be back down. My lining has to shed (the AF part). Lots of things out of my control depend on me getting a chance or not.
IF I don't have all those things happen by the timing for the April 23rd-May 8th cycle, I'll have to wait until June 2nd. June 2nd. That is almost 10 weeks away. (and if anyone tells me 10 weeks isn't a long time, I will hunt you down and punch you in the face.)
My heart just turned inside out. My nurse just told me it's only a 40% chance I'll get to do my FET next month.
I can't take this. I just can't.
... Once (and still) Infertile, but still Schnarky as hell. This blog is dedicated to the daily ramblings from the mind of Nancy. It isn't about anything profound in the grand scheme of things, but it ~is~ about things in my life, schnarkiness always included. I have a second blog, listed in my profile, but the blogs will continue to remain separate.
"I'm aiming for heaven, but I'll probably wind up down in hell"
About Me
- nancy
- I am a 39 year old woman. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a handsome son. I am a career woman. As for my TTC world, it certainly doesn't seem like I am "infertile", but I fought for my pregnancies and my TTC/IF history is on the sidebar. I have two blogs, which are both listed in my profile. One focuses on my daily life - including IF, TTC, pregnancy, delivery and even some "children mentioned" posts. The second blog is ~soley~ posts directly about being the mother to my three children.
Belly Pics for #3 only.
Click stick figure to see the consecutive pictures from this pregnancy only.
My TTC History
- Jul 01 ~ married
- Jan 02 ~ First cycle off bcps and opk shows ovulation!
- Dec 02 ~ Went to pcp for RE referral
- Jan 03 ~ Testing commences. S/A perfect. HSG clear.
- Feb 03 ~ Lap #1. All clear.
- Apr 03 ~ Clomid cycle #1. BFN.
- May 03 ~ Clomid cycle #2. BFN.
- Jun 03 ~ Clomid cycle #3. BFN.
- Jul 03 ~ Supposed to be IUI#1, but we missed cd3 so natural cycle
- Aug 03 ~ BFP on C18.
- Apr 04 ~ Ella born.
- Oct 04 ~ decided to ttc #2 and went off minipill to see if I am ovulating. I am. Will start next month.
- Nov 04 ~ TTC#2 starts. BFP. Holy Crap. No freaking way. No way.
- Aug 05 ~ Allison born
- Oct 06 ~ IUD removed. TTC#3
- Jan 07 ~ Large cysts found.
- Feb 07 ~ Femara cyle #1
- Mar 07 ~ Started w/ RE. HSG #2 showed R tube blocked. S/A normal.
- Mar 07 ~ more cysts, up to 9cms.
- Apr 07 ~ more cysts, 3 @ 7-9cms.
- May 07 ~ IUI #1 cancelled due to more cysts
- Jun 07 ~ IUI #1 (take two) w/ Clomid. BFN.
- Jul 07 ~ HSS showed scar tissue in 70% of uterus. Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome. Uterine surgery #2
- Aug 07 ~ HSG #3 showed clear tubes.
- Aug 07 ~ IUI #2 w/ Femara. BFN.
- Sept 07 ~ Monitored w/ hCG trigger. BFN.
- Oct 07 ~ HSS #2 showed scar tissue in 30% of uterus. Uterine surgery #3.
- Dec 07 ~ HSS #3 showed tiny amount of scar tissue. Uterine surgery #4.
- Jan 08 ~ HSS #4 showed clear uterus.
- Jan 08 ~ IUI #3, C16. BFN.
- Mar 08 ~ IVF #1, Transfer Cancelled due to lining. Out of 15 eggs, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilized. I have named my 9 embryos "The Mod Squad" and they are in the freezer, waiting for mommy to be ready.
- Apr/May 08 ~ FET #1. C20. 4 embryos "The Fab Four" transferred on 5/05. BFP!!! Very Low Beta (15 at 11dp3dt) but the numers continued to double every 48 hours. Told it was "most likely not viable" and later "most likely ectopic" but we beat all the odds.
- May 16, 08 ~ 11dp3dt (4w0d), beta #1: 15
- May 19, 08 ~ 14dp3dt (4w3d), beta #2: 43
- May 23, 08 ~ 18dp3dt (5w0d), beta#3: 213
- May 27, 22dp3dt (5w4d), beta #4: 1,073
- Jun 08 - Ultrasound showed one heartbeat at 7 weeks.
- Jul 08 - Had CVS testing. Chromosomes are normal and it's a BOY!! EDD: 1/23
- Aug 08 - Jan 09 ~ High risk due to: 1) Velamentous Cord Insertion, deemed biggest risk 2) Previous Placenta Accreta 3) Previous rapid degraged placenta 4) IVF alone can create weak placenta 5) AMA - Advanced Maternal Age. -- All resulting in almost 30 u/s and lots of testing, which ended up saving my life.
- Jan 09 (38w0d) ~ Karl is born! -- Crazy 3 days in hospital. Manual version to flip baby from breech to head down, Labor, Delivery, Emergency surgery due to cord detaching from placenta, Scary heart issues from losing over 40% of my blood supply, and then a blood transfusion due to the extreme loss of blood. Whew!
Blog Archive
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2008
(515)
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March
(39)
- Update on the marriage thing. And it's long.
- It must be ~really~ bad.
- Really down.
- The Mod Squad
- This pain I have
- Introducing ... The Mod Squad.
- Back from my egg retrieval.
- my heart has stopped.
- Oh no.
- Looking for the positives.
- Transfer officially ~cancelled~
- comment that just made me want to throw up.
- IVF Cancelled
- No bueno. sd9.
- Follie report after 7 days of stims.
- I'm still irritated.
- Follie report after 6 days of stims. (updated w/ E2)
- Wow. I am starting to feel it.
- For Laurel and Pete.
- Follie report after 4 days of stims. (update 2)
- The difference an IFer feels about her children.
- E2 levels are low.
- Responses to the Taggings and some feelings.
- Alrighty, well, it's all done.
- I'm stimulated.
- She's here.
- Stim Start appointment.
- Do you believe in "jinxing"?
- Back to the adoption post.
- 300
- WTF?
- "Why don't you just adopt?"
- 2nd injection
- Injections in the belly? Bah.
- I start Lupron tonight!
- "Practice what you preach"
- If I have to study, will there be a test?
- TTCers never stop fighting.
- "This month"
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March
(39)
13 comments:
I do not want you to hunt me down and punch me in the face, so I will say that 10 weeks sucks. It does too. I hope you are able to go directly into FET.
I keep staring at the screen willing the right words to come.
I'm just so sorry Nancy. It's incredibly unfair.
It sucks.
Sucks.
Sucks.
Ten weeks seems a lifetime away... Uggh. I am so sorry. This sucks rocks.
I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and that I posted something more to you on ITSG. I'm rooting for you for next month.
:( (((Big Hug))
I wish I had some words of wisdom for you.
All I can say is it that this sucks...
I am so sorry Nancy. That is kind of how I am feeling lately. I just don't know if I will get to do my IUI next month, and if not that makes 3 months of waiting. Way too long. I am sorry for the anxiety the waiting brings. I will keep you in my prayers.
Beth
10 weeks?! ppshaw.... hell yes, that sucks! I wish to God things were different...
((((((hugs)))))))
fuck. I want to will that 40% to apply to you. All the karma I have built up & am trying to build I am sending your way- because this shit has got to fucking stop. It just sucks Nancy.
10 weeks sucks big hairy monkey....
Yes 10 weeks does totally absolutely suck.
My clinic insisted on having at least one natural cycle before starting FET, but i'm taking 2 cycles.
still holding on hope that you can transfer
Oh, Nancy. I'm so sorry you keep getting the news you don't want.
Abiding with you...
Nancy, you are so right in acknowledging the suckiness. But I am glad that you are aware of the chances and pitfalls. If it makes you feel any better, with my freeze all cycle, I got my period about a week after the retrieval (maybe a day or two longer), my E2 levels were fine, and I was back to normal.
But you are right about all of the things that can go wrong. That next cycle (our first attempt at FET) they found an "irregularity" in my lining which resulted in a cancelled cycle and a D&C (and more waiting). I was devastated because I was really given the impression that we could go forward very quickly. Of course, they couldn't predict the irregularity. But it is good that you know the facts. Even if the facts suck.
I'm sorry, none of that probably made you feel any better. Just know that I've been there and I'm sorry that you are there now. Be good to yourself.
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