Sunday, November 16, 2008

I'm Not Smart.

I complain that I'm ~so~ tired and get no rest on the weekends. Yet when I can sleep and get rested, I choose not to. See? Dumb.

Busy day yesterday and after everything was settled, I decide to go over to my wifey-to-be's house (roller derby thing. some girls get a derby wife and I was 'claimed' for my return. it's silly, yes, but it just means i have a derby bff.) at 1030pm. And I stayed until 1am. And then me and hubby stayed up in bed and hung out (watched the end of 2 stupid movies, giggled, cuddled, got some and watched something else that was too dumb to stay awake) for 2 hours before we went to sleep. And the kids were up at 6:55am. Awesome.

So now I must get ready for my massage. Lunch. Kids to nap. Birthday party. And I think I'm going to keel over in exhaustion. Today's massage is definitely going to be one I'll have to fight to stay awake. I hate falling asleep during a massage - what a waste!

---

I also wanted to comment on a comment from my last post about the whole "pregnancy after IF" thing. I'm sure no one actually thought I was coming anywhere close to saying I think IFers should "shut up and deal with their pregnant counterparts". I'm sure it's obvious I was explaining how being pregnant after IF is hard because most all IFers will always remember where we came from, but we still need to be happy about our babies if/when we do conceive. And that as an non-preg IFer, self preservation is perfectly acceptable and it's what I did many, many, many times. But to also understand most pregnant IFers are not "rubbing it in" when we complain about the many pains of pregnancy or when we inadvertently rub our bellies. I would hope ~all~ pregnant IFers would keep this in mind when around a ttc-er and try to keep things like this to a minimum, but if we are "caught" complaining, it's never meant in malice.

Take this insane analogy ... Say I got my arm cut off in a logging accident and I was able to have it reattached. Saying I'm happy as fuck I didn't lose my arm would be obvious. But not expecting me to complain if I cut my hand super bad would be silly too. A bad hand slice would still hurt, regardless of how happy I was to even have a hand to get cut in the first place. Pregnancy is kinda/sorta the same kind of thing. We're outrageously happy to be pregnant, yet the normal pains of pregnancy still hurt. Having "beat" infertility doesn't make my pubic bone's pain any better - it fucking hurts no matter what I went through. AND ... by all means, I don't think a ttc-er should just "shut up and listen" to us complain though. That's where the self-preservation thing ~must~ still come in when you need it. Click away. Take time off or stop reading someone all together, I totally and completely understand. But don't think just because I complain means I have "forgotten" where I'm from.

15 comments:

Peeveme said...

I completely agree. Also, I think it makes a hug difference HOW the pregnant infertile complains. Some people come off as completely clueless and it can be hurtful. It's like they totally forgot about what it's like to be infertile. Others complain but are able to keep it in perspective and have empathy for those who are still not pregnant. KWIM? For me, you are in the later category.

Jennifer said...

Thought you'd like this...
http://cgi.ebay.com/AB-CD-Shirt-AC-DC-ACDC-T-Shirt-YOUTH-XSmall-2-%2F-4-2T-4T_W0QQitemZ370111863517QQcmdZViewItemQQimsxZ20081112?IMSfp=TL081112115003r18776

Rita said...

I try to keep reminding myself that every woman is on a different road and we all have different challenges. This way I don't take it personally (or try not to) when a former IFer is pregnant. I am genuinely happy for family and friends who are pregnant - but I too need to make sure I am in a good place before I attend baby showers. I haven't been attending them as of late, but maybe after I pass 36 I will reconcile my destiny and attend again.

JamieD said...

I love your analogies . . .

~*JaYmE*~ said...

I hope you get some rest soon! I dont know how you can stay up like that. I'm not pregnant & even I cant barely stay up past 1! Thanks for your comment on my blog. I probably have a million questions for you on IVF. I'm just so afraid of it not working. I know you know where I'm coming from. Any tips? Words of wisdom? Anything! I just want this to work so damn bad. Im wondering what all drugs you had to take and how long? I figure I will be on BCP for a few weeks so I'm thinking my ER & ET will be in the middle of December. Feel free to email me if you have any advice for me. Thanks so much! J_Dasenbrock@yahoo.com

nancy said...

Jennifer - I already have that t-shirt! heh. You were right, I would like it! :)

nancy said...

jayme - I'm emailing you....

Io said...

See, now I have the urge to run around my house pretending my arm has been tragically ripped off in a logging accident.
You are the best analogy maker.

Hollie said...

LOL about cutting off the arm analogy. Very true. I do try to be careful around IF friends not to only talk about pregnancy. My BFF is dealing with IF and throwing me a baby shower. I talked to her about it and told her she didn't have to, but she said she wants to. She is just starting out on getting diagnosed and treated, so she's still positive about TTC.

jenn said...

That is a fantastic analogy- you do always have great ones!

I try to be careful to the point that I find myself having to just stop talking on occasions in fear I will monopolize the conversation to be all baby-centric. I really didn't want to be one of those pregnant ladies that can't talk about anything else, but it is addictive. You just want to enjoy it & talk about it! (This is with non-IFers in my face to face life btw.)

I only have a few people that I am hesitant to even be around, always very conscious of how they could feel looking at the bump. But even with my blog, I just need to be able to talk about all of it. Not that I am doing much talking these days, but you know what I mean.

I hear you on the sleep thing, well kind of. The dogs & hub woke me up at 7:30 am after a long night. A massage right now would knock me out completely!

Kymberli said...

All good points, as usual. You always have a great way of presenting both sides of the coins. Even if it involves bloody amputation and fun stuff like that.

Mo and Will said...

Nancy,

Great post. It's hard to imagine WHAT I'll feel the next time I get (and hopefully stay) pregnant. Similar to the logging accident analogy : ), I had cancer in my twenties, and I always swore that when I was better I would NEVER EVER take anything for granted ever again. And I am truly grateful to have regained my health. But do I complain sometimes? Yup. Do I sometimes catch myself taking things for granted? Definitely. Guess we're all human (IFers, pregnant women, and cancer survivors) after all.

Mo

www.lifeandloveinthepetridish.blogspot.com

Nikki said...

I hope you enjoyed your massage, and didn't fall asleep! And I hope you got some rest too!

I agree that a pregnant infertile has it tough from both ends. One, she had to deal with the crap of infertility, and two, if she complains, then it is assumed that she is now one of "them".

I think it depends on how the complaining is done, or what it is about. She may have struggled with IF, but despite that, her pregnancy may be tough.

General whiners are not appreciated ;-)

Having said that, I realize as an IFer that I am MUCH more accepting of a pregnant infertile, than I am of a fertile who gets pregnant. A pregnant infertile symbolizes hope in some ways.

calliope said...

great post. I feel weird about being pregnant after so many years of IF. I also feel like if I hurt I should just buck up and shut up because aren't I lucky to be hurting THIS way as opposed to the way I hurt all the previous years. It is a hard line to walk in blogland to write about BEING knocked up when you know that so many of your readers are struggling so I probably don't muse on things as much as I would like. sigh

The Captain's Wife said...

You're belly looks way bigger from the front than from the side! How does that happen? Looking at your side view you look tiny, but when you turned for the front view you are just so perfectly round! I am still bigger than you and a little over a week behind you..dammit!