I complain that I'm ~so~ tired and get no rest on the weekends. Yet when I can sleep and get rested, I choose not to. See? Dumb.
Busy day yesterday and after everything was settled, I decide to go over to my wifey-to-be's house (roller derby thing. some girls get a derby wife and I was 'claimed' for my return. it's silly, yes, but it just means i have a derby bff.) at 1030pm. And I stayed until 1am. And then me and hubby stayed up in bed and hung out (watched the end of 2 stupid movies, giggled, cuddled, got some and watched something else that was too dumb to stay awake) for 2 hours before we went to sleep. And the kids were up at 6:55am. Awesome.
So now I must get ready for my massage. Lunch. Kids to nap. Birthday party. And I think I'm going to keel over in exhaustion. Today's massage is definitely going to be one I'll have to fight to stay awake. I hate falling asleep during a massage - what a waste!
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I also wanted to comment on a comment from my last post about the whole "pregnancy after IF" thing. I'm sure no one actually thought I was coming anywhere close to saying I think IFers should "shut up and deal with their pregnant counterparts". I'm sure it's obvious I was explaining how being pregnant after IF is hard because most all IFers will always remember where we came from, but we still need to be happy about our babies if/when we do conceive. And that as an non-preg IFer, self preservation is perfectly acceptable and it's what I did many, many, many times. But to also understand most pregnant IFers are not "rubbing it in" when we complain about the many pains of pregnancy or when we inadvertently rub our bellies. I would hope ~all~ pregnant IFers would keep this in mind when around a ttc-er and try to keep things like this to a minimum, but if we are "caught" complaining, it's never meant in malice.
Take this insane analogy ... Say I got my arm cut off in a logging accident and I was able to have it reattached. Saying I'm happy as fuck I didn't lose my arm would be obvious. But not expecting me to complain if I cut my hand super bad would be silly too. A bad hand slice would still hurt, regardless of how happy I was to even have a hand to get cut in the first place. Pregnancy is kinda/sorta the same kind of thing. We're outrageously happy to be pregnant, yet the normal pains of pregnancy still hurt. Having "beat" infertility doesn't make my pubic bone's pain any better - it fucking hurts no matter what I went through. AND ... by all means, I don't think a ttc-er should just "shut up and listen" to us complain though. That's where the self-preservation thing ~must~ still come in when you need it. Click away. Take time off or stop reading someone all together, I totally and completely understand. But don't think just because I complain means I have "forgotten" where I'm from.
... Once (and still) Infertile, but still Schnarky as hell. This blog is dedicated to the daily ramblings from the mind of Nancy. It isn't about anything profound in the grand scheme of things, but it ~is~ about things in my life, schnarkiness always included. I have a second blog, listed in my profile, but the blogs will continue to remain separate.
"I'm aiming for heaven, but I'll probably wind up down in hell"
About Me
- nancy
- I am a 39 year old woman. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a handsome son. I am a career woman. As for my TTC world, it certainly doesn't seem like I am "infertile", but I fought for my pregnancies and my TTC/IF history is on the sidebar. I have two blogs, which are both listed in my profile. One focuses on my daily life - including IF, TTC, pregnancy, delivery and even some "children mentioned" posts. The second blog is ~soley~ posts directly about being the mother to my three children.
Belly Pics for #3 only.
Click stick figure to see the consecutive pictures from this pregnancy only.
My TTC History
- Jul 01 ~ married
- Jan 02 ~ First cycle off bcps and opk shows ovulation!
- Dec 02 ~ Went to pcp for RE referral
- Jan 03 ~ Testing commences. S/A perfect. HSG clear.
- Feb 03 ~ Lap #1. All clear.
- Apr 03 ~ Clomid cycle #1. BFN.
- May 03 ~ Clomid cycle #2. BFN.
- Jun 03 ~ Clomid cycle #3. BFN.
- Jul 03 ~ Supposed to be IUI#1, but we missed cd3 so natural cycle
- Aug 03 ~ BFP on C18.
- Apr 04 ~ Ella born.
- Oct 04 ~ decided to ttc #2 and went off minipill to see if I am ovulating. I am. Will start next month.
- Nov 04 ~ TTC#2 starts. BFP. Holy Crap. No freaking way. No way.
- Aug 05 ~ Allison born
- Oct 06 ~ IUD removed. TTC#3
- Jan 07 ~ Large cysts found.
- Feb 07 ~ Femara cyle #1
- Mar 07 ~ Started w/ RE. HSG #2 showed R tube blocked. S/A normal.
- Mar 07 ~ more cysts, up to 9cms.
- Apr 07 ~ more cysts, 3 @ 7-9cms.
- May 07 ~ IUI #1 cancelled due to more cysts
- Jun 07 ~ IUI #1 (take two) w/ Clomid. BFN.
- Jul 07 ~ HSS showed scar tissue in 70% of uterus. Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome. Uterine surgery #2
- Aug 07 ~ HSG #3 showed clear tubes.
- Aug 07 ~ IUI #2 w/ Femara. BFN.
- Sept 07 ~ Monitored w/ hCG trigger. BFN.
- Oct 07 ~ HSS #2 showed scar tissue in 30% of uterus. Uterine surgery #3.
- Dec 07 ~ HSS #3 showed tiny amount of scar tissue. Uterine surgery #4.
- Jan 08 ~ HSS #4 showed clear uterus.
- Jan 08 ~ IUI #3, C16. BFN.
- Mar 08 ~ IVF #1, Transfer Cancelled due to lining. Out of 15 eggs, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilized. I have named my 9 embryos "The Mod Squad" and they are in the freezer, waiting for mommy to be ready.
- Apr/May 08 ~ FET #1. C20. 4 embryos "The Fab Four" transferred on 5/05. BFP!!! Very Low Beta (15 at 11dp3dt) but the numers continued to double every 48 hours. Told it was "most likely not viable" and later "most likely ectopic" but we beat all the odds.
- May 16, 08 ~ 11dp3dt (4w0d), beta #1: 15
- May 19, 08 ~ 14dp3dt (4w3d), beta #2: 43
- May 23, 08 ~ 18dp3dt (5w0d), beta#3: 213
- May 27, 22dp3dt (5w4d), beta #4: 1,073
- Jun 08 - Ultrasound showed one heartbeat at 7 weeks.
- Jul 08 - Had CVS testing. Chromosomes are normal and it's a BOY!! EDD: 1/23
- Aug 08 - Jan 09 ~ High risk due to: 1) Velamentous Cord Insertion, deemed biggest risk 2) Previous Placenta Accreta 3) Previous rapid degraged placenta 4) IVF alone can create weak placenta 5) AMA - Advanced Maternal Age. -- All resulting in almost 30 u/s and lots of testing, which ended up saving my life.
- Jan 09 (38w0d) ~ Karl is born! -- Crazy 3 days in hospital. Manual version to flip baby from breech to head down, Labor, Delivery, Emergency surgery due to cord detaching from placenta, Scary heart issues from losing over 40% of my blood supply, and then a blood transfusion due to the extreme loss of blood. Whew!
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- Pooping while pushing out a baby.
- p.s.
- Odds and Ends and Presents (Oh My!)
- This is not a witty title.
- He's out of surgery
- Could I get some good thoughts here please? (updated)
- Just a whole bunch of niceness.
- NFL uniforms are ~not~ "cute".
- How clean is your water?
- psst...
- What bugs you?
- That was fun, but now I'm bored.
- ~giggle~
- How many babies should you make at once?
- Message boards.
- Ouch.
- Thanks everyone ...
- Question about Miscarriage.
- Welcome to the World.
- Uh-oh. I'm schnarky.
- How true is this?
- Did I say I wasn't smart?
- I'm Not Smart.
- Randomness
- IFers "vs" Pregnancy
- And Here's What I Think
- A Few Very Easy Questions for You.
- Hospitals are ~Fun~!
- A Guest Post, Courtesy of The Great Blog Cross Pol...
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- I Feel Like Jennifer Grey
- If you want to ...
- U/S #15 update.
- Thank you doppler company.
- The Vaccination Debate
- The Flu Shot.
- Huge Blog Achievement & It's Done!
- Psst.
- This is just too funny not to share here.
- Date night!
- Top Cat, Hubcaps & Boomerangs
- Sleep.
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15 comments:
I completely agree. Also, I think it makes a hug difference HOW the pregnant infertile complains. Some people come off as completely clueless and it can be hurtful. It's like they totally forgot about what it's like to be infertile. Others complain but are able to keep it in perspective and have empathy for those who are still not pregnant. KWIM? For me, you are in the later category.
Thought you'd like this...
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I try to keep reminding myself that every woman is on a different road and we all have different challenges. This way I don't take it personally (or try not to) when a former IFer is pregnant. I am genuinely happy for family and friends who are pregnant - but I too need to make sure I am in a good place before I attend baby showers. I haven't been attending them as of late, but maybe after I pass 36 I will reconcile my destiny and attend again.
I love your analogies . . .
I hope you get some rest soon! I dont know how you can stay up like that. I'm not pregnant & even I cant barely stay up past 1! Thanks for your comment on my blog. I probably have a million questions for you on IVF. I'm just so afraid of it not working. I know you know where I'm coming from. Any tips? Words of wisdom? Anything! I just want this to work so damn bad. Im wondering what all drugs you had to take and how long? I figure I will be on BCP for a few weeks so I'm thinking my ER & ET will be in the middle of December. Feel free to email me if you have any advice for me. Thanks so much! J_Dasenbrock@yahoo.com
Jennifer - I already have that t-shirt! heh. You were right, I would like it! :)
jayme - I'm emailing you....
See, now I have the urge to run around my house pretending my arm has been tragically ripped off in a logging accident.
You are the best analogy maker.
LOL about cutting off the arm analogy. Very true. I do try to be careful around IF friends not to only talk about pregnancy. My BFF is dealing with IF and throwing me a baby shower. I talked to her about it and told her she didn't have to, but she said she wants to. She is just starting out on getting diagnosed and treated, so she's still positive about TTC.
That is a fantastic analogy- you do always have great ones!
I try to be careful to the point that I find myself having to just stop talking on occasions in fear I will monopolize the conversation to be all baby-centric. I really didn't want to be one of those pregnant ladies that can't talk about anything else, but it is addictive. You just want to enjoy it & talk about it! (This is with non-IFers in my face to face life btw.)
I only have a few people that I am hesitant to even be around, always very conscious of how they could feel looking at the bump. But even with my blog, I just need to be able to talk about all of it. Not that I am doing much talking these days, but you know what I mean.
I hear you on the sleep thing, well kind of. The dogs & hub woke me up at 7:30 am after a long night. A massage right now would knock me out completely!
All good points, as usual. You always have a great way of presenting both sides of the coins. Even if it involves bloody amputation and fun stuff like that.
Nancy,
Great post. It's hard to imagine WHAT I'll feel the next time I get (and hopefully stay) pregnant. Similar to the logging accident analogy : ), I had cancer in my twenties, and I always swore that when I was better I would NEVER EVER take anything for granted ever again. And I am truly grateful to have regained my health. But do I complain sometimes? Yup. Do I sometimes catch myself taking things for granted? Definitely. Guess we're all human (IFers, pregnant women, and cancer survivors) after all.
Mo
www.lifeandloveinthepetridish.blogspot.com
I hope you enjoyed your massage, and didn't fall asleep! And I hope you got some rest too!
I agree that a pregnant infertile has it tough from both ends. One, she had to deal with the crap of infertility, and two, if she complains, then it is assumed that she is now one of "them".
I think it depends on how the complaining is done, or what it is about. She may have struggled with IF, but despite that, her pregnancy may be tough.
General whiners are not appreciated ;-)
Having said that, I realize as an IFer that I am MUCH more accepting of a pregnant infertile, than I am of a fertile who gets pregnant. A pregnant infertile symbolizes hope in some ways.
great post. I feel weird about being pregnant after so many years of IF. I also feel like if I hurt I should just buck up and shut up because aren't I lucky to be hurting THIS way as opposed to the way I hurt all the previous years. It is a hard line to walk in blogland to write about BEING knocked up when you know that so many of your readers are struggling so I probably don't muse on things as much as I would like. sigh
You're belly looks way bigger from the front than from the side! How does that happen? Looking at your side view you look tiny, but when you turned for the front view you are just so perfectly round! I am still bigger than you and a little over a week behind you..dammit!
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