Message boards.

I first got into this whole infertility/pregnant/parenting community back when I was ttc#1 back in 2002. Since them, I've been fortunate enough to run through the whole gamut almost 3 complete times. Before I blogged, I was solely on the boards all the time. I still "know" many women from all of my go arounds, sometimes being surprised that we actually met on the boards and in not some other fashion.

I was just thinking about the differences between the boards and thought I could make it into a semi-interesting blog post.

TTC-JSO (Trying To Conceive, Just Starting Out). Ahhhh. The innocence of this board. Full of hope and well, they should be, as 60-80% of these girls will get pregnant before having to move on. The problem with this board though is if you know anything at all about your reproductive system, questions will annoy the shit out of you. And if you do have to graduate to the next step of ttc, all the BFPs will also annoy you. Not because you are pissed someone else is pregnant, but because you aren't. It's hard to watch EVERYONE get pregnant without you. Especially when the majority of the BFPs are from the same girls who just assumed they'd get pregnant.

TTC-6+months. And so you move on, a little wiser, a little more bitter. But you are still within those "normal" limits of under a year and still hopeful. The others on the board are now half and half from those who still don't get it and those who are starting to worry because there ~may~ be a problem. The BFNs are wearing on you, but you still have hope. And then the dreaded year mark comes and goes. Off to the next board.

TTC-12+months. Officially bitter. You seek treatment (or not) and you know you are falling into the "infertile" category now. Most everyone on this board follows "board etiquette" as they have been around for awhile now. Much more support is given because the girls have known each other for awhile now and after watching so many others get a BFP and not you, a camaraderie builds. Pretty heavy topics can be discussed and most people understand all about the reproductive system. "Stupid questions" aren't asked anymore and everyone is truly in support of one another. This is also the last place to go if you don't move to treatments. This is "home" to many a broken hearts. I was personally a "member" for 6 months the first time and 8 months the second time. Well, actually longer the second time because I skipped the whole JSO thing (and there was only a 6+ month board), so I was really in one place for 20 months.

TTC-ITSG (Infertility Treatment Support Group). This board has changed recently, so I can't really comment how it is ~now~, but when I moved here when on my first IUI in June 07, it was a close knit group of women. "Rules" were serious here as we were all bitter and very emotionally touchy. You didn't put "trigs" in the subject when necessary, it was pointed out immediately. You didn't see too many lurkers just popping in with their BFP news like you see on the other boards, it felt "safer". These women were women who were going through IUIs, IVFs and FETs. There weren't many girls simply on medicated cycles and really, not many having "just" IUIs. These were the big hitters going for the big treatments. Many failed. Many succeeded. Once you were "in" the group by showing you weren't only asking for help/support for yourself, but you helped and supported everyone else, these women would take care of you whenever you needed them. It was probably the closest group of women I've ever had the pleasure (although unfortunate circumstances) to meet.

And then, if you were lucky enough to graduate, there were the pregnancy boards.

1st Trimester. Oh good lord. I couldn't stand this board when I belonged. It seemed like it was a never ending slew of newbies asking the same questions over and over. And the non-pregnant girls who wanted advice from the 1st tri requesting advice on ttc (which is funny, as most of these girls just got pregnant. You want to ask a question? Ask a TTCer who's been at it forever.). And there is a lot of horror stories here too, as many pregnancies do end in miscarriage, so this is where you see them all. If you have any anxiety at ALL in your pregnancy, this board will freak you out.

2nd Trimester. You are getting in the groove of things, but still, nothing much is happening to discuss. So lots of people talking about gender and the big u/s and the beginning of feeling movement. I've always thought 2nd tri is the most "boring".

3rd Trimester. Birth stories, the question "what should i pack" is asked 1,000 times, labor, movement, complaining, registries, baby showers, women asking for inductions because they are "tired". Ugh. It's fun the first time, but I find myself not being able to really get into it.

PAIF (Pregnancy After Infertility). The home of anyone who understands infertility, not really who went through infertility. There are women who simply got pregnant naturally but had gone through IF in the past. Or women who simply took a cycle of clomid. The majority are, in fact, women who are pregnant after infertility they just had, but it's definitely not a steadfast rule. Everyone is accepted though and no one is deemed "more infertile" than the next. These women stay in one place the whole pregnancy and we cheer each other on. This is where I would call my board "home" now.

PA35 (Pregnancy After 35). A good board for us old ladies ~wink~, but I find that it's hard to be part of the group because of my infertility. Not everyone here understands the trials and tribulations of infertility which is a major influence throughout this pregnancy for me. And there is simply a different "vibe" here. I want to say it's more mature, but I don't want to make the other boards sound immature, although there ~are~ instances of immaturity in the other boards. There is also a different viewpoint of invasive tests here, which are more on our minds because of our age. But I've found that testing is almost frowned upon here and I'm not sure why. Whether it's because of our age and it very well maybe our last "chance" at a pregnancy so why would we risk it? Or that we went into this knowing the risks so we are more okay with the result set. I'm not sure. But I'm not as frightened of the stats of testing because of going through IVF/FET. With everything I went through and the odds I beat to begin with, the risks of CVS/amnio just doesn't phase me as it does others. Again, there is that difference between going through IF and not.


Anyone agree with me? Disagree? This ended up not being such a fun and exciting post.