Pooping while pushing out a baby.

I recently talked about this subject on my "home" pregnancy message board, but thought it was interesting enough to bring it to my blog too.

When I was pregnant with my first, pooping while pushing was an unknown to me. I never read that chapter in my "what to expect" book. My Lamaze teacher also didn't mention it. But apparently, it's a common thing to happen. My thoughts are - if it's so damned common, why the hell doesn't the new mom-to-be know about it? To be fair, I did know about unexpected diarrhea where the woman took Castor oil to get labor going, but I know the Castor oil simply aggravates your colon, which in turn, can start labor. So I know not to go that route. But I didn't know normal pooping was a part of this.

I first heard about it from a guy at work. There I was, approaching birth and it somehow is brought up during lunch. (yes, lunch.) He said he was surprised when his wife pooped while pushing out their first child. He went on to say it wasn't the fact she pooped and he saw it, as it was cleared away by the nurse really quickly and no one said anything about it, but this is what got me... He said, "I could not believe that smell came out of my wife. I'll never forget the stench."

Oh. My. God.

I'm sure this poor woman has no idea he is telling this story to his work buddies. Hell, I don't even know if she knows she pooped. But the possibility of my husband keeping it from me and telling his friends just completely and totally horrifies me. It bothered me so much that as I approach my due date, my meals become more of a liquid diet (think soup broth) in hopes I don't have to unload while pushing.

Thankfully, when labor was upon me with my first two babies, the labors were long and my system was working overtime, so I was able to accomplish everything I needed to, um, "remove" before it was time to push. And to tell you the truth, I have no idea if I did or not, but my husband knew of my fear, so if he did see something, his lips are sealed. So I'm just going to pretend I did not have this happen.

Well, in speaking about this to the random message board, I got a lot of responses.

~ "When it comes time, you won't care."
-- Um, yes I will. I have gone through this twice. And yes, the pain is real and you will do what you need to do. But while the nurse was holding my right leg and my husband was holding my left and counting to 10 with each contraction, I was chanting in my head "don't poop. don't poop. don't poop." So yeah, when the time comes, I ~do~ think of it. And honestly, if the deal was I had to take a 5 lb crap in the doctor's hand to get the baby out, I'd happily do it. I just don't want my husband involved. My husband is the one who has to keep everything he sees separate from my sexiness, so it's already a fine line he has to walk. I'd rather not add a big crap to it.

~ "Everyone does it."
-- No, everyone does not do it. In my 5 years of knowing about this issue, I've discussed it with a lot of women. Yes, some women do poop. But many don't. It is common, I understand that. And I know when it happens, it's taken care of without as much as a syllable uttered. But really, I'd rather it just not happen all together.

~ "A liquid diet will give you liquid poop!"
-- Again, no. I'm careful with what I eat and the past two times has saved my ass, literally. But no big bouts of diarrhea has happened. It's not like I'm going to eat big bowls of liquid chilies.

~ "You can always opt for an enema"
-- I actually don't know too much about this. I know it was once offered and some hospitals still offer it. I don't know if my hospital is one of them or not, but I've not needed it. I'll cross that bridge if and when it comes.

~ "That woman's husband was terrible. I know my husband wouldn't say that!"
-- All I can say is that guy's wife probably would say the exact same thing.

~ "Your husband won't care. We'd be able to laugh about it! Of course he knows that you poop, it's only human!"
-- Uh-huh. I understand he wouldn't stand and point and laugh at me. And I know he knows I poop. But I'm a private pooper, I don't talk about it and we don't joke about it. And really, pooping in the privacy of your bathroom and pooping spread eagle on a table while one of the most important things in your life is happening? Totally different. And I'd just rather pooping not be a part of birthing my child.

I'm really not a prude, I promise. I just don't want to take a shit in front of my husband moments before my child comes out of my vagina. Birth is traumatic enough for my husband to deal with. You know that "no sex for 6 weeks" rule the OB gives a new mom? I truly believe it's simply time for the father to get over the sight of seeing a baby come out of what has always been his favorite play toy.

Ah, the joys of childbirth. Or should I say, the joys of my totally irrational fears?