Friday, May 2, 2008

I love me a big fat rollercoaster ride & girls who rule. (updated at end)

Oh yes ma'am. I ~love~ rollercoasters.

Did you read Mel's Friday's RoundUp? I had asked the magic 8 ball if I'd make it to transfer and even it didn't know how to respond. It's funny. And Mel's response was hilarious and so apropos.

It's amazing how many ups/downs I've had on this ttc journey. It's like fate is getting me 'back' for conceiving in as little as 18 months and even a first time try. Heh. That's what I get for calling myself the big fat "infertile" word.

So we ALL know the ups/downs, starts/cancellations/re directions I've gotten. And I finally make the decision to that out The Mod Squad and try my luck.


My boss calls this morning. "I need you in Boston this Monday. If you can't be here on Monday, then fly out on Monday. But I need you here all week. I don't care how much it costs, buy your ticket immediately."


Okay Mr bossman, there is something I really didn't want to share with you, but ... And I tell him the entire thing. I fibbed a little too to make it seem even more gigantic. "You see, I'm doing this $15,000 procedure that is culminating on Monday morning and I have to be on bedrest for 4 1/2 days."

Yes. 4 1/2 DAYS. That is what my clinic tells us. Ridiculous. I remember talking about this with them months ago, before I was even in cycle saying I couldn't do 4 1/2 days. If I did get pregnant, that's almost a week of sick time I would be using up! But the nurse said that it's really only 24 hours that they think is necessary, the rest is "peace of mind".

I tell my boss that I can't come Monday, but I can possibly come Tuesday afternoon and be in office Wednesday. He is a frat guy, but he has a heart and tells me to hold on a moment and we talk through it. He says ~if~ my Dr okay's it, I can come, but he wants nothing less than a Dr's note telling him it's okay.

But the thing is, being in Boston next week is huge. I really need to be there. It was a last moment thing for a lot of other people and my boss realized I am the most qualified to lead it. I can work online Monday around transfer and Tuesday until 1pm, then hop on a plane by 3. I'll be in Boston 1030pm and I can be to office first thing in morning. It can work.

I know what my risks are, but honestly, I'm not worried. I just know in my heart 4 1/2 days of bedrest is not necessary. I'll have almost 30 hours of strict bedrest where I will not move. And then I'll make a 10 minute drive to the ridiculously small airport (minimal walking). I'll take the shuttle from car to door. I'll sit on a plane for 5 hours. I'll take a taxi from airport to hotel. I'll sleep. Hotel is literally a stone's throw from office. I'll go to office and sit in a cushy conference room chair all day. We'll have food catered. I'll go back to hotel room and do nothing. I'll get room service.

I walked straight into RE's office after this phone call and asked to talk to a nurse. No phone call would do in this situation. I ask what the minimum of the 4.5 days bedrest really is (to same nurse who told me 24 hours months ago) and she says "there is NO minimum Nancy. It's 4/5 days. You are not going to Boston." And I plead "But I have to. If I can't, we have to reschedule this FET for another week" (remember, I'm on estrogen and no follicles, this is a possible solution as RE told me we can safely try to grow lining for 4-6 weeks if we need to). She tells me to sit and she'll go get the doc.

I sit there kindof "holy shit, I'm going to postpone again." She comes back and says "Okay Nancy, you can go, but you need 24 full hours of strict bedrest. You can go to Boston on Wednesday." Well, I am cheating and going late Tuesday, but I'll take my chances. "... and you better bring me some socks." (see, I'm on a roller derby team and I have fabulous over the knee socks and where them for each of my ultrasounds. Nurse awesome loves them and I even bought her a pair a few weeks ago. Hence the socks reference.) I told her I would name my next child after her and she said that would do.

So, next week is insane.

Monday: acupuncture, ET, acupuncture.
Tuesday: Fly to Boston
Wednesday: Boston
Thursday: In Boston so can't show up for court (got a ticket and have to go to court to prove the insurance I don't have. In my city, I can't just go in and show them, court is mandatory) so I will get a bench warrant against me.
Friday: Boston. Maybe off early to go ~enjoy~ Boston.
Saturday: More Boston. I don't fly back until later in day, because I love to give myself an extra 24 hours on a business trip.
Sunday: The cops will find me back and I will go to jail.

On Monday, I'm going to try to get court data postponed - so hopefully jail won't be in my future. And all week, I'm going to take it easy as possible.

I really, Really, REALLY am okay with my decision to do only 24 hours of bedrest. Some clinics only ask for 24 hours. Some clinics think too much bedrest can be detrimental to implantation due to decreased blood flow. And honestly, when most women since, oh, I don't know, the beginning of time have conceived and their lovely little embryos make it down to their uterus, they aren't laying in bed for 4 1/2 days to allow for implantation.

The Mod Squad already has there work cut out for them with my sad little 7mm lining - why make it any easier? ~wink~

If this doesn't work, I'm not going to do any self blaming due to going with too thin lining or not being on bedrest for a freaking week. If it does work, I'll have a great story.

Oh yeah, and I started PIO tonight. Son of a bitch! That's a lot of oil to push into my hip. 1.5ml!!! How much do you girls usually have to inject? Here is my protocol:

~ estrace 3 times/day, vaginally.
~ tetracycle 4 times/day, (but start only 1/2 dose today), for 5 days.
~ medrol 4 times/day, (but start only 1/2 dose today), for 5 days.
~ .15ml of delestrogen, injected IM, Tuesday and Saturday.
~ 1.5ml (yes, 10 times amount of delestrogen) of PIO daily.

I've been seriously behind in some major commenting I've needed to do. I've been giving little comments here and there, but can I just say the following girls deserve more from me right now? And by the way, this is not a complete list of everyone I think is cool - just a list of girls that inspire the hell out of me with their writing and I take so much from their words, and haven't been giving back enough at all.

Pam (wordgirl). Well, she's just fucking awesome and seriously, one of my very favorite bloggers out there. But she also intimidates the hell out of me. I go to check in with her and she never writes simple little posts that I can simply comment to. I think about her a lot. I thought about her everytime my hockey team lost by a terrible sweep from the redwings. I thought about her smiling at my loss, since our team beat up her team, bnot as bad as our loss. But again, her posts are so wonderfully written, I feel I can't just chime in for a little nonesense. I need to get her email. Yes.

Mel. The reasons are a big "duh". You all know how great her writing is. And how she brings so much out there to think about. But recently, I've been really interested in the Jewish faith because of her. I never knew too much about it and I find myself reading everything mentioning anything about the faith/tradition/etc anywhere. Religious, I am not, but Mel's made me interested. That's huge.

IO. Cause she's just as awesome as everyone else. And I'm jealous she is Irish.

Chicklet. She's waist deep in IVF#2 and all I find myself telling her is she loves Home Depot (and should marry it.)

Denise. Again, in a cycle I should be totally supporting, and I am. But instead, I text her and call her and deluge her with my own questions and issues. I've been a terrible taking friend.

Duffy. In her own big scary IVF cycle. And I'm simply saying "good luck!" to her instead of really spending my time talking to her.

Meg. She's in crappy waitland and I know what that is like. I could have so much to share and I haven't been.

Lori. This one is a confession of the horriblest. Lori is not cycling and since I'm all so super in cycle, I'm not paying attention as much as I could. It's like if someone isn't talking about ttc, I'm not reading. But I love Lori and I do read her posts, but I'm just like "next" because I want to suffocate myself with other people's ttcness. Lori, I'm so sorry.

Pamela. Kind of the same thing with what I said about Lori, but kind of not. I've been coming to my own terms that I may give up in August without conceiving. And PJ's posts, especially her latest, has really touched me. And scares me. And then I feel like I'm lame for putting myself in any of those shoes because I have two children. And I feel guilty.

Katie. Katie is pregnant. And she's been a really good friend for a very long time. And I'm almost completely ignoring her pregnancy. Simply because it's hard for me. Good fuck Nancy, buck it up and support someone else. This is one of the biggest examples of my selfishness.

All my now-pregnant bloggers. I still catch up on the pregnant updates, but I just can't comment all the time. I don't know if the guilt from not commenting is worse or the heartache I feel from spending more time with them so I can comment. My self suckitude quotient is ridiculously large.

There are more, but those are the top ten in my head at this very moment. And to all of you, I'm sorry. I know I need to be more attentive and this lack of commenting on my end will hopefully get better.


Updated .... After an extensive search for my ticket into court, I find it's scheduled for MONDAY. At 8:30am. So throw that into my Monday schedule (Court, Acu, ET, ACU) and remove bench warrant from Thursday and no jail time on Sunday. That's nice.

Damn. The story of The Mod Squad going to jail before they had a dozen cells would have been awesome. ~wink~


Duck said...

Don't worry about the no bed rest, the only person i know who got pg from ivf in real life had no zero not an hour bed rest, in the uk you do the ET and go back to work. she got pg on her first ivf, i think this bed rest thing is one of those north american things!

jenn said...

I would definitely not beat yourself up over the reduced bedrest. Like you said- you aren't moving for 30 hours. That is more than probably 90% of eggs get to implant for the rest of the world.

I am glad that this roller coaster is in it's final loop for you, but man- couldn't it have been a little one! A trip, a ticket, a mandated bedrest bargaining- talk about a photo finish!

I wish we were closer to Boston so I could finally give you a real big hug. The in-laws are about an hour away, but they are 4 hours from us- so a virtual hug will have to do. Enjoy Beantown- it's the Mod Squad's first trip!

chicklet said...

Wouldn't you be just a little embarrassed if I confessed right here and now, that I'm leaving my husband for Home Depot and it was all on YOUR recommendation! :-)

Good gawd you have an insane week next week, you're a crazy mother f*r and I wish you all the luck in the world chicka!!

elephantscanremember said...

I hope this coming weeks goes smoothly for you! Praying all goes well with the IVF, your travel and work schedule.

And don't go getting yourself thrown in jail. We will need updates!

Lori said...

No worries, Nancy, and thanks for including me in this post (and for your comment today).

Sorry the Mod Squad won't make it to jail this time. Maybe in about 16 years?

tobacco brunette said...

Whenever I see roller derby on TV I always think of you, now, and have definitely coveted the over-the-knee socks. Where do you get those? Online? I can't ever find them in stores and I want to wear them around the house.

Good luck with the ET and Boston trip. Seriously? 4/5 days is the longest bed rest I've ever heard of - hope you don't waste too much time worrying. You know your body best.

Save travels and GOOD LUCK!

Spicy Sister said...

Thanks for the wishes for good luck!

Geez woman! Can NOTHING go smoothly for you this cycle? I am having heart palpitations FOR you! You sound like you handle it so much better than I would though and I think 30 hours will be just fine. You are such a trooper, I am sure your mod squad is a bunch of tough, kick ass little hardcore kiddos just waiting to tackle the next challenge of implanting themselves into your uterus with ease and style! :) Best wishes for Monday!

KatieM said...

But see....things are so much more adventurous on your end! My life right well, quite frankly a bit boring, lol (and like lori, I'm super stoked I was even mentioned!). Oh, and although that would be a cool story to tell the Mod Squad...I'm very glad it will not take place ;-)

I can't believe your week next week. Talk about the grand finale for this round!

Pamela Jeanne said...

No worries, Nancy. I know my circumstances (and many of my posts) are on the edge of the TTC blogs that make up the heart of the infertility blogs. Since you've been candid, I'll reciprocate. I have as hard a time commenting on the TTC blogs as you do on the no longer TTC blogs! We're more alike than not ;-)

Jenera said...

I am exhausted just reading all of that, lol.

Enjoy the trip. And way to go on avoiding jail time. That's always a plus.

JamieD said...

I'm glad your roller coaster is on an up swing!! Hopefully it will stay that way.

I think a lot about your post from 4/26 - about getting a "chance" and I really want you to get this chance. I'll be pulling for you and the Mod Squad!!

Meg said...

Good gawd. You are so busy next week (tomorrow)! I hope this week sails by and you end up home, resting after Boston. I am quite jealous you are headed to Beantown too.

Hold onto your hat this week girl.