Friday, October 17, 2008

I don't deserve this.

I don't deserve my husband.

I don't deserve my girls.

I don't deserve my growing belly. My soon to be son.

I don't deserve my career.

I don't deserve my friends who love me.

I don't deserve my body.

I don't deserve my bank account.

I don't deserve my happiness I pretend to exude.

I don't deserve my house. Even if it's still our "starter" house.

I don't deserve my stupid material possessions.

I don't deserve my intelligence.

I don't deserve my sense of humor.

I don't deserve my words.

I don't deserve you.

19 comments:

Nikki said...

Nancy, I'm not sure what's on your mind as you write this. But I want you to know, you deserve it all. You have to have done something right to have have your DH, your daughters, your son to be, your job, your money, your house - everything.

Don't be hard on yourself. Take care.

theclam said...

As women we often make the mistake of thinkgin we don't deserve what we have in our lives. BUT WE DO. YOU DO.

I hope you feel better soon.

xxx

Artblog said...

sweetie, STOP! Hope all is ok, HUGS xxx

Geohde said...

Nancy,

Are you okay.....? This seems kind of blue hued, all the 'don't deserves' gave it away. I'm observant like that.

Of course you deserve it all,

xx

J

Seriously? - Erin said...

I think you deserve it all! Life is good, you are a great person and you deserve every happiness life sends.

I hope team blue is fun! I really, really thought it was a girl and was sort of shocked that it was a boy!

soapchick said...

Yes you do sweetie!!!

Jendeis said...

Hon, I wish you weren't feeling this way. Big hugs.

Not in the Water said...

Nancy~

If you didn't deserve it you wouldn't have it.

You worked hard at your job to earn the money in your bank account....to buy your house...to have your designer jeans ;).

You worked to have your children and you work hard to raise the well and have them turn into good little people...

So all that you don't deserve? You worked for it...so you do!

Smile....you always make me do!

The Captain's Wife said...

You clearly....desreve it all Nancy.

Why don't you put on your skates and go for a nice stroll around the rink? There can't be any harm in it right? I mean don;t plow into anyone knowking them down till they bleed (although that sounds SO MUCH better!)....

Sara said...

I am not sure what I feel about this post. I don't think you are being hard on yourself - or maybe you are! Perhaps you are feeling particularly greatful for everything you have.

You have a full life - sit back and enjoy! You deserve happiness!

Carrie said...

Yes - everything Nikki said.

(((hugs)))

margelina said...

Yes you do, Nancy. Yes you do.

Amanda said...

I agree with Nikki.

I hope you feel more deserving very soon!

jenn said...

giant hugs babe- I don't know what you are going through or how you are feeling right now, but you do deserve every bit of that list & then some.
I love you Nancy & if you need to vent or cry or scream or whatever I am here.

(I actually have to send you something, but I never seem to get to the post office- it will be out next week though)

Lori said...

You make me wonder who deserves anything. Good OR bad??

nancy said...

Sara, you saw exactly what my feelings were doing last night. Trying to take in the task of "sitting back and enjoying" everything I have. I think it's amazing that a woman who suffered so much loss can see a something so positive out of something that "seems" negative. This is why I know your life WILL go on. And even after dealing with the worst year in the history of years for your family, you will persevere and make it. A zillion ~hugs~ to you.

Everyone else, THANK you for your comments. I wasn't trying to "trick" anyone into giving me support, as I was just overwhelmed within the extraordinary life I am leading right now. I was merely humbled and definitely was writing in a tone that couldn't come through in the text. But to see 14 comments first thing in the morning, full of love and compassion? It just solidifies my thoughts of the last sentance. I don't deserve you all. Yet, I have it. And it couldn't make me any happier. It's moments like this I lock inside my heart to remember when the day(s) are bad. I just hope and wish everyone can have clear moments of love like I had last night and then today. You all RULE.

Thank you all for being my friend. Even though I don't "know" most of you from a face to face meeting, you aren't any less real to me.

Anonymous said...

It's so awesome that you recognize your own humanity - some people don't come awake to that...just don't forget God has blessed you (and us all) even though none of us deserve "it"!

Blessings!
Ericka

Sarah R said...

Sorry I'm just getting to this now, but I wanted to say....

OF COURSE YOU DO!

You only have one life to live, so live in the moment and enjoy it...

Hugs!

chicklet said...

Okay so I'm horribly late to this and you're probably (from your comment and newer posts) already feeling better, but reading this worried me about where you were mentally at. I get that there's probably days that are hard to get how you got so lucky, but hopefully there's days too where you're just so excited that you got so lucky:-)