Thursday, October 2, 2008

No baby shower for me and Karl.

This is my 3rd baby and I wouldn't expect to have one of my friends throw another baby shower for me. My friends threw me a huge baby shower with my first and it was everything I could have ever wanted. So for my 2nd baby, we had a "diaper shower" just to celebrate the baby.

Well, this baby is a different gender, so maybe a tad bit more acceptable for a baby shower, but still, I would never agree to a full fledged baby shower. My friend in Phoenix threw Karl a super simple party with only 5 guests, but that is what it was supposed to be. I am forever grateful!

But I was expecting another one here at home, in which all my close friends would attend. My mother was going to throw this one and it was going to be another very simple diaper~esque shower, but since this baby is a boy, some may buy little boy outfits for the baby. I just wanted a little celebration to celebrate him.

I just got off the phone with my mother who informed me they will be leaving to go back to Arizona early (they are retired and live in colorado during summer and arizona during the winter) this year and because of their schedule changes, she won't be able to throw me a shower. She actually just told me "Well, at least you had one in Arizona."

I'm disappointed. I mean, I ~am~ lucky I had that one in Arizona, but I didn't even have pictures taken because we thought my real one would be at home. So I feel like Karl isn't getting celebrated like he should. I don't even have a picture! I know I sound like a bratty pregnant woman complaining that I'm not getting the shower I wanted. I just wish I would have known so I would have taken all the pictures at the out of town one my friend was so generous to throw me.

Do you think it would be weird if Tom and I threw ourselves a "baby celebration" party? Something that would be like a shower? Something I could take all the pictures at? Or would that be totally too weird to throw myself a party? Please tell me what you think!

45 comments:

BethH6703 said...

I think throwing yourselves a party before the bith might be a little weird, but not so much that I think you shouldn't do it.

Personally, I'd probably do a "come meet the new baby" party after he's born.

fuentes said...

I guess my friends and family don’t follow etiquette becomes everyone I know has a shower for each and every kid. My mom even got one for her 4th which was her 3rd boy. Also, a friend just delivered her 3rd in August (1st boy like you) and had 3 showers thrown for her, my point is you don’t sound at all bratty.
My sister-in-law offered to throw us a shower for my DH’s father’s side of the family. But since we never see them we thought that would be awkward so we are going to have her do a meet the baby BBQ. If people bring gifts great, but it will be set up so no one will feel like that’s the point. I don’t think it would be weird if you and Tom did something like that.

Jenera said...

Don't worry, I'm not getting one for Sam. Even though we're having another boy, it would have been nice to have a party. My mom thought someone here in Idaho would plan one but I told her that the majority of the hubby's family only tolerates me 'cuz of him, no lie.

She tried to get the hubby to talk to his cousin to throw one but he's not down for it. I think mostly because any function is strained with these people.

It's okay though. I know Sam is going to feel very welcome and loved when he gets here by the people that matter. I also know that quite a few of my peeps are traveling here for his birth and that's enough to make up for the lack of shower.

Cate said...

I don't think it's that weird... every baby needs to be celebrated... email me your address I'll send you a cute boy outfit or something!

nancy said...

Beth - No freaking way would I want to have a party after the baby was born. It's hard enough to have a newborn much less two other kids. I know some women do this, but holy moly, I don't think I could do it!

Cate - You are so kind for your offer! But really, I don't need gifts ans would feel terrible if anyone out there thought I was trolling for a gift. But you are awesome for even asking, so thank you!

Meredith said...

Since Tyler and Carter were soo close we didn't need a thing. My friends wanted to give me a shower and I refused. My friends did take me out to dinner to celebrate one night which was very nice. Anyway Justin and I were going to have a celebration for Carter after he was here. That way everyone could meet him at the same time. We never did get around to one, but I think that's what we will do for our third (if its another boy - if I have a girl my friends insist on giving me one)

Cate said...

Ooo, even better I could send you some awesome blue diapers! I know you love Sarah's and she convinced me to order some too!

Amy said...

My friends and family don't follow proper ettiquette either. We have showers for each and every baby. I don't think it's about the gifts at all. I don't think it's weird or that you sound like a bratty pregnant woman. You should celebrate Karl. I think every child should be celebrated. I do agree that having one after he is born would be a little crazy for you.

Hollie said...

Things must be different down in TX. Everyone I know gets baby showers for each kid, even #2, 3,4... My church throws a shower for everybody (hopefully for me too even though they haven't said yet). My SIL had one for her 2nd son. Could you talk to your friends and family in your area and see if they want to do one? Maybe you could offer to have it at your house? I think each child should have a shower of some sort to celebrate their arrival. Maybe if you call it a diaper shower and don't have a registry, people will know to just get a small gift or diapers.

You have a birthday party for your other kids, and you set that up for them, so it doesn't seem so different to have a shower for your unborn child, like a pre-birthday party. I say if no one wants to throw it for you, do it yourself.

Think about all you've been through... You deserve a party girl.

Mrslady1975 said...

Nancy, I say throw yourself a baby shower. I have no one to throw me one should I ever get pregnant. I mean I have some many friends who don't know each other, my family and I are somewhat estranged and have no in-laws. So, if I ever get to have a shower, I will be throwing my own. I say Do It! Do It! ;)

Jen said...

I think you can throw your own by all means! We had friends have a baby barbecue... No babies were injured or anything, but just a bunch of people of both sexes celebrating the coming baby.

dianam17 said...

If you are just looking to have a party so you can get people together- do it. I think if you can find a tactful way of putting "no gifts wanted" that might make it seem less strange or less like a gift grab. maybe you can even put something on the invite like in lieu of gifts or favors we are making a donation to such & such children's charity in Karl's name. this way, you can keep it simple, it wont look like a gift grab, and you can throw it yourselves and no one should have "rude" comments about it. just a suggestion, HTH!

~diana (webmd)

Jewels said...

I don't see anything wrong with wanting those memories.
Maybe some people think it's tacky because they were raised to think so. But really - why? I know people who every time they get married they have a full blown wedding, with the shower - the bachelor -ette parties - the father walking the bride down the isle (again - geeze how many times can you give your daughter away -and why does she keep coming back? - lol - j/k - sort of )

Honestly - at my age now - I personally don't think its tacky but when I was younger I did - I have a friend who had a shower with each of her kids (she has 5) but I was very selfish and poor back then too. I didn’t want my un-hard earned money to go to her and her many kids - I thought she was just trying to get more presents. Now I realize that it's for the memories - the fun - and the celebration of the new baby.
If it's your close friends, hopefully they will totally know that this is just who you are and it's about Karl and your memories for him and your self, not the presents - tho it is fun for some of us to buy baby things for our friends =D

Elana Kahn said...

I think you should definitely throw some type of party either before or after his birth. In Judaism we do all baby celebrations after birth (just in case), so there's no real choice for me. :-)

Sugar and Ice said...

I think every baby deserves a little celebration. Even if you have kids already, you can never get enough diapers and wipes. It might be a little weird to throw yourself a party, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. You don't have to put a hostess name on the invitation...people probably would assume it was being thrown by someone else. Of course, that's a little shady, but it might make you feel less weird about it. I don't blame you for not wanting to do it after he arrives. I think you'd regret that in the long run.

Mareike said...

Nancy, Have a party if you want. This may be too bold and a bit of pop psychology but is it possible that your feelings are related to your recent blues? I know you don't think for a second that Karl won't be welcomed and celebrated by all of your friends (even those you have never met.) At the same time there is nothing inappropriate about holding a celebration of your own. I imagine the girls would love it. Clearly you are not "trolling for gifts" and you could preface your invitations to make it clear. I hope that I have said this in a way that allows you to know that I really love and respect you. Parties are a good thing.

nancy said...

Nope, nothing to do with my recent blues. I just don't want to have a blank page in his baby book in the "baby shower" section!

Heather said...

I must be in the minority, as I do think I would be a bit put off if I was invited to a baby shower/party thrown by the parents to be. The only exception would be if the invite included wording as mentioned above, that gifts would not be expected or that a donation to a charity would be appreciated.

I guess I have thought of throwing myself a party should I get pregnant again, but I'd like to have friends bring items that can be donated to a hospital for parents that lost their babies. Books on grieving, teeny tiny clothes for the very premature, gift certificates for massages. Then at the party we could assemble those items into baskets for the parents that have to leave the hospital without their child. The few items I recieved from the hospital when my son was stillborn are now so precious to me, and I'd like to pay that forward.

Sorry to take this in my own direction..... and I don't mean to be a downer, I swear!

Cate said...

I never thought you were trolling for gifts, I just think ~every~ baby needs a warm welcome to the world.

Mareike said...

Damn, Was I supposed to have baby books? I had three kids (three of the most wonderful people I've ever met who are now adults) and not one baby book. Empty pages are only pallets for new and different expression. Take care.

gabsy said...

i'd say go for it! one of my friends put on her own baby shower with another of our pregnant friends, and we had a great time! it was somewhat of a backyard BBQ setting, but we all got a chance to play the cheesy baby shower games and just sit and celebrate the new babies that were coming. even if just a few people come over, it'd be worth it, and you could get some pictures for Karl's baby book!

nancy said...

Heather, If I do choose to throw a baby "celebration" for the baby, it would DEFINITELY say "Please, no gifts."

Anonymous said...

Here in the South, it is pretty common for family or friends to host a "sip and see" celebration after the baby is born. This is a time for simple food to be served, pictures to be taken, and loved ones to meet the new arrival. Most people usually bring a gift to welcome the baby, no matter the birth order. It is also a great time for people to take pictures, with the baby.
Just an idea. :)

Hope this helps,
Elisa

Arpee said...

Hi Nancy, Thanks for leaving a comment in my blog about a week ago.

Anyhow, why not? You just want to celebrate Karl, right? I can think of to celebrate about 1) it's a boy, it's the first boy! and 2)it took you 2 years of TTCing!!!

Congratulations on being an Iron Commenter! (I just emailed Mel to get the code for my badge, too! :) )

PS...2007 sounded like a weird year with those surgeries - how does one get a scar tissue and why'd they keep coming back?

The Captain's Wife said...

Have you thought about having a "birth day" party for Karl once he is born? This way your friends and local family can celebrate for you and meet him all at the same time?

As far as you throwing your own party/shower..I look at it more that you would be throwing your son a party, not yourself. Everything you get after all is for him.

Mareike said...

Yikes!! I'm starting to wonder if the comments are making you feel worse. Baby showers are fun but not imperitive. Celebrating the new member of your family is however that happens. Perhaps you have too many fans (myself included.) I just wish that you not fret. I can't wait for Karl to arrive. Guess what. If he wears pink he won't care (I know you know) My son Trevor had two wishes for his second Christmas. One was for a pink dress and the other was for a candy cane. I couldn't convince his dad that he could have a pink dress but he did get a candy cane and (at least) he was allowed to wear the pink aprorn that came with his older sisters dress.

Carrie Ann said...

If you feel like having a party, by all means have one. You guys have lots to celebrate afterall. Your friends and family all know all you've been through to have Karl so celebrating his upcoming arrival is totally needed. :)

Geohde said...

Throw yourself a party if you want one.

I never had a baby shower, but I also didn't feel like one with all the bedrest!

J

Poltzie said...

I would choose to have an open house after the baby was born. My sister and most of my friends did that after their first baby. I personally hate going to showers when there is no baby to hold.
My work and my family threw me one while still pregnant and I totally protested, I felt like everyone was getting ripped off so we also had an open house but I asked for no gifts.
If the thought of having an open house after is too stressful for you why not have a meet the baby party at someone else's house? Or at a restaurant?

kjames106 said...

My friends did that and I thought it was absolutely acceptable.

Topcat said...

Hmmmmmm, let me just consult the rules .....

...... hey! There ARE no fucking rules!! You do it, girlfriend. Do it big and do it bold. Especially after everything you have been through to get him!!

I totally have outfits here for Karl, some from Monkey that he wore once, and some new. (I know you are not trolling for gifts - I've had them here for ages and know you'd love them)

I need your address soon. As for the post belows "Big Boy Penis" .... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

xoxoxo

Brandi said...

I know I'm a little late on this, but I don't think it is tacky at all if you wanted to throw yourself a shower. I would leave it up to your guests to decide if they wanted to bring gifts. To be honest, if I ever get pregnant I think I would rather throw my own shower, but that is just because I like to be in control of things like that.

nancy said...

Mareike, nope, it's not making me feel worse :) because I asked for honest opinions. I'm glad people feel like they can tell me their true feelings.

nancy said...

To anyone who suggested the open house after the baby is born, I don't think that would be the greatest of ideas. If someone would be "pissed off" to come to a shower without a baby to hold, well, they shouldn't come to the party. I wouldn't twist anyone's arm. And this shower of sorts would definitely only be for close friends.

nancy said...

TC - I'll email you :) But really, it's SO unnecessary to send me anything - I promise!

Sarah R said...

That's it--I'm coming to Colorado! Seriously, I wish it were closer because I would totally throw you a kick-ass shower! Too bad all of us bloggers didn't all live in the same area. That would be awesome!

jenn said...

I say go for it. It sounds like you are making it perfeclty clear that this is a party to celebrate Karl, to get your cute pictures in & enjoy your baby with your friends before he gets here. If anyone deserves to have their pregnancy celebrated, heck- it's all of us! If I was there I'd go with a cute party dress on & we'd whoop it up for Karl! (Lots of yummy cake!)

Wordgirl said...

I second Topcat -- embrace and create your own ritual my friend... have a kick ass party -- I like what one commenter said -- the welcome to the world...that's a beautiful image.

And I may not know much about baby boys but I'd think your husband must be strutting around!

XOXO

Pam

Liz (antimuse13) said...

Nah- I say go ahead & throw one. My friend's friend threw one for her second baby (she had a boy the first time) and has claimed she would throw one for each & every baby she would have (now depending that would be a little crazy). Besides, you are having a boy this time around :-)

wikkid-smaht said...

this is a late comment, i know, but...

i think you should have your daughters throw the shower! now, of course it's a thinly veiled party thrown by you, but it would not only get you the little party you wanted without having to outright throw it for yourselves and also could be a really cute way to involve your girls involved in the prep for their baby brother!

they could make invitations, decide on decorations, help bake the cake. yeah, you're paying, but it's THEIR gig.

also, re: the boy parts, my boy's penis looked ENORMOUS at our 20 week ultrasound. we had to get the picture from underneath and i think the perspective was off. he's either quite endowed or has a third leg. (i'll let you know the final outcome of that when he's born in late november!)

BethH6703 said...

Just had to chime in again that I LOVE wikkid-smaht's idea!

LOVE IT!

Amanda said...

I tried reading all the comments first, but wow...so much to read!

I'd say there's absolutely NO reason to not have a party for Karl! I agree that all babies need to be celebrated. I'm of a less-emily post type and don't see why people can't throw their own parties. And anyone that knows you would know that you're not trolling for gifts!

Plus, if you're concerned about what anyone would think, I'm sure you could quite appropriately word the invites to stave off judgement.

Celebrate the little man!

Kaci said...

I was going to comment yesterday and got distracted - I love the idea of having the girls throw Karl a party. Yesterday I was kinda thinking along the lines of 'you plan it but let your mom "host" it', and just do it soon, but the girls doing it sounds much more fun. :) Celebrate away!!

Not in the Water said...

I'm a little late here but I wanted to respond b/c this caused a ruckus in DH's family 1 1/2 years ago.

I am an ettiquette freak and around here (East Coast) 1 shower for the first....of course I have friends that had a baby at say 25 and then SUPRISE found her self preggers at 37. At work, 2nd babies = no shower but you still get a gift from the "Sunshine Club" gift.

DH's cousin's wife had a baby boy at 22 (SURPRISE!) then another at 26...she threw out EVERYTHING so she wanted another shower. The whole family was bitching...and didn't want to go. But sucked it up and went b/c it was family.

I personally don't believe in 2nd and 3rd showers except in special circumstance OR little showers like you had at your friend's house. I don't think you should have a 2nd shower with 50 people at a restaurant like you do for your first around here.

JMO but I think that throwing a party before the baby is born, is a little weird.

BUT what about a party to welcome him? Instead of a shower have baby's first bath???

Just my thoughts...don't want to insult.

JamieD said...

I completely understand wanting a celebration for Karl's arrival. And your friends would also understand when you invite them!

The best part - if you plan it yourself you can pick your own cake!